Expiration Date/pl

Data ważności
Informacje o filmie
Data wydania:	17 czerwca 2014
Czas trwania:	14:58

Opis filmu

Inżynier i Medyk odkrywają pewną niepokojącą rzecz, podczas eksperymentowania z teleportami. Tymczasem, Skaut przestaje obrażać i wyśmiewać Szpiega, by uzyskać od niego rady i przysługę; Pani Pauling - asystentka/sprzątaczka/ekspertka od zabijania Administratorki stara się usunąć parę niepotrzebnych ciał; A Żołnierz zdobywa nowego, metalowego przyjaciela.

Transkrypt filmu

Transkrypt

[Scena przedstawia fragment ulicy na pustyni, podobnie jak w Poznajcie snajpera. W tle gra lekka muzyka fletwa z akompaniamentem bębnów. Obraz powoli zjeżdża w dół aż do zgniecionej puszki Bonka!. Nagle ciężarówka rozwożąca chleb RED wjeżdża na plan z prawej strony, odrzucając puszkę i zostawiając za sobą iskry, a po chwili niszcząc swój tylny zderzak. Jedzie ona dalej, po lewej stronie jezdni.] [Cięcie na prawą stronę wana. Kamera przesuwa się od tyłu na przód pojazdu, podczas gdy w tle słychać mocniejsze uderzenia bębnów. Logo na boku ciężarówki jest podziurawione nabojami i schodzi z niego farba. Kamera dalej jedzie i zatrzymuje się przy kabinie bez drzwi, pokazując śpiącego Skauta i skupionego Grubego za kierownicą.] [Obraz ze środka kabiny. Przednia szyba po lewej ma kilka dziur po nabojach, a po prawej jest całkowicie stłuczona. Większość lewej strony zajmuje wielkie cielsko prowadzącego Grubego, a po prawej mały, wyluzowany Skaut. Pomiędzy nimi znajdują się wiszące kostki z futerkiem. Gruby kontynuuje jazdę prawą stroną ulicy, podczas gdy monitor na desce rozdzielczej zaczyna cicho pikać.] [Znów widok z boku. Gruby spogląda na Skauta z dezaprobatą. Z powrotem patrzy na drogę. Monitor znów zaczyna brzęczeć, a Gruby uderza Skauta, nie spuszczając wzroku z ulicy. Wstrząśnięty Skaut szarpie się, nagle obudzony] Scout: Aaa! Eee! Co?! Co? Och. [Skaut sięga swoją prawą dłonią i naciska przycisk przy monitorze. To rozmowa wideo od Panny Pauling.] Miss Pauling: Skaut, tu Pauling. Powiedz, że macie walizkę. Scout: Tak, mamy. Miss Pauling: I nikt was nie widział? Scout: Eeee. [Podnosi ręce i barki]Zasadniczo to nikt. Miss Pauling: [Jej brwi obniżają się] Właśnie tu jestem. Scout: Cóż, to zabawna hist... [Drzwi wewnętrzne ciężarówki nagle się otwierają i wchodzi z nich Żołnierz, który przygniata twarz Skauta swoją prawą ręką. Skaut podnosi ręce i próbuje się wydostać z nacisku ręki Żołnierza, a Gruby momentalnie traci kontrolę nad pojazdem.] Soldier: Witaj, panno Pauling! Zabiliśmy każdego i zabraliśmy walizkę! [Podnosi walizkę BLU] Miss Pauling: Nie każdego, Żołnierzu. Zostawiliście siedmiu świadków. [W tle widać zakrwawioną rękę szukającą pomocy. Panna Pauling odwraca się i strzela wytłumionym pistoletem. Ręka opada.] Miss Pauling: Sześciu. [Kamera robi cięcie i widać ciężarówkę wjeżdżającą na piaskową drogę otoczoną kamiennymi klifami. Na kamieniach widać kilka wieżyczek i budynek należący o RED w tle. Na dachu pojazdu widać martwego Żołnierza BLU. Po tym, jak wan wjeżdża pomiędzy klify, drewniany rekwizyt, przedstawiający kaktusa i kilka innych roślin, podnosi się z ziemi, a za nim pomalowana kurtyna, ukrywająca wejście.] Miss Pauling: [kontynuuje rozmowę] Słuchajcie, po prostu upewnijcie się, że walizka jest bezpieczna, dobrze? [Widok z niedaleka. Ciężarówka zjeżdża z rampy i wjeżdża do garażu. Tylny zderzak odpada.] Miss Pauling: Życzę wam miłego weekendu. [Widok z przodu ciężarówki, kierowany na jej wnętrze. Noga Demomana z BLU wystaje spod pogniecionej maski pojazdu. Gruby zatrzymuje pojazd. BLU żołnierz spada z dachu. Gruby zostawia kluczyki w stacyjce i opuszcza ciężarówkę.] Soldier: [jego ręka wciąż zasłania twarz Skauta] Do widzenia, panno Pauling! Opuszczam ciężarówkę. [Żołnierz wychodzi przez wewnętrzne drzwi, które zamykają się za nim. Cięcie na twarz Skauta, który patrzy na rękę zabraną z jego twarzy. Poprawia swoją czapkę i słuchawki i spogląda na drzwi.] Scout: Pa pa. Dobrze, więc... [Muzyka w tle się kończy. Skaut odwraca się do monitora.] Scout: Hej, hej, panno Pauling! Zanim wyjdziesz. Ach- Miss Pauling: Acha? [Ciągnie ciało. Skaut jąka i drapie się po twarzy.] Miss Pauling: [rozproszona] Skaut? Co? Powiedz coś. Scout: [Nabiera pewności] Jesteś pewnie bardzo zajęta w ten weekend, co? Miss Pauling: [podnosi się i strzepuje brud z rąk] Śmieszne, że pytasz. Umm. Wygląda na to, że będę... pozbywała się tych ciał. [podnosi Siekierę i przybliża się do kamery] Żebyście nie poszli siedzieć. Scout: [jąkając się] O, to dob-dobrze. Czyli... oboje jesteśmy zajęci. [Cięcie na monitor. Pauling patrzy na niego w ciszy ze zdziwioną twarzą. Nagle słychać syrenę i krzyczących strażników. Panna Pauling odwraca się od kamery.] Miss Pauling: Och! Muszę iść. [Znika z kamery. Można usłyszeć kilka strzałów. Monitor wyłącza się. Cięcie na widok z boku ciężarówki. Skaut odchyla się do tyłu i trzęsie rękoma.] Scout: Wszyscy ludzie zajęci... swoją zajętością. [W tle widać Grubego, przeszukującego lodówkę. Przed kamerą, od lewej do prawej przechodzi Szpieg z papierosem w dłoni.] Spy: Znów rozmawiasz z pustym sygnałem telefonicznym? Scout: [podnosi się i wskazuje na niego] Pieprz się. [Opuszcza swoją postawę i wygląda na przygnębionego. Spogląda na dół i śmieje się cicho do siebie. Wychodzi z pojazdu. Gruby wyciąga udko z lodówki i wyrzuca je za plecy.] [Kamera powoli przenosi się wraz ze Skautem od ciężarówki do biurka. Podrzuca kluczyki i łapie je w powietrzu. Żołnierz usiłuje wyjąć ciało BLU Demomana spod maski samochodu. RED Demoman podskakuje i z obrotem spada na Teleport po czym znika. Gruby znajduje kanapkę w lodówce i, opierając się o jej drzwi, bierze gryza.] Scout: [wskazuje na biurko, na którym znajduje się teleport i chleb] Hej, spójrzcie na to! Nad czym tak pracujecie, jajogłowi? [Medyk i Inżynier prowadzą dyskusję, ale odwracają się do Skauta, kiedy zaczyna mówić. Skaut rzuca w ich stronę kluczyki. Oboje patrzą się na niego, ignorując kluczyki, które spadają na ziemię.] Scout: Niezły chwyt. [Inżynier odwraca się do Medyka. Po chwili mówi do Skauta, kiedy Medyk daje krok wstecz.] Engineer: Taa... Słuchaj, trochę eksperymentowaliśmy na Teleporterze. [Żołnierz podchodzi, zainteresowany. Gruby zostaje przy lodówce, jedząc kanapkę, ale obserwując całe zajście.] Engineer: Spójrzcie wszyscy, na to. [Inżynier podnosi swoje PDA i aktywuje Teleporter; ten zaczyna się rozkręcać. Żołnierz podpiera się rękoma za boki. Nagle, pojawia się kolejny bochenek chleba, kręcąc się powoli. Gruby jest nieco zaintrygowany, ale Żołnierz jest niemal w zachwycie, wyciąga swoje obie ręce by dosięgnąć chleb. Skaut nie jest zaskoczony.] Scout: [bez zainteresowania] Łał. Możemy teleportować chleb. Super wieści! Umm. Demo wrócił już z tym piwem? Bo ja... [Odwraca się na chwilę, podczas gdy Medyk podnosi bochenek i rozłamuje go na dwie części. Wnętrze chleba pokryte jest zielonymi kulkami i zębami. Inżynier krzywi się, podczas gdy Skaut odskakuje i unosi ręce w powietrze.] Scout: Co to kurna jest?! Medic: [wesoło, podnosząc jeden kawałek chleba] Nowotwory! [Cięcie na Grubego. Spogląda z obrzydzeniem, przestaje jeść swoją kanapkę i patrzy na nią.] Engineer: [poprawiając kask] Wiecie chyba, co to znaczy? [Żołłnierz łapie Skauta za gardło i rzuca go na biurko, trzymając i dusząc.] Soldier: Ach! Nie możemy teleportować więcej chleba! [Niemal nie udusił Skauta, puszcza go jedną ręką i unosi, z zamiarem uderzenia. Inżynier wkracza, podnosząc ręce.] Engineer: Ło! Ło... Nie zupełnie, Żołnierzu. [kłądzie swoją rękę na plechach Żołnierza i uśmiecha się] Możemy teleportować tyle chleba, ile tylko chcemy. [Jego uśmiech znika, a on ściąga swój kask. Gruby spogląda na kanapkę, wącha ją, unosi ramiona i kontynuuje jedzenie jej.] Engineer: To dotyczy was wszystkich. Jeśli kiedykolwiek było coś, co chcielibyście zrobić przed... Wiecie. Śmiercią. Teraz jest na to dobra pora. [Nagle słychać głos Szpiega. Inżynier odwraca się. Cięcie na Szpiega, który wymachuje ręką, trzymając papierosa.] Spy: Ile czasu minie, zanim te nowotwory nas zabiją? Medic: Cóż... [gestykuluje, myśląc głośno] wszyscy używamy teleportów około sześć razy dziennie... [Cięcie na resztę drużyny, Skaut nadal masuje kark, Żołnierz stoi w spokoju, Gruby wciąż opiera się o lodówkę, a Inżynier zakłada kask na odwrót. Cięcie na Medyka.] Medic: ... Przez cztery lata. I nie jesteśmy chlebem. Hmm. [Odwraca się gwałtownie.Szpieg jest zaskoczony.] Medic: Trzy dni. Tak. [Kamera robi dramatyczne zbliżenie na twarz Medyla] Medic: Mamy jeszcze trzy dni do śmierci. [Cięcie z powrotem na drużynę. Skaut i Gruby są zaniepokojeni, kiedy Inżynier patrzy na podłogę. Żołnierz, zmieszany, liczy: jeden, dwa...] Demoman: Łuuuuuuuu!! Łuuuuu!! [Pojawia się z błysku stojącego teleportera. Triumfalnie świętuje swoje pojawienia skrzynką piwa, z butelkami zakorkowanymi przez plasterki cytryny, w prawej ręce, jedną butelką w lewej i innymi butelkami umieszczonymi na pasach, na klatce piersiowej zamiast granatów. Ma na sobie duże sombrero oraz okulary w kształcie lampki i drinkiem Margarita.] Demoman: Łuu. [rozgląda się po twarzach kolegów] Co? [Tablica wprowadzająca] [BAZA RED: 70 DO ŚMIERCI Cięcie na budynek RED. Jest noc, a pojedyncza wieżyczka poziomu pierwszego strzeże wejścia do środka] [Cięcie na zbliżony widok stołu do pokera. Cygaro tli się w popielniczce, kiedy Szpieg rzuca na stół wiadro wypełnione karteczkami.] Spy: Oto jest wiadro. [Cięcie na widok najemników siedzących przy stole, z boku. Najbliżej po lewej znajduje się Demoman, trzymający swoją butelkę, dalej są słuchający Szpiega Snajper, Pyro, Gruby, Skaut i Żołnierz. Wszyscy mają na nadgarstkach zegarki z dużym wyświetlaczem. Opierający się o stół Żołnierz uważnie przypatruje się wiadru.] Soldier: Dobry Boże. Spy: Jest więcej. Soldier: [zdubiony] Nie... Spy: [ignorując go] Zawiera on przedśmiertne życzenia wszystkich z nas. [odwraca lekko głowę] Skaut. Zebrałeś karteczki z życzeniem od wszystkich? Scout: Och, tak jest! [Salutuje. Gruby krzyżuje swoje ręce.] Spy: Świetnie. Panowie, zsynchronizujcie swoje zegarki. [Cut to a closeup of the watch. Red embossing tape declares it a "DEATH CLOCK". The display beeps as the various mercenaries set their watches. It reads 70:00:00. 70 hours left to live and counting. Taps-like trumpet-playing is heard.] [All the mercenaries are expressionless except for the Heavy who is on the verge of falling asleep with his arms folded. The Spy steps from the front of the table and walks from right to left, lit cigarette in his right hand and the left firmly clasped behind his back.] Spy: We have seventy hours to live. For most men, no time at all [The camera cuts to a shot of the Spy walking behind Heavy's back. A Payload Pinball machine can be seen in the background. The music swells from mournful to patriotic. He places a hand on the Heavy's shoulder, jerking him awake. The Heavy momentarily looks guilty.] Spy: We are not most men. [The Spy now walks behind the table. The camera pans to a shot showing all the mercenaries gathered around the table intently focusing on his words..] Spy: We have the resources. The will. To make these hours count! [he gestures emphatically with his lit cigarette while the trumpets and drum beats swell] Spy: [sudden close-up while the background music cuts off] The clock is ticking, gentlemen. Let's begin. [Reverse shot with the bucket in the foreground. The mercenaries' expressions show varying degrees of interest. The Spy draws a note card from the bucket.] Spy: Our first dying wish is Scout's. [he gestures] He's... [The Spy examines the card. His brow wrinkles] Spy: ...drawn a picture of me getting hit by a car. [The drawing is somewhat crude. The muscle car is drawn in much greater detail than the Spy who is thrown up into the air, becoming disemboweled with blood spurting everywhere.] Spy: [he peers closer] I have something radiating off of me. Scout: Yeah, those are stink lines. [He turns to the rest of the mercenaries in a mock whisper. The Heavy is mildly amused.] Scout: That's why the car hit him. Cause he smells. Spy: [rolling his eyes as he draws another card] Yes I see. Here you've drawn me having... [The camera tastefully remains on his face.] Spy: [somewhat bemused] ...sexual congress with the Eiffel Tower. [he tosses it and draws another while the Scout giggles] The Eiffel Tower having sexual congress with me. [toss and giggle] Both of us relaxing post-coitus. [The Demoman confusingly mouths "post-coitus" and the Scout is nearly in tears with laughter.] Spy: [growing more irritated] I'm crying and the Eiffel Tower has stink lines coming off of it. [he angrily throws the card down] Did anyone besides Scout put a card into the bucket?! [The Heavy and Sniper are slightly amused. The Scout is near breathless with laughter.] Scout: [giggling] Classic Scout. Spy: [sighing] Fantastic. This was a huge waste of my time. Soldier: [pulling out a card] You did not read mine! Spy: [another sigh] Does it say you want the bucket? Soldier: [interjecting] Yes! [Disgusted, the Spy slides the bucket over as the rest of the mercenaries get up to leave. The Soldier greedily grabs the pail with both hands. The camera moves to an overhead shot of the now-empty table as the Spy pulls his Cigarette Case from his jacket and draws a cigarette.] Spy: See you all in hell. [he snaps the case shut] [The camera switches to the mercenaries walking down a hallway. The Soldier stops and examines his new bucket next to a sign pointing to the "LAB". Mid-tempo mysterious music plays with rhythmic drums, piano, and plucked strings. The Engineer and Medic walk by pushing Teleporters and piles of bread on two carts to the lab. A loaf of the bread falls off of the pile and Soldier gasps and grabs his bucket more tightly. The camera spotlights the loaf with ominous bass piano notes. a grin appears on his face as he stares at the fallen loaf. The screen cuts to black.] [SPY'S SMOKING ROOM: 58 HOURS TIL DEATH Cut to rear shot of the Spy sitting back in his leather arm chair. The room is dimly lit with moonlight and the warm glow of the fireplace and melancholic high strings. He swirls his cut crystal glass and takes a drink, reading a magazine "Dapper Cadaver Monthly". Someone knocks on his door.] Spy: Go away. [He flips a page and frowns. The Scout opens the door and peeks in.] Scout: Hey, ah, you got a second? Spy: Oh, Scout. Please. Go [bleep] yourself. Scout: [nervously] Yeah. Hey that's, that's funny. Um. Anyway I- [The Spy suddenly lunges towards the door, slamming it shut on Scout's body. He leans on it trying to force Scout out.] Scout: [in pain] Wait! Wait! Wait! Ow. Come on, Spy. [The Spy raises his knife, threateningly] Scout: I'm wedging my head through a door here to tell you I'm sorry. Spy: [rolls his eyes and gets off the door, light chimes and strings play] Make it quick. [he lights a cigarette] Scout: [straightening himself out] So I did write down a last wish. [brings out a card] I'd uh. I'd like to go on a date...with Miss Pauling. Spy: [turns] You? You're terrible with girls. Scout: What? No. No. No. Spy, look at this. And this. And this here. Spy, look at all of this. [ gestures to different parts of his body and spins around.] Heh. No. I'm great with girls. [Scene flashes back to a cheap fast food joint featuring "Conquistador Fried Giblets". Scout and a busty, blonde haired woman are standing at a counter with buckets of drumsticks.] Scout: We both got buckets of chicken. Wanna do it? Blonde Woman: [shrugs] Eh, okay. [Scene switches back to Spy and Scout.] Scout: [frantic yet hushed strings play] But you, Spy. You are amazing with ladies. You know, classy ones. The kind that smell good, and can read. And that always have their glasses on just kind of crooked. You know? The ones that don't go for a guy like me. [Spy looks at Scout with a smug grin.] Spy: Hmm, and why is that, do you think? Scout: C'mon, Spy, I don't know. Spy: Well, a mystery we will take to our graves then. Goodbye. [Spy walks away to pour a drink. The bar has several bottles of RED wine, glasses, and a console. He selects a rocks glass to pour a hard liquor.] Scout: Wait. Wait. Ah. [sigh] Okay. Look. Fine. Spy. This never leaves this room [sigh]. You are better than me. All right? I need your help. [Spy stops pouring, looks up, and and turns towards Scout.] Spy: I'll do it. On one condition. [The Spy pushes a button on the console and a microphone pops up. He blows into it, causing feedback which reverberates throughout the building. The camera goes from the poker table with the Demoman drinking, the Heavy and Sniper dozing, and the Pyro reading a magazine; to the Medic and Engineer in a lab, with the tumorized bread; and to Soldier carrying away a giant pile of bread loaves in his arms. All perk up to the sound of feedback on the speakers.] Spy: Say that [pushes microphone towards Scout] again. [The strings hold, then fade as the scene cuts to black.] [TRAINING GYM: 51 HOURS TIL DEATH Camera slowly pans into a nearly empty gymnasium. The Scout bounces on his feet on the right, looking nervous. The Spy calmly places a wine bottle on a cart and inspects two wine glasses. Behind him is a crash-test dummy, hanging on a stand. He places down a glass. Ominous bass strings play.] [The Scout coughs and the Spy delicately places the second glass down. He pushes the cart which rolls to a stop in front of the Scout. It also holds a bucket of drumsticks, red roses, a vase, and a box of RED chocolates.] Spy: [nonchalantly] Seduce me. [The Scout looks back, confused, and turns forward, arms akimbo.] Scout: You?. Spy: [pointedly] Seduce me. Scout: What, Spy? I ain't gonna... Spy: SEDUCE ME!. Scout: [taken aback] Right! Right. Okay. [He looks down at the cart. He immediately picks up the bucket of fried chicken and lets out a quick sigh.] Okay... [He walks up to the Spy.] H-hey there, good-lookin... I got a bucket of chicken... Spy: [He slaps the chicken out of Scout's hands.] I am not one of your fried chicken tramps! I'm a woman! I like my men dangerous... Mysterious... [Spy takes the dummy into his arms and starts dancing with it briefly before holding it in front of him.] You want to be my lover?! Earn it! Seduce me! [He uses the dummy to slap Scout across the face, who looks up at him with a hurt expression in his eyes. Spy simply looks down at him with a smug grin on his face.] [The camera cuts to a shot of Spy and Scout in a classroom setting. The word DINNER is written on the chalkboard as Spy says something to the Scout. Later, the Scout can be seen sitting at the head of a long banquet table. At the other end, the Demoman and Sniper can be seen playing the Piano and Saxophone, respectively. Behind him, the Pyro and Spy are holding a bottle of wine and a bucket of chicken. Scout reaches for the bucket of chicken with a grin on his face, but Spy slaps his hand away. The fork flies out of his hand and lands on the Demoman's eyepatch, whose other eye immediately widens.] [Cut back to Spy and Scout in the classroom, only this time DANCING is written on the chalkboard. Back in the previous room, Scout can be seen awkwardly dancing energetically. He points both his fingers at Spy, who merely shakes his head with disgust. The Spy proceeds to show Scout the proper way to dance, while Scout looks on in confusion. He attempts to mimic the Spy's actions, but instead sends the dummy flying into the Reel-to-Reel player behind them.] [In the classroom, the word DEMEANOR is now written on the board as the Spy continues to educate Scout, who is busy drawing a picture of Spy being shot in the head. He hits Scout in the hand with the pointer, who reels back in pain.]] [Scout can be seen reading a book titled Pick-up Lines for Fast Food Junkies. A can of BONK! is set in front of him. Jump cut to the future, and a pile of books has begun to accumulate around Scout, who has a pencil clenched between his teeth. More cans of BONK! can be seen littered around the room, and he is now reading a book titled Dating Nice Girls. Another jump cut, and the pile of books has been turned into a makeshift throne, which the Scout, who has the Bonk Boy Helm on, reclines in it, a more confident expression on his face.] [Cut to the Scout back at the banquet table, and he extends his pinkie out as he holds the chicken. Later, he can be seen gently kissing the hand of the dummy as the Spy watches. The Scout then can be seen dancing around the room with the dummy. He lowers the dummy down, holding onto its back with one hand as he looks up to Spy, who nods his head in approval. The head of the dummy falls off, and Spy eyes it with a bemused expression on his face. Cut to black.] [TRAINING GYM : 2 HOURS TIL DEATH Floodlights come to life, illuminating the Scout, who is sitting in a classroom chair in the middle of a wrestling ring. After a brief delay, he raises his hand in front of him to shield his eyes from the bright lights.] Spy: Final Question... [Cut to a shot of Spy, who is silhouetted against the floodlights.] You have a dinner date for seven... what time do you arrive? [He walks across the ring, awaiting Scout's answer.] Scout: Seven. A.M. Case the restaurant, run background checks on the staff. Can the cook be trusted? If not, I gotta kill him. [He makes a gun formation with his right hand. Spy can be seen walking around Scout as the camera rotates around him in the opposite direction.] Dispose of the body, replace him with my own guy no later than 4:30... [Spy looks down at Scout, and after a few seconds of thought, speaks...] Spy: You're ready. Scout: [hopeful] Really? Spy: [chucking softly] No. Everything you just said was insane... and we are out of time... [He sets a glass of liquid in front of the Scout.] Congratulations... You're a failure... Scout: Oh... [He stands up, bringing the desk with him. He sits back down and slides out of his chair. The Spy rolls his eyes and shakes his head in amusement.] I failed, did I? Spy: [grinning] Yes... Scout: Did I? Spy: Yes... Scout: Did I? Spy: [Annoyed] Scout, where is this going? Scout: Where it's going is I don't need you. I'll put this date on myself! Spy: [An expression of disbelief crosses his face] Yourself...? Scout: That's right, fancy pants, myself! [The Spy's mouth twitches as he stops himself from laughing] So why don't you take your little failure, roll it up sideways, and- [The Spy taps his watch, voicelessly reminding Scout of the death watch] -Okay, crap, I gotta go... [He quickly downs the rest of his drink and begins to walk off-screen, but leans back towards the Spy.] Screw you, though... [He walks by an alarm that's labeled In Case of Briefcase theft, push button. As he does so, he turns around, casually hit the button with his fist, and points at the Spy as he walks away. Klaxons start going off and red alarm lights begin flashing.] [Fade to a shot of the Medic's Laboratory.] [MEDIC'S LAB : 1 HOUR TIL DEATH] [The blackboard has the results of previous teleporter experiments written on it. The camera slowly pans to the left, revealing the Engineer and Medic with a pair of teleporters set up between them. As the Medic inspects the teleporter, the Engineer calls out to him.] Engineer: Y'all ready? Medic: [Turning to the Engineer] Ready! [The Engineer picks up a loaf of bread. The tumors are now plainly visible on the outside. He sniffs it briefly, then recoils backwards, making a noise of disgust. He places the bread on the teleporter, and it disappears in a flash of light. About a second later, it reappears in front of the Medic, and begins chittering loudly, squirming in place.] Medic: Ooh! [The Medic leans forward with interest. The bread grows teeth and roars at the Medic, who lets out a scream of fear as the bread creature leaps at his throat and latches onto it. The Medic continues to scream as he grabs onto the bread creature and attempts to pry it off.] Engineer: Aww hell... [The Engineer walks off-camera as energetic drums start to play in the background. Cut to a shot of Miss Pauling on a scooter, speeding towards RED Base. A body bag and shovel can be seen strapped to the back of it. She ramps off the wooden bush and flies right through the curtain. A look of determination can be seen on her face. She comes to a stop outside a steel plate door and hops off of the scooter, shotgun in hand.] [RED BASE : 40 MINUTES TIL DEATH] [As Miss Pauling walks towards the door, the scooter falls onto its side. The severed hand of what is presumably the BLU Heavy falls out of one of the bags. Miss Pauling briefly turns towards the scooter, as if to set it back upright, but instead continues on towards the door. She places her back up against the wall to the left of the door and glances upwards briefly.] Miss Pauling: [Quickly] You're ready. Alright. [She lets out a deep breath, cocks the shotgun, and pushes the door open, spinning around and bringing the shotgun to Scout's chest, who's waiting for her there.] Scout: Miss Pauling. What an unexpected surprise. Miss Pauling: They took the briefcase... Don't worry, we can fix this. [She pushes past the Scout, who follows her.] We'll get it back, and the Administrator never has to know. [A security camera tracks their movements as Miss Pauling adjusts her glasses.] Scout: You look... You look... aahhhhhh... [Close up of the camera, then cut to a shot of Demoman, Soldier, and Spy in a room full of monitors, watching the two interact. Spy is sitting in the chair in front of the monitors while Soldier and Demoman stand behind him.] Demoman: DRUNK! Soldier: Round! Soft! No, round! Demoman: Blurry! [The spy shakes his head and brings his fingers to his temple in annoyance. Cut back to Scout and Miss Pauling.] Scout: Ravishing. Miss Pauling: [Briefly glancing over at Scout] Uh-huh. You too. [Brief flash over to Spy, who is inspecting one of the other monitors.] Hold on... That's the briefcase right there... Scout, you... [She turns to Scout, then she notices something off-screen.] Scout, are we having a prom? [Cut to a shot of the room behind them, which is decorated with ribbons, balloons, streamers, and various themed decorations. One of Medic's doves can be seen sitting in a birdcage hanging from the ceiling.] Scout: Yeah. Nah. Yeah-ah. Well the... Yeah, the thing is... [Cut to a shot of Demo, Soldier, and Spy watching the monitors. The Engineer bursts in through the door behind them.] Engineer: Guys! Hey fellas, listen! It's just bread that gets tumors! Medic: [Appearing behind the Engineer] It's not even tumors! it's some form of Self-Aware Beauty Mark that only metastasizes in an environment of pure wheat. Here, watch this. [The Medic shakes up the jar he's carrying, which contains the bread creature from earlier. It spins around in the jar and comes to a stop.] Ooh, look! It hates me so much! [The bread creature attempts to bite the Medic again as the Soldier leans in for a closer look. The bread creature flips itself in the jar and gnashes its teeth at the bottom of the container, and the Soldier chuckles to himself at its actions. The Engineer walks up to Soldier and Medic and places his arms around their shoulders.] Engineer: [Laughing] So we're fine. As long as nobody teleports any bread. Soldier: Question... Engineer: What's your question, Soldier? Soldier: I teleported bread. Engineer: You what? Soldier: You told me to... Engineer: [Threateningly] How... much...? Soldier: [Leaning backwards] I have done nothing but teleport bread for three days. [The Medic throws the jar containing the bread creature onto the ground. Shattering glass can be heard.']] Medic: Where?! [He grabs the Soldier by his coat.] Where have you been sending it?! [An ominous rumble shakes the entire base as the group look up at the ceiling. Cut to Scout and Miss Pauling, who are also looking up at the ceiling. Miss Pauling: Scout... I get one day off a year. And you just wasted it on-- [She looks around her, pausing mid-sentence.] --this! Goodbye! Scout: Wait! Wait! Wait! Ah... [Scout walks towards a door labeled Dining Area.] Why don't we discuss it over dinner...? He opens the door to reveal the maw of a giant bread monster, who lets out a loud roar.] Miss Pauling: [Yelling] What the hell is that!? [The bread monster crashes through the door as Scout pulls Miss Pauling out of harms way. The two run for the exit as the bread monster lunges after them, crashing through a wall. Scout backs up as one of the tentacles swipes at him. The dove from earlier flies at the monster and is promptly eaten by it. The wooden platform they're standing on creaks from the weight of the monster. Both Scout and Miss Pauling look down at the wood below them. Another jolt knocks them off their feet. Now weakened, the wooden platform collapses, sending the trio plummeting to the dirt below. Miss Pauling tumbles unceremonously to the ground, helmet falling off of her head. The Scout, meanwhile, bounces off the bread monster and lands on his feet in a battle stance. He glances down to his right, and picks up a long piece of twisted metal with a spike on the end of it to use as a makeshift weapon.] Scout: Miss Pauling, run! [Scout motions for her to escape to safety. Miss Pauling climbs to her feet and darts away, pressing herself up against the RED payload bomb. Heavy, Medic, and Pyro rush to the aid of Scout and Miss Pauling. Heavy and Medic pause and look at the bread monster with fear in their eyes.] Heavy: [Turning to the Medic] NOW, DOCTOR! [Medic looks at the Heavy, then flips the handle of his Medigun. The healing beam latches onto the Heavy, and the Medigun crackles with energy as the Ubercharge is deployed. Heavy revs his mini-gun up and walks towards the bread monster, firing his weapon. The Pyro can also be seen engulfing the monster in flames. It smashes the cliff face with a tentacle, causing rock to come tumbling down on the Heavy, who ducks to avoid it.] [Cut to a shot of Miss Pauling watching the battle. The Pyro can be seen dashing back to the battle, having presumably been knocked back by the bread monster. Miss Pauling steps forward and turns to look at the bomb. The camera zooms in on the top of the bomb where the words DANGER: BOMB are spray-painted onto it. A look of realization appears on her face.] [Cut back to the battle, and the Pyro stomps on one of the tentacles. The bread monster turns his attention towards the Pyro, and immediately has its mouth filled with fire. It recoils in pain, letting out a loud roar. Scout can be seen dodging the tentacles, jumping onto one and using his makeshift weapon to impale one of the other tentacles. The Engineer smacks his Sentry Gun with his wrench, upgrading it to Level 2, and he motions for Demoman to join the battle as well.] [Miss Pauling has now removed the panel off of the detonation mechanism of the bomb, and can be seen frantically messing with the wires. Scout, meanwhile, runs up to the side of the bread monster and slams his club into it. He then gets grabbed by a tentacle and is yanked into the air. The Sniper arrives at the battle, and after a brief moment of aiming, shoots the tentacle holding Scout, freeing him from its grasp. The monster throws Scout at the Demoman, and they both collapse onto the ground. The Scout scrambles to his feet and rushes forward, but is stopped by an uncloaking Spy.] Spy: I think it's going pretty well... [He gives the Scout a pat on the back as a cloud of dust rolls over them.] Now go...! [He waves the Scout off and runs forward into battle. Scout turns back to Miss Pauling.] Scout: hey, Miss Pauling. Oh, I am so sorry... Miss Pauling: [Looking up from the wires] God, Scout, what for? Pressing the one button you're never supposed to press? Do you have any idea what's in a briefcase that-- [Miss Pauling spots the watch on Scout's arm] --Oh, Oh! Give me your watch! [She holds her hand out expectantly] Scout: Yeah. Exactly! [He removes the watch from his arm and gives it to Miss Pauling] See, that is where this all starts! No, actually, wait... [The Scout is interrupted by a scream, and the Soldier flies into the room and lands on the ground.] Soldier: [proudly] HA HA HA! I TELEPORTED BREAD! [Soldier is grabbed by a tentacle, dragged over towards the monster, and then thrown into a pile of broken lumber. The Sniper attempts to take another shot at the monster, but instead is lifted into the air by a tentacle that has grabbed a hold of the barrel of the rifle. He gets swung to one side and loses his grip on his gun. The Sniper tumbles through the gravel briefly before getting back to his feet and taking out his Kukri. He's about to rush forward to attack the monster, but pauses as the RED Bomb trundles into view.] Scout: ...so that brings me to the point of this story, which is I like you, and you should probably be sitting for this... Miss Pauling: GUYS! CLOSE THE BLAST DOORS! [She points at the hangar they just exited from.] [Engineer looks at her, then abandons his Sentry, which is now Level 3, to rush into the hangar. The Medic runs in front of the camera as it focuses back on Scout and Miss Pauling.] Scout: Miss Pauling. Look, my last few hours I just wanted... [The bread monster grabs a hold of the bomb and swings it around in the air. It lets out another roar.] Heavy: [Struggling to keep the blast doors open] COME ON! Scout: Um, never mind... Miss Pauling: RUN! [The two rush towards the hangar, but they get cut off by the payload bomb being thrown at the blast doors, bending them and denying them access.] Miss Pauling: Oh god... [They back up towards the blast doors as the bread monster lumbers towards them slowly. A large fire has broken out behind it. Cut to a close-up of Scout and Miss Pauling. Scout is busy searching for an escape route while Miss Pauling has a look of terror on her face. Scout grabs a hold of her and yanks her off to one side as the bread monster knocks the bomb around. They take shelter behind it. Scout looks at the monster, which lets out a long roar. Fast zoom to the inside of its mouth, and the dove it swallowed earlier is seen sitting inside it. Scout and Miss Pauling look on, amazed, as the dove takes off and flies away.] [Miss Pauling looks Scout in the eyes, grabs a hold of his arm, and gives him a nod of approval. She lets out a yelp as one of the bread monster's tentacles slams into the ground. Scout grabs a hold of her and, making use of the dance moves he learned from Spy, keeps her safe from harm. They stop as he holds her up and looks at her. She looks back at him for a few moments, then shoots an oncoming tentacle with the gun in her hand. He twirls her back onto her feet and the two start running.] [Cut to a close-up of the timer, which ticks down to two seconds. Scout and Miss Pauling run at the bread monster as she lets out a yelp. The timer ticks down to one second as they leap straight into the open maw of the monster. It closes its mouth as the bomb explodes. A bright flash of light can be seen engulfing the monster, then the screen cuts to black.] [A match is lit, revealing Scout and Miss Pauling pressed up against each other in a dark enclosed space.] Scout: [Struggling] Aaahhhh... Ah... Miss Pauling, you all right? Miss Pauling: [Opening her eyes] I can't feel anything below my neck... Scout: Oh God... Miss Pauling: Oh. Now I can feel it. Ow. Ow. Scout: Oh God, I am so sorry. This is... Miss Pauling: That... was so... much... FUN! [A smile forms on her face] Scout: [A look of confusion on his face] You're not mad? Miss Pauling: [quickly] I was furious. Oh my God, you set off the briefcase alarm and you were having a prom for some reason. But then there was this monster and we shot it and we built a bomb and I think my leg's broken. Can we do this again? Scout: Yeah, sure! [He smiles, then it quickly turns into a frown] Wait, nah. We can't. I'm going to be dead. Miss Pauling: [Confused] Wait, what? Soldier: [Poking his head into the cavity] Good news! We're not dying! We're going to live forever! [The Heavy lifts up the side of the monster's body, allowing light to flood over Scout and Miss Pauling.] Medic:I didn't say that! I just said we're not filled with tumors! Scout: Oh thank God. [relaxes and chuckles] So yeah, Miss Pauling. I guess it's a date. Miss Pauling: Actually this is my only day off this year. Scout: Oh Miss Pauling: Oh, but you can ride along with me on some jobs. [brings out a flip notebook] [The camera slowly pulls back to reveal the body of the monster, which now lays motionless. Engineer and Medic are seen at the bottom of the shot discussing something. Spy flicks open his disguise kit, plucks a cigarette out of it, then snaps it closed again. Heavy grabs one of the detached tentacles and heaves it off to one side, then walks over to the Demoman, who is carrying a case of beer under his arm. The Sniper is on the backside of the monster, cleaning his Kukri. As the camera pulls back farther, the Pyro can be seen coming into the shot, who has the small bread monster darting around his legs like a puppy as he tries to keep track of it.] Miss Pauling: Tomorrow...I'm belt sanding the fingerprints off a pile of corpses. Scout: Ah, no. Miss Pauling: Oh! You can help me yank the molars out of a box full of heads. Scout: No to that. Miss Pauling: Well, on Friday I got to kill someone who pressed a briefcase alarm button and..oh. [Cut to black] Miss Pauling: You're already going to be at that one. [The screen then cuts to a text with the Team Fortress 2: Free to Play logo with the sharp tolling of a bell. Another ring comes with the appearance of the text "www.teamfortress.com". The bell rings a third time and the screen blacks out again]

Uwagi

• Na początku filmu w prawym dolnym rogu sceny jest napis "COPYRIGHT LOLOLOL", który jest nawiązaniem do filmów z serii "Poznajcie drużynę".
• Ashly Burch, aktorka głosowa Panny Pauling, pomagała przy tworzeniu filmu.
• Nolan North podkłada głos Inżyniera, z powodu niemożności oryginalnego aktora, Granta Goodeve'a.
• BLU żołnierz nie pojawia się na wanie w scenie otwierającej. Jest tam dopiero, kiedy najemnicy docierają do ukrytej bazy.
• W 14:42 Pyro bawi się z małym Zmutowanym Chlebem, jakby ten był szczeniaczkiem. Jest to zapewne spowodowane halucynacjami najemnika, które przedstawiają potworka jako zwierzę.