User:Calcium fiend/Joke Weapon Changes/Scout
Joke changes for the Scout
Contents
Primary
Force-A-Nature
Sensible Version
Force-A-Nature
Level 1 Scattergun
+40 pellets per shot
Knockback on wearer and the enemy
-84% clip size
-20% damage penalty
Functions as a Force-A-Nature with stats doubled.
Shortstop
Sensible Version
Shortstop
Level 1 Peppergun
+40% more accurate
+40% firing speed
On Hit: Builds Attitude
-34% clip size
When Attitude is full, Alt-Fire to activate Attitude mode for mini-crits.
This weapon reloads its entire clip at once.
Stupid Version
Shortstop
Level 1 Peppergun
On Hit: Mark enemy for death
Alt-Fire: Snap enemy’s neck, killing them instantly
-100% damage penalty
Back Scatter
Stupid Version
Back Scatter
Level 24 Scattergun
Breaks enemies spine, preventing them from walking ever again
You have to pay medical bills for their lost spinal fluid
American healthcare
Secondary
C.A.P.P.E.R
Sensible Version
C.A.P.P.E.R
Level 1 Pistol
Does not require ammo
Alt-Fire: Fires a charged shot that pierces players, mini-crits them, and uses the whole clip
No random critical hits
Deals only 20% damage to buildings
Mini-crits when it would normally crit
Stupid Version
C.A.P.P.E.R
Level 1 Pistol
On Hit: Desintegraties enemies, killing them instantly
-85% slower firing speed
On Kill: Gives the user PTSD
Pretty Boy’s Pocket Pistol
Sensible Version
Pretty Boy's Pocket Pistol
Level 1 Pistol
+15% faster firing speed
On Hit: Builds Boost
Run speed increases with Boost
-25% clip size
Mad Milk
Sensible Version
Mad Milk
Level 1 Non-Milk Substance
Players heal 60% of the damage done to an enemy covered with milk
Enemies covered in milk are slowed
Extinguishing teammates reduces cooldown by -20%
Milk meter builds with damage done and/or time
Spawning and resupply do not affect the Milk meter
We don’t know what this liquid is, but we know it’s not milk
Melee
Sandman
Sensible Version
Sandman
Level 15 Bat
Alt-Fire: Catch projectiles and toss them back!
-15% less health on wearer
Candy Cane
Stupid Version
Candy Cane
Level 420 Bat
+20% move speed on wearer
Never go hungry
Weapon disintegrates in water
Makes your hands sticky!
Boston Basher
Stupid Version
Boston Basher
Level 69 Bat
+15% damage bonus in water
On Hit: Enemy receives tetanus
On Miss: You receive tetanus
Sun-on-a-Stick
Stupid Version
Sun-on-a-Stick
Level 69 RIFT Fire Mace
On Hit: Enemy is infected with Black Lung
100% mini-crits against players with Black Lung
-25% damage penalty
On Miss: Give yourself Black Lung
Black Lung acts as Bleeding with a special coughing animation, and persists until death. Weapon taunting next to player with Black Lung will perform the Schadenfreude taunt.
Atomizer
Sensible Version
Atomizer
Level 72 Bat
+25% damage bonus
Melee attacks mini-crit while airborne
This weapon deploys 50% slower
