Wheatley responses

Voice responses are contextually triggered lines that play after the player has achieved something, for instance killing a certain amount of enemies with a Primary or Melee Weapon or the player triggering something like being set on fire. There are several Wheatley responses that are triggered while using the Ap-Sap, all of which are listed below.

Player-related responses

Getting Shot

"Is that gunfire? Is--is someone shooting?" "Oh my God, they're shooting at us! They're shooting at us! Don't panic, but they are shooting at us!" "What--what's that? Is that gunfire?" "Oh God, someone's shooting at us now!" "Is someone--oh, is someone shooting at us?" "All right, fun's over! Fun's over! Put me back in the pocket!" "Seriously, now--put me away. 'Cause I don't want any piece of this." "Okay, I definitely heard a gunshot then! This is...mental. Did no one else hear that?" "Bloody hell, what've you got me into here, mate?! This is mental!" "Are these--are these live?! Do I actually hear shooting?! Is this live rounds?! Is it live ammunition?!" "Bloody--what have you got me into?!"

Upon Death

"You know what? It's not the winning, is it? It's the taking part that counts. And you're, uh...and you're doing that." "You know what? You win just for taking part. We're all winners!" "Aw! Bless your heart, you're doing your best." "It's the trying that counts! It's the trying that counts." "Oh!" "Oh!" "Ooh..." "Uh-oh! That's--ugh..." "Ooh, I felt that..." "Ooh! That looked painful." "Are you okay?" "If you're alive, can you say something? Jump around, so I know you're okay! Unless you've broken your legs, in which case, don't jump around - that'll just make it worse!" "That did not end well." "Embarrassing." "Okay. Well..." "Oh! That's nasty." "Oh, bless him. Trying so hard. Useless." "Ooh..." "Uh-oh. That's...mmm." "Ugh! Um...mmm." "Uh-oh." *chuckle* "Oh dear." "Uh...I might not have completely thought this one through."

Sapping-related responses

Sapper Attached

"Well done!" "Oh great!" "Just hold tight." "Oh! Brilliant!" "Ah! Yes!" "Okay! I'm about to start hacking!" "Oh! Perfect!" "Ah, there's a password." "Oh, th--there's a password..." "Okay. Password hacking." "Oh! There's a--there's a password!" "Okay. Hacking, begin!" *typing* "Okay. Let's see...what we've got here..."

Sapping a Building

*typing* *buzz* "It's gonna be trickier than I thought. Do--uh, we should be making a note of this. Have you got a pen? Make a note of--of what I'm doing." *buzz* "Buzzer again! I'm--that's surprising. That's..." *typing* *buzz* "Let's think more abstractly. What was your first pet's name? The ca--probably a cat or dog." *typing* *buzz* "No! I could've swore that was it! I was rea--I'm surprised. I am surprised at that. Actually." *typing* *buzz* "Okay, other words. Just think of other words that could be the password." *typing* "All right! That should do it!" *buzz* "Oh, it hasn't done it. That's...hmm." *typing* "Okay! That should do it; well done! ...ah, it's not done it--that's...ah, okay." *typing* "Okay! That should do it; well done! *buzz* Ah, it's not done it--that's...ah, okay." *typing* "Oh, wait! No, I've got it! I've--" *buzz* "No, that won't work. Wait! Oh, I'm a genius! I'm an absolute g--" *buzz* "No, I'm not. *typing* *buzz* "Hmm..." *stammering* *typing* *buzzers* *stammering* *typing* *buzzers* "No, I'm--honestly, I'm stumped. I've got no ideas." "Okay, wait--here's a brain wave! Yes! Oh wait, no--I've got it! I've got--" *buzz* "No, that won't work. *typing* "Oh! Good news!" *buzz* "Never mind." *typing* "Oh-ho! I've got it--I've got it! *buzz* Never mind." "Oh!" *typing* "Here we go! Here it comes! I think this one's gonna be good." *typing* "All right. Here we go! Don't wanna set it up too much, but I think this one's gonna be good." *typing* "Oh, what is it? What's it likely to be? What's your mother's maiden name? Probably not gonna be that, is it?" *typing* "What's the name of your first dog? Probably that one. It's a long shot--" *buzz* "No. Okay." *typing* *buzz* "No? Really? That's--all right." *typing* *buzz* "Oh! That's--I thought that was gonna be it. I'm surprised." "Okay, if I had--if I was gonna do a password, do you know what I'd do? Zebra! Zebra! It's gotta be zebra!" *typing* Z-E-B-R-A. *buzz* "Not a zebra! That's--I'd have put money on zebra, if I'm honest." *singing* "Hacking, hacking! Harmless hacking! Not in danger!" *singing* "Hacking, hacking! Doing a bit of harmless hacking! Not in danger!" *singing* "Just doing a bit of hacking. Totally safe, nothing to see here! Nothing to worry about!" "Oh! I feel sorry for you, mate. About to be another victim of the master hacker." *typing* Ooh! About to be another victim of the master hacker! It's a bit sad, really. To be honest." "All right, let's have a look at this..." "Oh, this is interesting--you'll like this. There's a--a green wire in here, big plump one. Tell you what, I'll cut it, we'll see what happens." "Ooh, this is complicated. Um--more so, actually, than it looked on the outside. I'll say that." "Uh, okay--no need to panic. Um... *stammers* Oh! There's a button! Pressed." "Interfacing with sentry control unit." *typing* "Hello mate, how's everything going? Good! Good! Yep." "Guess how many wires are in one of these things? What's your guess? Five or six? No, I'll tell you what it is: it's actually six million!" "First rule of hacking: look for the green wire! And...mmm. What color would you say that is?" "First rule of hacking: look for the green wire! Oh...what color would you say that is? It's more of a sort of aqua marine, isn't it?" "First rule of hacking: look for the green wire! Oh, that's--that's a sort of--that's more like a dark forest green..." *typing* *singing* "Doing some hacking, here I am! Doing a bit of hacking! Probably--I probably shouldn't sing."

Destroyed a Building

"Hey! Thank you very much indeed. Thank you." "Whoa! There we go!" "Looking--do you know what? Looking good, if I'm honest. Looking really good." "There we go!" "Hee hee hee!" "Oh, brilliant!" "Ha-ha!" "Oh, well done!" "I tell you, this is going much better than I ever expected it would." "Oh! Brilliant!" "Oh! That's--that's amazing." Short laugh "Ha-ha, this is amazing!" Short laugh "Oh, this is brilliant." "Looking good. Looking good!" "Act natural. Act natural--we've done nothing wrong." "Act natural--all right? Just--just play it cool, we've done nothing wrong." "Act natural--all right? Just--just play it cool, we've done nothing wrong. Couple of people, going about their business. Just a couple of dudes, doing their thing." "Act natural. Act natural--we've done nothing wrong! Play it cool." "Come on, let's go." "Come on, let's go!" "Ta-da! Thank you very much." "Done! Expertly hacked!" "There you go! Once again, expertly hacked. Quite technical." "Done! Hacked! Quite complicated." "Done! Hacked! Quite complicated; pulled it out of the bag, as usual." "That should do it!" Happy laugh "It worked! Hee hee hee!" "Oh, it worked! Yes!" "It worked!" "Oh! Huh! Look at that." "Wooooo! Ha-ha! Yes!" "Yes!" "Oh-ho-ho, yes! What about that?! Oh...crumbs! I'm almost speechless." *laugh* "That's tremendous." "And...there we go." "And...there we go!" "Yes! Yes!! In your face!" "Yes! Yes!"

Idle responses

Idle

*pages turning* "Hmm." *pages turning* "Oh! Oh, sorry. Sorry! Hope that didn't disturb you too much, then. That was--did you hear that noise? Yeah, that was just the sound of...some books. Pages being turned. By me. 'Cause I was reading...the books. *chuckles* You know what it's like, you know? When you get the urge. And--and ability. To read. Suddenly takes you, you're like I've gotta read some books! So that was what I was doing, just reading the old, uh--some of the old bloody classics. Of literature. By uh...Dickens. And uh...um...others. So uh, so I'm not a moron." *cleaning noises* "Oh! Sorry! Sorry, sorry! I hope I didn't disturb you too much, then. Um, I was just polishing...my book museum. When it occurred to me that I've read all of the books. Tragic! Speaking as, uh, someone who can literally read. Not bragging, not trying to show off; but uh, but I can read. And uh, yeah! I've just been working my way through all of the classics, really: Pride and Punishment, Brothers Masagiganovnov, Franken's...Dickinson. Um, read all of 'em. So I'm not a moron." *classical music* "Oh! Sorry! Sorry, sorry! I hope I didn't disturb you too much, then. Um, I'm listening to some uh, classical music. This one is by, um--what's his name? Wolfgang...uh, Wolfgang Beethoven. Who--my personal favorite, if I'm honest. Um, I just love all the--I just love all the bloody melodies! That he comes up with. Hummable, they are. That's--to me, that is the mark of great music, if you can hum along. And I can, to this one, on all of them. So I'm not a moron." *pages turning* "Hmm." *pages turning* "Ah! So yeah, finished reading all the books now! All the books ever made. So...good riddance. To that fun, I mean. You know, I love--too much fun, actually. It was--I was getting tired of all the fun. Of reading. Just...ah! What fun! So I'm not a moron." "Looks like you're having fun! At least. Yeah, why not? Have a bit of fun. Enjoy yourself." "Let's get a picture!" *click* *click click* "Oh!" *click* "There you are! Quick picture. That's lovely, very inspirational. Brave!" "This is a--this is amazing! We can--we can walk wherever we want! Look, just go left. No, go right! Go right! Don't even care, don't even care. Just go wherever you want. Couldn't care less." "Just go left. Go left, for a laugh. All right, go right. Having a bit of fun, let's go right. Don't even care, don't even care! Just go somewhere." "We can go wherever we want! Just go o--go over there, if you want! Go left, go right! Up to you! Do whatever you fancy. Doesn't matter to me, just go. Just go somewhere." "Let me just interject a thought here: I would love to run in the other direction. I don't know what you're feeling. I've been thinking about it, giving it some thought: almost certain death, running in the other direction. That's the one I'm leaning towards. Option B." "Let me tell you where I am right now: I am of the view of running away in the other direction. Don't know what you're thinking, but that's my view. At this juncture." "Do you know what I'm leaning towards? I am leaning towards running away in the other direction. What's your view? I'm very pro that one. At the moment." "I'm...pretty sure we're going the right way. Pretty sure." "I'll be honest, I'm not a hundred percent sure that we're going the right way, but I'm pretty sure. I'll give it--I'll give it sixty-five percent." "Careful..." "Careful, now!" "Oh! Careful, now!" "Careful! Careful!" "Let's keep moving!" "Watch yourself!" "Aw, bless your little heart! Believe in yourself! Shoot for the stars! Why not? You can be anything you want to be!" "Oh, just--make sure you keep a tight grip on me. If you would. Poor, fragile little Wheatley. Easily breakable." "Just, you know--uh, please do keep a--a tight grip on me. If you would. Just using grip. Classic grip. You know, just grip tightly. That's what I'm saying. 'Cause I'm quite, uh--I'm surprisingly fragile." "Oh, close call, that--wasn't it?" "Um, couldn't help but notice, when I was in your pocket, that you've, uh--you've got a knife. Looked pretty sharp. Could've had--could've had me eye out!" "Just throwing this out there, um--perhaps skip the hacking entirely. Just go straight to the stabbing! All right? Love a bit of stabbing. Less work for me." "Simple solution, stabbing. You know, Occam's razor, if you will. Stabbing with the razor." "So this--this thing we'll be hacking. Um, is it--is it harmless? Yeah?" "Not that I--you know, not that I couldn't hack something dangerous. Willing to, certainly. Up to a point, obviously. Don't get carried away." "Computers? Hacked those. Mainframes? Hacked as well. Um...regular frames. All your different kind of frames." "Your knife. Hacked that, just now--for a laugh. Probably didn't even see that coming." "You gotta keep your eye on me. 'Cause I am, as I said before, a master hacker. Uh, all in good fun, though. You know, it's all harmless fun." "We've been walking for...quite some time. Where--where're we going now, by the way?"

Weapon switch responses

Pulled Out

"Hello!" "Hello!" "Hello!" "'ello!" "Hello!" "Hello!" "Hello, friend!" "Oi, oi!" "He-hey!" "How's it going?" "Go team!" "Welcome! Good to see you." "Hello!" "Hello!" "It's me!" "Ta-da!" "Bam!" "Ta-da!" "Hello!" "Hello!" "How are you?" "Hello!" "Hello!" "Hello!" "Hey! How's it going?" "Hey! Here I am! How's it going?" "Oi, oi! Partner!" "Hey, partner! How's it going? All right?" "Hey! Partner! How's it going?" "Hello!" "Hello!" "Yes!" "Ah! Oh! Hello!" "Hello! Good to see you!" "Hello!" "Hey! Me again!" "Me again!" "Hello again!"

Put Back

"Wait, wait! No!" "No no no no no! Wait wait wait wait wait!!" "We'll talk later." "Oh, not the pocket!" "Off I go." "All right, we'll talk later." "No no no no no! Don't do that!" "Oh, you're kidding me!" "Goodbye." "Hey!" "Okay." "Fair enough." "Ugh!" "Cheers!" "Thanks very much." "See you later." "Hello and goodbye!" "What?!" "Ugh!" "Good luck." "Oh!" "Oh! No!" *stammers* "What?" "Oh, you--" "Oh!" "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold on! Hold on, what're you doing?"

Miscellaneous responses

Intro

"What's going on here, then?" "Oh, hacking something, are we?" "Oh, hacking something, are we? Cheeky." "Uh, you've come to the right guy." "Don't wanna brag. Master hacker."

Sneaking

"Oh, are we--are we sneaking now? Are we? Sorry, I should--should keep my trap shut. Sorry." "It's probably worth flagging up, if we're gonna do any sneaking. Just--just quietly, just go sneaking! And then I'll keep qu--I'll keep schtum." "Shouldn't we both have...ski masks? 'Cause if this job goes south, I don't wanna--you know, take all the rap." "Look at the pair of us, sneaking around. Like a couple of ne'er-do-wells." "Dashing rogues! The both of us. Like Robin Hood or something! Role playing. Love it. Absolutely love it."

See also

• Wheatley's Ap-Sap voice lines on the Portal Wiki
• Other Wheatley voice lines on the Portal Wiki