Hat Describing Contest
| “ | Fans have been mailing us for some time now, asking for a contest that didn't involve modeling or level design. So now they get their wish. That's right: you'll be competing over who can describe hats the best. Introducing the first ever TF2 Hat Describing Contest.
— TF2 Official Blog
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” |
The Hat Describing Contest was a contest announced on August 24, 2010.
Following criticism that previous TF2 contests shunned players that lacked above-average skill in computer modeling, the TF2 team announced the competition in a blog post. The aim was to introduce a contest that would be accessible to the majority of the community, albeit those registered on the Steam forums. The object of the contest was to allow members of the community to write descriptions for the various in-game cosmetic items available at the time.
Winning entries, as selected by Valve, were added to the corresponding item in-game as an official description.
Guidelines and Deadline
The deadline for the Hat Describing Contest was August 27, 2010. Submissions were posted in a series of specially-created threads on the Steam Users' Forums.
Submission Rules
- Give a brief, interesting description of the item in 75 words or less.
- You must be the sole author of the description and the material must be original to you.
- The winning descriptions for each item will be determined by the TF2 team and may be used in-game.
List of winners
| Forum name | Class | Cosmetic | Description | Forum post |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| TheTwoTonHammer | Scout |  Batter's Helmet |
You'll be batting a thousand (skulls in) when you don this red piece of plastic! | Link |
| PrO-bOy | Scout |  Bonk Helm |
When drinking one radioactive beverage at a time is not enough. | Link |
| Doreauxgard42 | Scout |  Ye Olde Baker Boy |
Extra! Extra! You're frickin' dead! | Link |
| AndyAML | Scout |  Baseball Bill's Sports Shine |
Everyone knows that speed is a Scout's best friend. Why weigh yourself down with bulky hats when you can break the sound barrier without them? | Link |
| spam_word | Scout |  Troublemaker's Tossle Cap |
Straight outta control point. | Link |
| Sketch56 | Scout |  Whoopee Cap |
You'd have to be a jughead not to realize this cap is the pinnacle of fashion for the discerning youth. | Link |
| Man Of Faith ™ | Soldier |  Soldier's Stash |
This hat does not in any way, shape, or form, promote smoking or gambling. | Link |
| DrMelon | Soldier |  Tyrant's Helm |
I kicked your ass so hard it went back in time and got me this VIKING HAT. | Link |
| cypherx82 | Soldier |  Stainless Pot |
Protects cranium from bullets and shrapnel. Also heats soup. |
Link |
| Lamech | Soldier |  Gentle Manne's Service Medal |
Given to those few brave soldiers whom stood guard valiantly without sleep, nourishment, or a social life. | Link |
| f3doraman | Soldier |  Killer's Kabuto |
A Haiku for war. To defeat one's enemies. Honor the crocket. |
Link |
| peregrine7 | Soldier |  Sergeant's Drill Hat |
This hat is a handy replacement for profanity-filled ranting when you don't feel like shouting yourself hoarse. | Link |
| Colonelcool | Pyro |  Respectless Rubber Glove |
It doesn't matter how much people respect you when they're on fire. | Link |
| crushilista | Pyro |  Triboniophorus Tyrannus |
At least he's still telling you to burn things. | Link |
| ASpieboy | Pyro |  Vintage Merryweather |
Pyro wears this in tribute to the many firefighters who have perished trying to quell his flames. | Link |
| JJ10DMAN | Pyro |  Whiskered Gentleman |
The most distinguished tape-on fire-retardant facial hair available, for the discerning gentleman of conflagration. | Link |
| icenine0 | Demoman |  Tippler's Tricorne |
Three sharp corners mean one sharp hat. Don't poke your eye out. |
Link |
| Potatoblight | Heavy |  Officer's Ushanka |
This hat was made of bear hands. That bear was killed with bare hands. |
Link |
| FarazParsa | Heavy |  Tough Guy's Toque |
Because when you're the toughest Mother Hubbard in the fort, nobody's criticizing your fashion sense. | Link |
| Silentman | Heavy |  Hound Dog |
Your opponents will be all shook up when they see these sweet shades and coif. | Link |
| ravn0s | Engineer |  Mining Light |
For Engineers with bright ideas. | Link |
| drewhead118 | Engineer |  Texas Ten Gallon |
Though it looks like a simple ten-gallon hat, this modern feat of engineering actually contains more moving parts than a level 2 Sentry Gun. | Link |
| FarazParsa | Engineer |  Texas Slim's Dome Shine |
Sometimes you just need a little less hat. | Link |
| Shapechanger | Engineer |  Hotrod |
Mock the sun with streaks of flame as the UV rays bounce harmlessly away from your eyeballs. | Link |
| foxtrot261 | Engineer |  Safe'n'Sound |
It gets difficult trying to calculate the total external applied torque to a body's rotational motion through its moment of momentum vector while the distracting sounds of gunfire and death are all around you. Build a better, safer machine with the silence of the Safe'n'sound! | Link |
| This_Is_Not_Spy | Medic |  Prussian Pickelhaube |
A relic from one war brought into another. Your enemy will get the point. |
Link |
| CptObvious | Medic |  Otolaryngologist's Mirror |
We can't pronounce it either. | Link |
| AgentJAK | Medic |  Physician's Procedure Mask |
Scrub in... things are about to get messy. | Link |
| Esquilax | Medic |  Gentleman's Gatsby |
While lacking the cachet of other hats, the Gatsby nonetheless possesses its own sartorial elegance. Its understated and affable charm appeals to everyone, whether playing a round of golf with friends or performing non-elective surgery with a well-polished bonesaw. | Link |
| Limeaide | Sniper |  Trophy Belt |
Any old sap can pull teeth from a dead crocodile. It takes a man to pull teeth from a live one. |
Link |
| Nineaxis | Sniper |  Professional's Panama |
A polite, efficient hat to wear when killing everyone you meet. | Link |
| Magi Kavin | Sniper |  Master's Yellow Belt |
Only a master of Jarate earns the right to wear this once-white bandanna, stained yellow from the rigors of a harsh training regimen. | Link |
| Jinbei | Sniper |  Ritzy Rick's Hair Fixative |
His bullet was close. I lost my hat. My bullet was closer. He lost his head. |
Link |
| G.I.R. | Sniper |  Shooter's Sola Topi |
Perfect for exploring the outback and the inside of people's heads. | Link |
| Reclaimer077 | Sniper |  Bloke's Bucket Hat |
Gone Snipin'. | Link |
| Kenori | Spy |  Fancy Fedora |
This smooth, suave, silk-lined beauty can turn any amateur backstabber into a handsome rogue. | Link |
| caeonosphere | Spy |  Backbiter's Billycock |
For when you wish your head was a little taller, but just as round on top. |
Link |
| Codo | Spy |  Camera Beard |
You wouldn't mind if I read this top secret document with my beard, would you? | Link |
| Shapechanger | Spy |  Magistrate's Mullet |
They say justice is blind. What they don't tell you is that justice is also invisible, and also less interested in justice than murder. | Link |
| SoulDestroy | Spy |  Frenchman's Beret |
Because real espionage is an artform. | Link |
| AndyAML | All classes |  Cheater's Lament |
Though some would stop at nothing to achieve hats, you remained resolute and incorruptible in your quest for head decorations. For that, you have been rewarded. | Link |
| Esquilax | All classes |  Ghastly Gibus |
Elegant simplicity and old-world charm combined with the heady aromas of mould and grave dust. | Link |
| Duffren | All classes |  Mildly Disturbing Halloween Mask |
Brown paper never looked so mildly disturbing. | Link |
| Calvary | All classes |  Bill's Hat |
Left 4 You. | Link |
| Fredrik1ST | All classes |  Modest Pile of Hat |
Because a Gentleman is not one without one. | Link |
| Nekopawed | All classes |  Noble Amassment of Hats |
For the Gentleman who believes even his hat deserves a hat. | Link |
| Coconuts | All classes |  Towering Pillar of Hats |
A-ha-ha! You are as PRESUMPTUOUS as you are POOR and IRISH. Tarnish notte the majesty of my TOWER of HATS. | Link |
| crushilista | All classes |  Mercenary |
Even though you were late to the party, you were still the life of it. | Link |
| Optimus357 | All classes |  Soldier of Fortune |
Sure, some may have been doing it longer. But you've proven few can do it better. | Link |
| SappinMySentry | All classes |  Grizzled Veteran |
Display this on your chest proudly, soldier. Each time you kill someone, they'll know they weren't the first. | Link |
| NB820 | All classes |  Primeval Warrior |
A true warrior's medal, given to those who fought before the battle even started. | Link |
| Grug | All classes |  Alien Swarm Parasite |
This cute little guy was once the scourge of humanity in another time and place. Now he's content to ride on your head and keep the sun off. | Link |
