User:Texaneer

“

You just ain't doin' it right. Click to listen — Texaneer about valve items.

”

Texaneer
Basic information
Icon:
Type:	Multiprupose
Health:	125 /185 150 /225 With gunslinger
Speed:	"As fast as I can"

Texaneer is a BLU engineer who likes to make some stuff. He's (not) known from making (not so good) gmod videos and playing only in trade_ maps. Except making stuff he likes also Fallout, Transformers, mechs, Linkin Park, Coldplay, Queen and Minecraft. He also don't like colorful horse mutants(also known as ponies.) and he's sick of it because of their massive apperance and domination over TF2(but not only here. Also in Minecraft or deviantART). He represents ARC's Randomness element.

Main Prupose of this page

It not only serves as user account but I want to show to valve how their weapons SUCKS and needs to be changed.




P.s.: Does not includes cookies.

Changes that I want them in TF2

Weapons

Weapons
Class	Weapon	Current	Changes	Reason
Multiple classes	Melee Frying Pan	~	The item is now obtainable by craft and drop  Players who already owned Frying Pan before the update and not upgraded into Strange will have in Vintage quality  Alongside with Ellis Cap, it's no longer obtainable by purchasing Left 4 Dead 2  -25% chance to obtain from drops	~
	Melee Conscientious Objector	~	Pyro's Objector now uses Axe animations and Lollichop taunt  -25% chance to obtain from drops	no
	Melee Bat Outta Hell	~	Added level: Level 31 Bat  -25% chance to obtain from drops	~
Scout	Primary Soda Popper	Normal damage  requires 13 seconds of running and/or jumping to gain mini-crits	Hype builds by dealing damage  Requires 5000 damage to fill "Hype". Activates by taunting  Taunt fully restores health and adds 50% damage resistance for the duration of the taunt  Mini-crits does not apply to any other weapons  -15% damage penalty	I HATE THAT GUN. Really, totally not cool weapon. That's not fair that scout can get mini-crits by doing nothing.
	Primary Baby Face's Blaster	Jumping resets boost	Jumping takes only 25% of boost  Wearer can't double jump	Another badly desinged weapon for scout. It could be handy with winger.
	Secondary Winger	+25% greater jump height when active  -60% clip size	-25% slower firing speed  +25% greater jump height on wearer  -50% clip size	This is not a weapon, it's a tool. For babies.
	Secondary Flying Guillotine	Long distance hits cause mini-crits  100% critical hits vs stunned players  Regenerates within 6 seconds	Long distance hit cause normal damage  Mini-crits stunned players  Regenerates within 8 seconds  Damage formula tweak. Short distance hits deals 25 damage, medium distance cause 30-50 damage, long distance cause 60-100 damage.  Scouts equipped with guillotine can pick up thrown or dropped cleaver to recharge instantly	This is a second unfair weapon before Soda Popper. This is definitely uncool weapon. But the good thing is that you can easily avoid it if you are fast enough. If someone will bitch that FG is underpowered, then tell him/her/it that I'm out of fucks to give.
	Secondary Pretty Boy's Pocket Pistol	+50% fire damage vulnerability on wearer  -25% slower firing speed	No fire damage vulnerability on wearer  No fire rate penalty  -30% health from healers on wearer  25% longer weapon switch	This will probably work. Taking half more damage from fire is too ridiculous for my standards. I wanted also to slow down user's weapon switch rate because of, you know, sandman. And if they have more health, then we should cut his healing from healers a little bit.
	Melee Boston Basher	On miss: Hit yourself dealing 35 damage and bleeding effect.	On miss: Hit yourself without bleeding.  +30% damage to self	Scout shouldn't take bleeding to self. But he should take just damage to self. For short, user should take care of him/her/itself and don't miss. If he/she/it did, then he/she/it's fucked.
	Melee Atomizer	-20% damage penalty	No damage penalty	Putting damage penalty to slow firing tool is also ridiculous. It only makes weapon weaker. I think other players also thinks that damage penalty is useless.
Soldier	Primary Direct Hit	Mini-crits targets launched airborne by explosions  -70% explosion radius	Mini-crits airborne targets  -50% explosion radius	Just give a chance for soldiers who can use it and also help them to face airborne enemies like mid air scout or landing demoman. Also, a little thing to make it more user friendly for players who uses it first time.
	Primary Black Box	On hit: +15 health	+25 health restored on kill  -25% health from healers on wearer	It's not fair that soldier heals himself on hit. It could be ok UNLESS it's a Melee or secondary weapon. NOT primary. Btw. P.S.: The more enemies user kills, the more health will get.
	Primary Liberty Launcher	~	Deals mini-crits while the wielder is rocket jumping  +50% blast damage from rocket jumps  No random critical hits	If this became real, put Gunboats on. Current LL is a dull weapon. Nothing but Better projectile speed and less damage.
	Secondary Gunboats	~	-25% damage taken from falling	And Idea that came to my mind. People will like it more if we put something more to it.
	Secondary Righteous Bison	~	+20% Projectile speed	If Pomson suggestion is real.
	Secondary Reserve Shooter	Mini-crits airborne targets for 3 seconds after switch	Mini-crits airborne targets  No random critical hits	Again, just like Direct hit. But without random crits.
	Melee Escape Plan	You are marked for death while active, and for short period after switching weapons	No self mark for death while active  -25% damage penalty	Valve up screwed up a well done weapon because somewhat pussy couldn't finish off a soldier who wielded it.
	Melee Pain Train	~	Can be also equipped by pyro	Why not? If it looks like pyro weapon(and it supposed to be made for him too, if you take a look at early screenshot).
	Melee Market Gardener	~	Self mark for death for 5 seconds when drawn	Rocket Jumping is not a way to fight other players. It's ok only AGAINST slow moving targets and sniper who has no idea that you just jumped with rocket jumper. If you don't want to be a pussy who likes that thing, use shotgun or at least a somewhat rocket launcher that can kill.
	Melee Disciplinary Action	On Hit Ally: Boosts both players' speed for 4 seconds	On Hit Ally: Boosts both players' speed for 6 seconds	They should run faster for longer than 4 seconds. It could be even more better for other classes if it will last 6 seconds so you don't have to hit teammate all the time.
Pyro	Primary Flamethrower/Backburner/Degreaser	~	Has 1.0 second extended delay after using airblasts  Increased airblast cost from 20 to 30  Reflected projectiles are no longer mini-critical  Reflecting reflected projectile can be mini-critical	We all know that pyro is OP. The real pyro player shouldn't spam with airblasts and should not have any goddamn chance to finish off with Flare Gun/Reserve Shooter or Axtinguisher. For short: You have made a big mistake.
	Primary Backburner	+150% airblast cost  Critical hits enabled	+65% airblast cost  No random critical hits	If it says Backburner. Why still randomly crits?(Note: ariblast cost reduction would be implemented when airblast cost increase is applied)
	Primary Degreaser	65% faster weapon switch time  -25% burn damage penalty  -10% damage penalty	30% faster weapon switch time  -25% damage penalty  No burn damage penalty	Woah, calm down pooro. Don't be such a hated combo player. I don't care about being pr0.
	Melee Axtinguisher/Postal Pummeler	-50% damage vs. non burning targets  No critical hits vs. non burning targets	-50% damage penalty  Can randomly critical any player	A SUPAH DUPAH OVERPOWERDED AXE DAT CAN INSTAKEEL WITH Degreaser COMBO!!!!!!111!!!oneoneoneone!!! Ok, seriously. Axtinguisher/Postal Pummeler is OP as hell! It should deal less damage no matter if victim is on fire or not.
Demoman	Primary Bootlegger	+100% increase in turning control while charging	No turning control bonus while charging  -50% blast damage from explosive jumps	We don't need a skin for Wee booties. We demand gunboats for demoman.
	Secondary Splendid Screen	~	No critical hits from charge	Chargin Targe is also good enough...
	Melee Horseless Headless Horsemann's Headtaker	Unusual quality	Haunted quality  Horseless Headless Horseman Headtaker can be traded	I don't see anything "unusual" in remodeled halloween eyelander
	Melee Scotsman's Skullcutter	+20% damage bonus  -15% slower move speed on wearer	+25% damage bonus  No move speed penalty  No random critical hits  -25 max health on wearer	It's just an eyelander, only stronger(and does not provide health and speed bonus on kill).
	Melee Persian Persuader	+100% increase in charge recharge rate	+60% increase in charge recharge rate  -50% health from healers on wearer  +25% health from packs on wearer	Persian makes "Demoknight" way more annoying than usual. Just because normally it takes half time to recharge. Also player should get more health from ammo and less from Medics and Dispensers. And btw, Back Scratcher for demoman? Why not?
	Melee Claidheamh Mòr	-15 max health on wearer	On kill: Fully restores targe charge  -25 max health on wearer	Claidheamh Mòr like Liberty Launcher, it's a dull weapon. Nothing but extended charge distance. Player should be rewarded with restored charge so he can charge and kill players one by one.
Heavy	Primary Natascha	-25% damage penalty  30% longer spin up time	-20% damage penalty  20% longer spin up time	It spins too slow, so enemy scout has chance to kill you in seconds or two(especially when uses faggy Sandman + Flying Guillotine strategy). It needs to be reduced. Not much but reduced.
	Primary Brass Beast	~	+20 damage reistance when deployed	Since Valve removed the item set bonuses, we need to give something to brass.
	Primary Tomislav suggestion 1	+10% faster barrel spin-up  -20% slower firing speed	30% more accurate  No firerate penalty  No barrel spin-up time bonus  -20% damage penalty	More accurate Tomislav could be better than current, "fast spinning" Tommy. Also heavy could have higher chance to take down enemy on slightly longer distance.
	Primary Tomislav suggestion 2	+10% faster barrel spin-up  -20% slower firing speed	+40% faster barrel spin-up  No firerate penalty  -15% damage penalty	Old one was ok, but with that change than MAYBE spins 10% faster, it still spins with the rate of minigun.
	Primary Tomislav suggestion 3	+10% faster barrel spin-up  -20% slower firing speed	40% faster weapon switch speed  No firerate penalty  No barrel spin-up time bonus  -15% damage penalty	It would be good with fists of steel. And fast weapon switch for heavy would give higher chance to finish off his enemy or switch to GRU, or eat sandvich.
	Secondary Robo-Sandvich	~	Can be obtained by purchasing from mann co. store.	We have Ap-Sap in store. Now we have to do the same thing with this.
	Secondary Family Business	-15% damage penalty	Damage restores ammo for primary weapon  -20% damage penalty	Family Business is just an upgrade for stock Shotgun. How about that? A shotgun that gives ammo for your minigun every time you hurt?
	Melee Fists of Steel	-40% damage from ranged sources while active	+30% damage from ranged sources while active  -30% reduction in push force taken from damage	It will make it probably more useful. I don't mind tanking heavies maybe because 99.9% of heavies will simply tank with miniguns and medics with ubers.
	Melee Eviction Notice	~	On hit: +15 health	Just a little idea came to my mind. I think this will make more useful than current one.
Engineer	Primary Rescue Ranger	-50% max primary ammo on wearer  Self mark for death on building pick up	-25% max primary ammo on wearer  No self mark for death on building pick up  +25% damage vulnerability on building pick up	I know that this weapon serves as "Tool weapon" prupose, but it should be buffed. Not that much, but buffed.
	Primary Pomson 6000	On Hit: Victim loses 10% Medigun charge  On Hit: Victim loses 20% cloak	On Hit: Victim loses 15% of charge  +15% projectile speed  Deals only 20% damage to buildings (Shown)  No random critical hits	Who needs medigun charge and cloak drain while you can drain Hype, Boost, Rage, Demoman's targe charge and Focus? Also, we need to cut it down a lil' bit by lowering damage and removing random crits. And make damage penalty to buildings shown and increase projectile speed a lil' bit.
	Melee Jag	+30%(it's about 18%) faster building rate (bugged)	+25% faster building rate (WORKING)	I know, Valve will never change none of these weapons on my list. I perfecly know. Even they won't fix jag which instead of 30% build speed bonus we got about 18% bonus.
Medic	Primary Crusader's Crossbow	+40% faster reloading speed	+25% faster reloading speed	I'm not a big fan of that gun. But faster reload speed pisses me off that could turn me into Jarate Machine Gun.
	Secondary Kritzkrieg	Taunt heals 11 hp	Taunt heals 50 hp	It's not so much for heavily wounded medic, even health regeneration doesn't help much(Not that bad, but not so much). If player want fully restore health, then he/she/it should "get stoned" so much till health is 100% or die from filthy F2P scout's scatter gun.
	Melee Amputator		+1 health regenerated per second on wearer  +20% fire damage vulnerability on wearer	It would be handy when player uses blutsauger. And again, no item set effects so.
Sniper	Primary Machina	Full charge: +15% damage bonus	Full charge: +25% damage bonus  -20% charge rate	Nothing personal. I just wanted to shut up those so called "Headshot-Only-pr0-1337-Unusual-Black Bill-Sniper" players.
	Secondary Cleaner's Carbine	On kill: 3 seconds of 100% critical chance  -35% slower firing speed	On kill: 5 seconds of 100% critical chance  -20% slower firing speed	Short crit chance time and slow firing rate makes this weapon UP, it needs a buff.
	Melee Bushwacka	~	No random critical hits	Most people use it for Jarate + Bushwacka strategy to get rid off attackers. So why does it crit randomly?(P.s.: I think they will hate me when it will be implemented.)
Spy	Primary Diamondback	-15% damage penalty	No damage penalty  -25% slower firing speed	Maybe this is a reason why players dislike diamondback. But fire rate penalty is required to keep this weapon balanced.
	Melee Big Earner	-25 max health on wearer	No max health penalty  -25% slower firing speed	Someone suggested this on steam forums. I must say, I approve his suggestion
	Melee Conniver's Kunai	On Backstab: Absorbs the health from your victim.	On Backstab: Absorbs the health from your victim and temporarily increase max health  Max health extension: up to 225 HP for 12 seconds.  Health drain depends on class max HP.  High max HP - 225, low max HP - 100.  Cannot see enemy health	Another idea that came to my mind. It's just a cross between Kunai and Dalokohs Bar. The highest max HP has victim(Heavy, or demoman with 200 hp or more) the more health you get.

Hats and miscs

Hats
Class	Hat	Changes	Reason
All Class	Hat Bill's hat	Can be obtained by craft and drop  Players who already owned Bill's hat before the update will have in Vintage quality	I don't like bills. Not because I don't have one. Just, don't, like, them.
	Hat Ellis' Cap	Can be obtained by craft and drop  Players who already owned Ellis' Cap before the update will have in Vintage quality  Alongside with Frying Pan, it's no longer obtainable by purchasing Left 4 Dead 2	~
	Hat Spiral Sallet	The item is tradeable  The item has styles: Open(default), Closed and Mighty(original Mighty Cobalt Helm colors)	~
	Misc Game promo medals	Awesomenauts Badge, Vigilant Pin, Whale Bone Charm, Merc Medal, Mark of the Saint, Hitt Mann Badge, Croft's Crest, Heroic Companion Badge, Bolgan Family Crest, Companion Cube Pin and Atomic Accolade are no longer obtainable trough craft, mann co. store purchase and drop.	It's a reward from game purchase, isn't it?
Soldier	Hat Battle Bob	Changed from hat into misc	It looks terrible as hat.
Demoman	Misc Battery Bandolier	Can be also worn by Soldier and Pyro	Whatever
Heavy	Hat One-Man Army/Your Worst Nightmare	One-Man Army is merged with Your Worst Nightmare headwear for sniper under the name One-Mann Army, which can be worn both by Heavy and Sniper.  Replaced Your Worst Nightmare with One-Mann Army	That makes no sense, have 2 identical hats for other classes that is not one hat.

Tools

Tools
Class	Tool/s	Changes	Reason
Tools	Tools Team Paints	All team paints can be obtained by drop.	~
	Tools Other Paints	Pink as hell, A colour similiar to Slate, Dark Salomon Injustice, A bitter taste of Defeat and Lime, The Color of a Gentlemann's Business Pants, Drably Olive, Mann's Mint, After Eight, A Distinctive Lack of Hue and An Extraordinary Abundance of Tinge are obtainable by dropping.	~

Sentry Buster

Sentry Buster
Sentry Buster	Current	Changes	Reason
Sentry Buster	2500 HP  187% move speed	1300 HP  100% move speed	Nobody likes sentry busters you hear me?

Suggestion zone

My head is full of (Sometimes) good ideas. Here we can see my suggestions(Meh-LON):

Robots

Robot Ideas
Robot	Name/Image	Weapon	Hat	Misc	Notes / Abilities
Scout	150px Gift Robot	Festive Bat	Gifting Man From Gifting Land	None	5000 hp  Moves twice as fast  Swings twice as fast  +100% knockback resistance  Drops comparable to tank large mount of credits  Rare type of robot  -50% damage penalty  Does not pick ups bombs  Attacks only if hurt by player  Spawns randomly like Sentry Buster, but much less frequently
	150px Major Scout	Baby Face's Blaster	Hermes	None	5000 hp  Fires twice as fast  +50% bullets per pellet  +4 pellets to max clip  Does not fire until fully reloaded  -20% slower move speed
Soldier	150px Space Marine	Righteous Bison	None	None	Fires penetrating energy bolts  Projectile cannot be deflected  +25% faster move speed  150 HP  -50% damage vs. buildings  Attacks in very large groups.
	150px Super Space Marine	Cow Mangler 5000	None	None	Fires fast travelling energy bolts  Can sometimes charge the shot that would disable sentry guns for several seconds  -50% damage vs. buildings
	150px Giant Space Marine	Cow Mangler 5000	Cross-Comm Crash Helmet	None	4500 HP  Fires fast travelling energy bolts  Can and will charge the shot that would disable sentry guns for several seconds  -50% slower move speed  -50% damage vs. buildings  Does not fire until fully reloaded
Pyro	150px FireFighter	Detonator	Brigade Helm	None	1.9x larger in size  50.000 HP  +60% knockback resistance  Extra +90% vertical airblast resistance  Fires and reloads twice as fast  100% chance for critical hit on burning targets  Provides 90% less rage  Heals 150 health per second  -50% move speed
Demoman	150px Samurai Demo	Half-Zatoichi	Samur-Eye	None	250 HP  Fully restores health on kill  Attacks in very large groups  Katana wielders deal and take instant kills
	150px Giant Samurai	Half-Zatoichi	Samur-Eye	Menpo	5000 hp  Fully restores health on kill  On kill: 3 seconds of mini-crits  Katana wielders deals double damage to robot  -50% slower move speed
Heavy	150px Robo-Santa	Festive Mini-gun	B.M.O.C.	All-Father	5000 HP  +70% knockback resistance  +50% damage bonus  -50% move speed  Cannot see past 1200 units  Explodes with gifts on death  Appears only on special MvM christmass event map
	150px Giant Festive Deflector	Festive Deflector	U-clank-a	Merc's Muffler	5000 HP  +70% knockback resistance  +50% damage bonus  Can shoot down projectiles  -50% move speed  Cannot see past 1200 units  Appears only on special MvM christmass event map
	150px Bear Force Heavy	Warrior's Spirit	Big Chief	None	50% larger in size  500 HP  +30% damage bonus  +50% critical hit resistance
Engineer	150px Festive Engineer Robot	Festive Wrench	Industrial Festivizer	None	Appears only on special MvM christmass event map
Medic	150px Crit Charger	Kritzkrieg	Surgeon's Stahlhelm	None	Spawns With Full UberCharge  +500% ubercharge rate  Ubercharge Lasts 5 seconds  Primary slot disabled  Can charge with ubersaw when patient is killed
Sniper	150px Penetrator	Machina	None	Deus Specs	Uses penetrating rounds  +35% damage bonus  Uses tracer rounds  -20% slower firing speed

Crates

Crates
Crate no.	Item
No. 72
	Strange Minigun
	Strange Righteous Bison
	Strange Vita-Saw
	Strange Part: Friends Killed (Counts number of killed players from friend list)
	Strange Part: Disguised Spys Killed
	Strange Part: Domination Kills
	Blighted Beak
	Last Breath
No. 73
	Strange Ambassador
	Strange Claidheamh Mòr
	Strange Pretty Boy's Pocket Pistol
	Strange Part: Stunned players killed
	Strange Part: Airbourne kills
	Strange Part: Enviromental Kills
	Private Eye
	Team Captain
No. 80 (select reserve)
	Strange AWPer Hand
	Strange Scottish Handshake
	Strange Solemn Vow
	Strange Cloak and Dagger
	Strange Cow Mangler 5000