Difference between revisions of "The Naked and the Dead"

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==Synopsis==
 
==Synopsis==
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==Transcript==
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! Page 01-55: Miss Pauling's Team VS Robots
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! class="header" | Page 1-29: Introduction- Miss Pauling Reawakens
 
|-
 
|-
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| The story begins with [[Miss Pauling]] lying face-down in the middle of a golden desert. Upon awakening, she spots a single unlocked door standing in the middle of nowhere; once she opens it, she is greeted by the [[Administrator]], who sits in the middle of a control room lit green by multiple monitors, all of which show live footage of her face. She answers Miss Pauling's confused questions by explaining that this is the afterlife; they are both dead, and Miss Pauling has failed the Administrator's mission. Miss Pauling bluntly accept this fact, even informing her that all of the world's [[Australium]] was gone, but, given that she already failed the mission and was determined to understand the Administrator's motive behind the war after a decade of unyielding trust, asks the Administrator "what it is she wants". The Administrator simply replies with a grim "Blood. It's not enough. Give me more", with her voice echoing to Miss Pauling while she watches helplessly as the monitors begin to flicker with her own horrified expression.
+
|[''The story begins with [[Miss Pauling]] lying face-down in the middle of a golden desert, covered in sand and with vultures around her. She wakes up with a start, spitting sand out of her mouth.'']
  
−
The comic cuts immediately to the outside of the [[Team Fortress Classic|TFC]] base, where [[Old Wounds]] left off. The previous events were all simply a hallucination by Miss Pauling, who regains consciousness to find the [[Medic]] calling for [[Non-playable characters#RED Heavy's Family|Zhanna]] to "give him more blood" in order to save Miss Pauling and the [[Soldier]]. When asked how the Medic managed to save their lives when they were presumably dead from the TFC team's blood-draining robots, the Medic simply responds that he collected all of the blood drained by the robots and put it back into their bodies, while literally dumping a bucket of blood and debris into a smiling Soldier's open chest, much to Miss Pauling's disgust. When further questioned if he had even separated each of their blood types, the Medic quietly mentions that he used his own underwear to sponge up the blood, and that the blood type would be the least of their problems as of now.  
+
'''Miss Pauling''': "Hck! Pfff! Pff! Where the hell...?"
  
−
As explanations go down, Miss Pauling catches a glimpse of the [[Demoman]] wildly taking on a bunch of robots all by himself; the Medic reasons that the high alcoholic content of the Demoman's blood must have given the robots alcohol poisoning, thus weakening them. However, Miss Pauling notes that the Demoman had not taken a single drop of alcohol since arriving on the island, making it impossible that he could be drunk. At this moment, the comic immediately cuts to a hallucination being experienced by the Demoman, in which he commands his heart to convert his various organs into distilleries after inventing a way to ferment his bone marrow. His liver even returns after leaving during the events of Old Wounds, and makes up with the Demoman by sharing a romantic kiss with him.
+
[''A single unlocked door stands in front of her, seemingly in the middle of nowhere'']
  
−
Meanwhile in the TFC base, a frustrated [[Heavy Weapons Guy (Classic)|TFC Heavy]] is seen holding [[Gray Mann]]'s Life-Extender machine and watching the events unfold on a large screen, loudly questioning how his team of trained mercenaries were being defeated by a bunch of "morons" and "lunatics". The [[Engineer (Classic)|TFC Engineer]] (named Fred) interrupts his thoughts, and asks how he and his coworkers would be paid if they already killed Gray Mann, their employer. The TFC Heavy bluntly responds that he should stop worrying about money when they had a life machine in their hands, but the TFC Engineer rebuttals by arguing that he can't make more life machines, especially since the device was "more biology than engineering". Without turning away from the monitor, the TFC Heavy asks what the TFC Engineer ''can'' do, with his response being that he could turn all of Gray Mann's old robots on again. Grabbing the TFC Engineer by the collar, the TFC Heavy demands that he does so immediately.
+
[''Cut to Miss Pauling opening the door and peering in'']
  
−
The scene cuts back to outside the base, with the [[Heavy]] and [[Scout]] parachuting from [[Saxton Hale]]'s plane and reuniting with Miss Pauling, Medic and Demoman. Scout is elated upon seeing Miss Pauling again, immediately complimenting how she looked (despite Miss Pauling being covered in blood and losing weight from blood loss). Eventually, Scout just admits that he's glad to see her safe before embracing her - an action which forces the blood inside Miss Pauling to spurt out of her eye sockets, which Medic then advises not to do. Heavy is also reunited with his sister Zhanna, and is taken aback by why she's following the team, along with the mysterious disappearance of her left hand; she explains that removing her hand was necessary "to kill woman torturing her" (the [[Pyro (Classic)|TFC Pyro]]). Heavy accepts the explanation, but then notices the necklace of ears around her neck. Heavy quietly murmurs "Sister, NO." before Soldier comes up and hits him in the chest playfully, breaking the news that that he would officially be his "brother-in-law" (and Heavy becoming Soldier's grandfather if he "impregnated" Heavy's sister, as Zhanna mentions).
+
'''Miss Pauling''': Um. Hello?
  
−
A while later, Scout gives Miss Pauling a rather self-centered breakdown of the events back at Ayers Rock, including how it was a fake rock hiding the final (and completely missing) stash of Australium. Miss Pauling asks if he knew who took the Australium, and Scout admits that they had nothing except Saxton Hale, who they found while at the stash and was presumably standing right behind him. However, turning around revealed that Saxton Hale was nowhere to be found; instead, a battalion of whirring robots mercenaries were standing right behind them the entire time.
+
'''Voice''': Oh, it's you. Well, you might as well come in.
  
−
In actuality, Saxton Hale and [[Non-playable characters#Maggie|Maggie]] were still in their plane, too engrossed with reminiscing their old escapades to remember jumping of their plane to accompany Heavy and Scout (who had jumped out an hour ago). Their bonding time is broken by the calls of their pilot [[Non-playable characters#Jerry|Jerry]], who notifies them that they are out of fuel. After Saxton Hale admits to Maggie that time always flies when they chat, he prepares some airborne cargo for dropoff while suggesting that she should accompany him once Gray Mann's Australium is back in their hands and [[Non-playable characters#Charles Darling|Charles Darling]] gives Mann Co. back. Maggie shows sadness as she puts on her parachute, and doesn't respond to Hale's offer.
+
[''The voice is the [[Administrator]], who is sitting in the middle of a control room lit green by multiple monitors. All of them eerily show live footage of her face'']
  
−
As Hale and Maggie prepare to jump, Miss Pauling, Scout, Soldier, Demoman, and Heavy are seen in the middle of a bridge, slowly being surrounded by robots. Soldier first laughs at the fact that these "cans" were only grouping on one side, only to turn around and realize they were on ''both'' sides, then admitting that they were going to die. Scout adds that if he had a gun, he would shoot Soldier before the robots got them, which prompts the Heavy to ask where Saxton Hale even went. Scout begins to call Hale a big hairy coward who couldn't be trusted, but is interrupted mid-sentence by a crate landing squarely on his head. Holding the crate, Scout attempts to read the crate's printed text (Mann Co. Submachine Guns) but fails repeatedly, making Miss Pauling ask if he could read faster as crates begin raining from the sky. At this moment, the team looks up and watch as Saxton Hale, Maggie, and their screaming pilot Jerry finally parachute down with their cargo, providing every class their respective weapons. Even Heavy's Minigun arrives, breaking its crate from the fall. With a smirk and a comment that he missed Sasha's voice, the team run into the fray, finally able to fight back against the robots.
+
'''Miss Pauling''': Where are we?
 +
 
 +
'''Administrator''': Mm. You know, nobody's ever dropped by that I've been able to ask. This is where I wake up when I die. All the cameras face ''inward'', you see. So all you can look at is yourself. For eternity, presumably. ''Very'' poetic. I'm only ever here for an hour or so. Usually I just read magazines and smoke.
 +
 
 +
[''Miss Pauling moves closer'']
 +
 
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': None of this is ''real'', is it? You're just... this is all in my head.
 +
 
 +
'''Administrator''': If you like. Maybe I'm not here at all. Maybe I'm just a flickering memory in your dying brain.
 +
 
 +
[''The Administrator flicks her cigarette slightly, still facing the monitors'']
 +
 
 +
'''Administrator''': Or maybe I ''am'' real, and we're discussing the nature of reality in my own private hell. In which case, congratulations. You've somehow figured out how to make eternity ''more'' boring. Honestly, pick one. I've never had much patience for the abstract. What ''matters'' is you've '''died'''. And that means you've '''failed'''.
 +
 
 +
[''Miss Pauling scowls a bit, but keeps talking'']
 +
 
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': Okay, yes. I failed. The [[Australium]] you sent me to get? It's gone. It's gone, ma'am.
 +
 
 +
[''The Administrator rests her hand on her forehead, looking frustrated'']
 +
 
 +
'''Administrator''': *Sigh* And of course you just ''gave'' up, didn't you. You have no idea how ''important'' this is...
 +
 
 +
[''Miss Pauling speaks with more desperation'']
 +
 
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': So ''tell'' me! Administrator, I know you're planning something big. I've always known. And I've never asked. Not once. Because I ''trusted'' you. That when we ''got'' here, you'd have a ''place'' for me.
 +
 
 +
[''The Administrator takes a whiff from her cigarette'']
 +
 
 +
'''Administrator''': Tell me, Miss Pauling... if you've never questioned my intentions, in a ''decade'' under my employ... because you ''"trusted"'' me...
 +
 
 +
[''The Administrator turn around on her chair and faces Miss Pauling'']
 +
 
 +
'''Administrator''': Why are you asking ''now''?
 +
 
 +
[''Silence. Miss Pauling poses a single question'']
 +
 
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': What is it you ''want''?
 +
 
 +
[''The monitors behind her are mysteriously turned off. Suddenly, the Administrator gives a grim look, her fingers touching and her face turning dark.'']
 +
 
 +
'''Administrator''': '''Blood.'''
 +
 
 +
[''The monitors turn on one-by-one. Miss Pauling's eyes begin to show on each screen.'']
 +
 
 +
''Administrator''': '''It's not enough.'''
 +
 
 +
[''All monitors are turned on, filled with Miss Pauling's horrified expression.'']
 +
 
 +
'''Administrator''': '''I need more.'''
 +
 
 +
[''Comic suddenly cuts to a different scene. Miss Pauling is lying in bloody dirt outside of the [[Team Fortress Classic|TFC]] base, regaining consciousness. The previous events were all a hallucination.'']
 +
 
 +
'''Voice''': ''I need more blood!''
 +
 
 +
[''The comic's name flashes at the bottom of the page'': '''THE NAKED and the DEAD''']
 +
 
 +
[Miss Pauling finally awakens] '''Miss Pauling''': Medic?
 +
 
 +
[''[[Medic]] is seen rushing about with a bucket full of blood, while [[Non-playable characters#RED Heavy's Family|Zhanna]] collects blood from the ground using a piece of cloth.'']
 +
 
 +
'''Medic''': ''More blood! She's coming around!''
 +
 
 +
[''Medic sits on his knee beside Miss Pauling, collecting blood with a cloth'']
 +
 
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': What happened? I thought we all...
 +
 
 +
'''Medic''': Died? ''Ha ha ha'', heavens, NO! ...well, yes.
 +
 
 +
[''Medic squeezes the blood-soaked cloth into his bucket, smiling at Miss Pauling. Miss Pauling looks a bit disturbed'']
 +
 
 +
'''Medic''': But only momentarily! Your hearts barely had time to stop beating! The robots merely drained out all of your ''blood''.
 +
 
 +
[''Medic pours the bucket of dirty blood and debris straight into the [[Soldier]]'s open chest, who is lying on the ground and smiling. Miss Pauling looks disgusted.'']
 +
 
 +
'''Medic''': SO! I just put the blood back ''in''!
 +
 
 +
'''Miss Pauling''' (Grimacing): I refuse to believe it's that easy.
 +
 
 +
'''Medic''': I ''know'', ja? Why do people even go to Medical school?
 +
 
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': Wait, how'd you separate out all the blood types?
 +
 
 +
[''A bandaged Soldier sits up and smiles'']
 +
 
 +
'''Soldier''': HAR! "''Different types of blood''"! Miss Pauling came back stupid!
 +
 
 +
[Looking at Soldier] '''Medic''': Ha! Yes. What foolishness.
 +
 
 +
[''Medic quickly and sternly glares at a surprised Miss Pauling while Soldier digs his nose'']
 +
 
 +
'''Medic''' (Quietly): Miss Pauling, I've been using my ''own underwear'' to sponge blood out of puddles. Trust me, the type is the ''least'' of your problems.
 +
 
 +
[''Miss Pauling looks as if she was about to cry'']
 +
 
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': Oh god. Are we going to be okay...?
 +
 
 +
'''Medic''' (Thinking): I would drink plenty of water. Oh, and blood, if you can find any.
 +
 
 +
[''They are both interrupted by the sound of the [[Demoman]], who was in a frenzy and taking on a hoard of blood-sucking robots all by himself. Destroyed robots litter the area.'']
 +
 
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': Wait. Aren't those the robots that killed all of us in ''five seconds''?
 +
 
 +
'''Medic''': Oof. Yes, I saw. Very embarrassing of you.
 +
 
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': Right, so... How the hell is Demo doing ''that''?
 +
 
 +
[''Medic picks up the arm of a busted robot'']
 +
 
 +
'''Medic''': Yes, I was pleasantly surprised as well. If I had to guess... I'd say drinking Demo's blood is giving them all alcohol poisoning.
 +
 
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': But he hasn't had a drop of liquor since we got to the island! How is he...?
 +
 
 +
[''A small speech bubble interrupts Miss Pauling'']
 +
 
 +
'''Voice''': Heart! Status report!
 +
 
 +
[''The scene cuts to what seems to be a hallucination experienced by the Demoman. Demoman is giving orders to his various anthropomorphic organs behind a control panel, with his eyepatch-wearing heart saluting and announcing reports.'']
 +
 
 +
'''Demoman's Heart''': We managed to convert the stomach into a distillery, sir!
 +
 
 +
'''Demoman''' (Shouting): Convert the lungs too! If it's hollow and it's in me body, put it to work!
 +
 
 +
'''Voice''': Tavish?
 +
 
 +
[''Demoman's eyepatch-wearing liver returns after leaving since [[Old Wounds]]. Demoman answers condescendingly, without turning his back.'']
 +
 
 +
'''Demoman''': Ach. Look who came crawling back. Hello, liver. Get bored of yer champagne parties and golden shrimp forks, did ye?
 +
 
 +
'''Demoman's Liver''': Tavish... I never even left your rectum.
 +
 
 +
[''Demoman grabs his liver and embraces it, giving a romantic kiss within a heart-shaped comic bubble''.]
 +
 
 +
'''Demoman''': I know.
 +
 
 +
[''Demoman's liver blushes and stands next to a happy Demoman, behind their control panel''.]
 +
 
 +
'''Demoman''': Ach, we'll have plenty o' time for that later. We should get back t'work. While you were gallivantin' around in me colon havin' a fine oul' time, me and the lads invented a way to ferment bone marrow.
 +
 
 +
[''Two eyepatch-wearing bones are seen with pickaxes beside them; one of them is smoking''.]
 +
 
 +
'''Demoman''': Look sharp there, boys!
 +
 
 +
'''Demoman's Bones''': I hate this job.
 +
 
 +
[''Scene suddenly cuts to pure black'']
 +
 
 +
'''Voice''': These guys are ''morons''. ''Lunatics''. They're the ''laughing stock'' of the mercenary world. How the ''hell'' are they-
 +
 
 +
[''A frustrated [[Heavy Weapons Guy (Classic)|TFC Heavy]] is seen watching the events unfold on a large blue screen. The [[Engineer (Classic)|TFC Engineer]] approaches from behind him and interrupts his thoughts.'']
 +
 
 +
'''TFC Engineer''': Uh... boss? Me and the boys were talkin', and uh... we were wonderin' how we're gonna get ''paid''.
 +
 
 +
[''TFC Heavy doesn't turn around. He is seen holding something.'']
 +
 
 +
'''TFC Heavy''': Do I look like I'm in the mood to ''talk'' about this, Fred? You ''always'' get paid. Why bring it up ''now''?
 +
 
 +
'''TFC Engineer''': Well, for one, you never ''killed'' the guy payin' us before. Two, I've been standin' here ten minutes watchin' you yell at his spine.
 +
 
 +
[''TFC Heavy turns around menacingly and thrusts the item he is holding towards the TFC Engineer, showing that it was [[Gray Mann]]'s Life-Extender machine''.]
 +
 
 +
'''TFC Heavy''': You worried about ''MONEY''? I'm holding a machine that will let us live ''forever'', Fred.
 +
 
 +
[''TFC Engineer backs away a bit'']
 +
 
 +
'''TFC Engineer''': Yeah, ''about'' that. I ''also'' can't help noticing you ain't holding ''five'' of 'em.
 +
 
 +
'''TFC Heavy''': SO MAKE MORE! You're an ''Engineer'', aren't you?
 +
 
 +
'''TFC Engineer''': Well, sure, but- this aint' exactly upgrading a ''Turret'' here. Come on man, immortality machines? Magic rocks? That damn thing's more Biology that Engineering...
 +
 
 +
[''TFC Heavy turns away again'']
 +
 
 +
'''TFC Heavy''': Just so we're not here all day... what ''can'' you do, Fred?
 +
 
 +
[''TFC Engineer counts his fingers'']
 +
 
 +
'''TFC Engineer''': Well, I've been lookin' at the old man's [[Robots]]. I could probably get the [[Sentry Buster]]s up and running, or maybe...
 +
 
 +
[''TFC Heavy immediately turns around and grabs the TFC Engineer's collar, screaming directly into his face.'']
 +
 
 +
'''TFC Engineer''': Get them ''ALL'' up and running! ''Now!'' '''I WANT THESE IDIOTS DEAD!'''
 
|}
 
|}
−
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{| class="wikitable collapsible collapsed" width="100%"
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! Page 56-97: TFC Sniper VS Sniper and Spy
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! class="header" | Page 30-55: Heavy Scout, and Saxton Hale reunite with the Team
 
|-
 
|-
−
| Right as Miss Pauling's team begin fighting, a scope is seen zooming and locking onto the Heavy's head, with a voice muttering to himself, asking rhetorically if the "Fat man wants to go first". This turns out to be the [[Sniper (Classic)|TFC Sniper]] at a vantage point by a window, aiming through his rifle's sights. Just as he's about to give the killing blow, several knocks on the door outside interrupt his focus. Swearing, the TFC Sniper states that whoever was knocking was costing him a headshot, only for the outside voice to stress that he needs to be let in, as three of the Classic team were dead and their boss was pissed. With an air of doubt, the TFC Sniper opens his door with the codeword "Apricot", revealing the person to be the TFC Engineer. The TFC Engineer immediately asks the TFC Sniper to pack up, which only surprises the TFC Sniper, as he had a perfect sightline in this room to kill the TF2 mercenaries who just recently obtained guns. The TFC Engineer gets updated of the situation, including Saxton Hale falling out of the sky with crates.
+
|[''The comic cuts back to outside of the base. After jumping from [[Saxton Hale]]'s airplane, the [[Heavy]] and the [[Scout]] parachute and land next to Miss Pauling. Scout lands first, and is elated to see Miss Pauling again.'']
 +
 
 +
'''Scout''': ''Miss Pauling!''
 +
 
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': ''Scout! Heavy!'' Thank god!
 +
 
 +
'''Scout''': You're alive!
 +
 
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': You-
 +
 
 +
'''Scout''': And you look ''terrific''! Have you lost weight?
 +
 
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': I... lost most of my blood?
 +
 
 +
'''Scout''': ''Nice!'' Your hair looks great too!
 +
 
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': Thanks. It's... covered in my blood.
 +
 
 +
[''Scout takes off his parachute and gets close to Miss Pauling'']
 +
 
 +
'''Scout''': Miss Pauling, I'm... you know what? I'm just glad you're okay.
 +
 
 +
[''Scout embraces Miss Pauling - this forces blood to spurt out of her eyes, knocking her glasses off. Miss Pauling looks exhausted while a disgusted-looking Scout lets go of her.'']
 +
 
 +
'''Medic''': Ah, yes. Miss Pauling, you might not want to get squeezed by anyone for... well... ever, I suppose. That blood is going to be sloshing around in there for a while.
 +
 
 +
[''Meanwhile, Zhanna happily reunites with a surprised Heavy and embraces him.'']
 +
 
 +
'''Zhanna''' ''Misha!'' I am so happy to see you!
 +
 
 +
'''Heavy''' (Surprised, looking at her hand stump): Zhanna, where is your ''hand''?
 +
 
 +
[''Zhanna lets go of Heavy. Heavy rests an arm on her shoulder'']
 +
 
 +
'''Zhanna''': I sawed it off with scrap of metal to kill woman torturing me (the [[Pyro (Classic)|TFC Pyro]]).
 +
 
 +
'''Heavy''': Yes, of course. Good. Wait, what is this?
 +
 
 +
[''Heavy notices Zhanna's necklace of ears and holds it'']
 +
 
 +
'''Heavy''': Where did you get this necklace of... human ears...
 +
 
 +
[''Heavy gives a horrified look to his sister'']
 +
 
 +
'''Heavy''': Sister, '''NO.'''
 +
 
 +
[''Soldier happily comes over and punches Heavy in the chest; Heavy glares at him disappointingly'']
 +
 
 +
'''Soldier''': Hello, brother-in-law! Good news! You're going to be a grandfather!
 +
 
 +
'''Zhanna''': He's going to ''impregnate'' me, brother!
 +
 
 +
[''Cut to Scout giving Miss Pauling a rather self-centered breakdown of the events back at Ayers Rock'']
 +
 
 +
'''Scout''': ...and then I punched Ayers Rock real hard and it moved like ten feet and Heavy was like "Holy crap you're super strong!" And I was like "Shut up for a second and let me think 'cause all the Australium's gone..."
 +
 
 +
[''Miss Pauling looks away, thinking'']
 +
 
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': I ''knew'' it.
 +
 
 +
'''Scout''': Wait, you always knew I was super strong? 'Cause... that's a thing... we could explore.
 +
 
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': What about the Australium? Did you find out who took it?
 +
 
 +
'''Scout''': Oh, uh... not as such, no, ''vis a vis'' <small>(vis-à-vis: with regard to)</small> the rock in question... But oh! We ''did'' find Saxton Hale though!
 +
 
 +
'''Miss Pauling''' (Looks at Scout): Really? Great, we could use the help! Where is he?
 +
 
 +
'''Scout''' (Points behind himself): He's right... Huh. That's funny. Him and his big mean girlfriend were right behind us.
 +
 
 +
[''Scout turns around. Both him and Miss Pauling give a concerned look at what they see.'']
 +
 
 +
'''Scout''': Oh. That is...
 +
 
 +
[''A battalion of whirring robots mercenaries were standing right behind them the entire time, filling the air with robotic rumbling'']
 +
 
 +
'''Scout''': ''That'' is not Saxton Hale behind us.
 +
 
 +
[''A small speech bubble interrupts the scene'']
 +
 
 +
'''Voice''': We were inside that whale for ''four days'' looking for that cougar!
 +
 
 +
[''Cut to Saxton Hale and [[Non-playable characters#Maggie|Maggie]] in their plane, laughing hysterically at the memories of their their old escapades'']
 +
 
 +
'''Saxton Hale''' (Laughing): But we found him in the end, didn't we, Mags?
 +
 
 +
'''[[Non-playable characters#Jerry|Jerry]]''' (Piloting the plane): Mister Hale?
 +
 
 +
'''Saxton Hale''': Beat the ''crap'' out of him too!
 +
 
 +
[''Maggie makes a silly face with her hands up, Saxton Hale roaring with laughter'']
 +
 
 +
'''Maggie''': Remember there was that boat full of hippies trapped in there?
 +
 
 +
'''Jerry''': ''Mister Hale?''
 +
 
 +
'''Saxton Hale''' (Laughing): ''Ha ha ha!'' When'll those dimwits learn? They just look like a boat full of ''sausages'' to a ''whale''.
 +
 
 +
'''Jerry''' (Shouting now): Mister Hale!!
 +
 
 +
[''Saxton Hale and Maggie calm down slightly, smiling at each other'']
 +
 
 +
'''Maggie''': Remember what we did in that whale, Sax?
 +
 
 +
'''Saxton Hale''': Do I. On everything, Mags. The stomach. The liver. The heart, The cougar corpse...
 +
 
 +
[''They are interrupted by the shouts of Jerry, who opens the cabin door and notifies them loudly.'']
 +
 
 +
'''Jerry''': '''''MISTER HALE!''''' If you're going to jump, it needs to be ''now'', we are ''out'' of fuel.
 +
 
 +
[''Maggie brushes her hair, and Saxton Hale nudges her with his muscular arm'']
 +
 
 +
'''Maggie''': Sheesh Sax, how long've we been jawing on for?
 +
 
 +
'''Saxton Hale''': That big fella and the rat-boy jumped an hour ago. Time flies with you Mags. Always did. Y'know, I've been thinking... Once we get that Australium off Gray Mann...
 +
 
 +
[''Maggie and Saxton Hale both put on parachutes. Saxton Hale gets his on first, and pushes several crates of cargo off the open rear of the plane for dropoff.'']
 +
 
 +
'''Saxton Hale''' (Looking back and smiling): ...[[Non-playable characters#Charles Darling|Darling]] promised he'd get me [[Mann Co.]] back! Mags! You should come ''run'' it with me!
 +
 
 +
[''Maggie faces away, and shows sadness as she puts on her parachute'']
 +
 
 +
'''Saxton Hale''': Just the two of us! Wouldn't that be great?
 +
 
 +
[''Still no answer from Maggie'']
  
−
At this point, the camera moves out of the room, showing the stitched-up [[Sniper]] hiding outside the door and holding a large plank in the shadows; this reveals to the reader that the TFC Engineer was, in fact, the [[Spy]] in a disguise. The Spy's acting seemed to work, with him convincing the TFC Sniper that the parachuting muscular man was probably what the boss wanted to talk about, and that their boss had a plan. The TFC Sniper agrees and suggests that they should move; however, he immediately closes the door with the codeword "Apricot", shooting the Spy in the knee with a {{botignore|revolver}}; this causes the Spy's disguise to fade away, and the Sniper to rush away from the room and down a flight of stairs, muttering a panicked "Bugger." with every step.
+
'''Saxton Hale''' (Still pushing cargo): Mags?
  
−
The frightened and wounded Spy, sprawled on the floor clutching his bleeding knee, begins to shout "Apricot" in an attempt to open the door, which fails. The TFC Sniper, somewhat amused, addresses the Spy by questioning the logic behind his boss asking his {{botignore|sniper}} to see him, then sending him straight back to his nest and wasting time while a firefight is already going on. With Spy only responding by yelling the codeword over and over, the TFC Sniper advises him to choose some better last words. Outside the room, the Sniper bashes down a wooden door, leaving blood on the floor and getting weak from his stitches. He lifts himself and breaks through a window pane in the new room he opened, but swears as the window catches and pulls his pants off on the way out. Back with the TFC Sniper and Spy, the TFC Sniper admits that the Spy put on a convincing TFC Engineer act, which would have fooled him if not for his robotic replacement eyes, which the TFC Engineer designed and were able to see through everything (even his eyelids, which prevented him from sleeping every day). Seemingly giving up, the Spy requests if he would be given the chance to smoke a final cigaratte, which the TFC Sniper obliges, though only with his own and not the Spy's (in case it was a cyanide one), as he wanted to take his time killing him.
+
[''Back outside the base, Miss Pauling, Zhanna, Demoman, Heavy, Soldier and Scout are seen bunched up in a circle in the middle of a bridge. They are surrounded on both sides by hoards of robots, with torrents of water under the bridge trapping them entirely.'']
  
−
Unbeknownst to the TFC Sniper, the completely naked Sniper was slowly edging his way directly outside the balcony, leaving an obvious trail of blood as he does so. The sound of Sniper entering the open window and picking up his rifle jerks the TFC Sniper into noticing him, causing the TFC Sniper to sigh and raise his hands up in an act of surrender. He begins to advise him to think this through, as he was sitting on something (presumably a bomb); however, Sniper shows no sign of hesitance and kills him mid-sentence, proving that it was all just an act. Spy, though relieved to have been saved from the hands of death, reminds him that "You {{botignore|snipers}} are the worst people on the planet". Sniper pushes that comment away by mentioning that the TFC Sniper wasn't a {{botignore|sniper}}, but a "sadist", as true {{botignore|snipers}} don't waste time with gutshots and monologues; they simply take the shot. Spy sarcastically call him a "credit to the institution of shooting people far away", but lets a passing comment go by that the others might have liked torturing him first. Sniper simply sits down beside him and says he should speak up before he blew his brains out, then asks to have a cigarette. Both men spend some time bleeding and enjoying a cigarette each, before Sniper asks how they would get out of the building.
+
'''Soldier''': Do not worry, men! I have ''crapped'' my way out of tougher jams than this! Surrounded on ''one side''? ''HA!'' These tin cans couldn't surround their own metal asses with both hands! I'll-
−
|}
+
 
 +
[''Soldier looks towards the other end of the bridge'']
 +
 
 +
'''Soldier''': Oh. They are on ''both'' sides of us. Men, we are going to die.
 +
 
 +
'''Scout''': It's a good thing we ain't got any guns, Soldier...
 +
 
 +
[''Zoom in to Scout and the group'']
 +
 
 +
'''Scout''' (Tense, with fists up): ...'cause I'd shoot you right ''now'' before these robots kill us.
 +
 
 +
'''Heavy''': Where did ''Hale'' go?
 +
 
 +
'''Scout''': I ''toldja'' we couldn't trust that smelly bagga muscles... Just a big hairy coward, if ya ask m-
 +
 
 +
[''Scout is interrupted mid-sentence by a crate hitting him squarely on the head.'']
 +
 
 +
'''Scout''': Ow.
 +
 
 +
[''Parachuted crates begin to rain from the sky; one hits Soldier on the head as well. Scout is seen holding a crate labeled ''Mann Co. Submachine Guns'', and trying his best to read it.'']
 +
 
 +
'''Scout''': Sub... Submack... mackeen... No, wait. Lemme start over. Subm-
 +
 
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': Scout, read faster.
 +
 
 +
[''Camera focuses above the team, with everyone looking upwards. The Scout smiles widely'']
 +
 
 +
'''Scout''': Naw, I got the gist. Holy ''crap'', you guys! Look who just showed up with a bunch of ''Submakeens!''
 +
 
 +
[''Saxton Hale is seen parachuting down along with his crates, with Maggie right beside him. Jerry clings onto Maggie for dear life.'']
  
−
{| class="wikitable mw-collapsible mw-collapsed"
+
'''Saxton Hale''': '''SAXTON HAAAALE!'''
−
! Page 87- :TFC Heavy VS Medic
 
−
|-
 
−
| Outside the base, Medic is seen helping Demoman stitch up a wound in his leg while the latter drinks from what seems to be a bottle of booze. Demoman passes the time by asking the events of how Sniper came back to life, and whether Medic was the one who shot him ''and'' brought him back to life. Halfway through, Medic asks if he could borrow the hydrogen peroxide, which Demoman hands to him (the same bottle he was drinking from). Demoman continues to casually ask questions, now wondering why Medic could revive an entire man but not bring his eye back; Medic answers that he actually can, and the procedure was quite simple. Demoman (after drinking and having a drunken pause), answers with a surprised "What." and gets up, angry that Medic did not fix his eye this entire time; however, Medic further explains that he had tried at least ''eight'' times, with each time having his eye functioning good as new until Halloween, in which it mutates and tries to kill everyone - the team had to fight off his [[MONOCULUS|giant eye]], a brain-in-a-jar eye, a knife-wielding ventriloquist eye, and one eye which attempted to go back in time to become their parents. Medic's conclusion: Demoman's eye socket was haunted, and could not be fixed fully.
 
  
−
When questioned why he cannot remember any of this, Medic responds that he scooped out the part of Demoman's brain that kept asking the question. Demoman pauses mid-thought, but decides that answer was fine, and keeps drinking the bottle of hydrogen peroxide until he realizes that he ''does'' remember what is going on now, in which the Medic responds by claiming "brain-scooping isn't an exact science", and that Demoman should just try not to remember things. Demoman takes his advice and tries to forget - causing him to have a nosebleed and completely forget the previous events, even who Medic is. With that, Medic sends Demoman out to battle again, and tells him that he should see how the new implanted brain in his new leg works for him.
+
'''Jerry''': ''AAAAAAAaaaaaaa...''
  
−
As Medic begins to pack his supplies, a gravely voice behind him mutters "Frankenstein", which reveals himself as the TFC Heavy holding Gray Mann's life-extender device. He gets to the point: he will drag Medic back to the lab, where he will force him to teach his coworkers how to stitch the device into his body, and not where Medic can simply put him down on an operating table. Medic, though distraught, keeps his eyes on the TFC Heavy and tells him that there is no need to worry about dying on an operating table, as he will simply kill him here - which buys him enough time to pick up an [[Ubersaw]] and slash the TFC Heavy's face. The TFC Heavy, though groaning in pain, glares back and asks what Medic just did. Medic simply tells him "Here, I'll show you", and stabs the TFC Heavy again, this time deep into the left of his stomach. With this, the TFC Heavy falls down, seemingly defeated.
+
[''A crate lands and bursts open beside the Heavy, who glances down at it. His trusty [[Minigun]] rolls out of the broken crate. He smiles, picks it up, and revs his Minigun, hearing it sing again.'']
  
−
To Medic's horror, the TFC Heavy simply pulls the Ubersaw out of his stomach and walks forward with an air of rage, announcing that he did not expect this from a coward he hired, and that Medic now has his full attention. Rushing forward, he pummels Medic to the ground, pinning him in the mud. Medic, now helpless, attempts to reason his way out, begging that he is the only one who knows how to use the machine. However, TFC Heavy reveals that he now knows where the Administrator is, and he will simply end Medic here before he finds her. Midway through his rage, however, he is nudged by the spinning barrel of the Heavy's Minigun, revved up by Heavy who standing behind them. The TFC Heavy comments that he has been waiting to meet the man himself for a long time, and dares him to kill him; however, Heavy simply drops his spinning weapon and stands akimbo with his fists, declaring "You want a good death? I can give this to you." The TFC Heavy responds by pulling out a {{botignore|pistol}}, which makes the Heavy comment that he knew he wouldn't play fair. However, instead of using it to shoot the Heavy, he fires two shots into the Heavy's chest, killing him instantly. While throwing the empty firearm away, the TFC Heavy tells the stunned Heavy that "two-on-one" didn't seem fair to him, and now this would be a fair fight. The death of his Medic, however, was enough to spark Heavy into a rage, making him land a large punch against the TFC Heavy's face, all while yelling "You. Killed. DOCTOR!"
+
'''Heavy''': Ahhh, Sasha. I have missed your voice.
  
−
(To be edited further)
+
[''Cut to a picture of the team finally having firearms to fight back, with them beginning to blast, shoot and punch their way through the hoard of Gray Mann's robots.'']
 
|}
 
|}
  

Revision as of 14:24, 12 January 2017

The Naked and the Dead
TheNakedandtheDead001.png
Comic Strip Info
Released: January 10th, 2017
Number of pages: 274
Artist: makani
Writer: Jay Pinkerton & Erik Wolpaw
Colorist: Maren Marmulla

The Naked and the Dead (also known as Team Fortress Comics #6) is a comic released on January 10th, 2017. It is the penultimate issue of a seven-part comic series, picking up where Old Wounds left off.

Synopsis

Transcript

Pages

  • Page 1

  • Page 2

  • Page 3

  • Page 4

  • Page 5

  • Page 6

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Trivia

  • Parts of several classes' names are mentioned for the first time.
    • The Spy calls the Scout "Jeremy" while he is disguised as Tom Jones.
    • The "Devil" addresses the Medic as Mr. Ludwig, a common German name.
  • On Page 80, the Sniper is seen picking up his default Sniper Rifle from where the TFC Sniper was previously sitting, despite the TFC Sniper using a different Sniper Rifle (a jet-black one with a blue lens).
  • The Demoman is seen drinking from a bottle of hydrogen peroxide on Page 88. However, hydrogen peroxide is only safe to consume if highly diluted with water (3% per bottle) and in small amounts, as it can induce vomiting and foaming in the stomach.
  • On Page 155, the Spy mentions that his jacket is made by a brand named Louis Crabbemarché. Loosely translated, "Crabbemarché" is French for "crab walking", a homage to the Spycrab fad, while "Louis" is a reference to the designer brand Louis Vuitton.
  • When the Scout jokingly mentions that his father is Tom Jones, his personification of "God" interrupts his own sentence before unconvincingly correcting himself and saying that the Scout's dad was definitely Tom Jones. This continues the running gag and theory that the Spy is the Scout's biological father.
  • The scene in which Saxton Hale jumps out of his plane with Jerry clinging onto Maggie and screaming on the way down is similar to Page 7 of Ring of Fired.
  • On Page 256, the Medic is seen cradling a bandana-wearing baby baboon in the background, seemingly hinting at the success of his "Baboon Pregnancy Inducer" and the TFC Heavy's fate.

Cover page

See also

External links

Comics
v • d • e
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