A Smissmas Story/ru

A Smissmas Story
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Информация о комиксе
Выпущен:	December 14, 2011
Количество страниц:	14

«

I am Old Nick! I am the spirit of Australian Christmas. And I have come for your children.

— Old Nick

»

A Smissmas Story — это комикс, выпущенный 14 декабря 2011, чтобы подытожить выход обновления «Австралийское Рождество 2011».

Сюжет

The story opens when a plump businessman named Archibald wearing a bowler discovers, to his delight, a ticking bomb upon the doorstep of his «Bombs for the Poor» non-profit charity. He calls his friend Julius to inspect the bomb, declaring that some good Samaritan has left it there, and Julius declares that the people of Teufort will rejoice. After the two note the lack of any information of the sender, a stern voice cuts the story off. A severe judge looks at the BLU Scout, seriously doubting the veracity of his testimony. When the Scout checks with his legal counsel, the BLU Soldier and Spy, the Spy has slammed his head onto the table, but the Soldier gives the affirmative. The Scout sticks to his story, and the judge presents evidence that the bomb destroyed a Mall Santa training facility. When the judge mentions that the Scout has yet to give any names, the Scout quickly accuses the Soldier of being the mastermind of the plot, upon which the Soldier begins strangling him. The judge wearily sentences all three to community service at a mall, hosting a «Meet Santa!» event.

A single mother approaches the resentful Scout (dressed as an elf) and asks about the wait to meet Santa. The Scout immediately begins flirting with her, but sends her to the back of the line when he realizes she has a husband. The Scout monitors the two lines behind him, one for single moms and the other for everyone else. As a boy named Jack with a bowl cut begins listing what he wants to the Soldier, who is dressed up as Santa, the Soldier rejects all of his desires and gives him a military haircut. When the boy's father intervenes, the Soldier prepares to beat him up. As they fight, the Spy is on a phone pleading with Miss Pauling to help release them. Miss Pauling wants to hear how the Soldier became a public defender, and the Spy dismisses it with a reminder that Merasmus is the Soldier's roommate, and claims that everything is fine.

Suddenly, Old Nick arrives with a sleigh pulled by a pack of aggressive kangaroos. He proclaims his intent to kidnap the children, and Miss Pauling angrily orders the Spy to take care of matters. When Jack fearfully walks up to the Spy, the Spy bestows the child with an icicle taken from the telephone booth. The Spy orders the boy to obey every action of his plan. Meanwhile, Old Nick is occupied, fighting the Scout and Soldier. The Scout hits him with a roll of wrapping paper, and the Soldier bludgeons him using a Saxton Hale action figure. Jack appears before Old Nick, and Old Nick grabs the boy. Jack quickly takes out the Spy's icicle and stabs him in the neck.

Old Nick crumples to the floor, and the Scout congratulates the Spy, assuming he had disguised as the boy. However, the Spy is with the media, proclaiming the Scout and Soldier are heroes who saved the children of Teufort. The Scout boasts about how normal it feels to be a hero, while the Soldier is happy about discovering the «War on Smissmas». The comic ends with Jack reminiscing with the Spy about his experience with stabbing Old nick, deciding that he isn't afraid anymore. The Spy congratulates the boy and wishes him a merry Smissmas. A front page of a newspaper has an image which shows the Scout flirting with Jack's mother, the Soldier grinning as he assists the battered father up, and the Spy giving Jack a piggyback ride. The headline declares that the mercenaries have been issued a pardon for defeating a supposedly-mythical holiday mascot.