User:BrazilianNut/Sandbox/Announcer responses

See also: Administrator responses

Announcer responses are contextually triggered lines that play after something important happens in a match, for instance when an objective is available or how many seconds of the game there are left. While the Administrator performs the role on most maps, some of them have their own announcers. Their lines can be heard below.

Bread Space

The Astronaut serves as the announcer for Bread Space.

General responses

Round start

"Mission begins in 60 seconds." "Mission begins in 30 seconds." "Mission begins in 10 seconds." "Five." "Four." "Three." "Two." "One." "Get to the cart!" "Get on cart!" "Defend our cart!" "Prepare to attack the unidentified specimen, over!"

Match ending

"Attention! 5 minutes left in the mission! 5 minutes left in the mission, over!" "Mission ends in 60 seconds!" "Mission ends in 30 seconds!" "Mission ends in 10 seconds!" "Mission ends in t-minus 10 seconds." "Nine" "Eight" "Seven" "Six" "Five" "Four" "Three" "Two" "One!"

Overtime

"Overtime!" "Overtime." "Overtime..." "It's overtime, boys."

Round win

"Mission successful!"

Round loss

"Mission failed!"

Objective responses

Payload nearing checkpoint, Player attacking

"The package is nearing a checkpoint, over!" "The bomb is nearing a checkpoint!" "The payload is nearing a checkpoint." "The package is nearing a checkpoint!"

Payload nearing checkpoint, Player defending

"The payload is nearing a checkpoint, over." "The payload is nearing a checkpoint!" "The cart is nearing a checkpoint, over." "The cart is nearing a checkpoint!" "The bomb is nearing a checkpoint." "The bomb is nearing a checkpoint!"

Payload nearing final checkpoint, Player attacking

"The package has almost reached the final terminus!" "The bomb has almost reached Big Mama!" "The payload has almost reached the final terminus!" "The payload's almost reached the final terminus!" "The bomb has almost reached the final terminus!"

Payload nearing final checkpoint, Player defending

"The payload has almost reached the final terminus!" "The cart has almost reached the final terminus!" "The cart has almost reached the final terminus!" "The bomb has almost reached Big Mama!" "The cart has almost reached the final terminus!"

Carnival of Carnage

Merasmus serves as the announcer for Carnival of Carnage. He is voiced by Nolan North.

Special Delivery

Setup time

"Five." "Four!" "Three!" "Two!" "One!"

Match Start

"Greeting mortals! It is I, Merasmus! Do you think you've got what it takes to try the world's biggest strongman game? Because you don't! It's too big! No mortal is strong enough! (laughter) It was an unwise investment!" "Welcome fools, to your doom! It is I, Merasmus! Behold! An ancient Sumerian strongman game! It is old! It is evil! And it is not free! Have your tickets ready." "Hello fools! It is I, Merasmus! Step right up, if you dare, and test your collective might against the world's biggest strongman game! Are you strong enough to discover how weak you are? If you don't buy a ticket, you'll never know!" "Greetings mortals! It is I, Merasmus! I see you brought your guns! But are they big enough to best my ancient Sumerian strongman game? There's only one way to find out: get your tickets!" "It is I, mortals, Merasmus the wizard! Welcome to my dark carnival of the macabre! Admit One...to MADNESS! (laughter) Step right up and test your measly might on my Strongmann Game of the Damned!" "Good evening, mortals! Welcome to Merasmus' circus berzekus! My big top of beastly abominations! My carnival of carnage! (laughter) Test your miserable might on my infernal Strongmann Machine! (laughter)" "Welcome mortals to my Magic Kingdom!...which is unaffiliated with any other Magic Kingdom that may or may not exist. Step right up and get your tickets from me! For I am the Ticket Master!...again, not a term Merasmus officially owns." (See: Magic Kingdom and Ticketmaster) "It is Halloween! The time of year when the doorways between our world and the next swing wide! That...and President's Day. That's still only two times! So you've got to pick your battles if you're Merasmus!" "Greetings mortals...and こんにちは! Yes, Merasmus is learning Japanese...in the likely event that he will have to beg for his life! Why? Well, therein lies a tale of horror! Short version: Merasmus owes $12,000 to the Japanese Mafia!" (Translation: "konnichiwa" (good afternoon)) "A harvest moon hangs pendulously in the sky, mortals! That's right, the moon's giving us the green light for harvesting! Apropos of nothing, I hope you all brought your souls! (laughter) And money. Because Merasmus has sunk a lot into this circus." Upon return "Oh good, you're back! That last time I transported you to a nightmare realm of bumper car madness! This time, I promise not to. Go get a Ticket for the Strongmann game!" "Hah! I tricked you! You thought Merasmus was giving you an innocent circus ride! And instead it was a hellish bumper car slaughter! OK! Go get another ticket for the Strongmann game! This time I'm not tricking you." "I hope you brought your souls with you! Why? Oh no reason! (laughter) *sotto voce* Oh, I'm going to take their souls. It's going to be so good! Score one for Merasmus!" "Go on. Pretend Merasmus isn't even here. Kill everyone like you would normally." "'I don't think any of you are strong enough to best my Strongmann game! Signed: Merasmus.' That's right, I'm having this speech notarized as we speak! It's official: you are too weak!" "No Ticket, no ride! Do you think an evil circus runs on souls? Because it does! But not entirely. Mostly it runs on electricity and that costs money." "You know what runs on souls? Inter-dimensional doorways to dark realms beyond the knowing of man! You know what doesn't run on souls? Lightbulbs. They still still use electricity and that costs money. No Ticket, no ride." "Yes, yes! Keep killing each other! Look at those bodies piling up! This will be the greatest circus graveyard of all time! Screw you ancient Sumeria!" "Can you even trust your own senses? Imagine stepping back from a skeleton you've just knifed to death. Only it is your best friend! That's the kind of psychological thrills you can expect every night at Merasmus' dark circus!" "Bonzo, the ancient Sumerian circus god, are you not entertained? What's that? No? You aren't? You there! Spy! Stab somebody!" "I summon thee, Bonzo, the ancient Sumerian circus god! Look on my works and arise! No? Later then, Bonzo. You there! Soldier! Kill somebody!" "Ugh, I don't have time for you to die of natural causes! You there! Demoman! Bomb someone!" "Most villains don't think they're evil. They think they're heroes. Not me! I'm reclaiming it! Evil wizard! I'm rotten to the bone and I don't care who knows it!" "Look how good you are at killing, mortals! You must be very successful and rich! You could help Merasmus rise from the murky depths of his financial grave! But I warn you, it's twelve thousand dollars deep! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha haaaa...oh no." "Yes, yes! Ancient Sumerian burial ground, my magic ass! By midnight, the circus will be an American graveyard! You're not the only country that can put bodies in a hole, Ancient Sumeria! Buy American everyone!" "Do you know what's scarier than a spectral ghoul glimpsed on a moonlit night? The Japanese Mafia! They are not spectral! They are very real! And they are coming to break Merasmus' legs, unless I give them $12,000! Awooo! Aw aw awoo! Help me!" "Bonzo, appear! Appear before us! Just try not to appear between the Japanese Mafia and the $12,000 I owe them! They will break all seventeen of your arms! " "Here's a chilling Halloween tale: Once upon a time, an innocent evil wizard named Merasmus bought a circus for $12000, hoping to flip it and make a fortune! Alas, he did not have $12,000, but do you know who did? The Japanese Mafia! But, due to a language barrier, Merasmus was unclear about the frankly punitive interest rates! Welcome to my financial nightmare, mortals! Awwooo ho ho ho ho (crying)...what am I going to do..?" "Attention: foolish mortals! If you see any Japanese people around, let Merasmus know! Because that is the Japanese Mafia! At best, they are here to break his legs! And that is the best-case scenario! It gets a lot, lot darker from there...a lot darker." "Look at you! You're a veritable Murderers' Row of killers! I'll have my graveyard in no time! First, you get the graveyard! Then you get the customers! Then you get the $12,000 to pay back the Japanese Mafia! They burned Merasmus' apartment down! They're animals, mortals!" "Just look at those souls of yours! Wasting away in those big, stupid bodies! Oh the things I could do with them! The only thing I can't do is pay off the Japanese Mafia with them. Ha ha! They made that very explicit...American currency only." "My circus isn't very safe, is it? Too bad you can't file a complaint with the Better Business Bureau! Because...wait, I suppose there's nothing stopping you, is there? Well, it appears Merasamus didn't think this through..." (See: Better Business Bureau) "Be afraid, mortals! Bonzo, the ancient Sumerian circus god, is coming! You know who's not scared of Bonzo? The Japanese Mafia! They don't appear to be scared of anything. Except not getting the money I owe them. (nervously) And even that just seems to make them angry..." "I hope you signed your release forms, fools, indemnifying Merasmus in the events of your deaths! (laughter) Because otherwise, I'm in a lot of trouble...Merasmus has two strikes...I will go to jail...FOREVER!" Upon second return "You thought you were going to test your strength! But instead, I tricked you, again! (laughter) Alright, I've had my fun. This time the Strongmann game will only test your strength. No more teleporting you to eldritch bumper car realms." "(cackling) You fell for it, again! (breathless with laughter) And to reward your gullibility, this time, I promise nothing supernatural will happen when you use the Strongmann game. Ah hah." "Ah ha ha ha ha! You must know the Strongman's a secret portal to eldritch bumper car realms at this point! And you're still doing it! (laughter) I'm starting to think you guys just like killing each other... Ah hah!" "(evil laughter) OK. OK! I've lost track of how many times I've tricked you into activating the evil bumper car portal at this point! (chuckle) But this time...you know what...it's still a trick! Ah ha hah!"

Preparing to capture the Tickets

"Get ready to test your strength!" "Tickets for the Strongmann game are almost on sale!" "Merasmus' dark and eldritch circus of the macabre is open! No refunds!!" "Go, go! Test your strength!" "Yes, yes! Kill everyone! Kill anyone! Kill everything that isn't dead!" "Go get your tickets! Kill everyone in your way!" "The Strongmann! MisFortune Telling! The Necromasher! My circus has it all!" "Merasmus' dark carnival...is open! (cackling)" "(laughter) Welcome lambs...TO THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE...for lambs!" "Merasmus' dark carnival...IS OPEN! (laughter)" "Go, the gate is up! Run fools! Get your Tickets!" "What are your waiting for? Go get you Tickets!" "Go get your Tickets! The price is MURDER! (laughter and howling)"

Tickets spawn

"'Get your Tickets! If you dare!" "Tickets are now on sale, mortals!" "Step right up and get your Tickets! Mwah ha ha ha ha ha!" "Get your Tickets! (laughter) Awoo! Hoo hoo!" "Tickets are available for pickup!" "Get your Tickets, fools!" "(maniacal laughter) Hurry! Get your Tickets!" "Get your Tickets...If you dare!" "Tickets are now available!" "Step right up and get your Tickets! (cackling)" Nagging "Go! Get the Tickets!" "The Tickets are waiting, mortals!" "Why has nobody claimed their Tickets?!" "Go get the Tickets!" "The Tickets are waiting, mortals!"

Tickets respawn

"Tickets are on sale again!" "Tickets are available for pickup again!" "The Tickets are back!" "The Tickets...Have Returned!" "The Tickets are back! Go get them!" "The Tickets have returned! What are you waiting for?"

Tickets taken by player/ally

"You've got the Tickets! Get them to the Strongmann!" "You've got the Tickets! Get them to the top of the Strongmann!" "You've got the Tickets! Get them to the lift!" "You have the Tickets! Now get to the ride!" "The Tickets are yours! Now, get to the top of the ride!" "You've got the Tickets! Get them to the top of the lift!" "The Tickets are yours! Now get to the ride!"

Tickets taken by enemy

"Fools! The enemy has the Tickets!" "Fools! The enemy has taken the Tickets!" "They've got the Tickets!" "They've got the Tickets! Kill them!" "They've got the Tickets! Kill them!"

Tickets dropped by player/ally

"Your team has dropped your Tickets!" "Your team dropped the Tickets!" "You team just dropped the Tickets!" "Your team has dropped your Tickets!"

Tickets dropped by enemy

"Hurry! They've dropped the tickets!" "Fools! The enemy dropped the Tickets!" "The enemy has dropped the Tickets!" "Hurry! They've dropped the Tickets!"

Player/ally is riding the Strongmann

"You team has made it to the lift!" "Your team got the Tickets to the lift!" "Your team is on the lift!" "Yes! Your team's on the lift!" "Your team has started the lift! Get ready to test your strength!" "Your team is on the lift! Nothing can stop you now! Except the other team and their guns!" "Your team started the lift!" "(laughter) Your team is starting the ride!" "Your team is activating the Strongmann!" "You're starting the Strongmann! (laughter) Fools!...I mean good! Good stuff!" "You team is unlocking the ride!" "Your team is unlocking the Strongmann!"

Enemy is riding the elevator to the Strongmann

"The enemy's made it to the lift!" "The enemy got their Tickets to the lift!" "The enemy is on the lift!" "The enemy is on the lift!" "Fools! The enemy is on the lift!" "The enemy team's on the lift, you fools!" "The enemy's made it to the lift! Stop them!" "The enemy's started the lift!" "Hurry! The enemy's about to start the Strongmann!" "The enemy's trying to start the ride!" "The enemy team is starting the Strongmann!" "The enemy is starting the Strongmann! Quickly, kill them all!" "The enemy has almost started the Strongmann! Hurry! Slaughter them!" "The enemy is close to activating the Strongmann! Stop them! And kill them! And stop them!" "The enemy has almost activated the Strongmann! They can't do it if they're dead! (laughter)" "The enemy's unlocking the ride!" "The enemy's unlocking the Strongmann!"

Tickets successfully delivered to the Strongmann

Generic "Fools! This innocent Strongmann game was in actuality a necromantic portal to a kill-crazy realm of murder! You just got Merasmus'd!" "Fools! The only strength you've been testing is the strength of your gullibility! Stand by for bumper-car madness!" By RED "RED wins...a first-class ticket to a kill-crazy realm of bumper cars and murder! That's right, you just got Merasmus'd" "You did it RED team! And because you won, you have the honor of pole position in a bumper car slaughterhouse where I kill you all! Ah ha ha ha ha ha!" (See: pole position) "Nice hustle RED team! Your reward is a slight advantage in a game I specifically invented to kill all of you! Again, congratulations. ALRIGHT LET'S DO IT!" "RED wins! Big picture though: you all lose because now you're about to bumper-fight for Merasmus' amusement! Hold onto your Skull Hats everyone!" (See: Skull Island Topper) "RED wins! And now I send you to a realm of bumper-car insanity! No bumps barred! NO RULES! Please keep your hands inside the vehicle at all times though." "Yes, RED team! You've won yourself the advantage in a game of bumper cars...designed to kill every one of you! So enjoy that early lead!" "What a come-from-behind win! Team RED is a Cinderella story tonight, mortals! R! E! D! What's it spell? Who! Cares! OK, time to kill you!" "Wooo! Who saw that coming! RED snags a win! I thought BLU had that locked up! What an upset! Woo ho, well, time to die! Still though, that was close guys." By BLU "BLU wins! Enjoy your victory lap...to the grave! Courtesy of my bumper cars of the damned!" "BLU wins! And now I transport you to a racetrack slick with blood and entrails! Yours! Welcome fools, to bumper car madness!" "BLU wins! And that means you get a slight advantage at the start of my bumper car game. Then you'll die! To summarize: small advantage to BLU. Then I'll kill you!" "Well done BLU team! You've won yourself the advantage in a bumper car game! A game where I plan to KILL ALL OF YOU! And feed your souls to an evil circus god!" "BLU wins! Big picture though: you all lose because now you're about to bumper-fight for Merasmus' amusement! Hold onto your Skull Hats everyone!" "You did it BLU team! And because you won, you have the honor of pole position in a game I devised to kill all of you!" "Congratulations BLU team! You've won a very small advantage in a game I'm about to transport you all to. Footnote that, the game will most likely kill all of you!" "Congrats BLU team! I'm sending you all to a bumper-car slaughterhouse! And you'll get a small advantage at the start of it! (laughter) No, no, no. Don't thank me. After all I am going to kill you."

General Purpose

"Yes!" "YES!" "No!" "NO!" "Yes! Yes, yes, yes!" "No, no, no, no, no!" "Damn you!" "No, wait!" "Don't do that!" "Don't do that!" "Kill them!" "Stop them!" "Stop them!" "Argh! Blast!" "Why? Why would you do that?" "Perfect!" "Excellent!" "EXCELLENT!" "Get them!" "GET THEM!" "Attack!" "Attack!" "Attack them!" "ATTACK THEM!" "Destroy them!" "Quickly, get rid of it!" "Hurry, get rid of it!"

Curses

Spell Effect Imminent

"Incoming spell!" "Spell coming at you!" "Incoming spell, mortals!" "Incoming spell!" "Incoming spell!"

Big Head

"Big heads!" "Big heads! (wicked laughter)" "Big balloon heads! Haha! Hilarious!" "'Big balloon heads! Ahhh! Ha, ha, ha, ha! Merasmus, you've done it again!" "Cranius Giganto!" "Big heads for everybody!" "Balloon Head spell! And that's just a taste of the spells I've been cooking up! Merasmus's getting a lot of buzz from some pretty big magical universities right now. I don't want to name drop...Hogwarts is very interested!" (See: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry) "Balloon Heads! Just a little spell I cooked up last night. Oh what's that, Gandalf? You can't make people's heads into balloons? Ah ha ha! Well maybe you should cry hot tears into your stupid beard, because Merasmus is the best!" (See: Gandalf) "Full disclosure: I've just filled your heads with eight gallons of pickle brine! Wait, wait, wait, before you jump down my throat, you should know, it didn't cost me a thing!" "This is one of those glass-half-empty scenarios! Downside, yes I just inflated all of your heads! Upside though, because I don't want you to worry, my head is fine." "Now what I've done here is inflate your head then fill the cavity with rotten garbage. I think I speak for everyone when I say, 'Damn you Merasmus! (claps!) You've done it again! Home run!'"

Melee Only

"No guns!" "No guns! (laughter)" "No guns! (maniacal laughter)" "Nonus artilleriso!" "No guns!" "Merasmus talks about guns like you ain't got none, mortals! That's because I sold them all! (laughter)" "Your precious Second Amendment won't help you now, Soldier. No guns! For anyone!" (See: Second Amendment of the Bill of Rights) "Merasmus banishes your guns! (laughter) This isn't a Second Amendment thing by the way, it's non-politically motivated evil!" "Merasmus banishes your guns to the nether realms! Forever! Or perhaps only momentarily! Merasmus printed this spell off the Internet!"

Submerging the area in Jarate

"Underwater!" "Underwater!" "Underwater! (laughter)" "Underwater! (cackling)" "Sumarinus Jaratitos!" "Under-water!" "Swim mortals! Swim underwater until I... Oh. Oh, no! That's, that's not water, is it? Oh. Merasmus is so very, very sorry." "Swim for Mersasmus' amusement, mortals! (laughter) Oh. Oh no! That is...that is not water. Uh, Merasmus, all...well all Merasmus can do is apologize." "An ocean of water descends upon you. Drown mortals! Drown in...in... Hmm. Ok, all cards on the table, that was supposed to be water. I'm so sorry."

Bumper Car Mini-games

Setup

"Yes! Bump! Bump your padded cars to a padded grave!" "The precious padding of your bumpy cars can't save you now! Unless you have padding on your very souls!" "Bump, mortals! Bump for Bonzo's amusement! He is easily entertained! Ah ha ha ha ha!" "These bumper cars have no brakes! A) Because they move relatively slowly, but B) Because there are no rules!" "Don't forget to buckle-up mortals! Oh wait, there's no seat-belts! (laughter) Enjoy your five-mile-an-hour death ride!" "Bump away in these bumper cars, fools! Bump yourselves to madness!" "These are no normal bumper cars! They will bump you to the edge of sanity itself!" "Go for a spin, mortals, in my smack carts of the black arts! My scream machines! My bumper cars! (laughter)" "Strap in mortals to my vile vessels of vehicular villainy! My damnation wagons! My bumper scars! (laughter)" "Take a seat mortals in my murder machines of malevolent mayhem! My hearses with curses! My bumper scars!" "I hope none of you are pregnant or have an existing heart condition! Because you about to be jostled like you've never been jostled before!" "Welcome, mortals to my stationary cars! Oh no wait, they're bumper cars! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha! Get ready for the bumping of your life!" "Go ahead and try the brakes! They won't work! You're trapped in a runaway bumper car! Strap in for a five-mile-an-hour Hell ride!" "Don't fall off the track, mortals! Bonzo's hungry tonight! Especially for you, Spy! Bonzo loves French food!" "I'd love to join you down there, mortals, but I have a heart condition and the rules are clearly posted. I'm with you, it's ridiculous. Write your congressman!" "I don't want to scare you, but bumper cars aren't meant to go this fast! (laughter) That's right, they're non-OSHA-compliant! Awoooo!" (See: OSHA) "Strap in mortals to my thumper cars! They're not as fast as actual cars, but faster than a bumper car is meant to go! So...that's... still pretty scary!"

Duck Hunt

Setup

"Welcome to the Looting Gallery!" "Welcome to the Looting Gallery! (laughter)" "Welcome, mortals, to the Looting Gallery!" "Welcome to the Looting Gallery! Collect Ducks to win! Kill the other team to win! Do whatever! It takes! To win! Because believe me, you don't want to lose!" "Welcome to the Looting Gallery, mortals! Whoever gets the most Ducks wins! Whoever gets the least ducks, does not win! I'm assuming that you're all a little dim, so Merasmus is laying this out as simply as possible." "Welcome to the Looting Gallery! The team that captures the most prizes wins! The team that pushes the other team off the track, shrieking to their deaths, also wins! But much, much faster!"

Bonus Ducks from crashing into an enemy player

"Bonus Ducks!" "Bonus Ducks!" "Bonus Ducks!"

Ducks have moved

"I've moved the Ducks!" "I've moved the Ducks!" "The Ducks have moved, mortals!" "The Ducks... have moved. mortals!" "Now the Ducks are over here!" "The Ducks...HAVE MOVED!" "The Ducks have moved elsewhere!" "Now the Ducks...are over there!" "Now the Ducks are over there!"

Outcomes

RED Wins "RED grabbed the most Ducks! RED wins!" "You got the most Ducks, RED! You win!" BLU wins "BLU grabbed the most Ducks! BLUE wins!"

Falling Platforms

Setup

"Falling Platforms!" "Welcome, to Falling Platforms! (laughter)" "Welcome to a game I call: Falling Platforms! (evil laughter)" "One of these platforms won't plunge you to your doom! (cackling)" "One of these platforms will be your salvation! The others will plunge you to your doom!" "Only one of these platforms won't plunge you to your death! Can you find it in time? If I were you, I'd give it a shot!" "All but one of these platforms will fall into the abyss below you! But which one? (laughter) If the fall doesn't kill you, the suspense will!" "Welcome to a game I call "Falling Platforms" for a reason that is shrouded in mystery. But will soon be very...very incredibly obvious!" "The goal of this game is simple: one of these platforms...won't plummet you to your doom! The others...will plummet you to your doom!" "These aren't normal platforms, mortals! All of them...are evil! Except for one! Which is nice! The evil ones will plunge you to your doom! The nice one...will remain stationary!" "None of these platforms will suddenly plunge you to your death! You're perfectly safe! Drive slowly mortals and chat amongst yourselves!"

Safe Platform revealed

"Go, go, go, go! It's that one!" "There, that one! Go, go, go, go!" "There! There, there, there, there, there, there!" "Oh there! That one! That one! THAT ONE!" "Oh, it's that one! Go, go, go, go, go!" "AH! That one! Go! Go, go, go!" "There it is! Hurry you fools! Hurry!" "There is it! Hurry you fools, hurry!" "Ooh! There! That one! That one!"

Overtime

"You all win! At failing! Time to die mortals!" "The Headless Horseless Horsemann!" "The Headless Horseless Horsemann, everyone!" "Kill them all, Horsemann!" "Enough! I summon the Headless! Horseless! Horsemann!" "Kill them all, Horsemann!"

Soccer

Setup

"Bumper Cars Soccer!" "Bumper Cars Soccer, everyone!" "Bumper Cars Soccer! Awoo!" "(evil laughter) Bumper Cars Soccer!" "Ancient Sumerian Bumper Cars Soccer!" "The time has come! For Ancient Sumerian Bumper Car Death Soccer!" "Welcome to Soccer, mortals! Or as we call it in the dark realms before time: Sumerian Rules Bumpy Car Football!" "Bumper Cars Soccer! The most diabolical game in history. Invented by the Ancient Sumerian Circus Association as a way to keep score...of being evil!"

Goal

RED "RED scores a goal!" "RED scores!" "Goal for RED!" "GOAL for RED!" "Ah ha ha ha ha! Goal for RED!" BLU "BLU scores a goal!" "BLU scores!" "GOAL for BLU!" "Ah ha ha ha ha ha! Goal for BLU!" "Na ha ha! Goal for BLU!" Deciding point "Goal for RED...disgusting goal!" "Goal for BLU...disgusting goal!"

Overtime

"Kill them all, Horsemann! (laughter)" "Horsemann! Wrap this up!" "Death to all of you! Death, by Horsemann!" "Prepare to die, mortals! By the hands of the Horsemann!" "I summon the Headless Horseless Horsemann, to kill you all for my amusement! And I'm not amused easily, so he's really going to slaughter the Hell out of you! Oh, this is going to get dark, everyone!" "You're taking longer to kill each other than Merasmus hoped. So I made some phone calls! Kill them all, Horsemann!" "No, this is taking too long! Say hello to an old friend of mine: the Headless Horseless Horsemann, everybody!" "It's the Headless Horseless Horsemann, everybody! The star of Scream Fortress 2! No autographs or flash photography, please. He's just here to kill you!" "The Headless Horseless Horsemann, everyone! (claps) Give it up. (claps) Give it up." "What's that I hear? Is it the clip-clop of haunted hooves? No! It's the terrifying, completely foot-generated clomping of the Horseless Headless Horsemann!"

Outcomes

Overtime

"This is taking too long!" "You bore Merasmus! Time to make this more interesting!" "Alright, let's finish this! Merasmus is...getting a little bored watching you!" "Alright, this is getting embarrassing! Merasmus is a busy wizard!" "I see in my crystal ball that you will never win this game!"

Win

RED Wins "RED wins!" "RED wins!" "RED wins!" "RED wins! Ha ha ha!" BLU Wins "BLU wins!" "BLU wins!" "BLU WINS!" "BLU wins! Awoo!"

All players on other team have been ghostified

"You win! Everyone else is dead!" "You've killed everyone on the other team! Good stuff, guys! Merasmus is...getting a little misty here." "So instead of winning the game honestly, you just killed everyone on the other team! This is...Merasmus is so proud of you right now!" "You win! Everyone is dead!" "You win! By murder!" "You win! By murder!"

Stalemate

"Wait, all of you died? You have got to be kidding Merasmus!" "Fools! You've murdered yourselves to a stalemate!" "You lose!" "You lose!" "You lose!" "You...lose! (laughter)" "You lose!"

Unused responses

Successful Necrosmasher crush

"Necro-mashed!" "Got you!" "Ha!" "Hah!" "Merasmus!" "Not so fast!" "You fool!" "Think fast!" "For Bonzo!" "EVIL!"

Miss

"Damn you!" "Get back here!" "Next time!" "I had you!" "No!" "I'll give you that one!" "Wait! Come back!" "Wait, let me try that again." "SO CLOSE!" "Oh, I almost got you." "Oh ho ho, you're good!" "I SPARED you! On purpose!"

Crasher

Dr. Freakinhuge and Professor Bigginsize serve as the announcers for RED and BLU, respectively, for Crasher. They are both voiced by Benjamin Rudman.

Dr. Freakinhuge

Round start

"It's time my minions, my growth beam is fully operational! Tonight, we destroy that damn professor!" "Atmospheric conditions are perfect! Zhe bomb is prepped, zhe growth beam is primed, who is ready to become a god?!" "They said I couldn't make a man grow 20 feet, and kick down the castle vall. If you pick up that bomb, I'll prove zhem all wrong!" "Big sings planned tonight, minions! Pick up a bomb, get huge, and destroy the gate! Do you sink you can do all zhat?"

Player idling

"Yes, yes, you're huge, we get it. Now please destroy the enemy gate!" "Vell go on my minion, take zhe bomb to the enemy gate quickly!"

Pickup

"Under zhe beam please, at your convenience, minions." "Listen, time is of the essence, minions. Pick up the bomb, so I can enlarge you!" "Vhat am I paying you goons for?! Pick up zhe bomb!" "Do you not vant to be titans? Get on zhat bomb!" "Onvord, my giant!" "Yes, YES! Bomb gate now, my oversized minion!" "Yahahaha! Prepare for extremely large consequences!" "Go forth, my biggest and brightest!" "No time to vaste! You have big sings ahead of you!" "Gaagh! Another enemy giant!" "Help, my minions! Anoser giant incoming!" "Daah! They have a horrifying new monster!" "Aagh! That idiot professor has unleashed another beast on us!" "Anoser vone of the professor's gigantic goons is on the vay!"

First giant, friendly

"Ah, excellent! You're still alive, get the bomb to zhe gate, START!" "Great gigantic! Now, bring down the enemy's gates!" "Neh-hahahahah! My living siege veapon, go on to gate-crushing glory!"

First giant, enemy

"It vould appear zhe professor has sent his own monster, don't let it reach our gate, my minions!" "Bagh, zhat professor has a growth ray of his own. Plagiarism! Seethery! Destroy his giant!" "Gagh, that awful professor has magnified his own goons! Stop them at vonce!"

Giant down, enemy

"Hah! That half-rate giant didn't stand a chance!" "Enemy giant down! You know he vasnt even really zhat big." "Excellent, minions! You've brought down another giant!"

Giant down, friendly

"Noo, my giant! Someone replace him now! Preparing zhe beam for another try." "Bah! Our giant fell! Who sinks zhey can do better, hmm? I'm getting zhe beam ready for you!" "Our giant is down! Ve require anoser, beam priming now!"

Near checkpoint, player attacking

"Keep going my minion, you are almost zhere!" "Yes, forward giant! Smash that gate!" "Zhere is only a few more steps, don't let me down here!" "Almost zhere, don't stop now!"

Near checkpoint, player defending

"Big problem! Zhey're almost at my gates!" "Haaagh zhat beast is drawing far too close! Do somesing!" "Ack, that enemy giant is far too close for comfort!" "Vhy are you letting zhem near my gates?!"

Point captured, player attacking

"Excellent! Quickly, I'm preparing zhe beam for another giant!" "Yes! Keep up the pace, minions! I'm priming zhe beam again!" "Spectacular job! Vone more, it should do it! Hahahaha!" "Exceptional! It just needs vone more hit!"

Point captured, player defending

"Ack, my gate is damaged! You vere supposed to stop them!" "Yaaaagh, don't let zhem hit it next time!" "I said stop zhem! I don't sink my gate can take another hit!" "Gaah, my gate is barely standing! Don't let zhem damage it again!"

Round win

"And zhey said it vasn't possible! Ahahahaha! Ahahuhahah! "Nahah-hah! I beat you Professor Bigginsize! I vin, I vin! Hahahah!"

Round loss

I can't believe it, I von't believe it! He beat me!" Eeaugh! Professor Bigginsize, you blizering fool!"

Professor Bigginsize

Round start

"Alright, guinea pigs. I need to blast one of you with my growth ray and carry this bomb to my rival's gates! Any volunteers?" "Yes, growth ray's primed and ready chaps! Pick up the bomb and I'll zap you. We'll show that cursed doctor what's what!" "You know they say that great science is built on the shoulder of giants. So, I've built a machine to create them! Ha ha ha ha! Take the bomb and let's do some science!" "You know a noble growth ray embiggens the smallest man. That man could be you, if you'll carry my bomb!"

Player idling

"Hurry along now, get that bomb to the gates pronto!" "Don't lose sight of our objective here, you need to destroy their gates."

Pickup

"Come on boys, it's ready to go. Pick up the bomb!" "Uhhh, growth ray's ready chaps. Get into position!" "Are you listening? It's time to get big, pick up the bomb!" "Look I promise the growth ray is safe, almost all of my test subjects lived." "Gadzooks, what an astounding specimen!" "God speed, my enormous compatriot!" "Zounds! Our newest titan is exceptional!" "Astounding, hahaha! Good luck giant!" "Oh my, our finest giant yet!" "They have another giant." "Another beast incoming!" "Gentlemen, there's another monster headed our way." "Yikes! The very size of their beast!" "Their doctor's sent another giant after us!"

First giant, friendly

"It's alive! Hahahaha! Oh my living titan, you survived! Now, breach their gates!" "Holy smokes, it actually worked. Now get that bomb to their gate, my atlas!" "Eureka, hahahaha! You lived! Carry that bomb to their gates and wreak havoc, my gigantic friend!"

First giant, enemy

"Blast, that slimy doctor has a monster of his own! Destroy it!" "That blasted doctor's contraption worked! Kill his titan, before they can breach our gates!" "Damnable doctor! Destroy his beast before it can damage my gate!"

Giant down, enemy

"Hahahahaha! We've slain their giant, excellent work!" "Hahaha! Their giant is no match for ours!" "Their beast has fallen! Good work..."

Giant down, friendly

"Our titan has fallen, I'm warming up the ray for another go!" "Drat, we need another giant immediately! Engage the growth ray!" "Rats, we lost our giant! I need another volunteer for the ray!"

Near checkpoint, player attacking

"My word, you've almost done it! Keep going!" "Yes, YES! You're nearly there my giant!" "Just a little further. What's a few yards to a titan, hmm?" "We're almost there, just a few more gigantic steps!"

Near checkpoint, player defending

"Egads, the lumbering abomination is almost to the gate!" "Help! Destroy that beast before it's too late!" "Goodness me, you need to stop that monstrosity now!" "Oh gods, it's almost to the gate!"

Point captured, player attacking

"Hah, we damaged it! I'm priming the ray for another go." "Yes!!! Their gate doesn't stand a chance! Hit it again, readying the growth ray." "Yes! One more! Readying the growth ray!" "Brrravo! Just one more hit, we can do this! Priming the ray..."

Point captured, player defending

"No, they damaged it! Make sure they can't do it again." "The gate! Don't let them damage it again." "No!!! The gate can't take any more hits!" "Blast! I don't think we can take much more!"

Round win

"I've done it! Uhahahah! Ahahahah, yes!" "Hah, take that Dr. Freakinhuge! I did it! Hahahaha!"

Round loss

"No, NOOO!" "Curse you, Dr. Freakinhuge!"

Cursed Cove

Davy Jones serves as the announcer for Cursed Cove. He is voiced by EmNudge.

General responses

Round start

"Ahoy, ya filthy scallywags! All hands on deck and bring me my souls!" "Argh! It be killin' time! Get me those souls and come aboard me ship!" "Aye, it be perfect weather for a bloodbath! Bring me them souls, I'll be waiting for ya on me ship."

Flying Dutchman arrives

"All aboard! Bring me the souls!" "All aboard! It's collectin' time!" "All aboard! We are in the ship!"

The Locker is closing

"Aye, let the seas close in the locker!" "Aye, ye time be running out! Get to the shipwreck already!" "Aye the sea is alive! And she be closin' in!"

The Locker is closed

"Avast! Begone from my locker!" "Avast! Ye've hung around too long!"

Round win

[laughter] You did good, laddies! Ha! I know it was a good plan, asking you lot for help!

Round loss

"After nine years of waiting in the Locker for help, I wasn't expecting much. But that was horrendous!" "Argh! You're somehow worse than your competition!"

Match win

"Victorious!" (cheers) "Victory!" (cheers)

Match loss

"Yer a failure!" (boos) "Ya failed!" (boos)

Special responses

500 damage done to Davy Jones

"Ya can't kill me! I'm already dead!"

The skull behind Davy Jones is destroyed

"Aaah no, my first mate!"

Upon getting too close to Davy Jones

"Get off!" "Get away!" "Get away!"

AFK players

"What are ye doing!" "Don't just stand there!"

Unknown

"Merasmus had better not be hornswaggling me" "It's time to get bloody!" "Pirate fact number 27, "Harg" is a Finnish word that means "Die already"!" "You're all skin and bones!" "[grunt] Who drank all my rum?"

Unused responses

Round start

"Welcome to my domain!" "I want no parley between you all!" "Are ye ready kids?"

Flying Dutchman arrives

"This man o' war is hungry!" "Last one in's shark bait! Just kidding, you're all gonna die!"

The Locker is closed

"Get out of my locker!" "Five! Four! Uh, 37!"

Round win

"Yes yes yes! Their souls are mine!"

Farmageddon

The Farmer serves as the announcer for Farmageddon. He is voiced by MegapiemanPHD .

Round start

"Alright y'all, gotta get as much weed killer from those other guys as possible." "Fight!" "Get that weed killer!" "Go on get it!" "Now go, go, go!" "Go! Collect those jugs!

Pumpkin is open

"Quick! Get inside the pumpkin." "Go drop off the weed killer, in the pit!" "Hop on in there while he's got his mouth open." "Get in there, poison the heart."

Pumpkin is closed

"He's falling back asleep." "Oh, his mouth is closing!" "He's closing back up, look out!" "The pumpkin's closing again."

Scarecrows have spawned

"Watch out! He's got friends." "Careful! He's summoning scarecrows." "Uh oh, here come the scarecrows!" "Scarecrows!"

Gargoyle related

Spawns "There's a Gargoyle on the map!" "A Gargoyle has appeared!" "Somebody find that Gargoyle before it scutters off!" "There's a Gargoyle around here somewhere!" Successful capture "You got the Gargoyle!" "Nice find with that Gargoyle." "Good find there with that Gargoyle." "You got it!!" Disappears "The Gargoyle's gone!" "Oh you were too slow, the Gargoyle's gone!" "Ya missed the Gargoyle, dangnabbit!" "Welp, there goes the Gargoyle. Better luck next time!"

Celebration

"Yeeha!" "Yeeha!" "Yeeha!" "Yeeha!" "Yeeha!"

Match ending

"Sixty seconds left to go!" "Thirty seconds to go!" "Five" "Four" "Three" "Two" "One!"

Round win

"Y'all did it, the pumpkin's dead." "They've killed the pumpkin! Nice job!" "Ya saved the farm!" "Ya saved the farm."

Round loss

"The pumpkin's dead no thanks to you losers." "Ya let them kill the pumpkin! That was our job." "Ya done lost."

Galleria

Sheila serves as the announcer for Galleria. They are voiced by OctoBlitzVA.

Setup time and round start

"Attention shoppers, please do not fight over our limited stock." "Attention shoppers, please deliver your gifts to the tree in the ice rink." "Attention shoppers, please report any unattended cans of rocket fuel to mall staff." "Five!" "Four." "Three." "Two." "One."

Ice rink open

"Attention shoppers, the ice rink is now available for use." "The rink is now open, just be sure not to slip." "Attention shoppers, the ice rink is now open. We remind you to keep roughhousing on the ice to a minimum." "Attention all patrons, the Secret Santa is now open. Please deliver your gifts in a neat and orderly fashion." "The rink is now open. We would like to remind patrons that firearms are strictly prohibited while on the ice."

Ice rink closed

"Attention skaters, please exit the rink as we resurface the ice." "We are now resurfacing the rink. Please exit in an orderly fashion." "The rink is now closed to repair bullet holes in the ice."

Ice resurfacer kills player

"The office would like to remind you that anyone still on the ice at this time will also be resurfaced. Thank you for your cooperation." "Custodian to the ice rink please! Custodian to the ice rink." "Attention customers, anyone caught disobeying skating rules will be escorted out by security." "You break it, you buy it, gentlemen. That means you need to get off the ice." "The office would like to remind the gentleman in BLU that the ice rink is closed. Thank you." "To the gentleman in RED, the ice rink is closed. Thank you."

Round end

"Attention mall patrons, the mall will now be closing early tonight due to an unexpected rocket launch. Thank you for your cooperation." "Attention customers, due to a tree-related malfunction, the Secret Santa has been postponed until further notice." "Attention patrons, I am pleased to announce that the Secret Santa was a success. Your gifts are currently on their way to the misfortunate." "Attention patrons, please run for your lives in a calm and orderly fashion. Thank you."

"Special announcements"

"To the owner of one RED Intelligence briefcase, please report to the lost and found. Thank you." "To the owner of, uuh, white camper van, please move it out of the fire lane or you will be towed. Thank you for your business." "To the owner of a RED Bread van, you left your lights on."

Ghost Fort

See also: Wheel of Fate

Merasmus and the Bombinomicon serve partially as the announcers for Ghost Fort. They are both voiced by Nolan North.

Bombinomicon

Skull Island welcome

"Hey, guys! Beat that wizard, huh? Good stuff, good stuff, buddy." "How do you like this island? Pretty nice, huh? Waterfront property. Yeah, it's mine. Well, it's a timeshare. It's good for romancing the ladies though, no? There's this little cookbook I've been seeing, and--hey, it's pretty nice." "Well, you feel free to poke around, I guess. You know, looks like that's what you're doing anyway, right? [laughs] Feel free to steal everything that isn't nailed down. Hey, I'm a book! What do I need with it?"

Upon getting the Skull Island Topper

"Ah, Merasmus' skull hat. That's gonna look real nice on your head." "Ah, Merasmus' skull hat! Ey, it's pretty nice." "Ah, Merasmus' skull hat! Good choice, buddy. Very nice choice."

Helltower

Redmond and Blutarch Mann serve as the announcers for RED and BLU, respectively, for Helltower. Zepheniah Mann also participates in some of their responses, and the Bombinomicon can be found on Skull Island. All characters are voiced by Nolan North.

Round Start

Redmond "This is Redmond Mann speaking from an unspecified location beyond the grave. I may be dead, but as long as you're cashing my checks, you'll damn well do what you're told. And I'm telling you to push my brother to hell!" "It is I, your employer, Redmond Mann, from beyond the grave. I've given you thick-skulled slugs one thing to do for a hundred years now: Shoot each other. Now I'm giving you something even easier to do: Push that cart!" "This is Redmond Mann, and I've got one simple request: Send my brother to hell!" "This is your employer, and I've got a job for you: Send my brother to hell!" "Listen up you reprobates. This is Redmond Mann. That corpse belongs to my idiot brother. Send it to hell!" "Listen up you thugs. This is Redmond Mann speaking. And I've got a job for you: Send my brother to hell!" Blutarch "Listen up, you thugs. This is Blutarch Mann speaking. I may be dead, but as long as you're cashing my checks, you'll damn well do what you're told. And I'm telling you, from beyond the grave, to push my brother to hell! Until I tell you to stop!" "It is I, your employer, Blutarch Mann. From beyond the grave! I've given you thick-skulled slugs one thing to do for a hundred years now: Shoot each other! Now I'm giving you something even easier to do: Push my brother to hell!" "This is Blutarch Mann speaking. That corpse belongs to my idiot brother. Send it to hell!" "This is Blutarch Mann, with one simple request: Send my brother to hell!" "This is Blutarch Mann speaking. Push! That! Cart!

RED team in the lead

Redmond "Yes! Yes! Yes yes yes!" "Yes, that's it! Push!" "We're winning! Push!" "Good, good!" "Yes!" "Perfect!" "Sweet mother of gravel, we're winning!" "Whatever it is you're doing, keep doing it!" "Whatever it is you're doing, it's working!" "We're winning! Do you hear me, Blutarch! I'm winning!" "I'm doing it! I'm finally actually really doing it! I am the best Mann!" "I'm winning! And you're losing, Blutarch! I will be the last man standing!" "How do you like those ghostly apples, Blutarch? No need to answer. They are bitter, tart ash in your mouth, I'm sure of it! Yes, yes, yes yes yes..." "We're winning! Do you hear me, Blutarch? The Badlands are mine!" "We're winning! Do you hear me, Blutarch? I'm the best son!" "I'm doing it! I'm sending you to hell, Blutarch!" "Yes! I should've died years ago!" "Yes! All of my beautiful ghost plans are being realized!" "We're winning! Getting stabbed nine times in the heart was the greatest thing to ever happen to me!" "Yes! Sending my brother to hell was my best idea since the pregnancy machine! ...Which isn't off the table, by the way." Blutarch "Push!" "Keep pushing the cart!" "Push the cart!" "Get to the cart!" "Don't leave my brother!" "Push my brother!" "Hell is that way! Push!" "Drag your knuckles to that cart, you thick-browed member of the servant class!" "Do you have any idea what ungodly sum I'm paying you vagrants to push a corpse a hundred feet?" "All you have to do is push a haunted corpse on a railcart into a gaping hell-mouth! It's not gravel science." "Keep pushing!" "Puuuush!" "We're losing!" "We're behind!" "They're trouncing us!" "Biscuits and buncum, we're losing!" "Barnbiscuits, we're behind!" "We're losing!" "Hogwater, we're losing!" "Pissdumplings! They're winning!" "Posspuddle... We're losing!" "What am I paying you for?! Get my brother to hell!" "Why is my brother not in hell yet?" "Wait a minute... Am I closer to hell than my brother?" "Fight harder, you imbeciles!" "Fight, you nincompoops!" "Damn you Redmond!"

BLU team in the lead

Redmond "Push!" "Puuuush!" "Keep pushing!" "Keep pushing the cart!" "Get to the cart!" "Don't leave the cart!" "Puuuush!" "Puuuuuuush!" "No, you stupid poor people!" "Blast! I should've hired the BLU team!" "We're losing!" "We're behind! Fight harder, you imbeciles!" "They're winning!" "Fight, you nincompoops! They're beating us!" "Biscuits and buncum, we're losing!" "Patswater! They're winning!" "Posspoddle, we're losing!" "Pissdumplings! They're beating us!" "Hogwater, we're losing!" "Boggarbottom! We're losing!" "Why is my brother not in hell yet?" "What am I paying you for? Push my brother to hell!" "Wait a minute... Am I closer to hell than my brother?" "Why is my brother winning?" "You charlatans promised me you'd send my brother to hell!" "Damn it all, get that ratstink carcass to hell! Or by gravel, I will end you!" "What the gravel am I paying you for?" "You unwashed reprobates! It's not gravel science!" "Damn you Blutarch!" Blutarch "Yes! Yes yes yes yes!" "Yes, that's it! Push!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "Good, good!" "Perfect!" "Sweet mother of gravel, we're winning!" "We're winning! Do you hear me, Redmond? I'm winning!" "Yes! I should've died years ago!"

Redmond nearing final checkpoint

Redmond "Good gravel! I'm almost to hell, you idiots! Do something!" Blutarch "Good gravel! You've almost done it!" "Whatever it is you're doing, keep doing it!" "Whatever it is you're doing, it's working!" "I'm doing it! I'm finally actually really doing it! I am the best Mann!" "I'm winning! And you're losing, Redmond! I will be the last man standing!" "How do you like those ghostly apples, Redmond? No need to answer. They are bitter, tart ash in your mouth, I'm sure of it! Yes yes yes..." "I'm doing it! I'm sending you to hell, Redmond! I'm the best brother!" "Yes! All my beautiful ghost plans are being realized!" "We're winning! Getting stabbed nine times in the heart was the greatest thing to ever happen to me!" "Yes! Sending my brother to hell was my best idea since the pregnancy machine! ...Which isn't off the table, by the way." "We're winning! Do you hear me, Redmond? The Badlands are mine!" "We're winning! Do you hear me, Redmond? You're going to hell!"

Blutarch nearing final checkpoint

Redmond "Good gravel! You've almost done it!" Blutarch "Good gravel! I'm almost to hell, you idiots! Do something!" "You charlatans promised me you'd send my brother to hell!" "No, you stupid poor people!" "Blast! I should've hired the RED team!" "Damn it all, get that ratstink carcass to hell! Or by gravel, I will end you!" "What the gravel am I paying you for?"

Payload Race won

Redmond "I've done it!" "Yes! Yes yes yes yes! I did it!" "Rot in hell, Blutarch! I win!" "Look at me now, father! I won!" "Mine! All of the Badlands is finally mine!" "After a hundred years, I am the last man standing!" "I won! Wait, where are you all going?" "I won! Now you all can go to hell!" "I won! And just so I don't have to pay you, go to hell!" *laughs* Blutarch "I've done it!" "Yes! Yes yes yes!" "Yes, yes yes yes! I did it!" "I won!" "Rot in hell, Redmond! I win!" "Mine! All of the Badlands is finally mine!" "I am the last man standing!" "Wait! Where are you all going?" "I won! Now you all can go to hell!" "I won! And just so I don't have to pay you, you all can go to hell!" *long laughter* *coughing* "Go to hell!" *laughing*

Payload Race lost

Redmond "No! Noooooooo!" "No! Noooooooooooo!" "I'm taking you to hell with me!" "Damn you Blutarch!" "Happy Hallowee-" *fades off* "Damn you Blutarch!" "Nooooooo-" *fades off* "No! Noooooo!" Blutarch "No! Noooooooo!" "Bleaaaaaaaaaaah Redmond!" "Daaaaaaaaah!" "Well I tried." "I'm taking you to hell with me!" "You're all comin' with me!" "Noooooooo-" *fades off* "Bleaaaaaaaaaaah Redmon-" *fades off*

Hell outcomes

Victory Redmond "Yes! Yes yes yes yes! I did it!" *victory theme* Blutarch "Yes! Yes yes yes!" *victory theme* Loss Redmond "No! Nooooo!" *boos* Blutarch "No! Noooooooo!" *boos* Stalemate Redmond "What the gravel am I paying you for?" *stalemate theme* Blutarch "What the gravel am I paying you for?" *stalemate theme*

Magic-related

Spells have spawned

Redmond "Good! The spells have appeared, just as I planned! Yes... yes! This update almost makes too much sense!" *laughs* "Gather spells while you can!" "Spells! Spells everywhere!" "Gather spells before they disappear!" "Grab the spells and cast them!" "Grab the spells! Cast them on Blutarch's idiot army!" "Spells!" Blutarch "Gather spells while you can!" "Spells! Get them before they disappear!" "Gather spells before they disappear!" "Spells! They've spilled out of the hellhole!" "Spells! Spells everywhere!" "Grab the spells and cast them!" "Grab the spells! Cast them on Redmond's idiot army!"

The Witching Hour begins

Redmond "The Witching Hour!" "It's midnight! Gather spells while you can!" "Yes, it's the Witching Hour!" "Yes, the Witching Hour is upon us!" "The Witching Hour! When the wall between worlds grows thin!" "It's midnight! Again!" "The Witching Hour! Again!" "It's midnight again! Gather spells while you can!" "It's midnight again?" "It's midnight! ...Again!" "It's midnight..." *inhales* "Again!" Blutarch "The Witching Hour!" "It's midnight!" "Yes! It's the Witching Hour!" "Yeeees! The Witching Hour is upon us." "The Witching Hour! When the wall between worlds grows weak and withered!" "It's midnight. Again!" "It's midnight again. Oh, I hate this holiday!" "It's happening again!" "It's happening again!" "It's midnight! Again!" "It's midnight again?" "It's midnight again!" "It's midnight! Again!" "It's midnight again!"

Hell Island bridge is open

Redmond "The bridge is down!" "The bridge, you fools! Get the good magic..." "Hell Island is open! The bridge is down!" "Hurry! Cross the bridge to Hell Island! That's where the good spells are!" "The bridge, you lackeys! I sense great magic..." "The bridge! Across it lies power beyond imagination!" "Don't settle for this paltry stuff! Cross the bridge!" "Hurry! Cross the bridge! Gather up the best spells!" "Cross the bridge!" Blutarch "The bridge is down!" "The bridge, you fools!" "The bridge, you lackeys!" "Hell Island is open! The bridge is down!" "Hurry! Cross the bridge to Hell Island! Get the good magic!" "Hurry! Cross the bridge! Gather up the best spells!" "The bridge! Across it lies power beyond imagination!" "Don't settle for this paltry stuff! Cross the bridge!"

Enemies have spawned

Redmond "Zombies!" "Hell zombies!" "Oh no, werewolves! No, wait... skeletons! Zombies? It doesn't matter, just run!" "Zombies, no! Wait... " *muttering* "Hold on, let me check... Oh god! Hell zombies!" "The Skeleton King! Oh... gravelpits, you are in for it now!" "Oh good, the Skeleton King's he- NO! That's bad!" "It's the Skeleton King!" "We've awoken the Skeleton King!" Blutarch "The hell is happening now?" "What's happening down there?" "What the gravel is happening down there?" "Aw, no! Zombies!" "Zombies!" "Hell zombies!" "Oh no, werewolves! No, wait... skeletons! Zombies? It doesn't matter, just run!" "Hell zombies! Oh gravelpits, you are in for it now!" "Zombies, no! Wait... Hold on, let me check it... Oh god! Hell zombies!" "Oh no, it's the Skeleton King!" "Oh good, the Skeleton King's here." "It's the Skeleton King!" "Run! It's the Skeleton King!" "It's the Horseless Headless Horsemann!" "The Skeleton King! Ah gravelpits, you are in for it now!"

Miscellaneous

Mann Brothers Arguing

(Redmond) "Spells! Don't pick them up, they're all poison!" (Blutarch) "Don't listen to my idiot brother, get them!" (Blutarch) "Spells! Don't pick them up, they're all poison!" (Redmond) "Don't listen to my idiot brother, get them!" (Redmond) "Send my ratstink brother to hell!" (Blutarch) "Don't listen to him, send MY imbecile brother to hell!" (Redmond) "What? No! No!" (Blutarch) *short laugh* (Redmond) "I hope you'll enjoy hell, Blutarch!" (Blutarch) "Yes, I'll enjoy staring down at it, from heaven! While you BURN, brother!" (Redmond) "Noooo!" (Blutarch) *short laugh* (Redmond) "That gravel... It will be mine, Blutarch!" (Blutarch) "There is no gravel where you're going, brother!" (Redmond) "Oh? And where is that, exactly?" (Blutarch) "Hell, Redmond!" (Redmond) "What?" (Blutarch) "What do you think is going on here?" (Blutarch) "Send my brother to hell!" (Redmond) "What? No! Don't do it!" (Blutarch) "DO do it!" (Redmond) "No!" (Blutarch) "Continue doing it!" (Redmond) "Nooooooo!" (Redmond) "Send my brother to hell!" (Blutarch) "Don't do it!" (Redmond) "Do do it!" (Blutarch) "No!" (Redmond) "Continue doing it!" (Blutarch) "Nooooooo!" (Redmond) "BLU team! Stop fighting! My brother and I call truce!" (Blutarch) "Shut up, Redmond!" (Redmond) *laughing* (Blutarch) "Keep fighting! Don't listen to my idiot brother!" (Blutarch) "RED team! Stop fighting! My brother and I call truce!" (Redmond) "Shut up, Blutarch!" (Blutarch) *laughing* (Redmond) "Keep fighting! Don't listen to my idiot brother!" (Redmond) "Look at your corpse, brother. As ugly in death as you were in life, so shriveled and red..." (Blutarch) "That's you, you imbecile!" (Redmond) "What? No!" (Redmond) "Send him to hell! Who's the idiot brother now, brother?" (Blutarch) "You, Redmond!" (Redmond) "Nooooo!" (Blutarch) "Ha ha ha! I've turned it around on you!" (Redmond) "I'll see you in hell, brother!" (Blutarch) "Only one of us is going to hell, Redmond!" (Redmond) "Then I suppose I won't see you in hell, brother!" (Blutarch) "I'm afraid I'll be the one not seeing you!" (Redmond) "We shall see." (Blutarch) "I won't!" (Redmond) "The Witching Hour is over!" (Blutarch) "Don't listen to him!" (Redmond) *laughing* (Blutarch) "It's just beginning! It is the Witching Hour!" (Blutarch) "The Witching Hour is over!" (Redmond) "Don't listen to him!" (Blutarch) *laughing* (Redmond) "It's just beginning! It is the Witching Hour!" (Redmond) "I'm doing it, father! I'm winning!" (Blutarch) "Don't listen to him, father! It's still anyone's game right now!" (Blutarch) "I'm doing it, father! I'm winning!" (Redmond) "Don't listen to him, father! It's still anyone's game right now!" (Redmond) "Do you feel the flames of hell yet, brother?" (Blutarch) "I do, brother! It is the heat of victory!" (Redmond) "What? No! I feel it too! I only feel it!" (Blutarch) "Yes! Pushing! I'm a tactical genius!" (Redmond) "What? I invented pushing years ago!" (Blutarch) "The only thing you invented years ago was losing to me right now!" (Redmond) "Noooooo!" (Blutarch) *laughing* (Blutarch) "Dear Lord! This is Blutarch Mann speaking!" (Redmond) "And Redmond." (Blutarch) "Shut up, Redmond, I'm praying! Lord, please send my brother to hell. Amen." (Redmond) "Lord, wait! Whatever he's praying to you for, I'll double it." (Blutarch) "No!" (Redmond) "Ha ha ha ha! I win at praying, brother." (Redmond) "Blutarch, we're family. Tell you what, on the count of three, let's both apologize and go to heaven. One, two, three. I'm-" (Blutarch) "I'm sorry. No!" (Redmond) *laughing* (Blutarch) "I meant I'm sorry that I'm sending you to hell!" (Redmond) "No!" (Blutarch) "And I'm not! Sorry!" (Blutarch) "Knock knock." (Redmond) "Who is it?" (Blutarch) "Redmond, it's Blutarch! This is a knock knock joke! Open this door at once!" (Redmond) "No thank you." (Blutarch) "Redmond, I assure you I will make it worth your while. Now knock knock" (Redmond) "Who is it?" (Blutarch) "It's your brother Blutarch! Now for God's sake let me in! Someone's trying to send me to Hell!" (Redmond) "I'm trying to send you to Hell. *laughs* (Blutarch) "Good Lord! That changes everything! I'll finish the joke later!" (Blutarch) *giggling* (Redmond) "What's so funny, brother?" (Blutarch) "Oh, I'm just thinking about all the gravel I'll have when you're gone." (Redmond) "And where do you intend to get all this gravel in hell, brother? While I'm on Earth, which is virtually made of gravel?" (Blutarch) "The devil! I plan to trade him all your gravel for it!" (Redmond) *gasps* "Don't you dare, Blutarch!" (Blutarch) "Yes! Yes! Send my brother to hell!" (Redmond) "Wait, what was that?" (Blutarch) "I'm not talking to you, Redmond. I'm talking to the mercs!" (Redmond) "My mercs? Don't you dare! They've got a job!" (Blutarch) "Come on brother. What could they possibly be doing?" (Redmond) "Sending you to hell, Blutarch!" (Blutarch) "What? RED team! Stop what you're doing!" (Redmond) "Belay that order, RED team!" (Redmond) "Yes! Yes! Send my brother to hell!" (Blutarch) "Wait, what was that?" (Redmond) "I'm not talking to you, Blutarch. I'm talking to the mercs!" (Blutarch) "My mercs? Don't you dare! They've got a job!" (Redmond) "Come on brother. What could they possibly be doing?" (Blutarch) "Sending you to hell, Redmond!" (Redmond) "What? BLU team! Stop what you're doing!" (Blutarch) "Belay that order, BLU team!" (Redmond) "You there! BLU team! I'll double what my ratstink brother is paying you!" (Blutarch) "You imbecile!" *shuffling noise* (Blutarch) "This is what I'm paying them!" (Redmond) "Geh! Never mind!" (Blutarch) "You there! RED team! I'll double what my ratstink brother is paying you!" (Redmond) "Blutarch!" *shuffling noise* (Redmond) "This is what I'm paying them!" (Blutarch) "Ah! Never mind!" (Redmond) "Look at me now, father!" (Zepheniah Mann) "You did great, son." (Redmond) "Yes, yes! Yes yes yes!" (Zepheniah) "Gray is still my favorite though." (Redmond) "What? No!" (Blutarch) "Look at me now, father!" (Zepheniah) "You did great, son." (Blutarch) "Yes, yes, yes, yes!" (Zepheniah) "Gray is still my favorite though." (Blutarch) "No! Noooo!"

Unknown condition

Blutarch "This update almost makes too much sense!" *laughing* "It all makes perfect sense!" "What the gravel am I paying you for? I'll tell you: I'm not! Unless you get my brother to hell!" "All you have to do is send my brother's haunted corpse to hell, then run across a bridge to an enchanted island every time the clock strikes midnight every one and a half minutes to get powerful spells you can use to defeat your enemy, who will be doing the exact same thing, but with my haunted corpse! My only worry is this update makes too much sense." "I am speaking to you from the great beyond! But make no mistake, my lawyers are still on Earth, and they will prosecute if you do not fulfill your contract. In fact, they're right over there in that evil castle! That's right! They built a terrifying mansion from which to conduct their day business!" *chuckle* "I sense a disturbance in the force... Hold on. Okay, I'm back. My lawyers tell me I'm sensing nothing."

Bombinomicon

Hell Island welcome

"Welcome to Hell! Now fight to the death. Whaddya gonna do?" "Hey, welcome to Hell! Holy crap, it's you guys! Hey, you guys. Hey, pow zoop. Fight to the death." "Hey, it's me, the Bombinomicon. Guess what, guys? You're in Hell! It's good stuff. You're gonna like it here! Okay, now fight to the death." "Hey, welcome to Hell! How are you guys doing? That's great, now fight to the death." "Hey hey! You made it! Welcome to Hell. Free stuff for everybody...who is still alive in a minute. Hey, it's Hell, what are ya gonna do?" "Hey, it's me, the Bombinomicon. Guess what, guys? You're in Hell. It's good stuff. You're gonna like it here." "Hey hey! It's me, the Bombinomicon. Guess what? I'm the Devil! Now fight to the death." "Hey hey! It's me, the Bombinomicon. I'm the Devil now, welcome to Hell." "Hey guys, up here! It's me, the bomb book, from last year! Welcome to Hell! Okay, now fight to the death." "Hey, welcome to Hell! How are you guys doing? That's great, now fight to the death." "Hey, it's you guys! Hey, guess where you are? Hell! Yes, pretty good." "Guess what guys? You're in Hell. It's good stuff, you're gonna like it here! Now fight to the death." "Hey, it's me the Bombinomicon. Bad news, you're in Hell. Good news, I'm the Devil! Hey, pow zoop." *laughs merrily* "Fight to the death" "Hey hey, guys, it's me, the bomb book! Welcome to Hell! Okay, now fight to the death." "Hey, it's you guys! Welcome to Hell! Pow zoop! Go crazy nuts." "Hey, it's me the Bombinomicon. You guys gonna have a lot of fun in Hell. It's Hell, everybody likes it! Fight to the death." "Hey hey! It's me, the Bombinomicon. I'm the Devil now." (laughs eagerly) "Fight to the death." "Hey, it's me, the Bombinomicon. Guess what, I'm the Devil! Welcome to Hell." "Holy crap, it's you guys! Welcome to Hell! Hey hey! You brought me a soul. Nice work guys. Now I just need nine more. Let's go." "Hey, it's me, the Bombinomicon. Welcome to Hell. Hey, pow zoop, fight to the death."

Hell Island battle end

"Hey, there you are. Here's a gift." "Hey, you made it." "There he is. Here's some free crap." "Hey, you won! Grab some stuff. It's free." "Get up here, steal anything you like. You're in Hell! How much worse could it get?" "Okay guys, first come first serve." "Happy Halloween, you knuckleheads." "Hey, you did it. Get up here, grab some free crap, you earned it." "Hey, you're the best! All right, grab some free crap and get out of here. I got a lot of devil stuff to do. Pow zoop!" "Oh oh man, that was quick! You guys are some bad dudes! All right, here are some parting gifts, cause you gotta go." "Okay, let's go guys! I gotta close up Hell. It's not a 7-Eleven." (laughs) "Grab some gifts before you go, bye you guys!" "Ooh, that did not take long, you guys are some crazy nuts guys, let me tell you! Okay let's see here. Oh yeah, got some gifts for you." "Okay, we'll talk here for a minute guys. You, you guys are the real heroes of Hell. Here, I have bunches of gifts. Go ahead with the serving." "Okay, good stuff, now get out of here you knuckleheads!" (whispering) "I love you guys." "Man, they're going to make you guys the Devil!" (laughs evilly) "Not really though, because that's me and I'm the best. Go ahead and have some gifts and get out of here, you crazy guys." "Guys, guys guys guys. Let me get real with you for a minute. This is why I got into the Devil business. You, you crazy nuts guys, tearing each other apart like animals." (tearfully) "I think I got a burning cinder in my eye or something. Get some gifts and get out of here you nuts." "Okay, good stuff! Get up here, grab a gift, the Devil's a little busy here. I got to go rig an election with Quebec. A local election, but you know, I'm the Devil. I've got to sweat the small stuff." "Okay good, you're done! Man I hate goodbyes. Luckily we're in Hell, so nobody ever gets to leave." (laughs jubilantly) "Except you guys! You guys are so special, guys. Oh good, I got some special gifts! Then you gotta go." "Oh man, that was great, you guys! Man, we are all having a go- Well, not everybody. But we are having a good time in Hell, ah? Good times, yes. Good Hell times. Grab your gifts!" "Oh man, you guys are some scary bad dudes, I'm so scared!" (chuckles) "Come on, I'm the Devil! You kidding me? Take your free crap and get out of here."

Unknown Conditions

"Hey, you brought souls! Good stuff, you guys are the best." "Keep fighting, it's cool stuff!" "Hey hey, kill each other! Oh you guys are the best. Not you Sniper." "Man, you guys are the best at Hell. I should know, I'm the Devil." "Man, I'm good being the Devil. See all that fire? That was my idea." "Everybody, take a knee. Dear God, thank you for making me the Devil, and putting all these great guys in Hell. Pow zoop!" "Why don't you stay a while? Stay forever!" (laughs evilly) "I'm kidding." (whispers) "You guys are going to have go pretty soon." "Man, you guys are really killing each other. I'm the Devil, and I think it's pretty gruesome." "Man, I'm such a good Devil. They'll have to give me a hell-raise!" (laughter) "I am cracking myself up down here." "Hey, look at us. We all die together, in Hell. Yeah, it's pretty good." "So, trick or treat, ah? What are you guys supposed to be? Man everybody got a good costume this year. Come on up here and get some free crap." "One, two... Oh, man, there's a lot of you. Tell you what, thin the herd a little. I'll give you some gifts." "Oh, I got some good stuff for you guys, look at all this!" "Is it hot in here or is it just me?" (laughs maliciously) "It's not me, we're in Hell." "Man, you guys got some nice souls. Tell you what, you kill each other, anybody who is still alive is gonna get some good stuff." "Hey, when you go back to Earth, make sure you tell everybody I'm the Devil now. Oh I'm gonna be famous. Oh, I'm gonna be more famous than Lord of the Rings!" "Oh! Look at all this great crap I got here! How am I going to use all this crap? You guys should take some. I insist! You guys are the best." "You guys, hey, you guys! Be brutally honest, am I the best Devil?" *pause* "Ah! I knew it!" *joyous laughter* "Hell is so great, you guys." "Ah ha, that's right, killing each other!" (eager laughter) "Aw man, it makes me feel good to see you guys having so much fun." "So, how have you guys been doing? Soldier, still have that stupid wizard for a roommate? Oh, that guy, I could tell you some- You know what? You keep fighting, we catch up later." "Let me tell you, you guys are like the Tom Jones of tearing a dude's face off. That's not me talking, that's Tom Jones. Yeah, he down here. Tom, say something!" (laughs maliciously) "Who am I kidding? He's choking on a bottle of molten deer poop." "Okay, twist ending guys. Here comes the big twist! I'm an angel, and we're in Heaven!" (laughter) "This was a test all along!" (more laughter) "No, I'm pulling your leg, there is no Heaven. There is Hell in every direction."

Mannsylvania

Dracula serves as the announcer for Mannsylvania. He is voiced by MegapiemanPHD.

Setup and Round Start

"V'elcome to Mannsylvania... You're in for a bloody good time! Mwuah hah hah ha!" "Welcome to Mannsylvania! Hah ha ha ha ha..." "If you v'ish to live, you must satiate my thirst for blood... If you fail... I will simply have to take yours instead... Ha ha ha ha ha!" "V'elcome to Mannsylvania! Satiate my thirst for blood if you wish to live... Else, I will simply take yours..." "V'elcome to Mannsylvania! You're in for a bloody good time! Hah ha ha hah ha!" "V'elcome to Mannsylvania... If you wish to live, you must satiate my thirst for blood..." "V'elcome, mortals... Let the fun begin! Ah ha ha ha ha ha!" "I am glad that you are here to donate your blood... To me... Ah ha ha ha ha hah!" "If you wish to survive, you will bring me the blood of someone else... Otherwise, I will take yours! AH HA ha ha ha!" "Mission begins in 10 seconds..." "Five!" "Four!" "Three!" "Two!" "One!" "Let's go! Time to bring..." "BEGIN!!!" "Fly!" "I love to count! One! Two! THREE inches of blood! Ah hah hah ha ha!" "My thirst must be quenched with your blood..."

Portals open

"Fools! I need more blood! BRING me more!" "Fools! I need more blood!!!" "Mortals, the portals are open for you to access my castle! I am waiting for your blood!" "Mortals, the portals are open! Bring me blood!" "I'm waiting for you! Don't disappoint me, or you'll regret it very much!" "I am waiting for you! Don't disappoint me, or you will regret it!" "Mortals, if you do not bring me blood... I will come and get it myself!"

Portals close

"Collect more blood! I will be waiting for you at my castle..." "That is all for now..." "That is all for now!" "I am full! For now..." "Collect more blood! I will be v'aiting for you at my place..." "Collect more blood! I will be v'aiting for you at my castle." "I don't care how you bring me blood, just get it and bring it to ME!"

Inside the castle

"Who dares enter my domain?!" "Unlucky and unwise, he who enters my domain... Let's give them a warm welcome... Heh heh heh heh!" "You may go anywhere you wish in the castle, except for the locked off areas, which you would not wish to go anyway." "You may go anywhere you wish in the castle! Except there, and there, or whatever you do don't go there." "You may go wherever you wish in the castle, except for the locked off areas. Which you would not wish to go anyway so it does not matter..." "You may go anywhere you wish in the castle, except for behind the locked doors. Those are mine." "You may go anywhere you wish in the castle, except for the closed off areas. Don't go in there, there's nothing, it's boring." "Another one... Come, don't be afraid! Bring me the blood, and later you will be rewarded... Hu ha ha ha ha ha ha!" "Another one approaches! Come, don't be afraid. Bring me blood, and later you will be rewarded! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!" "Hope you're not with 'big guy', his blood is full of cholesterol. Is bad for me..." "I hope you're not the 'skinny guy', he's got too much sugar in his blood. Egh!" "I hope you're not the one with 'one eye', too much alcohol. I don't want to get drunk right now." "My thirst must be quenched with your blood..." "I v'ant to suck your BLOOD!!!" "I am Vlad Dracula, and welcome to my castle... Hu ha ha ha ha ha!" "I am Dracula, and you are dinner..."

Gargoyle related

Spawns "A Gargoyle has appeared somewhere on the map." "A Gargoyle has spawned." "There is a Gargoyle on the map." "There is a Gargoyle around here somewhere, can you find it?" Disappears "The Gargoyle is gone!" "The Gargoyle has left..." "You have missed the Gargoyle, such a shame..." "Oh, the Gargoyle has escaped!" "Too bad, you missed the Gargoyle!" "The Gargoyle has left the map..."

Other

Mortals! If you do not bring me blood, I will come out of this coffin and get it for you! But keep in mind that you won't like it...

Round win

"I am at full strength! For this, you will be rewarded... Maybe I will let you live! Or maybe not... Huhahahahahaha! "I am at full power! For this, you will be rewarded! Maybe I will even let you live... Or maybe not! Hah hah hah hah hah!" "Yes! YES! Finally I am at full strength! But it... Seems the coffin's a little stuck! I can't get out!" "Yes... YES! Finally, I am at full POWER! Seems the coffin's a little stuck, I can't get out. Anyone got a crowbar?" "Strength... It fills me! Winners will be rewarded! Losers will be punished..."

Round loss

"Fools! You v'ill regret this very much..." "You have disappointed me! Lucky for you, you v'ill not live long enough to regret it..." "You have failed me! Now, you are dinner..." "I do not suffer losers, I eat them instead..." "You didn't bring me enough of their blood! So now, I shall have yours! Hah ha ha ha ha!" "Is that it? Is that all you can bring me?? Fine, then I shall take the rest from you...!] "I still thirst for more! If you cannot bring it to me, then I will take it from you... "You have failed... Which means you are now dinner... Hah hah hah hah hah hah...!" "Dinner is served! And dinner is you! Huh hah hah hah hah ha!"

Selbyen

The Fisherman serves as the announcer for Selbyen, with the Seal as the objective. Some voicelines are in Norwegian. The Fisherman is voiced by MegapiemanPHD .

Seal vocalizations

Double bark 1 Double bark 2 Double bark 3 Long bark 1 Long bark 2 Long bark 3 Medium bark Single bark 1 Single bark 2

Setup and Round Start

"Feed the Seal fish as it makes its trip to the ocean. Don't let the other guys do it else you won't get paid!" "Help release the Seals back to the wild by feeding it fish!" "The Seal's going to be hungry when it's released back to the wild! Why not give him some fish for the trip?" "The Seals will start being released in 30 seconds!" "30 seconds 'til we release the Seals! Get ready!" "Three!" "Two!" "One!" "Tre!" "To!" "En!" (or "én")

Seal enters map

"The Seal is headed for the shore!" "The Seal has left the van!" "That Seal looks hungry! Give him some fish!" "Feed that Seal! Feed it!"

Seal exits map

"The Seal's made it to the ocean!" "There goes the Seal! Majestic, isn't he?" "That's enough fish for now. Get some ready for the next Seal!"

Team winning

"We have taken the lead!" "We are winning!" "We are in the lead!" "We have got the lead! Don't lose it now!" "We are in the lead! Ha ha ha ha ha!"

Team losing

"We have lost the lead!" "No, they are winning!" "We need to get the lead back!" "Do your job and get the lead back!" "Do better or we are going to lose!"

Round win

"You did it! The Seal is free!" "Look at how happy those Seals are! Ha ha ha ha ha!" "The Seals say 'So long and thanks for all the fish!'" "That's all the fish we need! You did it!" "Seier! Victory! Ha ha ha ha ha!" "You did it! Don't forget to buy a stamp from the gift shop!"

Round loss

"Well, the other guys got all the fish. At least the Seal's happy!" "You didn't get enough fish! You're not getting paid to stand around!" "Apparently we should have hired the other team instead." "You mercs aren't any better than chum."

Watergate

The Watergate Announcer serves as the announcer for Watergate.

Note: Many of these lines are prefixed with "temp" with text-to-speech.

General responses

Setup

UFO arrives "[Administrator] Alert! We're under attack!"

Teammates delivering bottles

"We are in the beam!"

Enemy delivering bottles

"The enemy is in the beam!"

Win

"[Demoman] We did it, hehah! [Scout] Aw, fellas!"

Loss

"[Soldier] Dammit boys. [Scout] What the hell was that crap? [Demoman] I did what I could! [Scout] This is a real frickin' embarrassment."

Unused responses

Introduction

"Collect beer and deposit it into the UFO beam to score points!"

Teammates almost winning

"We have almost made the UFO totally drunk!"

Enemy almost winning

"They almost made the UFO totally drunk!"

Other

Merasmissions

Merasmus provides Merasmissions to players along with a voice line. He is voiced by Nolan North.

New Merasmission

"MERAS-mission!" "Merasmission!" "Merasmission!" "Dare you accept this, Merasmission?" "A chillingly challenging Merasmission!" "An accursed agreement, HAS BEEN STRUCK!" "A dark contract rises from its legal slumber!" "A Merasmission from the dank depths of the depraved debts!" "A Merasmission spewed from the drooling, stupid mouth, of madness!" "Evil Contract Delivery! Return address: THE BLACK ABYSS" "A half-glimpsed Merasmission, beckons from the shadows!" "What loathsome horrors lurk within the watermarked pages of this contract!?" "MeRASmission!" Rare Merasmission "Were I to utter the details of this contract aloud, the tiny world you know would be rent asunder! Welcome to your nightmare, mortal! READING!" "Don't look too closely at this Merasmission! It is infested with a host of Hellworms; your human scientists would call Silverfish! Yes mortal, there was significant water damage in Merasmus' storage unit!" "What's that sound? Is it the scratching of fingernails on a casket lid, because they were buried alive? They might just be... Oh wait mortal, where are your fingers! Look down! That's right! It was you buried in that coffin! 'The whole *BLEEEP* time!" "Practice evil itself! Though not legally enforceable. Merasmus didn't go to law school. He got his diploma on the streets; the streets of HELL!" "A gibbous moon hangs pendulously in the night sky! It thinks you cannot finish this contract! Dare you make the moon look stupid?" "Tonight the barriers are down! Between known and the unknown! The real and the unreal! The paid debts and the unpaid debts to the Russian Mafia! (cackling laughter) They put Merasmus in a trunk, mortal." "Dear mortal: Everything you love will be dead by dawn. Signed: Merasmus! Post Script: I'll still be alive. Because I don't even like you!" "Hold on a second, Gandalf! I'll need to give some loser a contract! Sorry, I was just on the phone with Gandalf! You know, The Grey. A very good friend. It's...uh...I can tell you're impressed." "What's that Harry Potter? I'm the best wizard and you're just a big stupid pile of garbage? (light laughter) That's big of you to admit that, Harry Potter. Hold on, I need to give some bozo a contract." "Tremble mortal, at the fathomless evil pulsating in the gulfs of this unholy contract! (wicked laughter) IT'S DOUBLE-SPACED!" "Do you feel it tightening around your neck? This contract is BINDING, mortal!" "An unholy contract, written in blood! Signed in triplicate! Notarized from beyond the grave!" "This contract isn't just evil. It's legally binding! In every state, but Hawaii! (wicked laughter) Aloha, mortal!" "Does your backside feel warm, mortal? It should, because this contract just put you in the hot seat!" [nonchalantly] "Oh hello, Sauron! What's that? Yes, Merasmus, has, been working out. It's flattering you noticed. I, hold on, need to give some mercenary a contract." "Tonight you will visit the realms of Halloweens past. Remember when I got Demo's eyeball to attack you all? That was pretty evil! Or that time I used my connections and got the Horseless Headless Horsemann to show up! (laughter) Wow, that's evil!" "Tonight you will visit the realms of Halloweens past. Like that time Soldier turned my evil castle into a raccoon sanctuary! Ah hah. Everyone remember that? That was a, a bad day for Merasmus. It took a while to walk that one off." (See: Doom-Mates) Fighting Merasmus-specific "Here's a contract I like to call: 'Your certain doom!'" "I hope your soul's in good shape, mortal! Because when you fail at this, I'll be taking it off your hands! (laughter)" "You will never beat me! And I will claim your soul!" "You dare to fight me? Oh mortal, this is going to be embarrassing!" "So you think you've got what it takes to beat Merasmus, eh? Your funeral, mortal! Your sparsely attended pauper's funeral!" "Your challenge is to defeat me! But you can't! And when you fail, I'll take your soul!" "(cackling) That's all I have to say about this next contract! Oh wait, one more thing! Awoooo!" "Your next target is me! Merasmus!" "Your next target: me! (laughter) Awoooo! (more laughter)" "Cower mortal, before the eldritch horror of the abject terror of the monstrous magic...of Merasmus!" "You next infernal contract is...hold on...let's see...killing...me. Huh. I am surprised I put that one in there." Rare Merasmission "Either you kill my past self and I get my soul, or my past self kills you and I get yours! (laughter) I don't *BLEEEP* care! I'm all about souls tonight!" "Should you fail mortal, you'll be in breach of contract. And I shall seek compensation, in the form of your soul! (laughter) And financial...compensation. Merasmus is living at the Y." ("the Y" is another name for a YMCA) "That's a nice soul you have there! It would be a shame if a wizard were to claim it, when you fail this mission!" "Bet you'll win this contract? Would you wager your very soul? (cackling) Please note that I'm not explicitly threatening you or you'll be agreeing to this contract under duress. That..wooo..that would not be good for Merasmus." "Exterior: A graveyard. We zoom in on a corpse holding a bloodstained contract. The corpse is yours! That's right! Merasmus has been working on a great screenplay!" "Ah ha ha ha ha, mortal! Can you murder Merasmus, himself? And if it's not too much trouble, can you do it before the Russian mob does it? Because they have made it really quite clear that they are not going to kill Merasmus quickly." "This contract is 100%, word-for-word, exactly Charles Dickens' Halloween classic: A Christmas Carol. Prepare to meet the ghost of Merasmus Past! The copyright lapsed! Awoooo!" "If you meet your doom in this next contract, thank Merasmus! And if you can read this infernal contract, thank a teacher! It's important work. They're underpaid. Happy Halloween everybody!"

Completed Merasmission

"Fool! A successful fool!" "Well done!" "Excellent!" "Magnificent!" "Begone contract! A mortal has bested you!" "Outstanding', mortal!" "(wicked laughter)" "Yeeesss!" "I return this contract from the stink pit from whence it came!" "You have bested my challenge, mortal!" "You have conquered my curs'd contract!" "You have triumphed over my terrifying terror task!" "Fool! Er, nicely done." "Infernal Merasmission...Accomplished!" "Merciless Merasmission...Mastered!" "Malignant Merasmission...Mastered!" Fighting Merasmus-specific "To HELL with you and your soul!" "Fool! You are a successful fool somehow!" "What! Crap, that's not right!" "Nooooo!" "You? Beat Merasmus? You know what, keep your soul! It's probably got garbage and dirt in it!" "What? How did you do that!" "What? You beat me? Merasmus demands a recount!" "You beat me? Noooo! I almost had your soul!" "I didn't even want your stink soul!" "You won? How did you win?" "You have got to be kidding Merasmus." "My debt to the Russian mob passes...to you! (wicked laughter)" "You may have killed me. But you're still a foo...hold on. What's that Gandalf? Uh huh. Gandalf wants you to know he's here in Wizard Heaven with me. Because he dies in the book. So we both hope that spoils that for you. Yes. Oh, and Harry Potter's here too." "Wait, wait, wait. Merasmus lagged. Do over."

Merasmission reward

"Your payment!" "Your payment!" "And now...the reward! "And now...the reward!" "Claim your reward!" "A contract...fulfilled!" "You're exceptional at killing, mortal. I could use your services again...with the Russians!" "You did well, mortal!" "Congratulations, mortal!" "Well done indeed, mortal! A pity you didn't read the fine print. For now, Merasmus has your parking space...for eternity!" "Well done, mortal. Well done indeed! Or should I say, Undead! (laughter) Can I borrow fifty dollars?" "Thanks for doing my evil bidding. Signed: Merasmus." "You did the evil, here's the reward!" "You committed the crimes, here's the payout!" "Merasmus pays his debts, especially to society! Merasmus has done some...hard time, mortal." "Slow down, champ! You're bleeding Merasmus dry!" "Take your prize, fool!" "Take your prize, fool!" "Fool! You've earned a prize!" "Welcome to the eldritchenining The terrifying ancient Sumerian rite of prize-giving! Two enter, one leaves...with a gift!" "Look at your contract, fool! Do you notice something horrifying? It is not notarized! Merasmus is giving you this prize provisionally! And he will see you in court! Awoooo!" "Fool! You made a deal with the devil! And now you'll reap the reward! Which is...this reward. The devil may have inadvertently dropped the ball on this one." "'Congratulations! The gift I give you...is death!' is what Merasmus would be saying if Merasmsus' lawyers hadn't advised him that death is not an acceptable form of payment in New Mexico." "Take your reward! Your eternal reward! Just to be clear though, Merasmus is not guaranteeing this thing forever. If it breaks within thirty days, fine, bring it back. After that, you're on your own! Awooo!"

Bonus

"Wow, that was really, REALLY good!" "Wow, Merasmus is impressed!" "You...you impressed Merasmus with this one!" "Merasmus does not impress easily. But you've done it, mortal! You impressed the big dog." "Merasmus does not impress easily. But you've done it! Mortal, you, you impressed the big dog." "For someone who has lived but one lifetime, mortal...you're pretty good at this!" "You...hmm, wow! I mean, just wow! Do you not have a...day job! Seriously, that's...wow!" "[slurring] Look! Merasmus's had a few cocktails! But you are the best, man! Seriously I...I love you, man!" "Merasmus isn't going to lie to you: that was reeeeally good!" "Fool! I...ah...good work. I don't even know why I'm calling you a fool half the time. It's just...you know Meramsus is into the Russian mob for a...reeeally lot of money. (light chuckle) They say they're going to cut Merasmus' fingers off. (chuckle) His fingers! Heh heh. Heh. Maybe Merasmus is the real fool. (nervous chuckle)"

Soul Gargoyle

Merasmus announces the arrival, capture, and departure of Soul Gargoyles on most Halloween maps. He is voiced by Nolan North.

Spawns

"A Gargoyle has spawned!" "A Gargoyle has arrived!" "A Gargoyle is somewhere on the map!" "Fool! Find the Gargoyle!" "A Gargoyle is here!" "A Gargoyle has arrived!"

Successful capture

"You got the Gargoyle!" "Well done, mortal!" "You have collected the Gargoyle!" "Yes! The Gargoyle is yours!"

Moves

"The Gargoyle, has moved!" "You took too long! The Gargoyle has moved!"

Disappears

"The Gargoyle is gone!" "The Gargoyle, is gone!" "You missed the Gargoyle!" "Too slow mortal! The Gargoyle, is gone!" "The Gargoyle has vanished to another realm!" "Not fast enough! The Gargoyle is gone!"