Meet the Sandvich

Meet the Sandvich
Video Info
Released:	August 19, 2008
Run time:	1:06

Video transcript

Transcript

[Two slices of the Sandvich are in a refrigerator on a plate beside three bottles of Red Shed beer] ["Meet the Sandvich" text appears] [Cut back to the Sandviches] Heavy: [Groans repeatedly] Scout: "Yeah, there he is!" Soldier: "You! Stop right where you are, that is an order! He's getting away! Do not let him get to the re-" [The Heavy opens the door, grabs one slice of the Sandvich and closes the door] Scout: "D-don't do it, pal!" Soldier: "Do. Not. Do it!" Heavy: [Eats sandvich] "Om nom nom nom..." Soldier: "Oohhhhhhh, hell..." Scout: [Stuttering]"H-h-hey, let's just calm down here! You listening? J-j-just... OH GOD!" [The Heavy chuckles as his loud footsteps are heard gathering speed] Scout: "OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GO-" [Several loud thuds are heard, a beer bottle falls over, and the refrigerator door opens slightly] Heavy: "Ahahahaha!" [Sound of liquid spilling on the floor, presumably the Scout's blood] Scout: "My blood! H-he punched out all my blood!" [More thuds are heard.] Soldier: "Ow, ow ow ow ow! Ouch, ouch! Ahhh..." [A thud and a snap is heard] Soldier: "You call that breaking my spine? You RED team ladies wouldn't know how to break a spine if-" [A loud snap is heard and the door closes and opens again, the floor now covered with blood and another one of the bottles of beer falls over] Soldier: "AUGHHH! MY SPINE!" [A girlish scream is heard as ending flourish music plays. The camera pans across a diagram of the Sandvich] [Cut to the Heavy in Dustbowl, as he was in the original Meet the Heavy, but instead of wielding his Minigun he is devouring a Sandvich while casually observing a battle unfold] Heavy: "Nom nom nom... [Takes a bite] nom nom... mmmm.. nom."

Notes

• The video came with a description of the Sandvich, much like the other Meet the Team videos:
  • Name: Sandvich
  • Role: Edible Device
  • Weapons: Toothpick
  • Description: He was a good lunch who played by the rules, until the rules robbed him of everything he ever loved. Now he's lettuce, tomato, cheese, bread, and a mysterious slice of meat, marching down your throat and straight to hell. He'll satisfy your hunger. FOR REVENGE!

• "Copyright OMNOMNOM" is found in the opening scene at the bottom of the video, a reference to the internet phrase "OM NOM NOM" – an onomatopoeic representation of the act of eating (in every other Meet the Team video, the copyright is "Copyright LOLOLOL").

• The beer bottles next to the Sandvich are the same the Demoman is seen holding in the short film Expiration Date.

• The Official Blog post Finding the Time to Bleed satirically spins a couple of movie quotes into "word for word" rip offs of the popular 1980s movies Predator and Road House. The post lists unused Meet the Sandvich recordings improvised from famous movies and television quotes:
  • "You cannot hurt me, I do not have time to bleed! *Cracking noise* My schedule has just opened up! Aaaohhww, my God!" (Improvised from "I do not have time to bleed!" spoken in Predator)
  • "You do not frighten me! Pain does not hurt! *Cracking noise* I stand corrected! Arrrrggghhgh!" (Improvised from "Pain does not hurt!" spoken in Road House)
  • "He's already dead! He's already deaaad!" (Improvised from "He's already dead!" spoken in Season 6 episode 15 of The Simpsons)

• The Blog post was a way to share the behind-the-scenes improvizations the voice actors contributed to the production of the Meet the Sandvich, listing several more unused improvised lines:
  • Heavy:
    • "What was that, Sandvich? Kill them all? Hahahahaha, good idea!" (This line was eventually used in a slightly modified form as a response upon eating a Sandvich in-game.)
  • Scout:
    • "Gimme back my legbone! *Smacking noise* Hey! *Smacking noises* Hey! Don't hit me with it!"
    • "H-He's like a bear! He's like a big shaved bear that hates people!"
    • "Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain!"
    • "I regret everything! I regret everything I've ever done!"
  • Soldier:
    • "Hambone, we have got you by the short and friskies!"
    • "Do not do it! Do not even think about doing it! Do not even think about not doing it!"
    • "Son, you are writing checks your butt will find uncashable! Are you hearing me? Your backside will be escorted from the bank! You will find this humiliating!"
    • "Don't throw your life away, son. You only get one! Or, depending on your religious affiliation, several! Either way it is a finite number so think it through!"
    • "You call that killing me? I am not dead! *Cracking noise* Now I am ordering you to kill me! Please please please, God, Kill me!"
    • "There is a checkbook in the left-rear pocket of my fatigues! I will pay you all of my money to stop!"
    • "Son, I need a blood transfusion double-time! I am going to require roughly half of your blood!"

• When the Heavy eats the Sandvich at the end of the video, he appears to be standing in the same spot as he is in the Meet the Heavy video where he is seen firing his Minigun.

• The "Sandvich Edible Device" blueprint advertises a health restoration of 120 "Nutritional Points", whereas in the game it can restore up to 300 HP (the Heavy's full base heath) as a result of balance-related patches.

• The ingredients required to make a Sandvich (According to the "Blueprints", and in order) are: Tooth-Pick, Olive, Bread, Lettuce, Two tomatoes, Three slices of Swiss-Cheese, a "Mysterious Meat", and more bread.
  • Also, according to the blueprints, There is a "Bread and Grains" group, Two servings of the "Vegetable" group, a "Cheese and Dairy" group, a "Meat and Poultry" group, and another serving of the "Bread and Grains" group (representing the second slice of bread).

• The first motion occurs at 0:18. Prior to that was a static shot of the inside of the refrigerator, which cut to and then back from to the film's title card.

• At 0:48, it says that the dairy section restores +20 "heatlh", which is spelled incorrectly.

• At 0:52, the Heavy's old emblem can be seen for a brief moment.

Gallery

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  A group shot featuring the Sandvich

External links

• Meet the Sandvich on IMDb