Mann Co.
| Mann Co. | |
|---|---|
| |
| Information | |
| Sphere of activity: | Hat Manufacture, Munitions, Retail Sales, Internet Commerce, Shipping, Comics |
| Locale: | Badlands, New Mexico |
| Chief Executive Officer: | Gray Mann (deceased) |
| “ | If you aren't 100% satisfied with our product line, you can take it up with me!
— Saxton Hale
|
” |
Mann Co., stylized as MANN CO., is a multinational division of TF Industries with headquarters in the Badlands, near Teufort, New Mexico. In the Badlands area alone, the company operates over 300 plants, office buildings, warehouses and outlet malls.
The company was originally incorporated in the United States as Mann & Sons Munitions Concern by the arms-dealer Zepheniah Mann, who co-managed the firm with his brother, Silas Mann. Upon his death in 1850, Zepheniah Mann bequeathed ownership of Mann Co. to close friend and hunter Barnabus Hale. The company was subsequently owned and operated by three generations of Hales.
The organization was recently re-branded as Gray Mann Co. by the most recent CEO, Gray Mann, previously the CEO of Gray Gravel. Mr. Mann was recently killed in his offices in Australia, believed murdered by a former employee of Builders League United.
Corporate succession has not been resolved. Gray Mann is survived by his daughter and immediate predecessor at Mann Co., Miss Olivia Mann. Additionally, Saxton Hale has expressed interest in returning to the position.
Contents
Profile
Befitting their motto, "We sell products and get in fights", Mann Co. is known for their weapons, munitions, and cosmetic lines. They have long published trade catalogs, including the early The Zepheniah Mann & Sons Co. Quarterly Concern, a "compendium of broad swords, musket guns and doomsday weaponry for immediate sale", and the more recent Dapper Rogue, a catalog for the "gentleman scoundrel". The Administrator has been known to make use of the company for custom orders via her assistant Miss Pauling. In the Gravel War, Mann Co. was the sole supplier to Reliable Excavation Demolition and Builders League United. In the subsequent Robot War, Mann Co. opened sales of advanced technologies to the mercenaries.
Mann Co. products, at least those promoted to low-end markets (especially to employees), have a reputation for quality and safety issues. Products tend to break down, catch on fire (although Saxton Hale claimed that that's how he knows the products are working), and melt into people's skulls.
Mann Co. was also the subject of two Senate investigations, one in relation to their alleged part in the tragic destruction of American monkeynaut Poopy Joe's capsule during takeoff and the other in relation to teaching boys aged 6-16, among other things, moral turpitude, arson, vandalism, hippie assault, tax fraud, at-home laryngectomies, car theft, gorilla slaughter, and the Heimlich Maneuver (which had just been invented and was still considered controversial).
Mann Co. went "online" after Saxton Hale discovered the existence of the Internet when one of his employees, who was losing a fight against a gorilla during "Gorilla Wrestling Fridays", asked for his mother to be notified by email. Saxton Hale currently owns England due to the Internet venture. The Mann Co. Store was created as well – a way for customers to buy hats, weapons, bundles, and other miscellaneous items for real currency.
Executive History
Mann Co. was founded by Zepheniah Mann, who operated the firm with his brother, Silas Mann, until Zepheniah's death in 1850, passing ownership of the company to Barnabus Hale. A decade later, Barnabus acquired the Coal Mine and Munitions Factory from Zepheniah's sons Blutarch and Redmond Mann. Ownership of Mann Co. later passed to Barnabus' son, Billious Hale, who controlled the company through the first half of the 20th century. In 1922, Billious closed the historic Coal Mine and Munitions Factory and turned the company's operations toward the future of hat manufacture. The third Hale, Saxton, took the company into the 1960s, becoming the very public spokesman for the company's retail products.
In the second quarter of 1972, Saxton Hale suddenly appointed long-time associate Mr. Reddy to replace him as the CEO of Mann Co. with the understanding that Mr. Reddy would accommodate Miss Olivia Gray's pending Mann Co. Challenge for control of the company. However, under the advisement of Mr. Bidwell, with whom Mr. Saxton had previously attempted the same arrangement, Mr. Reddy declined the challenge. Under the terms of the challenge, Mr. Reddy thereby ceded control of Mann Co. to Miss Mann, who immediately transferred executive control of Mann Co. to her father, Gray Mann.
Gray Mann's tenure at Mann Co. was too brief to determine his intentions for the firm. Gray Mann spent the third quarter of 1972 inspecting and auditing most divisions and holdings of the organization. He had recently returned to the headquarters of his robotics division of Gray Gravel in Australia, where he was murdered by a former BLU employee.
Subsequent to the vacancy of Mr. Mann, a consortium of older separated BLU employees attempted a hostile takeover of the Mann family concerns, with particular interest in the intellectual property regarding life extension technology. Their bid was countered and terminated by a coalition of interests seeking access to Australium; consisting of a group of laid off Mann Co. employees led by Miss Pauling, Saxton Hale, and a representative of zoo magnate Charles Darling.
Presently, corporate succession is unresolved.
Past Executives
Divisions
Mann Co.'s divisions include
- Mann Co. Comics
- Mann Co. Data Center, Process
- Mann Co. Dessand (Shipping) "Lieferdienst & Schlägertruppe", Rottenburg, Germany
- Mann Co. International Theme Parks, Inc., Operator: Mercenary Park, Yeti Park (defunct), and Mann Co. Mannmoth Park.
- Laughing Tides Amusement Park and Boardwalk
- Mann Co. Investigative Division
- Mann Co. Monkeynautics
- Mann Co. Shipping, Badlands, New Mexico
- Mann Co. Shipping & Receiving Items Dept., Australia
- Mann Mining Company (Heritage site), Coal Town, New Mexico
- Mann Mining Post & Parcel, precursor to Mann Co. Shipping
- Mannanas brand bananas
- Mhankö, Mannhattan, New York — Saxton Hale's boutique line*
*The "boutique" line is just regular Mann Co. products with fancy paint and exorbitant price tags applied in a backroom.
Products
This list contains some of the following notable products Mann Co. has released.
- Mann Co. also has a number of items released under As Zepheniah Mann & Sons Co..
| Image | Product | Notes |
|---|---|---|
|
Ambassador | A secondary weapon used by the Spy. |
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Ap-Sap | A Sapper for the Spy that was given to Mann Co. from a lady in an abandoned science facility. |
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Boston Boom-Bringer | A strange, cosmetic future doo-dad for the Scout. |
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Buff Banner | A secondary weapon for the Soldier. |
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Camera Beard | Not only a cosmetic item for the Spy, but also a cleverly hidden recording tool. |
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Chargin' Targe | A secondary weapon for the Demoman. |
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Cloak and Dagger | A watch for the Spy, which he ordered from the Mann Co. Catalog. |
|
Crab-Walking Kit | An interesting kit which teaches the user the ways of the Spycrab. |
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Dead Ringer | A watch for the Spy, which he ordered from the Mann Co. Catalog. |
|
Direct Hit | A primary weapon for the Soldier. |
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Equalizer | A melee weapon for the Soldier. |
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Quicklime | "Not" for burying bodies. |
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Eyelander | A melee weapon for the Demoman. |
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Flame Thrower Lighter | A piece of the Pyro's primary weapon. |
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Force-A-Nature | A primary weapon for the Scout. |
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Googly Gazer | A cosmetic robotic eye replacement for the Engineer. |
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Hat-Wearing Man magazine | Where the highest members of society get their fashion tips. |
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Idea Tube | Cosmetic item for the Engineer to remember ideas. |
|
Jarate | "The Jar-Based Karate!" A secondary weapon for the Sniper. |
|
Loose Cannon | A primary weapon for the Demoman. |
|
Macrofilm Suit | The Spy suit replacement that was never meant to be. |
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Mann Co. Buildable Industries Worldwide Brand Adjustable Spanners | The only company the Engineer trusts with his buildings. |
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Mann Beer | Popular beer brand that is very effective at intoxicating aliens. |
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Mann Co. Cap | A baseball cap for all classes. |
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Mann Co. Online Cap | An online baseball cap for all classes. |
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Mann Co. Paper for Making Plans (TM) | Useful for making a Plan of Attack. |
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Mannshaveol | COOLED mint-flavored shaving cream. No.1 choice of secret agents and smugglers. |
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Poopy Joe Commemorative Plates | Depicts tools that Poopy Joe would have used in Actual Space. |
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Portable Baccarat Detector | Helpful in design, but impossible to use in practice. |
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Private Eye | A detective hat for the Spy, Demoman, and Medic. |
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Razorback | A Hand-Crafted Tribal Shield for the Sniper. |
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"Ro-bots" | Don't worry, they are only used for Violence. |
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Sandman | A melee weapon for the Scout. |
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Sandvich Edible Device | A secondary weapon for the Heavy. |
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"Saxton Series" comics | The Adventures of Saxton Hale. |
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Shortstop | A primary Pistol for the Scout, part of The Special Delivery item set. |
|
Smissmas 2015 Festive Gift | A festive gift from Mann Co. |
|
Ullapool Caber | A melee weapon for the Demoman. |
Related merchandise
- Note: All products below are no longer available for purchase at the Valve Store.
Retired merchandise
Engineer Spanner T-Shirt
Mann Co Work Shirt
Mann Co. New Era Hat
Mann Co. Gelaskin iPhone 4 Real Men Don't Text
Mann Co. Gelaskin iPhone 3G Damn Hands
Mann Co. Gelaskin iPhone 3G Real Men Don't Text
Mann Co. Decal Kit Black
Mann Co. Decal Kit White
Mann Co. Hooded Sweatshirt
Trivia
- Rick, the Adventure Sphere from Portal 2 claims he has a black belt in Larate.
- Mann Co. was added into the Team Fortress 2 universe on May 15, 2009 when Sniper vs. Spy Update Day 4 was released on the Team Fortress 2 blog.
- Mann Co. is described as "Maker of square, unsafe products for men that occasionally catch on fire, and more occasionally, work as advertised." in Valve's Handbook for New Employees.
