Difference between revisions of "The Naked and the Dead/Transcript"

From Team Fortress Wiki
Jump to: navigation, search
(Move the transcript to a separate page to keep page size in check.)
 
(and now, (because no one else bothered to do that,) after working for like 4 hours almost non-stop, the goddamned transcription is pretty much done, there is some stuff to improve, but im going to allow others to put their share onto this ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Line 683: Line 683:
 
'''Heavy''': '''''... DOCTOR!'''''
 
'''Heavy''': '''''... DOCTOR!'''''
 
|}
 
|}
 +
{| class="wikitable collapsible collapsed" width="100%"
 +
! class="header" | Page 124-148: ----
 +
|-
 +
|[The scene then switches to [[Soldier (Classic)|TFC Soldier]] and [[Scout (Classic)|TFC Scout]] in a weapons storage room.]
 +
 +
'''TFC Soldier''': Locked and loaded, you got everything you need?
 +
 +
'''TFC Scout''': Well... I got bullets in my gun, if that's what you mean. But no, Ross. I ''don't'' got everything i need.
 +
 +
'''TFC Soldier''': Aw, man. Not ''this'' again, Greg.
 +
 +
'''TFC Scout''': The [[Heavy Weapons Guy (Classic)|boss]] going crazy? Trying to live forever? It just... How much time do we really have left?
 +
 +
'''TFC Soldier''': Greg. I know you're dealing with a lot of stuff right now, but we got men to ''kill'' here.
 +
 +
'''TFC Scout''': Why? For ''money''? Ross, when has money ever made you ''happy''?
 +
 +
'''TFC Soldier''': Aw, man.
 +
 +
'''TFC Scout''': What would you give ''right now'' to go back and do it all over? Do it ''right'' this time. Follow our ''dream''.
 +
 +
[TFC Scout stands up, looks at TFC Soldier, and holds his hand on his shoulder]
 +
 +
'''TFC Soldier''': Aw, man.
 +
 +
'''TFC Scout''': Think about it. That old safehouse in Newark? We clear those grenade crates out... It'd make a ''hell'' of an orphanage, wouldn't it?
 +
 +
'''TFC Soldier''': Greg... Are we ''doing'' this?
 +
 +
'''TFC Scout''' Let's do this. ''(Both of the men put a smile on their face)'' We are going to have an ''endless supply'' of kids to... ''(Then their smiles drop)'' Ross, why are you covered in gasoline?
 +
 +
[TFC Soldier and Scout look up, seeing Pyro who has put on the pilot light of their [[Flamethrower]]
 +
 +
[Cuts to Scout and Miss Pauling fighting against swarms of robots]
 +
 +
'''Scout''': Where ''is'' everybody? We're gettin' frickin' ''swarmed'' here!
 +
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': I don't ''know''! Did Spy just ''leave''?
 +
 +
'''Scout''': Yeah, leavin's about ''all'' he's good for, trust me. And what the heck happened to Pyro? He-
 +
 +
[A building behind Scout and Miss Pauling explodes]
 +
 +
'''Scout''': Oh, there he is.
 +
 +
[Scout and Miss Pauling look in a different direction]
 +
 +
'''Scout''': Hey, there's Soldier 'n' Zhanna! And they,re... ...they're...
 +
 +
[Scout looks disturbed and Miss Pauling somewhat confused]
 +
 +
[Cuts to Soldier and Zhanna fighting against robots, both being naked and covered with honey]
 +
 +
'''Soldier''': See? What did I tell you? I've done this a million times! The wind on your skin! The looks of terror on your enemy's and teammate's faces!
 +
 +
'''Zhanna''': At first I am agreeing with everyone that this is tactically and morally and sanitarily wrong! But now I see! I have never felt so ''free''!
 +
 +
[Soldier, on top of a pile of robot bodies, throws a [[Sniper robot]] into the air]
 +
 +
'''Soldier''': You said it, son! There are no barriers between us and the naked carnage we are committing!
 +
 +
[Zhanna looks at a [[Scout robot]] about to hit it with a [[Shovel]] attached to her arm]
 +
 +
'''Zhanna''': ''Yes!'' The ''nudity''! The ''violence''! I love you, and I love ''America''!
 +
 +
'''Soldier''': Then show these bolt@#$%ers how ''much'' you love it, sister!
 +
 +
[Zhanna decapitates the Scout robot with a single shovel swing]
 +
 +
'''Zhanna''': '''''RRRRAGGH!'''''
 +
 +
[Cuts to Scout and Miss Pauling, still confused/disturbed]
 +
 +
'''Scout''': Why, uh... Why don't go fight somewhere less... naked.
 +
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': You go ahead. I'll catch you up.
 +
 +
[Cut to [[Saxton Hale]] and Maggie who are about to fight a squadron of robots]
 +
 +
'''Maggie''': Admit it, Sax- You're gonna miss this.
 +
 +
[Cut to a stone wall, through which TFC Heavy is suddenly thrown]
 +
 +
'''TFC Heavy''': *Kaff kaff* Alright, ''look''! You made your ''point''! Would you stop for a @#$%ing second and ''listen''? *Kaff* I've got an ''immortality machine''. You get what I'm saying here? We could ''both live for-''
 +
 +
[Heavy headbutts TFC Heavy, after which he lifts him up and bashes his back against his knee]
 +
 +
'''Heavy''': You killed my friend.
 +
 +
[TFC Heavy attempts to grab a pistol lying on the ground, which Heavy then kicks away]
 +
 +
'''Heavy''': I do not need to live forever. Just long enought to sit here... ...and watch you die.
 +
 +
'''TFC Heavy''': '''NNGH!'''
 +
 +
[Heavy looks behind him to an ominous light]
 +
 +
'''TFC Heavy''': You might not wanna sit down just yet, big guy...
 +
 +
[Shows TFC Heavy who has put a life-extender machine ''(The one from [[NPCs#Gray Mann|Gray Mann]])'' into the hole in his chest that Medic earlier made]
 +
 +
'''TFC Heavy''': *Hnn* ...Gettin' this thing workin'... *Hnn* ...was a lot less complicated than I thought.
 +
|}
 +
{| class="wikitable collapsible collapsed" width="100%"
 +
! class="header" | Page 149-188: ----
 +
|-
 +
|[Now, the comic cuts to Sniper and Spy, after they killed the TFC Sniper]
 +
 +
'''Sniper''': I wonder where the others are...
 +
 +
'''Spy''': Yes, I was wondering the same thing. Except about your ''pants''. And when you'll be putting some ''on''.
 +
 +
'''Sniper''': It's nothin' but robots and rubble here, mate. We're not exactly sneakin' through a pants store.
 +
 +
'''Spy''': I still don't see why you couldn't have stolen pants of the [[Sniper (Classic)|dead man]].
 +
 +
'''Sniper''': Y'do ''know'' what people do in their pants when they die, right?
 +
 +
'''Spy''': Yes. I am aware. It would still be preferable.
 +
 +
'''Sniper''' (Pointing at Spy): 'Ere, I've got an idea. Give us your coat.
 +
 +
[Spy looks "shocked"]
 +
 +
'''Sniper''': I said give us y-
 +
 +
'''Spy''' (Interrupting Sniper): I heard... ''exactly''... what you said.
 +
 +
'''Spy''', (Now annoyed): Bushman, this is a $10,000 custom-tailored ''Louis Crabbemarché'' jacket. The clot is from silkworms raised at a suit microfarm in Tuscany, from a secret pattern passed down by monk tailors since the seventeenth century. I will let you use it as an ''adult diaper''... when you pry it off of my cold, dead... ''(Spy looks surprised/shocked from something)'' ...body.
 +
 +
[Cuts to Spy and Sniper looking at Scout, who apparently had beaten a bunch of robots]
 +
 +
'''Scout''' (Looking exhausted): Oh, hey guys. See all these robots? That's me. I did that. Last one got a couple of lucky swings in though. How'm I lookin'? Does it look bad? It looks good right? Yeah, I'll probably be okay. Man, am I tired by the way.
 +
 +
'''Sniper''' (Looking at Spy, who is disappointing/embarrassed): ''Mate''.
 +
 +
'''Spy''': *sigh* Yes. I know. Give us a moment.
 +
 +
[Spy goes to talk with Scout]
 +
 +
'''Spy''': Scout. There's something I need to tell you.
 +
 +
'''Scout''': Yeah? Okey doke. Make it quick though. I am ''real'' tired for some reason.
 +
 +
'''Spy''': I... I'll be right back.
 +
 +
'''Scout''': Okay. ''(Shining light is directed towards Scout)'' Oh hey, a bright light, that's somethin' I could walk toward...
 +
 +
[The source of light appears to be [[NPCs#Tom Jones|Tom Jones]], whom Spy is presumably disguised as.]
 +
 +
'''Tom Jones''': [[Carlton|What's new, pussycat]]?
 +
 +
'''Scout''' (Being amazed): Oh my god. I knew you'd come, Tom Jones.
 +
 +
'''Tom Jones''': Scout... Do you know my hit song, ''Sex Bomb''?
 +
 +
'''Scout''': Psh. I'm an alive human on earth ain't I? Check this crap out.
 +
 +
[Scout lifts his shirt, showing a "Sex Bomb" tattoo on his chest, spelled incorrectly as "Sex Bom"
 +
 +
'''Tom Jones''': It's a Sex Bomb tattoo.
 +
 +
'''Scout''': Yeah it is.
 +
 +
'''Tom Jones''': Spelled incorrectly.
 +
 +
'''Scout''': Yeah it is. Wait, is it?
 +
 +
[Tom Jones and Scout both take a more serious look]
 +
 +
'''Tom Jones''': Scout, 27 years ago I dropped a "Sex Bomb" on your mother. I was young then, and I ran from the explosion. But now the fallout of that Sex Bomb has caught up with me. This is where the analogy starts to break down, so if it's alright with you I'll retire the Sex Bomb metaphor now.
 +
 +
'''Scout''': Yeah, sure.
 +
 +
'''Tom Jones''': Thank you. ''(He sits down next to Scout)'' You're stronger than you'll ever know, Jeremy. I'm proud of you. I've always been proud of you. Son.
 +
 +
'''Scout''' ''(Just about to pass out)'': Frickin'... awesome.
 +
 +
[After Scouts death, Spy removes his disguise, and the screen turns black.]
 +
 +
[Then, Scout finds himself, presumably in Heaven, with [[NPCs#God|God]] (or at least Scouts impersonation of him) himself in front of him.]
 +
 +
'''Scout''' ''(Dazed)'': Whoa! Where am I?
 +
 +
'''God''': Boom! You're in ''Heaven'', dummy!
 +
 +
[God takes Scout for a walk]
 +
 +
'''God''': Thank god you're dead! Now we can finally hang out! You like foosball?
 +
 +
'''Scout''': Holy crap, you guys got a ''foosball'' table up here?
 +
 +
'''God''': "''A''" foosball table? Oh, dearest child
 +
 +
[God shows 3 foosball tables, and a vending machine to Scout]
 +
 +
'''Scout''': ''(Amazed)'': ''Three foosball'' tables! Holy ''crap'', Heaven is the ''best''!
 +
 +
'''God''': Scout... can I ask you a ''favor''?
 +
 +
'''Scout''': For you, God? Name it.
 +
 +
'''God''': Can you... flex for me? Just once?
 +
 +
'''Scout''' ''(Talking to himself)'': Okay... okay... gotta focus... you're flexin' for God here... This is the most important flex you'll ever do probably. Here we go. ''Let there be...'' ''(Scout presumably does a magnificent flex, at least according to God)'' '''''FLEX'''''
 +
 +
'''God''': Too... bright! Too ''glorious''!
 +
 +
''(Then afterwards)''
 +
 +
'''God''': So... man to man... The ladies back on earth. They've all ''lain'' with you, right?
 +
 +
'''Scout''': What? '''''No'''''! Why, were they supposed to?
 +
 +
'''God''': What? @#$%ing... ''yes''! You were my ''GIFT'' to them!
 +
 +
'''Scout''': Geez, that's what ''I've'' been saying
 +
 +
'''God''': Of all the ungrateful... Ooo, that ''does'' it. I am gonna send a... ''plague'', or a flood or... Oh, why even be clever? I'm just going to blow up the earth.
 +
 +
'''Scout''': Aw. come on, God. Don't destroy humanity. They're good people at heart. Just a buncha dum-dums tryin' their best.
 +
 +
'''God''': *Sigh* Fine. I'll send you back. But I ''swear'', this is their ''last chance'' to all have sex with you. Well, you'd better get going. ...Oh, and Scout?
 +
 +
'''Scout''': Yeah, God?
 +
 +
'''God''': I wish you were my son.
 +
 +
'''Scout''': ''Yeah'' you do. But I already ''got'' a dad. And his name is ''Tom Jones''
 +
 +
'''God''': Tom Jones? But your father isn't- ''(God corrects himself)'' Oh, right. Yes, Tom Jones. Is... Tom Jones is your father.
 +
 +
[Tom Jones appears, coming from presumably a steam room.]
 +
 +
'''Tom Jones''': What's new, pussycats? Man, I just dropped a ''Sex Bomb'' on that steam room! Say, who's up for some foosball? How about you, young fella? You look like- ''(Tom Jones then gets necksnapped by an angel)''
 +
 +
'''Scout''': What was that crackin' noise?
 +
 +
'''God''': ''We're making popcorn you need to go''
 +
 +
[God farewells Scout as he leaves Heaven]
 +
 +
'''God''': See you in December 4th, 1987!
 +
 +
'''Scout''': It's a date! Later, guys!
 +
 +
[Back at Sniper and Spy about to leave the dead Scout]
 +
 +
'''Sniper''': Should we bury 'im?
 +
 +
'''Spy''': If you're hiding a shovel, rinse it off and give it to me. I could ''use'' a weapon.
 +
 +
[Scout then comes back to life, much to Sniper's amazement, and Spy's disgust:]
 +
 +
'''Scout''': *cough*
 +
 +
'''Sniper''': Well, I'll be...
 +
 +
'''Spy''': You have got to be @#$%ing kidding me.
 +
|}
 +
{| class="wikitable collapsible collapsed" width="100%"
 +
! class="header" | Page 189-225: -----
 +
|-
 +
|[Cuts to Soldier and Zhanna fighting against robots, still naked and covered in honey]
 +
 +
'''Soldier''': ''There's another wave coming!'' Lube me up, sweetie! I am going out in a ''blaze of honey''!
 +
 +
'''Zhanna''': Bottle is empty.
 +
 +
'''Soldier''': What? We cannot fight unlubricated! Then we would just be naked. What else we got?
 +
 +
'''Zhanna''': Oh! Here are drums of gasoline!
 +
 +
'''Soldier''': Zhanna, you are a genius! Now you can light me on ''fire''!
 +
 +
'''Zhanna''': Yes! I will light us ''both'' on fire!
 +
 +
'''Soldier''': Oh, you are gonna love it! Our eyes will be the first to boil away! The ears will be the next thing to go. ''(Then they begin to thing about it twice)'' On second thought do not light us on fire.
 +
 +
[A phone is seen ringing]
 +
 +
'''Soldier''': Zhanna, look! We killed so many robots Miss Pauling is buried under a pile of them. I am concerned for her! But also proud of us!
 +
 +
'''Zhanna''': Yes, she made a worthy sacrifice. She will be missed.
 +
 +
'''Soldier''': Right, but... She is clearly still alive.
 +
 +
'''Zhanna''': Ugh. Yes, fine.
 +
 +
[Zhanna goes to lift Miss Pauling from under the pile of robots]
 +
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': ...''Phone phone phone phone''... Oof. ''Come on, come on''.
 +
 +
[Miss Pauling answers the phone; the one calling is the [[Engineer]]]
 +
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': ''Administrator''! It's Pauling. I'm here.
 +
 +
'''Engineer''': H'lo, Miss Pauling.
 +
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': ''Engie?'' Where have you been? Where ''are'' you?
 +
 +
'''Engineer''': Well now, I can't say ''where'' I am. But I ''am'' with ''her''. An' I hate to put a ''rush'' on it... ...But I'm gonna need that [[Australium]] y'all were lookin' for.
 +
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': Engie, it's gone, it's... it's... ...Well, it's sort of in space. I'm so sorry
 +
 +
'''Engineer''': Oh, man. This is ''bad''.
 +
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': *sigh* Yeah. I know. Look... ...it's ''my'' fault. Just... put her on. ''I'll'' give her the bad news.
 +
 +
'''Engineer''': Well, she can't come to the phone right now. She's dead. I'll have her call ya back. ''(Engineer ends the call)''
 +
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': Wait, what? Hello? Engie?
 +
 +
[Zhanna comes to see what Miss Pauling is doing]
 +
 +
'''Zhanna''': Who is on phone?
 +
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': Zhanna, can I tell you a secret?
 +
 +
'''Zhanna''': Yes, this is fine.
 +
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': I... that was my boss. She's planning something big She's been planning it her whole life. For ''a lot'' of lifetimes, actually. And I think I screwed it all up.
 +
 +
'''Zhanna''': You have broken something. So you will fix it. And we will ''help''.
 +
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': Thanks. And... and I want you to know I'm sorry. For what I said at back there in the submarine. You ''are'' a part of the team.
 +
 +
'''Zhanna''': Thank you. You are weak woman, but you have strong skull. Miss Pauling, I also want to tell you ''you'' a secret.
 +
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': What? Um. Yeah. Of course.
 +
 +
'''Zhanna''': Stay away from [[Soldier|my man]].
 +
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': What.
 +
 +
[Zhanna points at Soldier, still naked, who is presumably inspecting robot pieces, has his (naked) posterior facing Pauling and Zhanna, which Miss Pauling is disgusted by]
 +
 +
'''Zhanna''': I see you watching him. I understand. ''Look'' at this. Any woman would want this.
 +
 +
[Soldier turns upside down, viewing the Miss Pauling and Zhanna from between his legs]
 +
 +
'''Soldier''': What are you gals gabbing about?
 +
 +
'''Zhanna''': I am telling Miss Pauling I will kill her if she looks at you again.
 +
 +
'''Soldier''': I ''knew'' it! For ''shame'', Miss Pauling! You are my boss! You have been undressing me with your eyes since we escaped!
 +
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': My eyes would have to ''dress'' you first! Because you have been ''literally naked'' the entire time we've been on this island!
 +
 +
'''Soldier''': I have fought naked my whole life. But I have never ''felt'' {{tooltip|naked until this moment|However it has been seen before too, in at least "A Cold Day in Hell"}}. For shame, Miss Pauling. For ''shame''
 +
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': Ugh. You ''idiots'' Why can't you be... ''(Spy, (naked) Sniper, and Scout arrive)'' ...professionals
 +
 +
'''Soldier''': Hello, naked Sniper.
 +
 +
'''Sniper''': Hey.
 +
 +
[Cut to Heavy and TFC Heavy fighting each other, the TFC Heavy having regained power with the life-extender machine]
 +
 +
[TFC Heavy hits Heavy with his right hand, and then smacks him in the chest with his left knee]
 +
 +
'''TFC Heavy''' while grabbing Heavy from the neck and head: Heh heh heh...
 +
 +
[Cuts to Medic who was shot earlier, and now dead]
 +
 +
'''A Voice''': Very impressive, Mr. Ludwig.
 +
 +
[Cut to Medic, in Hell, in the front of the [[NPCs#Devil|Devil]]
 +
 +
'''Devil''': I've been looking through your file. You've been a real ''monster'' up there. Honestly, you probably would have ended up here anyway. I feel silly that we even bothered with a contract I'd say you got the better of us on this one. Still, a deal's a deal, and here you are. I'm sure you'll find the paperwork in order. If you could just initial by your original signature, we'll get you out of here and on your way to hell.
 +
 +
'''Medic''': Yes, let's see... Oh! Now ''this'' is interesting. Here in article nine section seven it says the contract is ''only'' binding if you own a ''majority stake'' in my soul... so...
 +
 +
'''Devil''': But... we own ''all'' of your soul. You ''sold'' it to us.
 +
 +
'''Medic''': Ah! Originally, yes, this was the case. But you see, I've since surgically added eight more. However, I ''do'' concede that with 1/9th ownership, you have certainly earned a seat on the board of my directors of my souls. So! Let's put it to a vote: Who thinks I should go to hell?
 +
 +
[After looking at the Medic, Devil raises his hand]
 +
 +
'''Medic''': Excellent! So that's one vote for hell and eight for Heaven. If you could call me a car...
 +
 +
[The Devil outbursts in rage and flames, with Medic covering his ears and having his eyes closed]
 +
 +
'''Devil''': '''We will... not be... DENIED'''!
 +
 +
'''Medic''': Well... Aheh. There ''is'' another option. If you were to send me back to earth, say, for another fifty years... Well. You're a clever man. You tempted me after all. I'm sure you'll figure out a way to trick me out of my other eight souls. ''(Medic looks at a pen on the Devils desk)'' In fact: that's a lovely looking pen!
 +
 +
[Devil and Medic look at each other]
 +
 +
'''Medic''': I said that's a lovely looking pen.
 +
 +
'''Devil''': Would you give me a soul for this-
 +
 +
'''Medic''': I would!
 +
 +
[Medic takes the Devils pen, while Devil himself looks slightly confused]
 +
 +
'''Medic''': Ohhh, what have I ''done''? See, you're well on your way! I don't like my chances. At any rate, I should really get going.
 +
|}
 +
{| class="wikitable collapsible collapsed" width="100%"
 +
! class="header" | Page 226-274: -----
 +
|-
 +
|
 +
[Back in the real world, TFC Heavy has an upper hand against Heavy]
 +
 +
'''TFC Heavy''': I'll give ya this... For a buncha losers, you guys sure are hard to kill.
 +
 +
'''Heavy''': You are a ''coward''.
 +
 +
'''TFC Heavy''': *HHH* You think I care? Winnin's Winnin', pal.
 +
 +
'''Voice''' *cough* Excuse me.
 +
 +
[The voice is revealed to be Medic, back from the dead, and holding the Devils pen, much to TFC Heavys suprise]
 +
 +
'''Medic''': Could I ''trouble'' you for a moment?
 +
 +
'''TFC Heavy''': ''Frankenstein''? But I ''shot''- How- Is that a pen?
 +
 +
'''Medic''': At one point, yes. Now it's a detonator. More of an inductor, really. I'm terrible at naming things. Either way, it induces labor.
 +
 +
'''TFC Heavy''': In what?
 +
 +
'''Medic''': In the baboon uterus I put inside you. I think I gave you... yes, triplets. Three healthy baboon fetuses. Maybe four! I've lost count. The important thing is when I press this button, they will instantly grow into fully developed baby baboons in your abdomen. On the small end, they're about 30 pounds at birth. Although a healthy male can reach up to 80 pounds! And that's ''without'' the fertility hormones I've been putting to your rations! So... Who's ready to be a mother?
 +
 +
'''TFC Heavy''' ''(Confused)'': A-are you kidding me?
 +
 +
'''Medic''': Of ''course'' I'm kidding you. It's a ''pen''.
 +
 +
'''TFC Heavy''': Huh? No- ''(The distraction created by Medic was enough for Heavy to get up and tear off the life-extender machine out of TFC Heavys chest)'' '''''AUUUUUUGH!''''' You... Idiots. I could've... ...I could've lived... Ugh... Ah, #$%@.
 +
 +
[With the TFC Heavy defeated, Heavy and Medic greet each other]
 +
 +
'''Heavy''': Is good to have you back, doctor.
 +
 +
'''Medic''': It is good to ''be'' back, my friend.
 +
 +
'''Heavy''': Heh. Baboon tripets. Steroids. Pregnancy pen. Only you could come up with bluff that insane, doctor.
 +
 +
'''Medic''': Oh, it was nothing. Any field medic worth his bone saw is skilled at the art of improvisation. ''(Medic looks into his supply pack)'' Where is... Ah! There. ''(Medic has taken a device out of his pack)''
 +
 +
'''Heavy''': What is this.
 +
 +
'''Medic''': The ''actual'' baboon pregnancy inductor. I simply couldn't get to my medical kit in time.
 +
 +
[With the Heavy very confused now, Medic continues:]
 +
 +
'''Medic''': ''Three'' baboons! How preposterous. The human body can gestate one, ''maybe'' two baboons at most. Anyway. ''(Medic activates the device)''
 +
 +
[The scene then moves to the rest of the team, fighting against the last of the robots, and with Soldier, Zhanna, and probably Sniper getting (new) clothes on]
 +
 +
'''Saxton Hale''': And that's the ''last'' of the robots, lads!
 +
 +
'''Scout''': Look, there's Heavy and Medic!
 +
 +
[Miss Pauling approaches the dying TFC Heavy and Heavy next to him, who is enjoying a [[Sandvich]] at the time]
 +
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': Oh, no. No no no! ''(Miss Pauling grabs the remains of the life-extender machine)'' Not this too! It's... It's all gone.
 +
 +
'''TFC Heavy''': How... the ''hell''... did you beat us? We spent six months huntin' down her best. Echelon. Citadel. We got 'em all. We ''beat'' her. All she had left was you rejects. How... the ''hell''...
 +
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': You wanna know how we beat you? I honestly have no #£%@# clue. Maybe it was just luck. Maybe it was something else.
 +
 +
'''Medic''' (interrupting): It's because we don't have souls.
 +
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': What?
 +
 +
'''Medic''': Well, they don't but- Nothing, carry on.
 +
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': I don't know what to tell you. But either way...
 +
 +
[Cuts to show the entire [[Classes|TF team]], with the addition of [[NPC|others]]: Maggie, Saxton Hale, Soldier, Zhanna, Heavy, Medic (who is holding a baboon), Miss Pauling, Spy, Scout, Pyro, Demoman and Sniper]
 +
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': We're [[Team Fortress 2|Team Fortress]] and you're ''dead''.
 +
 +
[TFC Heavy looks confused, after which he dies]
 +
 +
'''Miss Pauling''' (to Spy): Nice. I managed to get the whole speech out before he died this time.
 +
 +
'''Spy''': You're getting very good at saying horrible things to dying men, Miss Pauling.
 +
 +
'''Miss Pauling''': Right?
 +
 +
[Screen turns black, after which an advanced life-extender machine is turned on, which, revives the [[Administrator]], and shows Engineer and Administrator being in a facility in the middle of a desert]
 +
 +
'''Administrator''': How long?
 +
 +
'''Engineer''': 'Bout four hours this time. Talked to Pauling. The New Zealand cache is gone.
 +
 +
'''Administrator''': How much do we have left?
 +
 +
'''Engineer''': Uh... Well, this. This here's the last bit of Australium on earth ma'am.
 +
 +
'''Administrator''': No. No, that's unacceptable. We'll simply have to find more.
 +
 +
'''Engineer''': Ma'am. There ''is'' no more.
 +
 +
'''Administrator''': There is ''always'' more, [[Engineer|Mister Conagher]]. We just have to ''find'' it.
 +
 +
'''Engineer''': I don't think you're ''hearin''' me, ma'am. Not this time. It's ''gone''
 +
 +
'''Administrator''': Shut... ''(Administrator scratches the wall she's facing, and then punches it)'' ...Up! ''(Injuring her arm)''
 +
 +
'''Administrator''': Mister Conagher... Would you escort me to my private quarters, please?
 +
 +
[In Administrator's private quarters, Engineer is enjoying himself a, probably coffee, while Administrator is browsing a wardrobe]
 +
 +
'''Engineer'': Ma'am, I... I know this ain't easy. But with the mark 5, this much could still getcha five, six months of life.
 +
 +
'''Administrator''': It's not just ''for'' me.
 +
 +
'''Engineer''': Right. That "old debt" you been settlin'. You think maybe it's time you told me about that? My family's been working for you for... well, a long damn time. You never told me. An' I never asked. I am sorry that whatever you were tryin' to accomplish here, you didn't get to. I truly am. But ma'am, it is over.
 +
 +
'''Administrator''': No. You're right. I've tried to keep this going as long as I could. I... I even thought I was done once. I still crave it... ''(The Administrator looks at the vial of Australium...)'' ...As much as I did when I was a little girl. ''(... at presumably her young self reflected off the vial)'' I don't think I'll ''ever'' stop wanting it. It's become... everything. But you're right. It's over. And if I'm going to call an end to all of it... well... ''(Engineer looks at Administrator, and from shock, drops his cup of coffee)'' Well. Why not look my ''best''?
 +
 +
'''Engineer''': You used ''all'' of it? ''Ma'am''! You... you just cut yourself down from six months to an hour! If you're lucky!
 +
 +
[Engineer is shocked about what Administrator, who now looks like a young lady, with her eyes glowing the colour of [[Australium|the element]], has not only done, but is about to do]
 +
 +
'''Administrator''': More than enough time. Let's end this. Once and for all.
 +
 +
 +
'''''TO BE CONCLUDED'''''

Revision as of 18:27, 30 January 2017

Due to the length of this comic, a transcript is necessary. The transcript has been sectioned into smaller story events for convenience.

Retrieved from "https://wiki.teamfortress.com/w/index.php?title=The_Naked_and_the_Dead/Transcript&oldid=2220821"