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{| class="wikitable collapsible collapsed" width="100%"
! class="header" | Loose Canon
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|[''The comic opens in the present day, with the [[BLU]] [[Engineer]] at the mansion of [[Non-player characters#Blutarch and Redmond Mann|Blutarch Mann]], as an elderly woman approaches him'']

'''Elderly Woman''': Mister Conagher? '''''Mister Mann''''' will see you now.

'''Engineer''': Yes, ma'am. Say, uh... that ain't an original '''''Kicasso,''''' is it?

[''The angle changes to show them looking at a painting of a man with an unknown beast hiding in a bush behind him, as they walk down the hallway'']

'''Elderly Woman''': What an ''excellent'' eye you have, Mister Conagher. It is. From his '''''"Hunted in the Jungle"''''' period, I believe.

'''Engineer''': Why don't you go ahead and call me ''Dell,'' ma'am. "Mister Conagher" was [[Non-player characters#Radigan Conagher|my ''grandfather's'']] name.

'''Elderly Woman''': Yes, I remember.

[''They exchange looks as they approach the door to Blutarch's office'']

'''Elderly Woman''': How much do you know about his relationship with the Manns, Dell?

'''Engineer''': First I've heard he '''''had''''' one, ma'am. Radigan Conagher was not a '''''chatty''''' man.

'''Elderly Woman''': Sixty years ago, your grandfather solved a rather... '''''sensitive''''' problem for us. Well... maybe "solved" is too strong a word. But I'm sure Mister Mann will want to tell you about it himself. Oh! One last thing. Even if he '''''offers... do not''''' shake his hand. He forgets sometimes.

[''The scene changes to the year [[Storyline#1850|1850]], where a last will is being read by the mayor. A woman is seen smoking from a [[w:Cigarette holder|cigarette holder]]'']

'''Mayor''': "...to my dearest maidservant [[Non-player characters#Elizabeth|'''''Elizabeth''''']], I, [[Non-player characters#Zepheniah Mann|'''''Zephaniah Mann''''']] '''''*''''', leave the rest and residue of my estate..." "...to my faithful aide and tracker, [[Non-player characters#Barnabus Hale|'''''Barnabus Hale''''']] of the savage Australias, I divest complete control of '''''[[Mann Co.]]''''', and--"

[''Suddenly, a cougar breaks through a window, as Barnabus Hale while sitting in a chair grabs it and holds it back, with the text '{{font colour|C55521|COUGAR!}}' for emphasis.'']]

'''Barnabus Hale''': Skip me for now, Mayor! I like this cougar's '''''pepper sauce!'''''

[''The Mayor continues, with the angle changing to the body of Zephaniah Mann wearing a [[Ghastly Gibus|crooked, worn-out black tophat]], laying in a casket surrounded by candles'']

'''Mayor''': "...to my layabout, brain defective sons, '''''Blutarch and [[Non-player characters#Blutarch and Redmond Mann|Redmond]]''''', I leave the greatest curse of all..." '''''"Partnership."'''''

[''Angle changes to show a young Blutarch and Redmond Mann, both with a bewildered expression'']

'''Mayor''': "You have wasted your '''''lives''''' bickering over nothing." "And so I leave you dimwits something of '''''consequence''''' over which to feud."

[''Scene changes to [[Storyline#1890|fourty years later]], with Radigan sitting in Blutarch's office'']

'''Blutarch''': Mister Conagher, I'm told you are a man of many ideas and few words. So I'll get straight to the point. Forty years ago, my brother and I inhereted a '''''considerable''''' parcel of land. To '''''share'''''. Naturally, I assembled a team of the world's deadliest '''''mercenaries''''' to take it all by force.

[''Angle changes to a picture of [[Storyline#Beginnings of RED vs. BLU|the original mercenary team]], followed by Blutarch in his chair hooked up to a life-support machine, with a lady standing next to him'']

'''Blutarch''': What I did ''not'' expect was my idiot brother would think to do the '''''same.''''' My ten-minute land grab became an intractable '''''stalemate.''''' The solution? If I could not '''''take''''' my brother's land... I would simply '''''outlast''''' him for it. Look at my hands, Mister Conagher.

[''He holds up a hand, admiring it'']

'''Blutarch''': I have never worked a '''''day in my life''''' with them. They are the smooth hands of a '''''baby.''''' I have mounted an '''''epic campaign of leisure''''' against the ravages of time. Waiting for '''''nature'''' to do to my brother what my men could '''''not.'''''

[''His expression then changes to anger, putting his hand on his chin'']

'''Blutarch''': And yet here we are at the end. And he... won't... '''DIE.'''

[''Angle changes to show a painting of Zephania, Blutarch and Redmond Mann; Zephania has a stiff expression, Blutarch is drawn to appear more handsome and well-rounded, with shining white teeth, and Redmond Mann is depicted more ugly and off-colour, with his hat not fitting correctly'']

'''Blutarch''': I '''''must''''' outlive my brother. And '''''you''''' must build me a machine to do it. God wants me '''''dead''''', Mister Conagher. And we are going to '''''defy''''' him.

[''Angle changes to a close-up of Blutarch's face'']

'''Blutarch''': Make me a '''''monster.'''''

[''Radigan looks forward at Blutarch, looks to the side for a moment, before looking back after some time'']

'''Radigan''': Alright.

[''The scene changes to later, as Radigan arrives back at his shop, 'Conagher's Tool & Munitions', where he finds Elizabeth waiting inside'']

'''Elizabeth''': Don't just stand there in the '''''rain''''', Mister Conagher. Come '''''in.''''', you're soaked to the '''''bone''''', poor thing.

'''Radigan''': Who-

'''Elizabeth''': It will save us both a lot of time if you don't ask who I am or how I know what I know. Who I '''''am''''' does not concern you. What I '''''know''''' is that you've agreed to build Blutarch Mann a machine that will prolong his life indefinitely.

[''Radigan approaches his desk, picking up some documents'']

'''Radigan''': Yes ma'am.

'''Elizabeth''': Mister Conagher, could I possibly convince you '''''not''''' to build this machine?

'''Radigan''': No ma'am.

'''Elizabeth''': No, I didn't think so. So let me propose an '''''alternative.'''''

[''She holds up a golden-colored bar. The scene cuts to show a depiction of Australia, with futuristic buildings and aircrafts, with one aircraft trailing a sign reading 'DRINK MORE BEER, MATE!', as well as several Australian people. Everyone, including the women, have a moustache'']

'''Elizabeth''': For the last forty years the Australians have '''''outpaced the world''''' in technology. And this is confounding, since by all appearances they are a nation of '''''idiots.'''''

[''Cuts back to Elizabeth and Radigan, the latter of whom clearly intrigued by the golden bar'']

'''Elizabeth''': Teleportation. Cloaking. The entire '''''spectrum''''' of the moustache sciences. Every one of mankind's innovations now comes from the lager-pickled brain of an Australian. Because of '''''this.'''''

'''Radigan''': '''''Gold?'''''

'''Elizabeth''': Not gold, Mister Conagher, '''''[[Australium]]'''''.

'''Radigan''': Uh huh. Why's there a picture of a man boxin' a kangaroo on it?

'''Elizabeth''': It's how they choose their king. As I said. Idiots. Idiots rather accidentally '''''stranded''''' atop the planet's '''''only''''' deposit of a '''''transformative new element.''''' They're fanatically secretive about it. But I've spent the last decade '''''hunting''''' it, ounce by ounce. I've managed to amass {{tooltip|a hundred pounds|45.3592 kilograms}}. It's '''''yours.'''''

[''Angle changes, showing the picture of a man boxing a kangaroo'']

'''Elizabeth''': Think, Mister Conagher—if this element can make a genius out of an '''''Australian...''''' ...what would it do for a man of '''''your''''' faculties? Use it to build Blutarch Mann his immortality machine, if you must. All I ask... ...is that you build one for '''''Redmond''''' Mann as well.

[''The scene changes back to the present day, with the Engineer at Blutarch's desk. Blutarch is visibly much older and hooked up to a machine by multiple cables, with the elderly woman by his side'']

'''Blutarch''': And then what do you think my '''''rat-stink twin brother''''' did? He built one '''''too, that's what!''''' I'm no closer to beating him than I was a '''''hundred years ago!''''' And what's worse, your '''''lummox of a grandfather''''' didn't even build it right! This infernal thing is a '''''lemon!''''' I've barely cheated death out of a '''''half-century''''' with this pile of junk and it's already breaking down! The way I see it, he was '''''your''''' grandfather! And you're on '''''my''''' payroll! '''FIX IT!'''

[''Engineer inspects the machine with uncertainty as Blutarch watches'']

'''Engineer''': Sir, I'm, uh... '''''flattered''''' y'all'd think of me, but I have '''''no idea''''' how to fix this.

'''Blutarch''': What if you had access to your grandfather's blueprints?

'''Engineer''': Well now, '''''that's''''' a different story. Heh, not much hope'a '''''that,''''' though. The old man had 'em-

[''Blutarch abruptly dumps the blueprints on his desk, dust flying to the sides, with the text '{{font colour|B1B185|FUMMPH}}' for emphasis'']

'''Engineer''': -buried with him.

[''Engineer looks to Blutarch with an annoyed expression'']

'''Blutarch''': Yes, yes, I dug up your grandfather and looted his corpse. If it makes you feel any better, those scribblings have been the '''''bane''''' of my existence for sixty years. I've spent a '''''small fortune''''' trying to decipher them. Gibberish, every last page. You may '''''borrow''''' it. All I ask is that you

[''He suddenly stops, then begins drooling, much to the confusion of the Engineer'']

'''Engineer''': Uh... sir? Is he alright?

'''Elderly Woman''': Give him a moment, dear. He's just dead.

[''The machine makes a 'tik' sound, electrifying Blutarch and bringing him back to life'']

'''Blutarch''': '''{{font colour|90BFEF|....rrrRRRAGGHHHHHHHH!}}'''

[''He then grabs the Engineer and pulls him closer'']

'''Blutarch''': Every day I'm dead a little '''''longer''''', Mister Conagher. I have '''''seen''''' the other side. There is '''''nothing''''' there. '''''Fix. This. Machine.'''''

'''Engineer''': I ''appreciate'' that you're my '''''employer''''', and an old man besides... but if you don't take your goddamn hands off me I will break you in '''''half.'''''

'''Blutarch''': Feh.

[''Blutarch lets go, leaving the Engineer lightly smoking after electrifying him. Cut to later, as the Engineer is inspecting the various blueprints'']

'''Blutarch''': ["Take your grandfather's notes." "Decipher them." "Learn how to fix my machine." "If you find '''''anything''''' else of interest..."]

[''Engineer pushes aside the blueprint for the life extender machine, revealing a set of documents labelled 'GUNS' 'MAPS OF AUSTRALIUM CACHES' underneath, which he shows great interest in'']

'''Blutarch''': ["Remember..." "It's '''''mine.'''''" "Bring it '''''directly''''' to me." "Do '''''not''''' build it."]

'''''* See [[The Last Will and Testament of Zepheniah Mann|issue 97!]]'''''
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