Hat Describing Contest

The Hat Describing Contest is a contest that was announced on August 24, 2010.

Following criticism that previous TF2 contests shunned players without a more than average skill in computer modelling, the TF2 team announced this contest in the blog post with an aim to reach the majority of the community, albeit those registered on the forums. The object of the contest is to allow members of the community to give descriptions to the various in game hats.

Guidelines and Deadline

The deadline for the Hat Describing Contest was August 27, 2010. Submissions were posted in their proper threads on the Steam Users' Forums.

Submission Rules

• Give a brief, interesting description of the item in 75 words or less.
• You must be the sole author of the description and the material must be original to you.
• The winning descriptions for each item will be determined by the TF2 team and may be used in game.

Prizes

There are no prizes per se, besides the winner's entries being added to the game.

Winners

Scout

Winner	Item	Description
TheTwoTonHammer		You'll be batting a thousand (skulls in) when you don this red piece of plastic!
PrO-bOy		When drinking one radioactive beverage at a time is not enough.
Doreauxgard42		Extra! Extra! You're frickin' dead!
AndyAML		Everyone knows that speed is a Scout’s best friend. Why weigh yourself down with bulky hats when you can break the sound barrier without them?
spam_word		Straight outta control point.
Sketch56		You'd have to be a jughead not to realize this cap is the pinnacle of fashion for the discerning youth.

Soldier

Winner	Item	Description
Man Of Faith ™		This hat does not in any way, shape or form, promote smoking or gambling.
DrMelon		I kicked your ass so hard it went back in time and got me this VIKING HAT.
cypherx82		Protects cranium from bullets and shrapnel. Also heats soup.
Lamech		Given to those few, brave soldiers whom stood guard valiantly, without sleep, nourishment, or a social life.
f3doraman		A haiku for war. To defeat one's enemies. Honor the crocket.
peregrine7		This hat is a handy replacement for profanity-filled ranting when you don't feel like shouting yourself hoarse.

Pyro

Winner	Item	Description
Colonelcool		It doesn't matter how much people respect you when they're on fire.
crushilista		At least he's still telling you to burn things.
ASpieboy		Pyro wears this in tribute to the many firefighters who have perished trying to quell his flames.
JJ10DMAN		The most distinguished tape-on fire-retardant facial hair available, for the discerning gentleman of conflagration.

Demoman

Winner	Item	Description
icenine0		Three sharp corners mean one sharp hat. Don't poke your eye out.

Heavy

Winner	Item	Description
Potatoblight		This hat was made of bear hands. That bear was killed with bare hands.
FarazParsa		Because when you're the toughest Mother Hubbard in the fort, nobody's criticizing your fashion sense.
Silentman		Your opponents will be all shook up when they see these sweet shades and coif.
?		It costs $400,000 to wear this bandanna for 12 seconds.

Engineer

Winner	Item	Description
ravn0s		For Engineers with bright ideas.
drewhead118		Though it looks like a simple ten-gallon hat, this modern feat of engineering actually contains more moving parts than a level 2 Sentry Gun.
FarazParsa		Sometimes you just need a little less hat.
Shapechanger		Mock the sun with streaks of flame as the UV rays bounce harmlessly away from your eyeballs.
foxtrot261		It gets difficult trying to calculate the total external applied torque to a body's rotational motion through its moment of momentum vector while the distracting sounds of gunfire and death are all around you. Build a better, safer machine with the silence of the Safe'n'Sound!

Medic

Winner	Item	Description
This_Is_Not_Spy		A relic from one war brought into another. Your enemy will get the point.
CptObvious		We can't pronounce it either.
AgentJAK		Scrub in... things are about to get messy.
Esquilax		While lacking the cachet of other hats, the Gatsby nonetheless possesses its own sartorial elegance. Its understated and affable charm appeals to everyone, whether playing a round of golf with friends or performing non-elective surgery with a well-polished Bonesaw.

Sniper

Winner	Item	Description
Limeaide		Any old sap can pull teeth from a dead crocodile. It takes a man to pull teeth from a live one.
Nineaxis		A polite, efficient hat to wear when killing everyone you meet.
Magi Kavin		Only a master of Jarate earns the right to wear this once-white bandanna, stained yellow from the rigors of a harsh training regimen.
Jinbei		His bullet was close. I lost my hat. My bullet was closer. He lost his head.
G.I.R.		Perfect for exploring the outback and the inside of people's heads.
Reclaimer077		Gone Snipin'.

Spy

Winner	Item	Description
Kenori		This smooth, suave, silk-lined beauty can turn any amateur backstabber into a handsome rogue.
caeonosphere		For when you wish your head was a little taller, but just as round on top.
Codo		You wouldn't mind if I read this top secret document with my beard, would you?
Shapechanger		They say justice is blind. What they don't tell you is that justice is also invisible, and also less interested in justice than murder.
SoulDestroy		Because real espionage is an artform.

All class

Winner	Item	Description
AndyAML		Though some would stop at nothing to achieve hats, you remained resolute and incorruptible in your quest for head decorations. For that, you have been rewarded.
Esquilax		Elegant simplicity and old-world charm combined with the heady aromas of mould and grave dust.
Duffren		Brown paper never looked so mildly disturbing.
Calvary		Left 4 You.
Fredrik1ST		Because a Gentleman is not one without one.
Nekopawed		For the Gentleman who believes even his hat deserves a hat.
Coconuts		A-ha-ha! You are as PRESUMPTUOUS as you are POOR and IRISH. Tarnish notte the majesty of my TOWER of HATS.
crushilista		Even though you were late to the party, you were still the life of it.
Optimus357		Sure, some may have been doing it longer. But you've proven few can do it better.
SappinMySentry		Display this on your chest proudly, Soldier. Each time you kill someone, they'll know they weren't the first.
NB820		A true warrior's medal, given to those who fought before the battle even started.
Grug		This cute little guy was once the scourge of humanity in another time and place. Now he's content to ride on your head and keep the sun off.

External Links

• Hat Describing Contest