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| − | {{stub|''Requires transcript for the rest of the comic+short synopsis. Only [[User:Archrelico|one person]] is working on this currently.''}} | + | {{stub|''Requires transcript for the rest of the comic+short synopsis. Only [[User:Archrelico|some people]] are working on this currently.''}} |
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| | ==Transcript== | | ==Transcript== |
| | <small>Due to the length of this comic, a transcript is necessary. The transcript has been sectioned into smaller story events for convenience.</small> | | <small>Due to the length of this comic, a transcript is necessary. The transcript has been sectioned into smaller story events for convenience.</small> |
| − | {| class="wikitable collapsible collapsed" width="100%" | + | {| class="wikitable collapsi |
| − | ! class="header" | Page 1-29: Introduction- Miss Pauling Reawakens
| |
| − | |-
| |
| − | |[''The story begins with [[Miss Pauling]] lying face-down in the middle of a golden desert, covered in sand and with vultures around her. She wakes up with a start, spitting sand out of her mouth.'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Miss Pauling''': "Hck! Pfff! Pff! Where the hell...?"
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| − | | |
| − | [''A single unlocked door stands in front of her, seemingly in the middle of nowhere'']
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| − | | |
| − | [''Cut to Miss Pauling opening the door and peering in'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Miss Pauling''': Um. Hello?
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| − | | |
| − | '''Voice''': Oh, it's you. Well, you might as well come in.
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| − | | |
| − | [''The voice is the [[Administrator]], who is sitting in the middle of a control room lit green by multiple monitors. All of them eerily show live footage of her face'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Miss Pauling''': Where are we?
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| − | | |
| − | '''Administrator''': Mm. You know, nobody's ever dropped by that I've been able to ask. This is where I wake up when I die. All the cameras face ''inward'', you see. So all you can look at is yourself. For eternity, presumably. ''Very'' poetic. I'm only ever here for an hour or so. Usually I just read magazines and smoke.
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| − | | |
| − | [''Miss Pauling moves closer'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Miss Pauling''': None of this is ''real'', is it? You're just... this is all in my head.
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| − | | |
| − | '''Administrator''': If you like. Maybe I'm not here at all. Maybe I'm just a flickering memory in your dying brain.
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| − | | |
| − | [''The Administrator flicks her cigarette slightly, still facing the monitors'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Administrator''': Or maybe I ''am'' real, and we're discussing the nature of reality in my own private hell. In which case, congratulations. You've somehow figured out how to make eternity ''more'' boring. Honestly, pick one. I've never had much patience for the abstract. What ''matters'' is you've '''died'''. And that means you've '''failed'''.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Miss Pauling scowls a bit, but keeps talking'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Miss Pauling''': Okay, yes. I failed. The [[Australium]] you sent me to get? It's gone. It's gone, ma'am.
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| − | | |
| − | [''The Administrator rests her hand on her forehead, looking frustrated'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Administrator''': *Sigh* And of course you just ''gave'' up, didn't you. You have no idea how ''important'' this is...
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| − | | |
| − | [''Miss Pauling speaks with more desperation'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Miss Pauling''': So ''tell'' me! Administrator, I know you're planning something big. I've always known. And I've never asked. Not once. Because I ''trusted'' you. That when we ''got'' here, you'd have a ''place'' for me.
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| − | | |
| − | [''The Administrator takes a whiff from her cigarette'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Administrator''': Tell me, Miss Pauling... if you've never questioned my intentions, in a ''decade'' under my employ... because you ''"trusted"'' me...
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| − | | |
| − | [''The Administrator turn around on her chair and faces Miss Pauling'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Administrator''': Why are you asking ''now''?
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| − | | |
| − | [''Silence. Miss Pauling poses a single question'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Miss Pauling''': What is it you ''want''?
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| − | | |
| − | [''The monitors behind her are mysteriously turned off. Suddenly, the Administrator gives a grim look, her fingers touching and her face turning dark.'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Administrator''': '''Blood.'''
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| − | | |
| − | [''The monitors turn on one-by-one. Miss Pauling's eyes begin to show on each screen.'']
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| − | | |
| − | ''Administrator''': '''It's not enough.'''
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| − | | |
| − | [''All monitors are turned on, filled with Miss Pauling's horrified expression.'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Administrator''': '''I need more.'''
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| − | | |
| − | [''Comic suddenly cuts to a different scene. Miss Pauling is lying in bloody dirt outside of the [[Team Fortress Classic|TFC]] base, regaining consciousness. The previous events were all a hallucination.'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Voice''': ''I need more blood!''
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| − | | |
| − | [''The comic's name flashes at the bottom of the page'': '''THE NAKED and the DEAD''']
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| − | | |
| − | [Miss Pauling finally awakens] '''Miss Pauling''': Medic?
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| − | | |
| − | [''[[Medic]] is seen rushing about with a bucket full of blood, while [[Non-playable characters#RED Heavy's Family|Zhanna]] collects blood from the ground using a piece of cloth.'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Medic''': ''More blood! She's coming around!''
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| − | | |
| − | [''Medic sits on his knee beside Miss Pauling, collecting blood with a cloth'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Miss Pauling''': What happened? I thought we all...
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| − | | |
| − | '''Medic''': Died? ''Ha ha ha'', heavens, NO! ...well, yes.
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| − | | |
| − | [''Medic squeezes the blood-soaked cloth into his bucket, smiling at Miss Pauling. Miss Pauling looks a bit disturbed'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Medic''': But only momentarily! Your hearts barely had time to stop beating! The robots merely drained out all of your ''blood''.
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| − | | |
| − | [''Medic pours the bucket of dirty blood and debris straight into the [[Soldier]]'s open chest, who is lying on the ground and smiling. Miss Pauling looks disgusted.'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Medic''': SO! I just put the blood back ''in''!
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| − | | |
| − | '''Miss Pauling''' (Grimacing): I refuse to believe it's that easy.
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| − | | |
| − | '''Medic''': I ''know'', ja? Why do people even go to Medical school?
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| − | | |
| − | '''Miss Pauling''': Wait, how'd you separate out all the blood types?
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| − | | |
| − | [''A bandaged Soldier sits up and smiles'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Soldier''': HAR! "''Different types of blood''"! Miss Pauling came back stupid!
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| − | | |
| − | [Looking at Soldier] '''Medic''': Ha! Yes. What foolishness.
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| − | | |
| − | [''Medic quickly and sternly glares at a surprised Miss Pauling while Soldier digs his nose'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Medic''' (Quietly): Miss Pauling, I've been using my ''own underwear'' to sponge blood out of puddles. Trust me, the type is the ''least'' of your problems.
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| − | | |
| − | [''Miss Pauling looks as if she was about to cry'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Miss Pauling''': Oh god. Are we going to be okay...?
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| − | | |
| − | '''Medic''' (Thinking): I would drink plenty of water. Oh, and blood, if you can find any.
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| − | | |
| − | [''They are both interrupted by the sound of the [[Demoman]], who was in a frenzy and taking on a hoard of blood-sucking robots all by himself. Destroyed robots litter the area.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Miss Pauling''': Wait. Aren't those the robots that killed all of us in ''five seconds''?
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| − | | |
| − | '''Medic''': Oof. Yes, I saw. Very embarrassing of you.
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| − | | |
| − | '''Miss Pauling''': Right, so... How the hell is Demo doing ''that''?
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| − | | |
| − | [''Medic picks up the arm of a busted robot'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Medic''': Yes, I was pleasantly surprised as well. If I had to guess... I'd say drinking Demo's blood is giving them all alcohol poisoning.
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Miss Pauling''': But he hasn't had a drop of liquor since we got to the island! How is he...?
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''A small speech bubble interrupts Miss Pauling'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Voice''': Heart! Status report!
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| − | | |
| − | [''The scene cuts to what seems to be a hallucination experienced by the Demoman. Demoman is giving orders to his various anthropomorphic organs behind a control panel, with his eyepatch-wearing heart saluting and announcing reports.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Demoman's Heart''': We managed to convert the stomach into a distillery, sir!
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| − | | |
| − | '''Demoman''' (Shouting): Convert the lungs too! If it's hollow and it's in me body, put it to work!
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| − | | |
| − | '''Voice''': Tavish?
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Demoman's eyepatch-wearing liver returns after leaving since [[Old Wounds]]. Demoman answers condescendingly, without turning his back.'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Demoman''': Ach. Look who came crawling back. Hello, liver. Get bored of yer champagne parties and golden shrimp forks, did ye?
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| − | | |
| − | '''Demoman's Liver''': Tavish... I never even left your rectum.
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| − | | |
| − | [''Demoman grabs his liver and embraces it, giving a romantic kiss within a heart-shaped comic bubble''.]
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| − | | |
| − | '''Demoman''': I know.
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| − | | |
| − | [''Demoman's liver blushes and stands next to a happy Demoman, behind their control panel''.]
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| − | | |
| − | '''Demoman''': Ach, we'll have plenty o' time for that later. We should get back t'work. While you were gallivantin' around in me colon havin' a fine oul' time, me and the lads invented a way to ferment bone marrow.
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| − | | |
| − | [''Two eyepatch-wearing bones are seen with pickaxes beside them; one of them is smoking''.]
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| − | | |
| − | '''Demoman''': Look sharp there, boys!
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| − | | |
| − | '''Demoman's Bones''': I hate this job.
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| − | | |
| − | [''Scene suddenly cuts to pure black'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Voice''': These guys are ''morons''. ''Lunatics''. They're the ''laughing stock'' of the mercenary world. How the ''hell'' are they-
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''A frustrated [[Heavy Weapons Guy (Classic)|TFC Heavy]] is seen watching the events unfold on a large blue screen. The [[Engineer (Classic)|TFC Engineer]] approaches from behind him and interrupts his thoughts.'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Engineer''': Uh... boss? Me and the boys were talkin', and uh... we were wonderin' how we're gonna get ''paid''.
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| − | | |
| − | [''TFC Heavy doesn't turn around. He is seen holding something.'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Heavy''': Do I look like I'm in the mood to ''talk'' about this, Fred? You ''always'' get paid. Why bring it up ''now''?
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| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Engineer''': Well, for one, you never ''killed'' the guy payin' us before. Two, I've been standin' here ten minutes watchin' you yell at his spine.
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| − | | |
| − | [''TFC Heavy turns around menacingly and thrusts the item he is holding towards the TFC Engineer, showing that it was [[Gray Mann]]'s Life-Extender machine''.]
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| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Heavy''': You worried about ''MONEY''? I'm holding a machine that will let us live ''forever'', Fred.
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| − | | |
| − | [''TFC Engineer backs away a bit'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Engineer''': Yeah, ''about'' that. I ''also'' can't help noticing you ain't holding ''five'' of 'em.
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| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Heavy''': SO MAKE MORE! You're an ''Engineer'', aren't you?
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| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Engineer''': Well, sure, but- this aint' exactly upgrading a ''Turret'' here. Come on man, immortality machines? Magic rocks? That damn thing's more Biology that Engineering...
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| − | | |
| − | [''TFC Heavy turns away again'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Heavy''': Just so we're not here all day... what ''can'' you do, Fred?
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| − | | |
| − | [''TFC Engineer counts his fingers'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Engineer''': Well, I've been lookin' at the old man's [[Robots]]. I could probably get the [[Sentry Buster]]s up and running, or maybe...
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''TFC Heavy immediately turns around and grabs the TFC Engineer's collar, screaming directly into his face.'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Engineer''': Get them ''ALL'' up and running! ''Now!'' '''I WANT THESE IDIOTS DEAD!'''
| |
| − | |}
| |
| − | {| class="wikitable collapsible collapsed" width="100%"
| |
| − | ! class="header" | Page 30-55: Heavy, Scout, and Saxton Hale reunite with the Team
| |
| − | |-
| |
| − | |[''The comic cuts back to outside of the base. After jumping from [[Saxton Hale]]'s airplane, the [[Heavy]] and the [[Scout]] parachute and land next to Miss Pauling. Scout lands first, and is elated to see Miss Pauling again.'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Scout''': ''Miss Pauling!''
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| − | | |
| − | '''Miss Pauling''': ''Scout! Heavy!'' Thank god!
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| − | | |
| − | '''Scout''': You're alive!
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| − | | |
| − | '''Miss Pauling''': You-
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| − | | |
| − | '''Scout''': And you look ''terrific''! Have you lost weight?
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| − | | |
| − | '''Miss Pauling''': I... lost most of my blood?
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| − | | |
| − | '''Scout''': ''Nice!'' Your hair looks great too!
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| − | | |
| − | '''Miss Pauling''': Thanks. It's... covered in my blood.
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| − | | |
| − | [''Scout takes off his parachute and gets close to Miss Pauling'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Scout''': Miss Pauling, I'm... you know what? I'm just glad you're okay.
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| − | | |
| − | [''Scout embraces Miss Pauling - this forces blood to spurt out of her eyes, knocking her glasses off. Miss Pauling looks exhausted while a disgusted-looking Scout lets go of her.'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Medic''': Ah, yes. Miss Pauling, you might not want to get squeezed by anyone for... well... ever, I suppose. That blood is going to be sloshing around in there for a while.
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| − | | |
| − | [''Meanwhile, Zhanna happily reunites with a surprised Heavy and embraces him.'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Zhanna''' ''Misha!'' I am so happy to see you!
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| − | | |
| − | '''Heavy''' (Surprised, looking at her hand stump): Zhanna, where is your ''hand''?
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| − | | |
| − | [''Zhanna lets go of Heavy. Heavy rests an arm on her shoulder'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Zhanna''': I sawed it off with scrap of metal to kill woman torturing me (the [[Pyro (Classic)|TFC Pyro]]).
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| − | | |
| − | '''Heavy''': Yes, of course. Good. Wait, what is this?
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| − | | |
| − | [''Heavy notices Zhanna's necklace of ears and holds it'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Heavy''': Where did you get this necklace of... human ears...
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| − | | |
| − | [''Heavy gives a horrified look to his sister'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Heavy''': Sister, '''NO.'''
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| − | | |
| − | [''Soldier happily comes over and punches Heavy in the chest; Heavy glares at him disappointingly'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Soldier''': Hello, brother-in-law! Good news! You're going to be a grandfather!
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| − | | |
| − | '''Zhanna''': He's going to ''impregnate'' me, brother!
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| − | | |
| − | [''Cut to Scout giving Miss Pauling a rather self-centered breakdown of the events back at Ayers Rock'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Scout''': ...and then I punched Ayers Rock real hard and it moved like ten feet and Heavy was like "Holy crap you're super strong!" And I was like "Shut up for a second and let me think 'cause all the Australium's gone..."
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| − | | |
| − | [''Miss Pauling looks away, thinking'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Miss Pauling''': I ''knew'' it.
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| − | | |
| − | '''Scout''': Wait, you always knew I was super strong? 'Cause... that's a thing... we could explore.
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| − | | |
| − | '''Miss Pauling''': What about the Australium? Did you find out who took it?
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| − | | |
| − | '''Scout''': Oh, uh... not as such, no, ''vis a vis'' <small>(vis-à-vis: with regard to)</small> the rock in question... But oh! We ''did'' find Saxton Hale though!
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| − | | |
| − | '''Miss Pauling''' (Looks at Scout): Really? Great, we could use the help! Where is he?
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| − | | |
| − | '''Scout''' (Points behind himself): He's right... Huh. That's funny. Him and his big mean girlfriend were right behind us.
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| − | | |
| − | [''Scout turns around. Both him and Miss Pauling give a concerned look at what they see.'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Scout''': Oh. That is...
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| − | | |
| − | [''A battalion of whirring robots mercenaries were standing right behind them the entire time, filling the air with robotic rumbling'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Scout''': ''That'' is not Saxton Hale behind us.
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| − | | |
| − | [''A small speech bubble interrupts the scene'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Voice''': We were inside that whale for ''four days'' looking for that cougar!
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Cut to Saxton Hale and [[Non-playable characters#Maggie|Maggie]] in their plane, laughing hysterically at the memories of their old escapades'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Saxton Hale''' (Laughing): But we found him in the end, didn't we, Mags?
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| − | | |
| − | '''[[Non-playable characters#Jerry|Jerry]]''' (Piloting the plane): Mister Hale?
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| − | | |
| − | '''Saxton Hale''': Beat the ''crap'' out of him too!
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| − | | |
| − | [''Maggie makes a silly face with her hands up, Saxton Hale roaring with laughter'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Maggie''': Remember there was that boat full of hippies trapped in there?
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| − | | |
| − | '''Jerry''': ''Mister Hale?''
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| − | | |
| − | '''Saxton Hale''' (Laughing): ''Ha ha ha!'' When'll those dimwits learn? They just look like a boat full of ''sausages'' to a ''whale''.
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| − | | |
| − | '''Jerry''' (Shouting now): Mister Hale!!
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| − | | |
| − | [''Saxton Hale and Maggie calm down slightly, smiling at each other'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Maggie''': Remember what we did in that whale, Sax?
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| − | | |
| − | '''Saxton Hale''': Do I. On everything, Mags. The stomach. The liver. The heart, The cougar corpse...
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''They are interrupted by the shouts of Jerry, who opens the cabin door and notifies them loudly.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Jerry''': '''''MISTER HALE!''''' If you're going to jump, it needs to be ''now'', we are ''out'' of fuel.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Maggie brushes her hair, and Saxton Hale nudges her with his muscular arm'']
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| − | | |
| − | '''Maggie''': Sheesh Sax, how long've we been jawing on for?
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| − | | |
| − | '''Saxton Hale''': That big fella and the rat-boy jumped an hour ago. Time flies with you Mags. Always did. Y'know, I've been thinking... Once we get that Australium off Gray Mann...
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Maggie and Saxton Hale both put on parachutes. Saxton Hale gets his on first, and pushes several crates of cargo off the open rear of the plane for dropoff.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Saxton Hale''' (Looking back and smiling): ...[[Non-playable characters#Charles Darling|Darling]] promised he'd get me [[Mann Co.]] back! Mags! You should come ''run'' it with me!
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Maggie faces away, and shows sadness as she puts on her parachute'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Saxton Hale''': Just the two of us! Wouldn't that be great?
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Still no answer from Maggie'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Saxton Hale''' (Still pushing cargo): Mags?
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Back outside the base, Miss Pauling, Zhanna, Demoman, Heavy, Soldier and Scout are seen bunched up in a circle in the middle of a bridge. They are surrounded on both sides by hoards of robots, with torrents of water under the bridge trapping them entirely.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Soldier''': Do not worry, men! I have ''crapped'' my way out of tougher jams than this! Surrounded on ''one side''? ''HA!'' These tin cans couldn't surround their own metal asses with both hands! I'll-
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Soldier looks towards the other end of the bridge'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Soldier''': Oh. They are on ''both'' sides of us. Men, we are going to die.
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Scout''': It's a good thing we ain't got any guns, Soldier...
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Zoom in to Scout and the group'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Scout''' (Tense, with fists up): ...'cause I'd shoot you right ''now'' before these robots kill us.
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Heavy''': Where did ''Hale'' go?
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Scout''': I ''toldja'' we couldn't trust that smelly bagga muscles... Just a big hairy coward, if ya ask m-
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Scout is interrupted mid-sentence by a crate hitting him squarely on the head.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Scout''': Ow.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Parachuted crates begin to rain from the sky; one hits Soldier on the head as well. Scout is seen holding a crate labeled ''Mann Co. Submachine Guns'', trying his best to read it.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Scout''': Sub... Submack... mackeen... No, wait. Lemme start over. Subm-
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Miss Pauling''': Scout, read faster.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Camera focuses above the team, with everyone looking upwards. The Scout smiles widely'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Scout''': Naw, I got the gist. Holy ''crap'', you guys! Look who just showed up with a bunch of ''Submakeens!''
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Saxton Hale is seen parachuting down along with his crates, with Maggie right beside him. Jerry clings onto Maggie for dear life.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Saxton Hale''': '''SAXTON HAAAALE!'''
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Jerry''': ''AAAAAAAaaaaaaa...''
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''A crate lands and bursts open beside the Heavy, who glances down at it. His trusty [[Minigun]] rolls out of the broken crate. He smiles, picks it up, and revs his Minigun, hearing it sing again.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Heavy''': Ahhh, Sasha. I have missed your voice.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Cut to a picture of the team finally having firearms to fight back, with them beginning to blast, shoot and punch their way through the hoard of Gray Mann's robots.'']
| |
| − | |}
| |
| − | {| class="wikitable collapsible collapsed" width="100%"
| |
| − | ! class="header" | Page 56-86: Sniper VS Spy... VS Sniper
| |
| − | |-
| |
| − | |[''Scene of Miss Pauling's team fighting suddenly cuts to black, sans a telescopic sight aimed directly at the Heavy's head. A voice can be heard muttering to himself.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Voice''': Okay, fat man...
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Cut to the [[Sniper (Classic)|TFC Sniper]], standing at a vantage point within a building. His Sniper Rifle is pointed out through the window, and he is about to take the shot.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Sniper''': How about you go first?
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Several knocks on the room's door interrupt his focus. The TFC Sniper lifts his head from the scope and swears.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Sniper''': ''Damn'' it all!
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''The TFC Sniper rests his rifle against the windowsill and faces the door'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Sniper''': Whoever that is, your knockin' just cost me a headshot.
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Voice''' (Outside door): Virgil, it's me! Let me in!
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Sniper''': Uh huh. And how do I ''know'' its you?
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Voice''' (More frantically): Virg, three of us are ''dead'' and the boss is ''PISSED'', now let me in!
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Sniper''': Ah, goddamnit. "''Apricot''".
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''The codeword opens up the door, revealing the TFC Engineer. He walks in.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Engineer''': Pack it up. Boss wants you back in the Comm room.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''TFC Sniper lays his rifle beside the window'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Sniper''': ''Now''? Has he lost his damn mind? I've got 'em dead to rights down there. They've got ''guns'' now, Fred.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Camera moves out of the room as the two converse. Outside the door, the [[Sniper]] is seen holding a wooden plank in the shadows; the TFC Engineer is, in fact, the [[Spy]], who was attempting to run the TFC Sniper into an ambush.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''"TFC Engineer"''': Wait, what? When?
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Sniper''': Just now. Some naked guy fell out of the sky with a load of weapon crates.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Sniper overhears this and hesitates slightly'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Sniper''' (quietly): Aw, bloody hell...
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''"TFC Engineer" points out the door with his thumb'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''"TFC Engineer"''': Well, maybe that's what the boss wants to talk about. I know he's got ''something'' planned, anyway.
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Sniper''': Yeah, fine. Let's go. ..."''Apricot''".
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''The codeword shuts the door as the TFC Sniper pulls out a {{Botignore|revolver}}, shooting the "TFC Engineer" in the knee. Spy's disguise fades, and Sniper is seen hurrying away from the door, panicking.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Sniper''': Bugger. ''Bugger.'' '''Bugger'''.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Spy lies sprawled on the floor, one hand clutching his injured knee. He frantically begins to shout the door's codeword as the TFC Sniper sits down on his knees beside him.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Sniper''': Why would the boss want his ''Sniper'' out a ''Sniper's nest'' durin' the middle of a firefight...
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Spy''' (Towards the door): ''Nngh!'' Apricot!
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Sniper''': ...just so he can tell me to go ''back'' to my Sniper's nest to start shootin' people?
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Spy''' (In a panic): Apricot! ''Apricot!''
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Sniper''': Heh. Yeah, that's not gonna work. You might wanna come up with some better last words.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Meanwhile, the Sniper crashes through a wooden door with difficulty. He falls down, bleeding and weak from his stitches.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Sniper''': *Hff* *Hff*
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''There is a window inside the room he broke into. Sniper grabs into the windowsill and smashes through it; a piece of the broken window manages to accidentally catch onto his pants, leaving him stark naked once he is out of the window.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Sniper''': Bugger. Bugger. ''Aggh.'' Bugger...
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Scene shifts back to the TFC Sniper and Spy'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Sniper''': Fred and I been workin' together since before the war. For what its worth? That was a good Fred.
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Spy''' (Holding his knee in pain): '''Nngh!''' Not good enough, evidently.
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Sniper''': Nah, it woulda fooled me. Thing is, I know Fred so well...
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''The TFC Sniper taps his {{botignore|revolver}} against his right eye; it has a robotic appearance, and makes a metallic sound'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Sniper''': ...I ''trusted him''. To pluck my eyes out and replace 'em with ''these''. Damn things see through ''everything''. Can't sleep at night. They see through my ''eyelids''. But lemme tell you... it is ''worth'' it to see you rat@#$% ''Spies'' coming.
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Spy''': ''Ngh!'' Well. Before you kill me.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Spy seems to give up, reaching into his suit and pulling out a cigarette while giving a half-smile'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Spy''': Would you mind... if I had a cigarette?
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Camera pans to face the Spy's back. The TFC Sniper's back is turned away from the room's windows, preventing him from seeing Sniper inching his way towards the room's open window from the outside.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Sniper''' (pointing his {{botignore|revolver}} at the Spy): Sure. But take one of ''mine''.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''TFC Sniper gets on one knee and lights one of his cigarettes for the Spy, lifting his hat with his gun. Sniper is halfway there, a trail of blood left against the windows.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Sniper''': I don't want you smokin' one of them ''cyanide'' cigarettes you boys like so much.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Sniper is right next to the window, where TFC Sniper's rifle rests. TFC Sniper is still oblivious.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Sniper''': Don't want you goin' quick. I'm gonna take my ''time'' with this.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''TFC Sniper finally turns around from the sound of his rifle getting cocked. Sniper has crawled into the room, aiming TFC Sniper's own rifle towards him. TFC Sniper sighs, and puts both hands up in an act of surrender.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Sniper''': *sigh* Right. Now just think this through for a second, son. I'm sittin' on a-
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Without a moment of hesitance, Sniper delivers a fatal [[headshot]] to the TFC Sniper, silencing him and killing him instantly. TFC Sniper's body drops onto the ground in a puddle of blood.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Spy rests himself against a wall, fingers holding his cigarette as Sniper walks towards him'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Spy''': If I forgot to mention it before now... You Snipers are the ''worst people on the planet''.
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Sniper''': He wasn't a Sniper. He was a ''sadist''. There's a difference. Snipers don't muck about with gutshots and monologues. We just take the shot.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Both men rest painfully against the wall, Spy bleeding from his leg, and Sniper's stitches leaving blood all over the wall'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Spy''' (condescendingly): Yes, you're credit to the institution of shooting people from far away. Some of us would have ''enjoyed'' torturing him first, by the way.
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Sniper''': Yeah, well... next time speak up before I blow his head off. Let's have one of them cigs.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Spy takes a whiff from his cigarette, and passes a lit one to Sniper. Both do not lock eyes.'']
| |
| − | [''Short pause'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Sniper''': So... how do you reckon we get ''outta'' here?
| |
| − | |}
| |
| − | {| class="wikitable collapsible collapsed" width="100%"
| |
| − | ! class="header" | Page 87-123: You Killed Doctor
| |
| − | |-
| |
| − | |[''Scene changes to outside of the TFC base. Medic and Demoman are sitting in front of the rubble of a [[Tank Robot]]. Medic is stitching up Demoman's leg, while Demoman drinks from what seems to be a bottle of [[Bottle|scrumpy]].'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Demoman''': So after ye ''shot'' Sniper...
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Medic''' (working): Technically I was only ''present''.
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Demoman''': ...ye brought him back from the dead.
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Medic''': Ingeniously so, yes.
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Demoman''': Ach, well... tha's all right then.
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Medic''' (gets up slightly): Could I trouble you with the hydrogen peroxide?
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Demoman hands him the bottle he was drinking from; he was drinking hydrogen peroxide the entire time'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Demoman''' Aye, here ya go.
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Medic''': ''Danke''. This won't take a moment.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Zoom in on Demoman'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Demoman''': Y'know, Doc, I always ''wondered''... ye can bring a man back t'life... why can't ye grow me another eye?
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Medic hands Demoman the bottle of hydrogen peroxide, smiles, and prepares another string for stitching'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Medic''': Oh, of course I can. The procedure is quite simple, really.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Medic starts to hum as he begins stitching up Demoman's leg again. Demoman takes a swig from the {{botignore|bottle}}, and takes some time to process what he just heard'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Demoman''' (After a moment of thought): ''What.''
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Demoman gets up, raising his voice to the Medic in slight anger'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Demoman''': Ye mean ta tell me, ''all these years''... '''Ye could have put me eye back in any time ye bloodly liked'''?
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Medic''' (flabbergasted): ''Could'' have?
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Medic points a finger at Demoman, lecturing him'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Medic''': My friend, I've given you your eye back at least eight times. And ''every'' time it functions normally until [[Halloween]] night. At which point it grows batwings and attacks us. We've fought a [[MONOCULUS|''giant'' your eye]], a ''brain-in-a-jar'' your eye, a ''knife-wielding ventriloquist dummy'' your eye. One year it traveled back in time and tried to be our parents.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Zooms in to Medic, who gives a grim expression and points at Demoman'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Medic''': The point is: in my medical opinion... and as a man of science I do noy say this lightly... That eye socket is ''haunted''.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Medic turns around to pack up his supplies. Demoman looks at him suspiciously'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Demoman''': Wait, why don't I ''remember'' any o' this?
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Medic''': Oh, that. I scooped that part of your brain out so you'd stop asking me.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Demoman points a finger forward with a dumbfounded look for a moment, but then washes his questions away with a swig from his hydrogen peroxide {{botignore|bottle}}'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Demoman''': ...Aye, fair enough.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Demoman stands up suddenly'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Demoman''': Hold on. I ''did'' just ask you.
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Medic''' (Shrugging): *Sigh* I know. Sadly, brain-scooping is not an exact science.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Medic puts a hand on Demoman's back'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Medic''': My advice would be to try not to remember things.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Demoman puts a finger to his head, focusing'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Demoman''': Don't remember things. Got-
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Demoman suddenly gets a nosebleed and leans back, seemingly stunned as Medic watches. He suddenly runs off happily, apparently forgetting everything that had happened, even the Medic's name itself. Medic waves a hand in the air and smiles.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Medic''': That's the spirit! Also, your leg is fixed. I even gave it its own little brain! So get out there and let's see what that does.
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Demoman''' (Smiling but oblivious): You've ''got'' it, kindly stranger!
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''With Demoman gone, Medic gets on his knees and packs up his supplies in a [[Health|large health pack]], whistling. Suddenly, two pair of feet appear behind him.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Voice''': '''''Frankenstein'''''.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Medic turns around as the the large frame of the TFC Heavy approaches from behind him, Gray Mann's Life-Extender machine in his hand'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Heavy''': Here's what's gonna happen. We're going back to your lab. And we're gonna figure out how to stitch this thing into me.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Medic brings a hand down near his health pack, careful not to make sudden movements'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Medic''': Of course. Let's get you on an operating table and-
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Heavy''': -And you'll put me under and you'll kill me. I ain't stupid. No, you're gonna tell ''my'' guy how to do it.
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Medic''' (keeping his eyes on TFC Heavy): Please. ''I am a Doctor''. You will not die on my table.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''The comic panel reveals what Medic was reaching for: his [[Ubersaw]].'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Medic''': I'll just kill you here.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Medic gets up and uses his Ubersaw to slash at the TFC Heavy's face. TFC Heavy stumbles and clutches his face, bleeding from a deep gash. It has started to rain.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Heavy''': '''AGH!''' What...
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''TFC Heavy looks defeated, but suddenly glares at Medic, blood pouring from his wound'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Heavy''': ''What'' the ''HELL'' did you just do.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Before TFC Heavy can react, Medic stabs him in the left side of his stomach, leaving his Ubersaw deeply embedded in his chest. He bravely keeps his gaze on the surprised TFC Heavy.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Medic''': Here. Let me show you.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''TFC Heavy falls onto the muddy floor; Medic adjusts his glasses, seemingly winning the fight. To his surprise and horror, TFC Heavy grabs onto the Ubersaw and pulls it out of his stomach while standing up.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Medic''': Dear god...
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''TFC Heavy throws the bloodied Ubersaw on the ground, and menacingly walks towards Medic with a air of rage. The rain bounces off his shoulders.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Heavy''': You've been a coward since the day I hired you. I gotta say... I did '''NOT''' see that comin'. But now? Now you got my full attention.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''TFC Heavy dashes forward and clotheslines Medic with a flexed arm, knocking his glasses off and forcing him straight onto the muddy ground.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Heavy''': '''''RRRRAGGH!'''''
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''TFC Heavy sits on Medic and pins him to the ground, one arm pressed hard against his face. Medic begins to beg for his life while TFC Heavy keeps a crazed smile on his face.'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Medic''': ''Wait, WAIT! THE MACHINE!'' You still ''NEED ME! I'm'' the only one-
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Heavy''': Nah. You were just the closest. The old woman. ''She knows''. And now I know where she is. Hirin' you was the biggest mistake I ever made, Doc. You been sewin' god-knows-what into us for ''MONTHS''... '''Now it's my turn'''. How about I start by sawing your '''@#$%ing arms''' off?
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Zoom in onto TFC Heavy's bleeding face, spitting blood from his wound as he talks'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Heavy''': And sewing 'em up your-
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''He is interrupted by a Minigun barrel nudging his face - Heavy stands behind him, revved-up Minigun ready to fire'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Heavy''': Do not hit Doctor.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''TFC Heavy looks back, barely turning his head'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Heavy''': Ah, the ''big'' guy. ''Finally''. Heard a lot about you, big man.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''TFC Heavy turns around and shrugs with a goofy smile'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Heavy''': I ain't gonna lie. I've been lookin' ''forward'' to this.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''TFC Heavy closes his eyes and covers his head, apparently surrendering'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Heavy''': Y'got me dead to rights here. Go on then. Do it.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Heavy responds by dropping his still-spinning Minigun, standing akimbo with his preferred weapons: his [[Fists]].'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Heavy''': You want a good death? I can give this to you.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''While Heavy talks, TFC Heavy pulls out a {{botignore|pistol}} from his clothes and stands up'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Medic''' (Still on the foor): ...He has a gun...
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Heavy''': Coward. I should have known you would not want fair fight.
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Heavy''': See, here's the thing...
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''TFC Heavy grins and, without looking away from Heavy, fires two fatal shots into Medic's chest'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Heavy''': That's ''EXACTLY what I want.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Heavy stares at his dying Doctor with a blank expression'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Heavy''': You... you killed Doctor.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''TFC Heavy flings his empty firearm away, fist clenched'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''TFC Heavy''': Yeah, you caught that, huh? Two on one. That sound ''fair'' to you? You want a fair fight, big man? Now you got one.
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''The words seem to fall on Heavy's empty ears - his expression turns angier with each word he utters'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Heavy''': You... ''KILLED...''
| |
| − | | |
| − | [''Heavy delivers a full hook onto the TFC Heavy, completely enraged'']
| |
| − | | |
| − | '''Heavy''': '''''... DOCTOR!'''''
| |
| − | |}
| |
| − | | |
| − | == Pages ==
| |
| − | <gallery>
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| − | </gallery>
| |
| − | | |
| − | == Trivia ==
| |
| − | * Parts of several classes' names are mentioned for the first time.
| |
| − | ** The [[Spy]] calls the [[Scout]] "Jeremy" while he is disguised as Tom Jones.
| |
| − | ** The "Devil" addresses the [[Medic]] as Mr. Ludwig, a common German name.
| |
| − | * Despite the [[Sniper (Classic)|TFC Sniper]] claiming that his eyes can see through everything (even his own eyelids), he was unable to see the Sniper hiding outside the room, and did not notice him running away and attempting to find another way into his room after the Spy's ambush failed. (Most likely due to a human's eye not being able to turn a full 360 degrees)
| |
| − | * On Page 80, the Sniper is seen picking up his default [[Sniper Rifle]] from where the TFC Sniper was previously sitting, despite the TFC Sniper using a different Sniper Rifle (a jet-black one with a blue lens).
| |
| − | * The Demoman is seen drinking from a bottle of hydrogen peroxide on Page 88. However, hydrogen peroxide is only safe to consume if highly diluted with water (3% per bottle) and in small amounts, as it can induce vomiting and foaming in the stomach.
| |
| − | * On Page 155, the Spy mentions that his jacket is made by a brand named ''Louis Crabbemarché''. Loosely translated, "Crabbemarché" is French for "crab walking", a homage to the [[Fads#Spycrab|Spycrab]] fad, while "Louis" is a reference to the designer brand [[w:Louis Vuitton|Louis Vuitton]].
| |
| − | * There are several heavy hints that support the running gag and theory of the Spy being the Scout's biological father.
| |
| − | ** The Spy performs a genuine act of kindness by disguising as Tom Jones (the Scout's idol of sorts) and allowing the Scout to "pass on peacefully". He even mentions the Scout's real name for the first time, and calls him "son" before Scout loses consciousness.
| |
| − | ** When the Scout jokingly mentions that his father is Tom Jones, his personification of "God" interrupts his own sentence before unconvincingly correcting himself, hiding the true identity of the Scout's father.
| |
| − | * The scene in which [[Saxton Hale]] jumps out of his plane with [[Non-playable characters#Jerry|Jerry]] clinging onto [[Non-playable characters#Maggie|Maggie]] and screaming on the way down is similar to Page 7 of [[Ring of Fired]].
| |
| − | * On Page 256, the Medic is seen cradling a bandana-wearing baby baboon in the background, seemingly hinting at the success of his "Baboon Pregnancy Inducer" and the [[Heavy Weapons Guy (Classic)|TFC Heavy]]'s fate.
| |
| − | | |
| − | === Cover page ===
| |
| − | * The cover page for this comic is based on the cover of [http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/marvel_dc/images/7/71/Crisis_on_Infinite_Earths_7.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20070226142252 Crisis on Infinite Earths Book 7].
| |
| − | * The Medic is shown with two large wounds that would fit the injuries made by the [[Team Fortress Classic|TFC]] team's robots, instead of the {{botignore|Pistol}} wounds caused in the comic itself.
| |
| − | * The background showcases every notable character who has made an appearance in Team Fortress 2 comics and media, excluding several characters such as [[Non-playable characters#Francis the Talking France|Francis the Talking France]].
| |
| − | ** There is a lamp wearing a [[Magistrate's Mullet]] on the left side, above the [[Heavy Robot]]. This is a reference to Page 22 of [[Unhappy Returns]], where the Scout mentions that he once had a [https://wiki.teamfortress.com/w/images/6/6e/Unhappyreturns22.jpg?t=20140213005344 lamp for a public defendant].
| |
| − | | |
| − | == See also ==
| |
| − | * [[Ring of Fired]]
| |
| − | * [[Unhappy Returns]]
| |
| − | * [[A Cold Day in Hell]]
| |
| − | * [[Blood in the Water]]
| |
| − | * [[Old Wounds]]
| |
| − | * [[Comics]]
| |
| − | | |
| − | == External links ==
| |
| − | * [http://www.teamfortress.com/tf06_thenakedandthedead/ ''The Naked and the Dead''] on the [[TF2 Official Website]].
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| − | | |
| − | {{Comics nav}}
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| − | [[Category:Comics]]
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| − | [[Category:The Naked and the Dead]]
| |
