Miss Pauling responses/zh-hans

宝琳小姐语音回应是玩家在枪魂更新或艰难假日更新活动期间，接受或完成合同时所触发的语音回应。其中宝琳小姐的所有语音都可以在下方试听。

这些语音只有在玩家连接至官方服务器时才会触发。在连接状态下解码（获取）新合同时，系统会根据玩家当前所选的兵种触发一条语音，语音内容同具体的合同内容无关。

枪魂

合同相关语音回应

新合同

新的稀有合同

"This contract's big. Don't pass this up." “这可是份大合同，可别把它错过了！” "It's Pauling. This is a big one. That means a big payday." “这里是宝琳。这是个大合同。这意味着这是高回报工作。” "Pauling here. This contract's big. I don't give these out everyday." “这里是宝琳。这可是份大合同, 我可不会每天都给人这种合同。” "It's Pauling. This is a high value contract. That means a big reward on this one." “这里是宝琳。这是一份高价值合同。这表示着报酬很丰富。” "Pauling here. This contract's big. And big contracts mean big payouts." “这里是宝琳。这是一份大合同。大合同意味着大回报。” "Ok, I managed to get you one of the big contracts. And that means a big payday. Don't make me look bad." “好的，我帮你弄到了一份大合同。这也意味着高回报。别让我失望了。” "It's Pauling. This is a big one. Don't screw it up." “这里是宝琳。这是个大合同。别出乱子了。” "Ok, I've pulled some strings and secured you one of the big contracts. This'll be a high-end payout so get it done." “好的，我动用了一点人际关系给你找到了个大合同。这个报酬很高，所以一鼓作气完成吧。” "I made some calls and got you one of the big contracts. I don't give these out everyday, so don't screw it up, all right?" “我打了几个电话帮你弄到了这一份大合同。我可不会每天都发布这些合同，所以别搞砸了，好吗?”

新的侦察兵合同

"Scout? Pauling here." “侦察兵?这里是宝琳”。 "Scout? Miss Pauling here." “侦察兵？宝琳在这里。” "Hey Scout. It's Pauling." “嗨，侦察兵。这里是宝琳。” "Hey Scout. It's Pauling.Got a contract for you." “嗨，侦察兵。这里是宝琳。帮你弄到了一份合同。” "Scout, Pauling here. I've got work." “侦察兵，这里是宝琳。我有份差事给你。” "Hey Scout, Pauling here. I need your help." “嘿，侦察兵。这里是宝琳。我需要你的帮助。” "Hey Scout, Pauling here. Think you can handle this?" “嘿，侦察兵。这里是宝琳。你认为你能搞定这个吗?” "Scout, Pauling here. This one came right from the Administrator." “侦察兵，这里是宝琳。这有份来自管理员的合同。” "Scout, it's Pauling. Something big just came up." “侦察兵，这里是宝琳。有大事找上门了。” "Scout, it's Pauling. Listen up, this is big." “侦察兵，这里是宝琳。听好了，这是份大事情。” "Scout? Pauling. Don't talk, just listen. I've got a job." “侦察兵？宝琳在这。别说话，只要听。我找到了份差事。” "Hey Scout. Take a look at this." “嘿，侦察兵。看一眼这个。” "Scout, it's Pauling. This isn't a social call. I've got work." “侦察兵，这里是宝琳。我不是打来跟你闲聊的，我有差事给你做。” 稀有合同 "Scout? Pauling. I need something done fast. I thought of you." “侦察兵?这里是宝琳。我有件事要很快完成，我只能想到你。 "Hey Scout. First, 'No' to whatever you're about to ask. I've got a job for you." “嘿，侦察兵。首先，我会用"不"来回答你全部问题。 我给你找了一份差事。” "Scout, it's Pauling. I'm assuming you're talking right now. Please stop." “侦察兵，这里是宝琳。我知道你现在正在讲话。请停下来。” "Scout, Pauling here. Wrap up whatever you were bragging about and look at this." “侦察兵，宝琳在这。收好你正在炫耀的东西然后看看这个。” "Hey Scout, I need you...I...I...I mean for...for this." “嘿，侦察兵。我需要你...我....我...我的意思是...为了这个。” "Scout, it's Pauling. Whatever stupid thing you're doing, stop it. I've got work." “侦察兵，这里是宝琳。无论你在做什么蠢事，停下来，我有差事给你。” "Scout, it's Pauling. I need something done quietly. Scout? Quietly." “侦察兵，这里是宝琳。我需要你安静地完成一件事。侦察兵？很安静地。”

新的士兵合同

"Soldier? Pauling here." “士兵？这里是宝琳。” "Soldier. Miss Pauling here." “士兵，宝琳小姐在这。” "Hey Soldier. It's Pauling." “嘿，士兵。这里是宝琳。” "Soldier, it's Pauling. I've got a job for you." “士兵，这里是宝琳。我找到了份差事给你。” "Soldier? Hey, it's Pauling. There's something I wanted you to look into." “士兵？嘿，这里是宝琳。这里有点东西我需要你看一下。” "Soldier? Pauling. I've got a contract for you." “士兵？宝琳在这。我有一份合同给你。” "Got some new marching orders, Soldier." “收到了一些新的行军命令，士兵。” "A contract, Soldier. You good to go?" “一个合同，士兵。你准备好了吗？” "Move out, Soldier! You've been reassigned." “动起来，士兵！你被分发上战场了。” "Eyes front, Soldier. There's work to do." “目视前方，士兵。有活要做了。” "You've got incoming, Soldier. Get to work." “你收到了一份合同，士兵。去工作。” "Incoming, Soldier. Get this squared away." “敌人来袭，士兵。了解这份合同后就做好准备。” "Soldier, it's Pauling. You got time to look into something for me?" “士兵，这里是宝琳。你有时间为我做好一件事吗？”. "Show these maggots how it's done, Soldier." “给这些蛆虫们上一课，士兵。”- "Soldier, it's Pauling. Son, your country needs you." “士兵，这里是宝琳。孩子，你的国家需要你。” "I've got a job for you, Soldier. Make me proud, son." “我找到了份差事给你，士兵。让我为你感到骄傲，孩子。” "I want you to know, Soldier. You're doing hero's work out there, son." “我想要你知道，士兵。你在外正尽着英雄应做之事，孩子。” "Soldier, it's Pauling. There will be medals given out for this one." “士兵，这里是宝琳。这件事完成后颁发一些勋章给你。” 稀有合同 "If this mission weren't maximum deniability, you'd be a hero for this son. There would be a parade." “这件任务母庸质疑地伟大，你会因此成为英雄，孩子。之后会为此而进行一场游行。” "Soldier, I need you and Pepper Pot Pete, and Salty Pete, and Pete Pepper Pants...Hell, all your cardboard friends on this one." “士兵，我需要你的胡椒罐皮特，还有咸皮特和胡椒裤皮特...见鬼，总之就是你所有的纸板战友来完成这份合同。” "Soldier, you know who doesn't want you to take this job? Hippies, Communists, Tom Jones. Show them, Soldier. Show them all." “士兵，你知道谁不想要你做这件事情吗？嬉皮士，共产党，汤姆·琼斯。给他们上一课，士兵。给他们所有人。” "Ten-hut, Soldier! Alpha...Romeo...Zero Dark...army words." “立-正，士兵！阿尔法...罗密欧...至暗时分...总之是军事用语。” "I want you to go out there with all you've got and win just one for Miss Pauling, Soldier!" “我需要你带上你所有的本领出发后取胜并为宝琳小姐做好这件事，士兵！”

新的火焰兵合同

"Pyro? Miss Pauling here." “火焰兵？宝琳小姐在这。” "Pyro? Pauling here. I saw this and thought of you." “火焰兵？这里是宝琳。我看了这个合同后就想到给你来做。” "Pyro? It's Pauling." “火焰兵？这里是宝琳。” "Hi Pyro. It's Miss Pauling." “嗨，火焰兵。这里是宝琳小姐。” "Hey Pyro, Pauling here. This contract just came in." “嘿，火焰兵。这里是宝琳。这个是新来的合同。 ” "Pyro? Pauling here. Think you can handle this?" “火焰兵？宝琳在这。你认为你能解决这个事吗？ ” "Pyro, Pauling here. I need something done. Quietly." “火焰兵，宝琳在这。我需要一些事情被完成。安静地。” "Pyro, Pauling here. Something just came up." “火焰兵，这里是宝琳。有新的合同到了。 ” 稀有合同 "Hey buddy! It's Pauling!" “嘿，伙计！这里是宝琳。” "Hi Pyro! I've got something I need you to do, OK buddy?" “嗨，火焰兵！我有些事情需要你做，好不好，伙计？ ” "Hey Pyro! You want to do a real big favor for Miss Pauling?" “嗨，火焰兵！你能为了宝琳小姐做一件大事情吗？” "Hey Pyro! [extended mumbling] I've always wanted to try that. I hope I just said 'I have a job'. Because I have a job." “嘿，火焰兵！[长时间的喃喃自语]我一直都想这么试试。我希望我表达了'我有一份差事'。因为我真的有份差事在这。”

新的爆破手合同

"Demo? Pauling here." "Demo? Miss Pauling here." "Pack up some bombs, Demo. I've got a contract." "Demo? It's Pauling." "Demo? Pauling here. I need your help." "Demo, it's Pauling. I've got a contract for you." "Demo, Pauling here. This one came right from the Administrator." "Hey Demo, Pauling here. I've got work." "Demo. Hey, it's Pauling. I've got a job for you." "Demo. It's Pauling. I've got a contract for you." Rare Contract "Demo? It's Miss Pauling. The Miss Pauling...that's...I...I'm not actually famous. That was a joke I've been researching. Could you...rate your amusement on a scale of 1-100?" "Hey, Demo. I was on the phone with your mom. She said you didn't have enough jobs, so I got you an extra one. I won't lie, she sounded angry." "Demo, it's Pauling. Place your eyeballs on this...eye...eyeball...whatever you see with. Make it...just make it look at this." "Demo, it's your liver. I'm kidding, it's Miss Pauling. If I was your liver, I'd just be screaming." "Hey Demo, wake up. I've got a job for you." "Demo, it's Pauling. If you're not dead, I've got work for you. "Demo. Pauling. Sober up, I've got work." "Demo? Pauling. I've got a job here that requires killing a lot of people and blowing up everything else. I thought of you." "Demo! Demo? You there? It's Pauling. Demo? Demo?" "Hey, Demo. This job is for your eyes only...eye...I mean...you get it." "Demo? Pauling. I've got a job that requires no depth perception. You in?" "Demoman? It's Pauling. I've got work. I...Demoman? That sounds weird. Does anyone actually call you that? Let's go back to 'Demo'."

New Heavy Contract

"Heavy? Pauling here." "Heavy. Miss Pauling here." "Heavy? It's Pauling." "Heavy? It's Pauling. I'm cashing in a favor on this one." "Heavy? It's Pauling. Got a contract for you." "Heavy? It's Pauling. I've got a job for you." "Heavy? Pauling here. Something just came up." "Heavy. Pauling here. This contract just came in." "Heavy? Pauling here. I've got work." "Heavy? Can you talk? It's Pauling." "Heavy? Pauling here. This one came right from the Administrator." "I need something taken care of, Heavy. I know I can trust you." "Administrator wants this taken care of, Heavy. No loose ends." "Administrator's on the warpath, Heavy. I need this done." "This one's got your name all over it, big guy." "Hey Heavy. I've got work for you and Sasha." "Hey Heavy, it's Pauling. You're the only one I trust for this." "Heavy, Pauling here. Keep this job between you and me." Rare Contract "Heavy? It's Pauling. I know you're working so you're probably killing... like...everything right now, but this just came in." "Heavy, I need to you keep quiet on this. Well, you're always quiet. Quieter."

New Engineer Contract

"Engie? Pauling here." "Engie. Miss Pauling here." "Hey Engie. It's Pauling." "Engie. The Administrator asked for you on this one. Specifically." "Hey Engie, it's Pauling." "Engie, Pauling here. This contract is high priority." "Contract just came in. I need this done by the numbers, Engie." "This one's gonna need some strategy, Engie." "Pack up your tools, Engie. I've got a job for you." "Engie? Pauling. Think you can handle this?" "Engie? Hey, it's Pauling. Interested in some extra work?" "Engie? Pauling here. I need your help." "Engie? Pauling, here. I need something done. Quietly." "Engie? The Administrator asked for you on this one. Specifically." Rare Contract "Hey Big Brains! Pauling here." "Engie. It's Pauling. My moped's making a funny noise like a *chuk chuk chuk chuk* *whirr* *chuk chuk* sort of...thing. You know what? You're busy. Uh anyway, I've got work." "Hey Engie, you got anything in your warehouse that can liquify about...hold on... let's call it 80 bodies? My chipper shredder's backed up. Anyway think about it. I've got a job." "Engie, this job requires someone who can read...you're my only hope." "Engie, it's Pauling. Is Scout there? Cough if he's there. I've got a job for you. Not him." "Howdy pardner! Rustle up the...cows...and move...move 'em out..of the barn...partner." "Howdy cowpoke! Let's ride...oh what other cowboy words do I know? Oh, saddle! Engie? You still there? Saddle up! Saddle 'em up!" "Engie? Pauling. I need someone who's smart for this." "Howdy pardner! I'm...so sorry for that."

New Medic Contract

"Medic? Pauling here." "Medic. Miss Pauling here." "Hey Doc. It's Pauling." "Medic? It's Pauling." "Medic, it's Pauling. I've got something I wanted you to look at." "Medic, it's Pauling. You've got time to look into something for me?" "Doc? Pauling here. Take a look at this." "Hey Medic. Pauling here. I saw this and thought of you." "Medic, it's Pauling. I've got a contract for you." "Pauling, here. Let's keep this job confidential." "Nobody's crazy enough to do this but you, doctor." "Hey Doc. It's Pauling. I've got a contract for you. Anything goes." "Medic, it's Pauling. This one...might get messy." "Hey Doc. Pauling. Got a live one for you." Rare Contract "MEDIC! That was...just an impression. In bad taste, now that I think about it. I guess the people screaming that are usually, you know, dying." "Medic. Pauling here. Take the gloves off for this one. Actually keep the gloves on. That might get messy."

New Sniper Contract

"Sniper? Pauling here." "Sniper. Miss Pauling here." "Hey Sniper. It's Pauling." "Sniper? It's Pauling." "Heads up, Sniper. I've got work." "Sniper? Pauling here. Take a look at this." "Sniper, it's Pauling. You've got time to look into something for me?" "Hey Sniper. It's Pauling. Got a contract here for you." "Sniper? Hey, it's Pauling. Interested in some extra work." "Sniper? Pauling here. This contract is high priority." "Sniper? Pauling here. Think you can handle this?" "Pauling here. I need a professional here on this one, Sniper." Rare Contract "Hey, Sniper. So you're a Kiwi now, huh? Right, allotted small talk time over, I've got work." "Sniper? Pauling. What's that sound? Are you...are you peeing in a jar right now?"

New Spy Contract

"Spy? Pauling here." "Spy, Miss Pauling here." "Hey Spy. It's Pauling." "Spy? It's Pauling." "Hey Spy. It's Pauling. Interested in some extra work?" "Spy? Pauling here. This contract is high priority." "Spy, Pauling here. This contract just came in." "Spy, it's Pauling. I need something done. Quietly." "Spy, Pauling here. Take a look at this." "Spy? It's Pauling. I never gave you this, got me?" "Do it quickly, do it quietly. Just get it done, Spy." "Spy, it's Pauling. Utmost discretion on this one." "Spy, it's Pauling. Got a black bag job." "Spy, I've got a custom contract: your eyes only." "This one's nasty. I thought of you, Spy." Rare Contract "Hey Spy. Pauling. I took care of that DNA test for you. You owe me one and I'm cashing it in. Take care of this." "Spy, just between you and me, you should really wash that ski mask. Like once. There's visible stink lines coming off that thing. Anyway, I need a favor." "(attempting a French accent) Bonjour Spy! It ees I, Francis zhe Talking France. I have zhe job for you, yes? Oui? Baguettes? (normal voice) No, it's Miss Pauling, sorry. I do have a job for you. It's not French though, sorry." "Hey Spy! Oh, oh right. You're probably sneaking up on somebody. To stab them. Oh, I bet you're about to do it too. They can't...hear me, can they? Do you have video on this thing?"

Contract progress

Contract half-completed

"You're halfway done." "Halfway to Contract complete." "Good work, half the Contract's fulfilled." "Halfway there." "Nice work. You're halfway there."

Contract completed

"Nice work." "Nice work!" "Good work." "Good work!" "Good job." "Well done." "You did it!" "Nicely done." "There you go." "I knew I could count on you." "I'm glad I came to you on this one." "Job well done." "Annnnnd here you go." "Thanks! I'll be in touch." "Thanks again." "I owe you one." "Thanks. The Administrator really wanted this done." "Thanks. The Administrator was really on me about this." "Payment for services rendered." "Pleasure doing business. Thanks again." "Nice work. Don't worry, I'll run cleanup on this." "I'll run cleanup. Don't worry, you're a ghost on this." "Nice work. And don't worry, you were never there." "I'll make sure the evidence is disposed of." "Don't worry, I can make the bodies disappear." "If you need a place to lay low, I can secure you a safehouse." "And to the victor goes...this thing!" "Wow, that's...can, can I have that?" "If you don't want that...I...will take it." "Nice work, here's the pay." "Nice work! Here's your payment." "Nice work, here's your fee." "Here, this one came straight from Saxton." "Here's the contract fee. You earned it." "Nice work. Here, you might like this." "Nice work. This...uh, fell...off the back of a Mann Co. truck." "Contract complete." "Contract fulfilled." Rare item "Just so you know, I don't give a lot of these out." "Good work. Your reward on this one is gonna be...pretty one of a kind." "Here's your payday. You earned it." "Don't tell the other guys I gave you this." "Contract complete. Here's your payday for the big job." "Contract complete. Here's the payout...I know right?"

Scout Contract completed

"Nice work, Scout." "Good job, Scout." "Good work, Scout." "Nicely done, Scout. I'll be in touch." "Job well done, Scout."

Soldier Contract completed

"Nice work, Soldier." "Good work, men." "At ease, Soldier." "Nice work, son." "Good job, Soldier." "Nice work, Soldier. As you were." "Nice work, Soldier. I'm proud of you." "All gave some, some gave all, Soldier. Nice work."

Pyro Contract completed

"Nice work, Pyro!" "You did it Pyro! Thanks buddy." "Thanks again Pyro." "Ohh, thanks Pyro. Administrator really wanted this one taken care of." "Thanks Pyro. I owe you one." "Contract fulfilled. Nice work Pyro." "Nicely done Pyro. I'll be in touch." "Contract complete. Thanks Pyro."

Demoman Contract completed

"Nice work, Demo." "Contract complete. Thanks Demo." "Contract fulfilled. Nice work Demo." "Thanks again, Demo." "Nicely done, Demo. I'll be in touch." "Well, that's one less thing to worry about. Thanks Demo." "Thanks Demo. I owe you one."

Heavy Contract completed

"Thanks Heavy. Administrator was really on me about this one." "Good job, Heavy." "Contract fulfilled. Nice work, Heavy." "Nicely done, Heavy. I'll be in touch." "Contract complete. Thanks Heavy." "Knew I could count on you, Heavy. Thanks." "I owe you one, Heavy. I'll be in touch." "Thanks again, Heavy. I appreciate it." "Nice work, Heavy!"

Engineer Contract completed

"Nice work, Engie." "Nice work, Engie." "Good job, Engie. Thanks!" "Contract fulfilled. Nice work, Engie." "Nicely done, Engie. I'll be in touch." "Contract complete. Thanks Engie." "That'll do Engie! Thanks!" "Fulfilled to the letter, Engie. Thanks again."

Medic Contract completed

"Nice work, Doc." "Thanks again, Doc." "Contract fulfilled. Nice work, Medic." "Nicely done, Medic. I'll be in touch." "Contract complete. Thanks Medic." "I'll give you this, Medic. You get results."

Sniper Contract Completed

"Nice work, Sniper." "Contract fulfilled. Nice work, Sniper." "Nicely done, Sniper. I'll be in touch." "Contract complete. Thanks Sniper." "Thanks Sniper. I owe you one." "Thanks again, Sniper." "Good job, Sniper!"

Spy Contract completed

"Nice work, Spy." "Thanks again Spy." "Contract fulfilled. Nice work, Spy." "Always a pleasure, Spy." "Nicely done, Spy. I'll be in touch." "Contract complete. Thanks, Spy." "Job well done, Spy!"

Contract failed

"The Administrator will have to be notified. Sorry." "Crap! The Administrator is going to kill me." "I should have asked one of the other guys." "I had a bad feeling about this one anyway." "S'okay. We'll get them next time." "Let's uh...call this a learning experience?" "Hey, sometimes you have to walk away. I get it." "Contract incomplete." "Looks like I'll have to shunt this around somewhere else..." "Thanks anyway." "You did it! Wait, you didn't do it." "All right, fair enough. I'll be in touch." "Well, you can't win them all." "Hmm. Well maybe next time." "You did it! Wait, you didn't do it."

Tough Break

Contract-related

New Contract

New Contract

"Hey! Pauling. Look, I'm technically on vacation here, but something big just came up." "Pauling, here. I'm on vacation, but a contract just came in. Thought of you...to, you know...kill people...for prizes." "Hey, it's me! The Administrator's been ringing me off the hook about this. Can you get this done? Done, done? Like bang, bang done?" "Aw crap! I'm supposed to be on vacation here. Can you get this done, man? Thank you thank you thank you." "Hey! Pauling. I'm not in the office but the Administrator needs a lot of people killed and I've got some nice payouts here." Rare Contract [She's over there!] "Hey, it's Pauling" [Go! Go! Go!] "So, the Administrator invited me to her place for dinner." [There she is!; gunshot] "Uh!" [I got her!] "But it turns out it was just an ambush to kill me. Hold on." [more gunfire; screams; Watch out, she's armed!] "She does this every few years; it's like her version of an employee review. Anyway, got time for a contract?" (tipsy) "Say, it's, it's Pauling. I'm, I'm at a beer garden with Demo, so there's lots of beer and...uh..beer. I had something I was gonna tell you...Oh! You're a good friend! I'm always sending you on contracts to get you killed, and that's not friends, right? 'Cause, 'cause we're friends, man. And also, there's something I'm not supposed to tell you. Umm. Two teams and the Administrator and umm...and there's this secret that...Oh, oh gotta go! Demo wants me to drink beer. So I'm gonna drink beer." (whispering) "Hey, it's Pauling here. I'm at the Teufort Ladies Book Club and I'm the only one who hasn't actually read Belinda...so it's just about relationships, right? Guy meets girl, love stuff, happy ending? It's a good thing, right? I'm gonna tell everyone how it really, really brings the two as a couple." [boxing bell rings] "Hey! Just a, taking a boxing class here. [grunts of pain] Listen, a contract...[grunt]...a contract came in and...[sharp grunt]...Uh, arms in, arms in...and I thought of you [grunt] That's mine! That's my molar! Did, did anyone see where that went?" [roar of bus engine] "Hey, Pauling. I'm on a Teufort sightseeing tour. We just went to the library and took pictures of both the books. And then they took us to a tramp fight. And I guess now we're going to look at a sewage fire. It hasn't gone out in like fifty years or something. So we're really proud of it." [campfire crackling] "Pauling here. I'm at a campfire with Soldier, Salty Pete, Pepper Pot Pete, and Perry Pepper Pants, and Peter Poopy-Toots. [sotto voce] And they're all cardboard. I think he's crazy. [normal voice] Oh, what's that Soldier? Tree bark rations...sounds American! [sotto voce] Do this contract and then get this man some help." [water bubbling and bats rustling] "Hey Pauling here. I'm on a Teufort cave tour and...oh my God. These are the same caves I bury bodies in." [Ahhh! There's so many bodies!] "And they found them." [Somebody call the police!] "Anyway, here's a contract." "Pauling here. I'm at an Assistant's Conference with Bidwell, they just debuted this year's clipboards. And wow! The clip, the board, they're both great. Some years, it's one or the other. It's a great time to be alive. Speaking of which, I need you to kill somebody." [Scout: Oh, oh, and...(dice clatter)...not too shabby!] "Pauling here. I'm trying to teach Scout Gargoyles and Gravel. [Yeah!] Ugh, no Scout, there's no such thing as a Muscle Wizard." [Yeah whatever.] "No you can't beat an Orc by doing push-ups at it. Look, please, please put your shirt back on. Scout, stop flexing. Scout. Scout! Stop flexing." "Hey did you know a gun show's a real thing? I'm at one with Heavy right now." [Heavy: Is perfect, this is gun.] Oh wow, what's the gauge on that? Yeah, Scout's been saying he's going to take me to one for years, but all he does is shove his stupid arms in my face. Anyway, I've got something for you." (strained) "Pauling here. I'm at a hotdog eating contest and Engie made me a stomach teleporter, but...oogh...it's not working. I think it's only teleporting undigested hotdogs into my colon." [stomach growling] "Ok, gotta go." "Hey, Pauling here. I got invited to something called a "key party". I guess we all trade houses or something. Anyway, they wanted my keys and I said no. If they keep pressing, I brought my gun. I've got a contract coming your way." "Hey's it's Pauling. Sorry for the noise, it's Ladies Night at the Cap Point, and I misunderstood what that meant." [Hey what's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?] "I'm trying to get someone killed for money. Can you give me a second? Sorry about that. Anyway, take a look." "Hey, sorry for the noise! It's Dollar Drinks Night at the Cap Point. Hold on, on the rocks please." [On the rocks!; rocks tinkle into a glass] "N-n-not act...not actual...is that gravel? You know what, never mind. Just, just pour liquor on it. I'll drink it anyway." [drink pouring] "You still there? I've got something for you." [piano being played frantically, intermittent electrical zaps] "Pauling here. Spy's teaching me piano. Apparently, it takes a person...ugh, seven years to learn, but Spy says that with electroshock he can teach me in an hour." [grunts of pain and electrical shocks] [Spy: Again.; piano plays a slow melody] "Huh. Okay, that's done. Here's a contract." ["Taps" being played] (on the verge of tears) "Hey, Pauling here. I'm, I-I-I'm sorry, I'm at the Poopy Joe Memorial and, and it's just too much. That monkey was an American hero!" "Hey, it's Pauling here. I'm at a pottery class. I'm trying to make a porcelain gun, but it's a lot harder than it looks. Ugh, dammit." [dripping clay; Oh, what a lovely flower vase!] "Yeah I know it looks like a flower vase, it's a cannon all right! Ugh, I hate pottery. Anyway, I've got a contract. [raccoons trilling] "Pauling here. Soldier invited me over to his house/cave for a soup tasting. I have been bitten by like sixty raccoons. Do raccoons have rabies? I mean, they have to, right? Didn't raccoons invent rabies? Are-are they like old rats? Like don't rats go into their cocoons in the winter and emerge as fully grown raccoons in the spring? I've lost a lot of blood here. Maybe it took the rabies with them. Ugh, I gotta go. One of the raccoons is eyeballing me. You gotta problem pal?" "Hey it's Pauling here. I'm watching Shakespearicles in the Park and we just got to the part in Hamlet where Macbeth tells Hercules he's from the future and Macbeth gets so angry, he uses his heat vision and..." [Steel cage!] "Oh ho ho, they're lowering the steel cage. Oh, Hercules is losing the intercontinental title for sure! Look, I gotta go. Here's a mission."[He's got Macbeth!; I love you Hercules!] "He-hey, sorry about the reception, I'm on a ladies safari in the middle of a forest. Listen, a contract came in..." [I'm being mauled to death by a tiger! Ahhh!] "Lady, would you please keep it down! I'm on the phone!" "Pauling here. So the New Mexico Department of Labor found out I haven't gotten any time off in...uh...ever. So, I'm on state-mandated vacation. But don't worry! I'm still working, but don't tell anyone." [foghorn sounds] "Oh good the tugboat's here. Anyway, here's a contract." [heartbeat monitor beeps steadily] "Medic's showing me how to sew a heart inside of another heart and pump them full of radiation. It's sorta like making a turducken, but with people!" [Medic: Oh, ho ho!; monitor beeps faster] "And I think a clump of my hair just fell out." [monitor beeps rapidly; Medic: Oh ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!] "Hey it's Pauling here. I'm on a vision quest with Sniper. I just ate some ground-up mushrooms and grubs. Sniper said that it's supposed to make me ghost noise picnic dripping, but I don't boot soup what he's mustaching about. I don't even dynamite a little pyramid gravy. Anyway, here's a condor." [wine bottle being uncorked; Spy: Ahh, a 1962 Chateau Matador.; wine pouring into glasses] "(sotto voce) Hey, hey I'm at a wine tasting with Spy...it all tastes like raisins and gasoline. Uh, quick! give me some fancy-pants words to say to him." [Spy: À votre santé!] "(normal voice) Spy, your wine is...great! It's really, uh, pre-precocious! Uh...volup-voluptuous? And uh, uh, big, big-boned!" [Spy: Ugh...] "Yeah, it's got a very big-boned wine taste."

Contract complete

Contracted Contract

"Hey you did it! Back to my vacation." "Hey good work! Okay, back to vacation." "Hey good work! You did it! Now back to my state-mandated vacation." "Great job! I'm really enjoying..being out of the office...doing all this work." "Hey, you finished the contract. Okay, back to my stupid vacation." "Hey, you did it! Can I be done with my vacation now? Please?" "Hey you did it! Can I be done with my vacation now? I wanna come home."