Сакстон Хейл

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Yourpropertyjustgotdamagedbysaxtonhale.png
«
Бидвелл: Группа хиппи снова на автостоянке...
Сакстон Хейл: Негодяи! Зачем эти «вонючие конские хвостики» там крутятся?
Бидвелл: Оружие, сэр. Они против него.
Сакстон Хейл: Прекрасно. Я порву их голыми руками!
»

Сакстон Хейл — глава австралийского подразделения Манн Ко., звезда «Захватывающих россказней Сакстона Хейла», где он дерётся, пьянствует, укрощает диких и свирепых животных и, наконец, просто очень сильный мужчина. Его легко можно узнать по исключительным усам, по большим мускулам, по шляпе с крокодиловыми зубами и контурам Австралии, выросших на груди. Он отказывается носить одежду «по очевидным причинам».

Сакстон в действии
Сакстон Хейл

Saxton is the latest Hale to take up the reins of Mann Co. since Zepheniah Mann left its ownership to loyal aide and tracker Barnabus Hale in his last will and testament. His boisterous presence is felt in all areas of the company, from the slogan ("We sell products and get in fights") to the customer forms, which include tickboxes for informing product-thieving rivals that he is coming to pummel them to death with his bare hands. His inspiring image also features on numerous Mann Co. catalogs and promotional materials. He is known (and feared) for his belief in handling customer service issues personally, with his official policy being: "If you aren't 100% satisfied with our product line, you can take it up with me!".

Знаменитые достижения

  • Cutting his way out of primate hell.
  • Teaching his girl Scout troupe, the 'Saxtonettes', a fire safety tip: grizzly bears burn.
  • Боролся со львом во время стрижки волос.
  • В одиночку одолел Индонезийскую Акулу-берсеркера (и даже заставил её рыдать).
  • Вернул украденную шайбу, поймав черепаху, у которой былполучасвая фора.
  • Inventing the ancient and mystical Jarate fighting style after kicking a chair across the room in a frustrated rage. His complete Jarate course includes Saxton Hale Jarate Pills, which triple the size of your kidneys, and Saxton Hale Pain Tonic, which completely masks the feeling of your internal organs shutting down.
  • Becoming the wealthiest man in the western hemisphere.
  • Бомбил Вудсток с вертолета.
  • Being in no way involved with the explosive death of American Monkeynaut Poopy Joe, and not in fact being anywhere near the launch site at the time. [1].
  • Представление командам системы ковки вещей, было попыткой избежать войны.
  • Publishing a special number of his magazine (With a price of 20 cents, even though it was demanded to be free) to answer questions made by his fans about, among other things, playing Team Fortress 2 on a Mac.
  • Взорвал Луну с помощью продукта Apple под названием iBlewupthemoon ("яВзорваллуну"). (История признана неканоничной в блоге Team Fortress 2).

Комиксы Mann Co.

Захватывающие россказни Сакстона Хейла

Saxton sharks.jpg
«
You Will Believe a Shark can Cry
— Выпуск № 55
»

Saxton Hale's Thrilling Tales first arrived on newsstands in 1961 as part of a bold Mann Co. initiative to sidestep an increase on postage costs for their weapons catalogs. The first 64 page issue contained four pages of thrilling tales and 60 pages of ads for exciting new Mann Co. products. But Thrilling's editors quickly discovered that showing Mann Co. founder Saxton Hale using a product in the story itself tripled its sales. Ads were cut to 32 pages to accommodate longer, product placement-based stories.

Парикмахерская деятельность Сакстона Хейла

Saxton haircut.jpg
«
We Make Comics and Get in Fights
— Выпуск № 12
»

Saxton Hale's Barbershop Action capitalized on the brief "haircut" fad of the early 60s. Its breakaway success would lead to the ancillary titles Saxton Hale's Barbershop Romance and Haircut Horrors Starring Saxton Hale's Ghost. By Issue #40, however, the peacenik movement had gripped America in its filthy, tangled mane, and haircut fiction saw a steep decline. This would be the start of a longtime feud between Hale and hippies, which would culminate in his firebombing Woodstock from a helicopter.

Заваруха в джунглях с Сакстоном Хейлом

Junglebrawl.jpg
«
64 Pages of Gorilla Stabbing
— Выпуск № 44
»

Saxton Hale's Jungle Brawl debuted in the U.S. in 1962, riding a wave of anti-gorilla sentiment following Russia's successful launch of the first monkey, Vladimir Bananas, into space. America's rage was not isolated to communist primates- that same year, monkeynaut Poopy Joe cruelly dashed the U.S.'s hopes of reaching the stars when its shuttle detonated on takeoff. Brawl was notorious for inflaming human-gorilla tensions during its ten-year run, most famously in issue #50, which was printed with gorillas' blood. Issue #50's print run of 17 million copies left only five gorillas on the planet.

Слегка захватывающие россказни Сакстона Хейла

Saxton turtle.jpg
«
Modest Suspense for the Faint of Heart
— Выпуск № 4
»

As the youth movement of the 1960s escalated, manufacturers produced fewer and fewer products for the elderly. By 1963, only four items remained: hats, meat, caskets, and Saxton Hale's Mildly Thrilling Tales. Naked from the forehead down, lying in their coffins gumming Salisbury steak, an entire generation of despondent, forgotten consumers was left with just one thing on which to spend their government checks: Hale's tepid, senior-friendly tales of modest suspense. Saxton Hale Visits His Mother Monthly and Soothing Stories of Familiar Things soon followed. Hale quickly became the wealthiest man in the western hemisphere.

Приключения девчонки: в главной роли Сакстон Хейл

Saxton fire.jpg
«
Preparing Young Women for a Life of Action
— Выпуск № 6
»

Boy's Adventure with Saxton Hale came under fire from the Senate Subcommittee on Juvenile Delinquency in 1968 for teaching boys aged 6-16, among other things: moral turpitude, arson, vandalism, hippie assault, tax fraud, at-home laryngectomies, car theft, gorilla slaughter, and the Heimlich Maneuver (which had just been invented and was still considered controversial). Pressured by the Senate, Mann Co. changed the name to Girl's Adventure With Saxton Hale, as it was commonly thought at the time that girls couldn't do anything, so any lessons taught to them would be harmless.

Почтовый ураган Сакстона Хейла

Mailstorm large.jpg
«
A Question-Answering Thrill Ride!
— Выпуск № 1
»

Saxton Hale’s Mail Storm had its first and only issue published in March 1964 to help explain the new Federal recall of all 36 million Gold Coast-Tweed personal apple corers, due to their tendency to not only core apples, but fingers, lamps, and small furry animals. When the government demanded the comic be issued for free, Mann Co. responded by raising its usual price of twelve cents an issue to twenty, reasoning that if anyone was going to get something for free, they were going to pay for it.

Apple

Сакстон видит неизвестного управляющего

Во время Mac Обновления был выпущен комикс, в котором появился (кто бы вы думали?) Сакстон Хейл. Он буквально влетел в выпуск через окно магазина Apple, грозясь сжечь это место до тла и взорвать луну. Продукт Apple под названием iBlewupthemoon (дословно - "яВзорвуЛуну"), однако, настолько впечатлил Хейла, что он решил прибрать магазин себе вместо того, чтобы стирать его с лица Земли. Но тут в кадре появился менеджер Apple, который отнюдь не обрадовался этой мысли Сакстона. Мужественный Австралиец сразу узнал таинственного менеджера и отметил, что "весь магазин им пропах".

Почта Сакстона

The lucky few who sent in the Force-A-Nature order form found in The Scout Update - Day 5 to the relevant address received an invoice from Saxton Hale himself, sadly informing them that the requested item was out of stock. In compensation, the senders received a signed photo of Saxton Hale standing in front of Ayers Rock with the words "Thanks for writing, little fella!" and a keychain featuring a random Team Fortress 2 class. The letter also advised them to keep an eye on their mailbox, as new products could be on the way.

Yet more lucky senders who mailed the coupon found in The Sniper vs. Spy Update - Day 4 to the relevant address received a letter bearing the Mann Co. logo and the snarling face of Saxton Hale. Inside was another letter, yet again informing the recipient that the requested product/s were out of stock but that they should continue to check their mailbox as new items/legislation could be on the way, as well as several postcards bearing random cover images from Saxton Hale's Thrilling Tales. At this point, Valve started requesting that people not send them money due to legal reasons.

Факты

  • Signing up to Saxton Hale's complete Jarate Course will also grant you access to outline courses in Drunken Boxing, Drunken Headbutting, Shaolin Drunken Knife Wrestling, Drunken Cry-Fighting and Drunken Apology-Making, as well as a trophy.
  • Saxton Hale's official stamp reads "This just got signed by Saxton Hale!"
  • Saxton Hale's full job title is Saxton Hale - Australian - President, Mann Co.
  • Изображение Сакстона Хейла можно увидеть на календаре на базе Синих в Meet the Spy.
  • Saxton Hale's Thrilling Tales is illustrated by comic artist Mike Oeming
  • An unofficial fansite by Travis "Sivart0" Prue called Saxton Hale Facts allows users to submit facts about Saxton Hale and his many incredible feats (a parody of Chuck Norris facts, an internet meme).
  • Some letters sent in with the various Mann Co. coupons contained real money, despite the fictional nature of the forms. Valve then issued a reminder at the request of their legal department for prospective senders not to include any cash in future, as a friendly letter would be enough to get potential free stuff sent their way. Any money that had previously been sent was donated to gamer charity Child's Play.
  • Сакстон Хейл иногда пишет в Блог Team Fortress 2.
  • Если переставить буквы в оригинальном написании имени Сакстона Хейла (Saxton Hale), то может получиться неприличное сексуально окрашенное выражение, о котором Valve не подумала (или, наоборот, подразумевала).
  • Saxton Hale's chief accountant is called Mr. Reddy. He also has a personal butler called Mr. Bidwell and a pilot named Jerry.
  • Saxton Hale is implied to have been in a relationship with the Administrator some time ago, referring to her as a "chain-smoking seductress" and being on first name terms with her.
  • Во время Обновления Война! Сакстон Хейл был лишь 6-ым самым богатым человеком в Австралии. Потом он послал каждому из пятерых поздравления и письмо, коротко звучащее как "Ты - труп".
  • Каждое утро Сакстон Хейл начинает с прыжка с парашютом, потом приземляется в штаб-квартире Манн Ко. (через окно) и потом принимается за стейк.
  • Одна из вен на левом бицепсе имеет форму лямбды (λ), это можно увидеть на обложке комикса Mail Storm. Скорее всего, это отсылка к сериалу Half-Life от все той же Valve.
  • Существует река названная в честь Сакстона Хейла.
  • Предок Сакстона Хейла, Барнабас, был не менее жестоким и непредсказуемым, чем Сакстон.
  • Радиган Конагер стал похож на постаревшего Сакстона Хейла после контакта с Австралиум. [2]

См. также

Ссылки