Fancy vs. Nasty Update

The Fancy vs. Nasty update is an unofficial update, created by Mister Royzo. It has been mentioned in the TF2 Official Blog. [1]

Story, Day One

The Spy receives the Administrator's letter

The RED team receives a letter from the Administrator:

“

Dear RED Mercenaries Congratulations. For the first time in this disastrous chain of misfortune I call your 'employment' there's actually been success. The past few weeks you have been especially victorious and I feel compelled to motivate this kind of behavior. I've prepared a dinner party for all of you in a fancy restaurant I regularly enjoy called "L'Appétit", though I highly doubt the likes of you ever go there. Since this will be the first time you're going to an actual grown-up event I'll inform you of the etiquette that's involved: Don't take weaponry with you, don't yell, don't murder, don't talk about your job and I better not see your military-cut scalp. Provided you don't develop hair as impossibly fast as my dog seems to that means you'll have to get fancy headgear before you join us. See to it that you do. Don't disappoint me. — The Administrator

”

The Soldier responds with a letter to his team.

The BLU team doesn't take kindly to this revelation and the Soldier responds to this by writing a letter to his own team.

“

Dear Co-workers Listen up Ladies! As if our failure streak isn't bad enough already, a little birdy told me that those dress-wearing RED pansies are being rewarded for their obvious cheating! Not surprisingly they're playing dress-up with hats for a nancy pantsy tea-party in L'Appétit! How about we rough up their tea-time a little? Have our own kind of party, BLU style! Get your nastiest, most brutal weapon of choice and meet me at the back of this French-named circus! If you're too much of a pansy for close-quarter combat you should just stay home and read your girl magazines. — The Soldier

”

Day Two

The RED Spy, Pyro and Heavy are seen walking into L'Appétit wearing their new hats: For Pyro it's Madame Dixie, for Heavy, Coupe D'Isaster and for Spy, Détective Noir.

Around the back of the restaurant the BLU Medic and Demoman are waiting anxiously wielding their new weapons: For Medic, it's the Krankensage and for the Demoman, a tongue-twisting Claidheamohmor.

Madame Dixie

The Madame Dixie is a downloadable headwear model replacement for the Pyro. It appears as a purple hat with pink roses at the front and is supposedly modeled after retro ladies' flower-decked headwear from the time period of the game's setting. It is a joke at the fact that the Pyro's gender is ambiguous and wildly speculated to be female.

Can be downloaded to replace the Ghastly Gibus, Pyro's Beanie, Brigade Helm, Respectless Rubber Glove, or Triboniophorus Tyrannus.

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Coupe D'Isaster

The Coupe D'Isaster is a downloadable headwear model replacement for the Heavy. It appears as a jokingly awful looking toupee. Resembles the hair of the character Dudley from Street Fighter.

Can be downloaded to replace the Ghastly Gibus, Football Helmet, Officer's Ushanka, Tough Guy's Toque, or Hound Dog

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Détective Noir

The Détective Noir is a downloadable headwear model replacement for the Spy. It is designed after the classic detective headgear of gumshoes of the time period. Team colored versions are included in the download.

Can be downloaded to replace the Ghastly Gibus, Fancy Fedora, Backbiter's Billycock, or Magistrate's Mullet

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The Krankensage

The Krankensage is a downloadable weapon model replacement for the Medic's Übersaw. It appears as a more threatening looking version of the Medic's default Bonesaw with bigger teeth along the blade, but includes an ÜberCharge meter like its unlockable counterpart, the Übersaw (unlike the Übersaw, the meter is jiggleboned). It also has a black handle and a knob.

Can be downloaded to replace the Übersaw

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Claidheamohmor

The Claidheamohmor is a downloadable weapon model replacement for the Demoman's Eyelander. It appears as a sword with an ornate hilt guard and pommel, as well as a plaid patterned grip and a pair of spikes on the blade near the grip. A blood spatter appears on the blade.

The weapon's name is pronounced "clay-dee-ah-MOCH-more," which is the Scottish pronunciation of Claymore.

Can be downloaded to replace the Eyelander

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Day Three

The RED Sniper, Medic and Soldier are all sitting around a table with their new headwear, awaiting their nourishment. The Sniper with his crocodile leather hat and the Medic with his German bowler hat look judgingly at the Soldier and his patriotic helmet, not quite understanding the dress code.

The BLU Pyro and Soldier are in the kitchen wielding their weapons: a Frying Pan for the Soldier and the Backscratcher for the Pyro.

The Patriot

The Patriot is a headwear model replacement for the Soldier. It appears as a smooth motorcycle helmet with a dark visor, and is painted with a blue section with white stars on the top and red and white stripes along the side. The picture as seen on the website was established by envmap work done by NeoDement.

Can be downloaded to replace the Ghastly Gibus, Stainless Pot, Tyrant's Helm, or Killer's Kabuto.

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German Gonzila

The German Gonzila is a headwear model replacement for the Medic. It appears as a hybrid of the Spy's Backbiter's Billycock and the Medic's Vintage Tyrolean, but with grayish-black colors.

Can be downloaded to replace the Ghastly Gibus, Prussian Pickelhaube, Vintage Tyrolean, or Otolaryngologist's Mirror.

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Crocleather Slouch

The Crocleather Slouch is a headwear model replacement for the Sniper. It appears similar to the hat worn by Crocodile Dundee, but replaces the ring of teeth with crocodile leather.

Can be downloaded to replace the Ghastly Gibus, Master's Yellow Belt, Professional's Panama, or Shooter's Sola Topi

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Frying Pan

The Frying Pan is a downloadable weapon model replacement for the Soldier's Equalizer. It has a big dent with a bloodstain on it.

Can be downloaded to replace the Equalizer

An updated version that replaces the official Frying Pan weapon was released in TF2 Emporium XXIV.

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Backscratcher

The Backscratcher is a downloadable weapon replacement for the Pyro's Axtinguisher. It appears as a green garden rake with a wooden handle. The rake's end is covered in blood.

Another possible joke that the Pyro is female and may do garden work. Because that's what females do.

Can be downloaded to replace the Axtinguisher

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Day Four

The brawl inside L'Appétit begins, as the RED Scout, with his Trilby, the Demoman, fitted with his Celtic Crown, and Engineer, with his Buckaroo Hat, confront the BLU Heavy, wielding his Fists of Steel, and Scout, swinging his Boston Basher.

Celtic Crown

The Celtic Crown is a headwear model replacement for the Demoman. It is styled after the crowns of the Kings of Middle Ages Scotland.

Can be downloaded to replace the Ghastly Gibus, Demoman's Fro, Glengarry Bonnet, Scotsman's Stove Pipe, or Hustler's Hallmark.

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Flipped Trilby

The Flipped Trilby is a headwear model replacement for the Scout. It appears as a trilby, but worn backwards. It may refer to the Scout's rebellious teenage nature.

Can be downloaded to replace the Ghastly Gibus, Bonk Helm, Ye Olde Baker Boy, or Troublemaker's Tossle Cap

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Buckaroo's Hat

The Buckaroo's Hat is a headwear model replacement for the Engineer. It appears as a black hat, similar to the Texas Ten Gallon, but with a smaller brim and a white band around the center.

Can be downloaded to replace the Ghastly Gibus, Texas Ten Gallon, Engineer's Cap, or Hotrod

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Fists of Steel

The Fists of Steel are a downloadable replacement for the Heavy's K.G.B, including new sound effects. They reference the Heavy's "My Fists, they are made of steel" comment.

An updated version that adds a Gloves of Running Urgently skin was released in TF2 Emporium XXIV.

They also exist as a unique weapon within the Advanced Weaponiser, having custom statistics and the ability to damage opponents by knocking them into walls.

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Boston Basher

The Boston Basher is a weapon model replacement for the Scout's Sandman. The skin only replaces the bat. It appears as a club with black spikes along it and a bloodstain.

Can be download to replace the Sandman

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Trivia

The image of the Soldier's letter reads quite differently than the text shown in the update:

“

Quoted text. — I hope the TF2 community won't be able to read this because I'm dedicated to writing silly things here. Then again, who looks for easter eggs in an unofficial community update. Oh lord this text will show up even bigger. Let's hope they don't have that fancy CSI software people sh[ink spot] to have on TV. Or paint for that matter. Or a magnifying glass. Oh will they be disappointed when they actually find out what's written here. They must have thought it was the [release?] date for Episode 3 & they actually went to get the CSI software, Oh dear. Did I just delay some- thing? I hope not. Speaking of future Valve [titles?], I wonder what Portal 2's like. It's rumoured to be showcased at the next E3. I hope so, last E3 was rather disappointing in the Valve area. Oh well. Oh dear, will this wall of text match up to the one on the website? Maybe I should see. Signed, The Soldier

”