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[[Saxton Hale]] on uskalias australialainen, [[Mann Co.]]:n toimitusjohtaja, ja monien sarjakuvien päähenkilö. Hänet luokitallaan maailman neljänneksi rikkaimmaksi ihmiseksi maailmassa. Hän oli kuudeksi rikkain, mutta ohitti viidennen vauraudellaan ja tappoi neljännen harppuunataistelussa. Hänen lempiasioitaan ovat taisteleminen, juominen ja tappeleminen villieläinten kanssa. Oikeastaan, monet lapset nukkuvat teddykarhu vieressään mutta Saxton nukkuu oikean karhun kanssa jonka hän kesytti Brazilian viidakoissa. Saxtonin ulkonäköön kuuluu viikset, massiivist lihakset, [[Palkintovyö]] hattu ja australian näköiset rintakarvat. Hän myös kieltää laittamasta vaatteita ylävartaloonsa "tietyistä syistä". | [[Saxton Hale]] on uskalias australialainen, [[Mann Co.]]:n toimitusjohtaja, ja monien sarjakuvien päähenkilö. Hänet luokitallaan maailman neljänneksi rikkaimmaksi ihmiseksi maailmassa. Hän oli kuudeksi rikkain, mutta ohitti viidennen vauraudellaan ja tappoi neljännen harppuunataistelussa. Hänen lempiasioitaan ovat taisteleminen, juominen ja tappeleminen villieläinten kanssa. Oikeastaan, monet lapset nukkuvat teddykarhu vieressään mutta Saxton nukkuu oikean karhun kanssa jonka hän kesytti Brazilian viidakoissa. Saxtonin ulkonäköön kuuluu viikset, massiivist lihakset, [[Palkintovyö]] hattu ja australian näköiset rintakarvat. Hän myös kieltää laittamasta vaatteita ylävartaloonsa "tietyistä syistä". | ||
− | Saxton on uusin poika Halen perheessä ottaaksen vastuun [[Mann Co.]]:sta, koska [[Zepheniah Mann]] jätti sen seuraajalleen ja avustajalleen [[Barnabas Hale]]:ille hänen testamentissaan. Hänen riehakas läsnäolo tunnetaan hänen iskulauseestaan ''"Me myymme tuotteita ja liitymme tappeluihin"'' kuin Gorilla Paini Perjantai - hänen ideansa henkilökunnan moraaliin lisäämiseen. | + | Saxton on uusin poika Halen perheessä ottaaksen vastuun [[Mann Co.]]:sta, koska [[Zepheniah Mann]] jätti sen seuraajalleen ja avustajalleen [[Barnabas Hale]]:ille hänen testamentissaan. Hänen riehakas läsnäolo tunnetaan hänen iskulauseestaan ''"Me myymme tuotteita ja liitymme tappeluihin"'' kuin Gorilla Paini Perjantai - hänen ideansa henkilökunnan moraaliin lisäämiseen. He also fills out customer forms with tick-boxes to either intimidate any product-thieving rivals or commend new inventors submitting a new product idea to him. His inspiring image is also featured on numerous Mann Co. catalogs and promotional materials. He is known (and feared) for his belief in handling customer service issues personally, with his official policy being: ''"If you aren't 100% satisfied with our product line, you can take it up with me!"'' |
+ | __TOC__ | ||
+ | {{clr}} | ||
+ | == Notable achievements == | ||
+ | [[File:Saxton.png|right|thumb|250px|Artwork depicting Saxton Hale.]] | ||
+ | |||
+ | * Cutting his way out of ''"primate hell"''. | ||
+ | * Teaching his Girl Scout troop, the "Saxtonettes", fire safety tips such as "''Grizzly bears burn''". | ||
+ | * Fighting off a lion while simultaneously having a haircut. | ||
+ | * Single-handedly wiping out the Indonesian Berserker Shark (and making them cry). | ||
+ | * Retrieving a stolen puck from a thieving tortoise despite its ''{{w|Zeno%27s_paradoxes|thirty minute head start}}''. | ||
+ | * Inventing [[Jarate]], the JAR-Based karate. | ||
+ | * Becoming the wealthiest man in the Western Hemisphere. | ||
+ | * Becoming the fourth richest man in the world. | ||
+ | * Firebombing {{w|Woodstock Festival|Woodstock}} from a helicopter. | ||
+ | * Being in no way involved with the explosive death of the [http://www.teamfortress.com/war/saxtonhale/poopyjoe.htm American monkeynaut Poopy Joe], nor being anywhere near the launch site at the time. | ||
+ | * Introducing the [[Crafting]] system to both the [[RED]] and [[BLU]] teams in an effort to stop the [[WAR! Update|war]]. | ||
+ | * Publishing a special issued magazine (at a price of 20 cents per issue, even though it was demanded to be free) to answer questions made by his fans about, among other things, playing ''[[Team Fortress 2]]'' on a Mac. | ||
+ | * Discovering the existence of the Internet and starting the [[Mann Co. Store]]. | ||
+ | * Purchasing England. | ||
+ | * Having a website made up entirely of absolutely true Saxton Hale facts. | ||
+ | * Killing the perverts at AnagramYourName.com. | ||
+ | * Hosting the [[First Annual Saxxy Awards]]. | ||
+ | * Inventing the "high-five". | ||
+ | * Eating a whole ostrich. | ||
+ | * 'Manslaughtering' 1593 physicians. | ||
+ | * Defeating Dr. McNinja in a [http://www.darkhorse.com/Blog/746/dark-horse-vs-round-5-winner popularity contest]. | ||
+ | {{clr}} | ||
+ | |||
+ | ==Mann Co. comics== | ||
+ | {| class="wikitable grid" style="text-align: center;" | ||
+ | ! class="header" | Issue | ||
+ | ! class="header" | Comic Info | ||
+ | |- | ||
+ | | style="background-color:#FFECD1;"|<h3 style="font-size:100%;">'''Saxton Hale's <br> Mail Storm'''</h3> | ||
+ | | rowspan=2 align="left"|''Saxton Hale's Mail Storm'' had its first and only issue published in March 1964 to help explain the new Federal recall of all 36 million Gold Coast-Tweed personal apple corers, due to their tendency to not only core apples, but fingers, lamps, and small furry animals. When the government demanded the comic be issued for free, Mann Co. responded by raising its usual price of twelve cents an issue to twenty, reasoning that if anyone was going to get something for free, they were going to pay for it. | ||
+ | |- | ||
+ | | | ||
+ | [[File:Mailstorm_large.jpg|125px]]<br><small>'''Issue #1'''</small> | ||
+ | |- | ||
+ | | style="background-color:#FFECD1;"|<h3 style="font-size:100%;">'''Saxton Hale's Mildly Thrilling Tales'''</h3> | ||
+ | | rowspan=2 align="left"|As the youth movement of the 1960s escalated, manufacturers produced fewer and fewer products for the elderly. By 1963, only four items remained: hats, meat, caskets, and ''Saxton Hale's Mildly Thrilling Tales''. Naked from the forehead down, lying in their coffins gumming Salisbury steak, an entire generation of despondent, forgotten consumers was left with just one thing on which to spend their government checks: Hale's tepid, senior-friendly tales of modest suspense. ''Saxton Hale Visits His Mother Monthly'' and ''Soothing Stories of Familiar Things'' soon followed. Hale quickly became the wealthiest man in the Western Hemisphere. | ||
+ | |- | ||
+ | | | ||
+ | [[File:Saxton turtle.jpg|125px]]<br><small>'''Issue #4'''</small> | ||
+ | |- | ||
+ | | style="background-color:#FFECD1;"|<h3 style="font-size:100%;">'''Girl's Adventure Starring Saxton Hale'''</h3> | ||
+ | | rowspan=2 align="left"|''Boy's Adventure with Saxton Hale'' came under fire from the Senate Subcommittee on Juvenile Delinquency in 1968 for teaching boys aged 6-16, among other things: moral turpitude, arson, vandalism, hippie assault, tax fraud, at-home laryngectomies, car theft, gorilla slaughter, and the Heimlich Maneuver (which had just been invented and was still considered controversial). Pressured by the Senate, Mann Co. changed the name to ''Girl's Adventure With Saxton Hale'', as it was commonly thought at the time that girls couldn't do anything, so any lessons taught to them would be harmless. | ||
+ | |- | ||
+ | | | ||
+ | [[File:Saxton fire.jpg|125px]]<br><small>'''Issue #6'''</small> | ||
+ | |- | ||
+ | | style="background-color:#FFECD1;"|<h3 style="font-size:100%;">'''Saxton Hale's <br> Barbershop Action'''</h3> | ||
+ | | rowspan=2 align="left"|''Saxton Hale's Barbershop Action'' capitalized on the brief "haircut" fad of the early 60s. Its breakaway success would lead to the ancillary titles ''Saxton Hale's Barbershop Romance'' and ''Haircut Horrors Starring Saxton Hale's Ghost''. By Issue #40, however, the Peacenik movement had gripped America in its filthy, tangled mane, and haircut fiction saw a steep decline. This would be the start of a lifelong feud between Hale and hippies, which would culminate in his firebombing Woodstock from a helicopter. | ||
+ | |- | ||
+ | | | ||
+ | [[File:Saxton haircut.jpg|125px]]<br><small>'''Issue #12'''</small> | ||
+ | |- | ||
+ | | style="background-color:#FFECD1;"|<h3 style="font-size:100%;">'''Saxton Hale's <br> Jungle Brawl'''</h3> | ||
+ | | rowspan=2 align="left"|''Saxton Hale's Jungle Brawl'' debuted in the U.S. in 1962, riding a wave of anti-gorilla sentiment following Russia's successful launch of the first monkey, Vladimir Bananas, into space. America's rage was not isolated to communist primates; that same year, monkeynaut Poopy Joe cruelly dashed the U.S.'s hopes of reaching the stars when its shuttle detonated on takeoff. Brawl was notorious for inflaming human-gorilla tensions during its ten-year run, most famously in issue #50, which was printed with gorillas' blood. Issue #50's print run of 17 million copies left only five gorillas on the planet. | ||
+ | |- | ||
+ | | | ||
+ | [[File:Junglebrawl.jpg|125px]]<br><small>'''Issue #44'''</small> | ||
+ | |- | ||
+ | | style="background-color:#FFECD1;"|<h3 style="font-size:100%;">'''Saxton Hale's <br> Thrilling Tales'''</h3> | ||
+ | | rowspan=2 align="left"|''Saxton Hale's Thrilling Tales'' first arrived on newsstands in 1961 as part of a bold Mann Co. initiative to sidestep an increase on postage costs for their weapons catalogs. The first 64-page issue contained four pages of thrilling tales and sixty pages of ads for exciting new Mann Co. products. But ''Thrilling'''s editors quickly discovered that showing Mann Co. founder Saxton Hale using a product in the story itself tripled its sales. Ads were cut to 32 pages to accommodate longer, product placement-based stories. | ||
+ | |- | ||
+ | | | ||
+ | [[File:Saxton sharks.jpg|125px]]<br><small>'''Issue #55'''</small> | ||
+ | |- | ||
+ | |} | ||
+ | |||
+ | == Apple == | ||
+ | [[Image:Saxtonseeenemysaxtonsmash.png|thumb|right|300px|Saxton sees the unknown Apple store manager.]] | ||
+ | |||
+ | During the [[Mac Update]], a [http://www.teamfortress.com/macupdate/comic/ non-canon comic] was released that contained Saxton Hale. In this comic, Saxton Hale smashes through the Apple store's window, as he proclaims that he is going to burn the store to the ground. Saxton picks up a nearby device, presses a button, and then blows up the Moon with the Apple store's product ("iBlewupthemoon"). The product impresses Saxton so much that he decides to purchase the company. However, a figure in a black sweater (presumably [[Wikipedia:Steve Jobs|Apple CEO Steve Jobs]] in his trademark turtleneck) appears and declines the offer. Saxton instantly recognizes the man and insults his curvy designs. The comic ends with the title of the next issue '''When Titans Clash'''. | ||
+ | {{clr}} | ||
+ | |||
+ | ==Hale mail== | ||
+ | [[File:Saxtonisgoddamnedmanly.png|200px|thumb|right| Saxton Hale in combat with sharks.]] | ||
+ | |||
+ | The lucky few who sent in the [[Force-A-Nature]] order form<ref>http://www.teamfortress.com/scoutupdate/force-a-nature.htm The Scout Update - Day 5</ref> received an invoice from Saxton Hale himself, sadly informing them that the requested item was out of stock. For compensation, the sender received a signed photo of Saxton Hale standing in front of {{w|Uluru|Ayers Rock}} with the words ''"Thanks for writing, little fella!"'' and a keychain featuring a random ''Team Fortress 2'' [[class]]. The letter also advised to keep an eye on their mailbox, as new products could be on the way. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Yet more lucky senders who mailed in the coupon<ref>http://www.teamfortress.com/sniper_vs_spy/day04_english.htm The Sniper vs. Spy Update - Day 4</ref> received a letter bearing the Mann Co. logo and the snarling face of Saxton Hale. Inside was a letter informing the recipient that the requested product(s) were out of stock and that they should continue to check their mailbox as new items/legislation could be on the way, as well as several postcards bearing random cover images from the Mann Co. comics. | ||
+ | |||
+ | At this point, Valve asked players not to send any more money due to legal reasons. Valve donated the money they had received to {{W|Child's Play (charity)|Child's Play}}. | ||
+ | <gallery> | ||
+ | File:Invoiceandgoodies.jpg|Letter from the Force-A-Nature giveaway; notice the Scout keyring. | ||
+ | File:Manncoinvoice.jpg|A close up of the invoice; at the time of release, the [[Ambassador]] had not yet been announced. | ||
+ | File:Saxtonlettercomics.jpg|Letter from Saxton Hale containing the comic postcards. | ||
+ | File:Manncoinvoice blank.jpg|Letter from Hale again, this time addressing the creator of the "Guard Dog Update" as seen in the blog entry [http://www.teamfortress.com/post.php?id=2851 here]. | ||
+ | </gallery> | ||
+ | {{clr}} | ||
+ | == Gallery == | ||
+ | <gallery> | ||
+ | File:Saxton Hale Jump.png|Saxton Hale jumping out of his airplane with his stuffed yeti and his pilot. | ||
+ | </gallery> | ||
+ | |||
+ | ==Related merchandise== | ||
+ | <gallery> | ||
+ | File:Merch TF2 Saxton crocodile punch.png|[http://store.valvesoftware.com/product.php?i=C01672 Saxton Hale's Crocodile Punch T-Shirt As Shown In The Valve Store] | ||
+ | File:Merch Tshirt SpannerMain.png|[http://store.valvesoftware.com/product.php?i=C01657 Engineer Spanner Work Shirt] | ||
+ | File:Merch spanner shirt.png|[http://store.valvesoftware.com/product.php?i=C01655 Engineer Spanner T-Shirt] | ||
+ | File:Merch mannco shirt.png|[http://store.valvesoftware.com/product.php?i=C01600 The Mann Co. T-Shirt] | ||
+ | File:Merch TF2 Saxton Hale.jpg|[http://store.valvesoftware.com/product.php?i=P0415 Saxton Hale Post Cards] | ||
+ | File:Merch_Mann_Co_Work_Shirt.png|[http://store.valvesoftware.com/product.php?i=D0415 Mann Co Work Shirt] | ||
+ | File:Merch_Era_Hat.png|[http://store.valvesoftware.com/product.php?i=H0625 Mann Co New Era Hat] | ||
+ | File:Mann Co Damn Hands.png|[http://store.valvesoftware.com/product.php?i=G2374 Mann Co. Gelaskin iPhone 4G Damn Hands] | ||
+ | File:Mann Co Text.png|[http://store.valvesoftware.com/product.php?i=G2371 Mann Co. Gelaskin iPhone 4G Real Men Don't Text] | ||
+ | File:Mann Co Tagline.png|[http://store.valvesoftware.com/product.php?i=G2368 Mann Co. Gelaskin iPhone 4G Tagline] | ||
+ | File:Mann Co Damn Hands 3g.png|[http://store.valvesoftware.com/product.php?i=G1259 Mann Co. Gelaskin iPhone 3G Damn Hands] | ||
+ | File:Mann Co Text 3g.png|[http://store.valvesoftware.com/product.php?i=G1257 Mann Co. Gelaskin iPhone 3G Real Men Don't Text] | ||
+ | File:Mann Co Tagline 3g.png|[http://store.valvesoftware.com/product.php?i=G1255 Mann Co. Gelaskin iPhone 3G TagLine] | ||
+ | File:Merch MannCo Black.png|[http://store.valvesoftware.com/product.php?i=STKT07 Mann Co. Decal Kit Black] | ||
+ | File:Merch MannCo.png|[http://store.valvesoftware.com/product.php?i=STKT05 Mann Co. Decal Kit White] | ||
+ | File:Saxton_Hale_Portrait.png|[http://store.valvesoftware.com/product.php?i=P3449 Saxton Hale Portrait Poster] | ||
+ | File:Merch Mann Co Sweatshirt.png|[http://store.valvesoftware.com/product.php?i=CTF002 Mann Co. Hooded Sweatshirt] | ||
+ | </gallery> | ||
+ | |||
+ | ==Trivia== | ||
+ | [[File:TF2-AceSpades.png|thumb|right|150px|Saxton Hale playing card]] | ||
+ | |||
+ | *''Saxton Hale's Thrilling Tales'' is illustrated by comic artist {{w|Michael Avon Oeming|Mike Oeming}}. | ||
+ | *Saxton Hale occasionally makes posts on the [[TF2 Official Website]]. | ||
+ | *Saxton Hale's name is an anagram for a [http://wordsmith.org/anagram/anagram.cgi?anagram=Saxton+Hale&language=english&t=1000&d=&include=sex&exclude=&n=&m=&source=adv&a=n&l=n&q=n&k=1 sexually explicit phrase] that Valve may or may not have originally intended, as referenced in the [[Mann-Conomy Update]]. | ||
+ | *Saxton Hale is implied to have been in a relationship with the [[Administrator]] some time ago, referring to her as a "chain-smoking seductress" and being on first name terms with her. | ||
+ | *Saxton Hale has had a [[:Image:Mannslandmap.png|river]] named after his family. | ||
+ | *In ''{{W|Poker Night at the Inventory}}'', Saxton Hale makes a cameo appearance as the Ace of Spades in the ''Team Fortress 2'' deck of cards. | ||
+ | *A server mod called [[VS Saxton Hale]] allows one player, taking on the role of Saxton Hale on the [[BLU]] team, to fight against the rest of the players, who are all on the [[RED]] team. And, rather fittingly, he is usually equipped with strange fists that have reached the rank of "Hale's Own". | ||
+ | *Saxton Hale's chest-hair changed shape into a Christmas tree during [[Australian Christmas]]. | ||
+ | *Saxton Hale sent a letter to all ''Team Fortress 2'' and ''Spiral Knights'' players on Steam requesting that the player go on a mission to reach the first Clockwork Terminal in ''[[Spiral Knights]]'', in which if the player does, it leads to unlocking the [[Spiral Sallet]] hat. | ||
+ | *Saxton had a moustache by the age of one, as seen in the poster for the [[Manniversary Update & Sale|Manniversary Update]]. | ||
+ | *A child dresses as Saxton Hale during the [[Bombinomicon (comic)|Bombinomicon comic]], in which the RED [[Heavy]] intimidates him until he cries. | ||
+ | *While it is said that Saxton slept with a bear that he tamed in the Brazilian jungles, there aren't any kind of bears of any species in Brazil. | ||
+ | *Saxton Hale, along with the [[Pyro]], are playable characters in the game Super Time Force Ultra. | ||
+ | {{clr}} | ||
+ | |||
+ | == See also == | ||
+ | *[[Mann Co.]] | ||
+ | *[[Non-player characters]] | ||
+ | *[[Saxton Hale Mask]] | ||
+ | *[[VS Saxton Hale Mode]] | ||
+ | *[[Saxxy]] | ||
+ | |||
+ | == References == | ||
+ | <references/> | ||
+ | |||
+ | == External links == | ||
+ | *[http://www.teamfortress.com/sniper_vs_spy/day04_english.htm The Sniper vs. Spy Update - Day 4 (First appearance)] | ||
+ | *[http://www.teamfortress.com/sniper_vs_spy/day07_english.htm The Sniper vs. Spy Update - Day 7 (Jarate)] | ||
+ | *[http://www.teamfortress.com/post.php?id=2528 TF2 Official Website - Sniper vs. Spy Update: Day 7] | ||
+ | *[http://www.teamfortress.com/post.php?id=2851 TF2 Official Website - Patent Pending: #1308: "GUARD DOG"] | ||
+ | *[http://www.teamfortress.com/post.php?id=3230 TF2 Official Website - It's a Bloodbath!] | ||
+ | *[http://www.teamfortress.com/post.php?id=3130 TF2 Official Website - Team Fortress News Roundup] | ||
+ | *[http://www.teamfortress.com/war/saxtonhale/ War! Comic - Saxton Hale] | ||
+ | *[http://www.teamfortress.com/mannconomy/ The Mann-Conomy Update] | ||
+ | |||
+ | [[Category:Background]] |
Revision as of 11:04, 4 January 2015
“Olet niin pieni! On minusta huvittavaa!” Tämä artikkeli on tynkä. Voit auttaa Team Fortress Wikiä laajentamalla sitä. |
“ | I'll beat them to death with my bare hands!
|
” |
Saxton Hale on uskalias australialainen, Mann Co.:n toimitusjohtaja, ja monien sarjakuvien päähenkilö. Hänet luokitallaan maailman neljänneksi rikkaimmaksi ihmiseksi maailmassa. Hän oli kuudeksi rikkain, mutta ohitti viidennen vauraudellaan ja tappoi neljännen harppuunataistelussa. Hänen lempiasioitaan ovat taisteleminen, juominen ja tappeleminen villieläinten kanssa. Oikeastaan, monet lapset nukkuvat teddykarhu vieressään mutta Saxton nukkuu oikean karhun kanssa jonka hän kesytti Brazilian viidakoissa. Saxtonin ulkonäköön kuuluu viikset, massiivist lihakset, Palkintovyö hattu ja australian näköiset rintakarvat. Hän myös kieltää laittamasta vaatteita ylävartaloonsa "tietyistä syistä".
Saxton on uusin poika Halen perheessä ottaaksen vastuun Mann Co.:sta, koska Zepheniah Mann jätti sen seuraajalleen ja avustajalleen Barnabas Hale:ille hänen testamentissaan. Hänen riehakas läsnäolo tunnetaan hänen iskulauseestaan "Me myymme tuotteita ja liitymme tappeluihin" kuin Gorilla Paini Perjantai - hänen ideansa henkilökunnan moraaliin lisäämiseen. He also fills out customer forms with tick-boxes to either intimidate any product-thieving rivals or commend new inventors submitting a new product idea to him. His inspiring image is also featured on numerous Mann Co. catalogs and promotional materials. He is known (and feared) for his belief in handling customer service issues personally, with his official policy being: "If you aren't 100% satisfied with our product line, you can take it up with me!"
Sisällysluettelo
Notable achievements
- Cutting his way out of "primate hell".
- Teaching his Girl Scout troop, the "Saxtonettes", fire safety tips such as "Grizzly bears burn".
- Fighting off a lion while simultaneously having a haircut.
- Single-handedly wiping out the Indonesian Berserker Shark (and making them cry).
- Retrieving a stolen puck from a thieving tortoise despite its Template:W.
- Inventing Jarate, the JAR-Based karate.
- Becoming the wealthiest man in the Western Hemisphere.
- Becoming the fourth richest man in the world.
- Firebombing Template:W from a helicopter.
- Being in no way involved with the explosive death of the American monkeynaut Poopy Joe, nor being anywhere near the launch site at the time.
- Introducing the Crafting system to both the RED and BLU teams in an effort to stop the war.
- Publishing a special issued magazine (at a price of 20 cents per issue, even though it was demanded to be free) to answer questions made by his fans about, among other things, playing Team Fortress 2 on a Mac.
- Discovering the existence of the Internet and starting the Mann Co. Store.
- Purchasing England.
- Having a website made up entirely of absolutely true Saxton Hale facts.
- Killing the perverts at AnagramYourName.com.
- Hosting the First Annual Saxxy Awards.
- Inventing the "high-five".
- Eating a whole ostrich.
- 'Manslaughtering' 1593 physicians.
- Defeating Dr. McNinja in a popularity contest.
Mann Co. comics
Issue | Comic Info |
---|---|
Saxton Hale's
|
Saxton Hale's Mail Storm had its first and only issue published in March 1964 to help explain the new Federal recall of all 36 million Gold Coast-Tweed personal apple corers, due to their tendency to not only core apples, but fingers, lamps, and small furry animals. When the government demanded the comic be issued for free, Mann Co. responded by raising its usual price of twelve cents an issue to twenty, reasoning that if anyone was going to get something for free, they were going to pay for it. |
Saxton Hale's Mildly Thrilling Tales |
As the youth movement of the 1960s escalated, manufacturers produced fewer and fewer products for the elderly. By 1963, only four items remained: hats, meat, caskets, and Saxton Hale's Mildly Thrilling Tales. Naked from the forehead down, lying in their coffins gumming Salisbury steak, an entire generation of despondent, forgotten consumers was left with just one thing on which to spend their government checks: Hale's tepid, senior-friendly tales of modest suspense. Saxton Hale Visits His Mother Monthly and Soothing Stories of Familiar Things soon followed. Hale quickly became the wealthiest man in the Western Hemisphere. |
Girl's Adventure Starring Saxton Hale |
Boy's Adventure with Saxton Hale came under fire from the Senate Subcommittee on Juvenile Delinquency in 1968 for teaching boys aged 6-16, among other things: moral turpitude, arson, vandalism, hippie assault, tax fraud, at-home laryngectomies, car theft, gorilla slaughter, and the Heimlich Maneuver (which had just been invented and was still considered controversial). Pressured by the Senate, Mann Co. changed the name to Girl's Adventure With Saxton Hale, as it was commonly thought at the time that girls couldn't do anything, so any lessons taught to them would be harmless. |
Saxton Hale's
|
Saxton Hale's Barbershop Action capitalized on the brief "haircut" fad of the early 60s. Its breakaway success would lead to the ancillary titles Saxton Hale's Barbershop Romance and Haircut Horrors Starring Saxton Hale's Ghost. By Issue #40, however, the Peacenik movement had gripped America in its filthy, tangled mane, and haircut fiction saw a steep decline. This would be the start of a lifelong feud between Hale and hippies, which would culminate in his firebombing Woodstock from a helicopter. |
Saxton Hale's
|
Saxton Hale's Jungle Brawl debuted in the U.S. in 1962, riding a wave of anti-gorilla sentiment following Russia's successful launch of the first monkey, Vladimir Bananas, into space. America's rage was not isolated to communist primates; that same year, monkeynaut Poopy Joe cruelly dashed the U.S.'s hopes of reaching the stars when its shuttle detonated on takeoff. Brawl was notorious for inflaming human-gorilla tensions during its ten-year run, most famously in issue #50, which was printed with gorillas' blood. Issue #50's print run of 17 million copies left only five gorillas on the planet. |
Saxton Hale's
|
Saxton Hale's Thrilling Tales first arrived on newsstands in 1961 as part of a bold Mann Co. initiative to sidestep an increase on postage costs for their weapons catalogs. The first 64-page issue contained four pages of thrilling tales and sixty pages of ads for exciting new Mann Co. products. But Thrilling's editors quickly discovered that showing Mann Co. founder Saxton Hale using a product in the story itself tripled its sales. Ads were cut to 32 pages to accommodate longer, product placement-based stories. |
Apple
During the Mac Update, a non-canon comic was released that contained Saxton Hale. In this comic, Saxton Hale smashes through the Apple store's window, as he proclaims that he is going to burn the store to the ground. Saxton picks up a nearby device, presses a button, and then blows up the Moon with the Apple store's product ("iBlewupthemoon"). The product impresses Saxton so much that he decides to purchase the company. However, a figure in a black sweater (presumably Apple CEO Steve Jobs in his trademark turtleneck) appears and declines the offer. Saxton instantly recognizes the man and insults his curvy designs. The comic ends with the title of the next issue When Titans Clash.
Hale mail
The lucky few who sent in the Force-A-Nature order form[1] received an invoice from Saxton Hale himself, sadly informing them that the requested item was out of stock. For compensation, the sender received a signed photo of Saxton Hale standing in front of Template:W with the words "Thanks for writing, little fella!" and a keychain featuring a random Team Fortress 2 class. The letter also advised to keep an eye on their mailbox, as new products could be on the way.
Yet more lucky senders who mailed in the coupon[2] received a letter bearing the Mann Co. logo and the snarling face of Saxton Hale. Inside was a letter informing the recipient that the requested product(s) were out of stock and that they should continue to check their mailbox as new items/legislation could be on the way, as well as several postcards bearing random cover images from the Mann Co. comics.
At this point, Valve asked players not to send any more money due to legal reasons. Valve donated the money they had received to Template:W.
A close up of the invoice; at the time of release, the Ambassador had not yet been announced.
Letter from Hale again, this time addressing the creator of the "Guard Dog Update" as seen in the blog entry here.
Gallery
Related merchandise
Trivia
- Saxton Hale's Thrilling Tales is illustrated by comic artist Template:W.
- Saxton Hale occasionally makes posts on the TF2 Official Website.
- Saxton Hale's name is an anagram for a sexually explicit phrase that Valve may or may not have originally intended, as referenced in the Mann-Conomy Update.
- Saxton Hale is implied to have been in a relationship with the Administrator some time ago, referring to her as a "chain-smoking seductress" and being on first name terms with her.
- Saxton Hale has had a river named after his family.
- In Template:W, Saxton Hale makes a cameo appearance as the Ace of Spades in the Team Fortress 2 deck of cards.
- A server mod called VS Saxton Hale allows one player, taking on the role of Saxton Hale on the BLU team, to fight against the rest of the players, who are all on the RED team. And, rather fittingly, he is usually equipped with strange fists that have reached the rank of "Hale's Own".
- Saxton Hale's chest-hair changed shape into a Christmas tree during Australian Christmas.
- Saxton Hale sent a letter to all Team Fortress 2 and Spiral Knights players on Steam requesting that the player go on a mission to reach the first Clockwork Terminal in Spiral Knights, in which if the player does, it leads to unlocking the Spiral Sallet hat.
- Saxton had a moustache by the age of one, as seen in the poster for the Manniversary Update.
- A child dresses as Saxton Hale during the Bombinomicon comic, in which the RED Heavy intimidates him until he cries.
- While it is said that Saxton slept with a bear that he tamed in the Brazilian jungles, there aren't any kind of bears of any species in Brazil.
- Saxton Hale, along with the Pyro, are playable characters in the game Super Time Force Ultra.
See also
References
- ↑ http://www.teamfortress.com/scoutupdate/force-a-nature.htm The Scout Update - Day 5
- ↑ http://www.teamfortress.com/sniper_vs_spy/day04_english.htm The Sniper vs. Spy Update - Day 4
External links
- The Sniper vs. Spy Update - Day 4 (First appearance)
- The Sniper vs. Spy Update - Day 7 (Jarate)
- TF2 Official Website - Sniper vs. Spy Update: Day 7
- TF2 Official Website - Patent Pending: #1308: "GUARD DOG"
- TF2 Official Website - It's a Bloodbath!
- TF2 Official Website - Team Fortress News Roundup
- War! Comic - Saxton Hale
- The Mann-Conomy Update