Meet the Sandvich

Meet the Sandvich
Video Info
Released:	October 10, 2008
Run time:	1:06

"Meet the Sandvich" Video Transcript

[Two slices of the Sandvich are in a refrigerator on a plate beside three bottles of Red Shed beer]

["Meet the Sandvich" text appears]

[Cut back to the Sandviches]

Heavy: [Groans repeatedly]

Scout: "Yeah, there he is!"

Soldier: "You! Stop right where you are, that is an order! He's getting away! Do not let him get to the re-"

[The Heavy opens the door, grabs one slice of the Sandvich and closes the door]

Scout: "D-don't do it, pal!"

Soldier: "Do. Not. Do it!"

Heavy: [Eats sandvich] "Om nom nom nom..."

Soldier: "Oohhhhhhh, hell..."

Scout: "H-h-hey, let's just calm down here! You listening? J-j-just... OH GOD!"

[The Heavy chuckles as his loud footsteps are heard gathering speed]

Scout: "OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GO-"

[Several loud thuds are heard, a beer bottle falls over, and the refrigerator door opens slightly]

Heavy: "Ahahahaha!"

[Sound of liquid spilling on the floor, assumedly the Scouts blood]

Scout: "My blood! H-he punched out all my blood!"

[More thuds are heard.]

Soldier: "Ow, ow ow ow ow! Ouch, ouch! Ahhh..."

[A thud and a snap is heard]

Soldier: "You call that breaking my spine? You RED team ladies wouldn't know how to break a spine if-"

[A loud snap is heard and the door closes and opens again, the floor now covered with blood and another one of the bottles of beer falls over]

Soldier: "AUGHHH! MY SPINE!"

[A girlish scream is heard as ending flourish music plays. The camera pans across a diagram of the Sandvich]

[Cut to the Heavy in Dustbowl, as he was in the original Meet the Heavy, but instead of wielding his Minigun he is devouring a Sandvich]

Heavy: "Nom nom nom... [Takes a bite] nom nom... mmmm.. nom."

Notes

• The video came with a description of the Sandvich, much like the other Meet the Team videos:
  • Name : Sandvich
  • Role : Edible Device
  • Weapons : Toothpick
  • Description : He was a good lunch who played by the rules, until the rules robbed him of everything he ever loved. Now he's lettuce, tomato, cheese, bread, and a mysterious slice of meat, marching down your throat and straight to hell. He'll satisfy your hunger. FOR REVENGE!

• On the opening screen, at the bottom it says "Copyright OMNOMNOM", a reference to internet phrase 'OM NOM NOM', an onomatopoeic representation of the act of eating. (In every other Meet the Team video, the copyright is "Copyright LOLOLOL")

• A number of unused lines were recorded for the Meet the Sandvich:
  • Heavy:
    • "What was that, Sandvich? Kill them all? Hahahahaha, good idea!" (This line was eventually used in a slightly modified form as a response upon eating a Sandvich in-game.)
  • Scout:
    • "Gimme back my legbone! *Smacking noise* Hey! *Smacking noises* Hey! Don't hit me with it!"
    • "H-He's like a bear! He's like a big shaved bear that hates people!"
    • "Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain!"
    • "I regret everything! I regret everything I've ever done!"
    • "He's already dead! He's already deaaad!" (Stolen Outright from The Simpsons)
  • Soldier:
    • "Hambone, we have got you by the short and friskies!"
    • "Do not do it! Do not even think about doing it! Do not even think about not doing it!"
    • "Son, you are writing checks your butt will find uncashable! Are you hearing me? Your backside will be escorted from the bank! You will find this humiliating!"
    • "Don't throw your life away, son. You only get one! Or, depending on your religious affiliation, several! Either way it is a finite number so think it through!"
    • "You call that killing me? I am not dead! *Cracking noise* Now I am ordering you to kill me! Please please please, God, Kill me!"
    • "There is a checkbook in the left-rear pocket of my fatigues! I will pay you all of my money to stop!"
    • "Son, I need a blood transfusion double-time! I am going to require roughly half of your blood!"
    • "You cannot hurt me, I do not have time to bleed! *Cracking noise* My schedule has just opened up! Aaaohhww, my God!" (Improvised from Predator)
    • "You do not frighten me! Pain does not hurt! *Cracking noise* I stand corrected! Arrrrggghhgh!" (Improvised from Road House)