Scout responses

Kill-related responses

• Kill streak with Primary weapon
  • "That's what I'm talking about!"
  • [Evil Laughter]
  • [Happy Laughter]
  • [Happy Laughter 2] "You got owned!"
  • [Happy Laughter 3]
  • [Happy Laughter 4]
  • [Long Laughter] "Yeah...yeah!"
  • [Long Laughter 2]
  • "Not so tough now are ya? Are ya?!"
  • "You knuckleheads ain't even worth the effort."

• Destroying a building
  • "I broke your stupid crap, moron!"

• Participating in a Kill Assist
  • "Way to go, pally!"
  • "We got 'em, we got 'em!"

• Killing a Scout
  • "You're like a car crash in slow motion. It's like I'm watchin' ya fly through a windshield."

• Killing a Pyro
  • "Dude, you get a closed casket at the ugly cemetery!"

• Melee kill
  • Shared with all melee weapons
    • "Bonk!"
    • "Boink!"
    • "Say goodbye to ya kneecaps, chucklehead!"
    • "How's that feel, wimp?"
  • Melee killing a Heavy
    • "Eat it, fatty!"
  • Bat / Sandman kill
    • "Yo, batter up!"
    • "Yo, I oughta' be on a baseball card!"
    • "I'm battin' a thousand!"
    • "Ya head's a freakin' Bat magnet!"
    • "'Ey, is somebody keepin' track of my heads batted in?"
  • Holy Mackerel / Fan O'War kill
    • "Yeah, I dare ya, rage quit. C'mon, make us both happy."
    • "Oh hey! You suck."
    • [Happy Laughter] "You got owned!"
  • Candy Cane kill
    • "Sweet!"
    • "You're all losers!"
    • "You wimps suck!"
  • Boston Basher / Three-Rune Blade kill
    • "Man, your skull's so soft you're makin' this easy!"
    • "I wasted you!"
  • Sun-on-a-Stick kill
    • "Ey, who's on fire now?"
    • "Is-is anyone even payin' attention ta me?"
    • "Wassamatter, y'freakin' stupid?"

Domination-related responses

• Domination
  • "Yeah that's right!"

• Dominating a Scout
  • "Hit the bricks pal, you're done."
  • "Ha ha! Look at you! You look like you ran through traffic!"
  • "Hey knucklehead, you ain't gonna win."
  • "Oh what, you gonna cry? You gonna cry now?"
  • "Yeah, I dare ya, rage quit. C'mon, make us both happy."
  • "I will never... stop... killing you."
  • "You... are... terrible!"
  • "I am the Scout here!"
  • "Dis map ain't big enough for da two of us!"
  • "Hid da road, bozo, let a real Scout get ta work!"

• Dominating a Soldier
  • "Yo, I'm not even wearing a helmet!"
  • "What is your major malfunction, brudda?"
  • "Drop dead and give me 20!"
  • "You're a disgrace to ya uniform, pal!"
  • (Imitating Soldier)"Dis-missed!"
  • "Dere ain't enough crits in da world ta kill me!"

• Dominating a Pyro
  • "It's starting to bore me how much you suck."
  • "Ey, who's on fire now?"
  • "Yo, if ya didn't want me ta kill ya, ya shoulda said somethin'!"
  • "Repeat after me: 'muhmuhmuh I'm dead!'"
  • "Take dat, ya dumb, bib-wearin' dope!"
  • "Eat it, ya mute frickin' moron!"
  • "Yeah, nice moves, mumbles!"

• Dominating a Demoman
  • "Y'just got freakin' dominated knucklehead awright let's do this."
  • "I don't usually kill morons this fast."
  • "Yeah, next time, try two eyes!"
  • "Blow that up, cyclops!"
  • "The best man won, ya bomb-throwing drunk!"
  • "Your clock just got cleaned, rummy!"
  • "'Depth perception', pal, look into it."

• Dominating a Heavy
  • "Drink it in, pal. That's how failure tastes."
  • "Would you just look at you? I mean, look at you."
  • "I am owning you, you fat, bald bastard!"
  • "Today ain't ya day, pancakes!"
  • "$400,000 to fire that gun, huh? Yeah, money well spent!"
  • "Dem $200 bullets ain't so hot when they don't hit nothin', are dey?"
  • "I think I'll take Sasha out for a steak dinner tonight. Whad'ya think about that?"
  • "Ain't so hard now, are ya, fat-cakes?"
  • "I... eat... your...sandwiches. I eat 'em up!" (a reference to the "milkshake" quote from the film "There Will Be Blood")
  • "Nice hustle, 'tons of fun!' Next time, eat a salad!"
  • "Hey lard-fat, those hard arteries don't stop bullets, do thay?
  • "I am owning you, you fat, bald, fatty fat... fat fat!" (A possible reference to the remake of 'The Producers' "You fat fat fatty fat walrus! Give me the fat books!")

• Dominating an Engineer
  • "Is that all you got, moron?"
  • "Ey, here's something you can invent next time: Ducking!"
  • "Here's something you shoulda built: A Not-Dyin'-Machine!"
  • "Don't bring a wrench to a gunfight!"
  • "Here's a schematic for ya: My ass!"
  • "Hey overalls! You suck!"
  • "Lotta good dat hardhat didja!"

• Dominating a Medic
  • "If you order now, I'll throw in a second beatin', absolutely free."
  • "You're gettin' dominated, chucklehead!"
  • "Domination. Look it up.
  • "Diagnosis: You suck!"
  • "Ooh hoo hoo, ya gun shoots medicine! It's intimidatin'!"
  • "Where's your precious Hippo-crates now?"
  • "Real nice effort, Deutsch-bag!" ("Deutsch" is German for "German")
  • "I... hate... doctors!"
  • "[sigh] Docta, docta, docta..."

• Dominating a Sniper
  • "Look at this, just caved in your skull- my Bat's still dry. No clumps a' hair, nothin'."
  • "Snipe dat, ya frickin' coward!"
  • "That fancy scope of yours, bet ya got a REAL good view of me killin' ya!"
  • "You camped da whole time for dis?!"
  • "It was a mercy killin', ya live in a... camper van!"
  • "You'll never hit me! You'll never hit my tiny head! It's so tiny! I got a frickin'... such a tiny li'l head!"

• Dominating a Spy
  • "Disguise dat!"
  • "Dominated, ya shapeshiftin' rat!"
  • "Hard ta stab a guy in da back when he's beatin' ya freakin' head in, huh?"
  • "Hehey, look, you shape shifted into a dead guy!"

• Dominating an enemy with a melee kill
  • "Man, your skull's so soft you're makin' this easy!"
  • "Pop quiz: How long does it take to beat a moron to death? BAM. Sorry, time's up, you're dead!"

• Revenge Kill
  • "I wasted you!"
  • "How do ya like me now, blockhead?"
  • "Ya like that, chucklenuts?
  • "Boom! I'm back, dummy!"
  • "Remember me? Yeah, ya do!"
  • Don't you ever cross me again!
  • "What have we learned? I always win!"
  • "Who's the tough guy now, huh tough-guy?"
  • "Still think you're funny, funny-man?"
  • "Bang! I make it look easy!"
  • "I did it"
  • "If you order now, I'll throw in a second beatin', absolutely free."
  • "Wassamatter, y'freakin' stupid?"
  • "Hey, nice shootin' there!"
  • "Ya got anything smart ta say now?"

Event-related responses

• Round start
  • "Play ball!"
  • "Let's get 'em!"
  • "Eat my dust!"
  • "Wohoooo!"
  • "Let's waste 'em!"

• Teleported
  • "Thanks for the ride!"
  • "Hey good job there, hardhat!"
  • "Thanks for that, tough guy!"

• Healed by Medic
  • "[deep exhale] Yeah, thanks, doc."
  • "Thanks, doc."
  • "Alright, I feel good."

• While under the effects of an ÜberCharge
  • "Ya got anything smart ta say now?"
  • "Look at me!"
  • "Ooooh yeah, you're real scary!"
  • "Hey, lotta' good that gun didya!"

• Sudden death
  • "This sucks on ice!"
  • "Boooooooo!"
  • (Blows a Raspberry)
  • "Frickin' unbelieveable."
  • "This did not just happen!"
  • "No seriously, you all suck!"
  • "What the hell is youse guys' problem?"
  • "Ah, jeez!"
  • "This sucks!"
  • "What the hell was that crap?"
  • "This is a real frickin' embarrassment."
  • "'Kay, this does not look good here, um..."

• Stalemate
  • "You have got to be kidding!"
  • "You gotta be kiddin' me!"
  • "I can not believe this!"
  • "Auugghh!"

• Set on fire
  • "Fiyah, fiyah, fiyah!"
  • "Oh I'm burnin', I'm-I'm burnin'!"

• Hit by Jarate or Mad Milk
  • "Awwww!"
  • "Auugghh!"
  • "Ah, jeez!"

• Double jumping
  • "Hehey, I'm flyin'!"
  • "Woo hoo hoo!"
  • "Look at you chuckleheads down there!"
  • "Hey, I can see my base from here!"
  • "Look at me, Ma!"

Does not play while using the Force-A-Nature; need to have fired in the past five seconds

• Apex of triple jump
  • "Woohoohoohoo!"
  • "Yeaheaheah!"
  • "Woooooo!"
  • "Yeaahehehhh!"

• Upon picking up a baseball
  • "Got da ball back!"
  • "Play ball!"
  • "Found mah ball!"
  • "Oh dere's my ball!"
  • "I love my ball!"

• Being attacked while on red health, Bonk! Atomic Punch equipped
  • "Come on, come on!"
  • "Work, dammit!"
  • "Uh, crap."

• Achievement unlocked
  • "'Ey look at me, look at me!"
  • "Hey, look at me, Ma!"
  • "Aw, fellas!"
  • "Hi, Ma!"
  • "Look at me!"
  • "No otha' class gonna do dat!"
  • "You see dat?"
  • "You seein' dis?"
  • "I'll put it in my trophy room, with the othas."
  • "I don't know who to thank first... oh, I know, me!'"'
  • "Bang! I make it look easy!"

Weapon-related responses

• Upon drinking Bonk! Atomic Punch
  • "Un-freakin' touchable!"
  • "Ya can't hit what ain't dere!"
  • "Wananananana" (Sound effect from The Million Dollar Man)
  • "I'm a freakin' blur, here!"
  • "(Demandingly) Look at me!"

• Dodging shots under Bonk! Atomic Punch's influence

"Ha." "Missed me!" "Dat didn't hurt." "Psyche!" "Nice try, pal!" "Oh what's up?" "Didn't hurt." "Woo!" "Heheh." "Eyy!" "Yeah!" "Oop!" "Wah!" "Wa-ha!" "Ho-wah!" "Wah!" "Ha" "Nope!" "Sor-ry!" "Nope."

"De-nied!" "Woosh!" "Ping!" (Sarcastically) "What?!" "Ahah!" "Poing!" "Eheheh." (Whooshing sound) "Aheheh." "Weak!" "Dummy!" "Moron!" "Dumbass!" "Nice aim!" "Punk!" "Wuss!" "Yoink!" "Too slow!" "Yoink!" "So close!"

• Firing a weapon while under the effects of Crit-a-Cola
  • "You morons are about to catch a real beatin'."
  • "You seein' dis?"
  • "That's what I'm talking about!"

Only spoken if the attack occurs about 1 second from the activation.

• Crit-a-Cola's effects wear off
  • "Ah, crap!"
  • "What?!"
  • "Aw, crap."

• Mad Milk toss
  • "Yo, heads up!"
  • "Hey, wimps!"
  • "Catch dis."

• On stunning an enemy
  • "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hitchya... No, wait, yeah I did."
  • "Oh, dat's a skull fracture for sure!"
  • "Ohh, I got alla dat one."
  • "Dere's a dingah for ya!"
  • "Downtown!"
  • "Home-frickin'-run!"
  • "Gotta nice piece a dat!"
  • "Nice catch, knucklehead!"
  • "Good 'ands, buddy!"
  • "Good catch, dummy!"
  • "Wayta duck!"
  • "Nice hustle!"
  • "Yo, heads up!"
  • "Ding-dong!"
  • "Think fast, chucklenuts!"
  • "Real smooth, dummy!"

• Attacking with the Sandman
  • "Batter up!"
  • "Catch dis."
  • "Batta swing!"
  • "Major League!"

Objective-related responses

• Upon taking the enemy intelligence
  • "Wave goodbye to your secret crap, dumbass!"

• After capturing the enemy intelligence
  • "Yeah, it's ours now!"
  • "I'm not even winded."
  • "I got it, I got it, I got it!"
  • "Is-is anyone even payin' attention ta me?"

• After capturing a Control Point
  • "Yeah, yeah, yeah!"
  • "Yeah!"
  • "I got it, I got it!"
  • "No problem!"

• Standing on a captured Control Point, firing weapon
  • "Stand on the freakin' point, you moron!"
  • "Get on the freakin' point, dumbass!"

• Standing on a cappable Control Point, firing weapon
  • "Hey, get on the cap, guys!"
  • "Stand on the freakin' cap!"
  • "Let's get on the cap, fellas!"
  • "Get on the cap, ya dopes!"

• Defense
  • "Way to go slugger!"
  • "Yes!"
  • "Oh yeah!"
  • "Ooooh yeah, you're real scary!"
  • "Hey, lotta' good that gun didya!"
  • "Oh hey! You suck."

Payload-related responses

• Attacking: cart goes forward
  • "Push!"
  • "Mush, you lazy bums!"
  • "Keep pushin' it!"
  • "Yeah, yeah, yeah!"
  • "Keep it movin', guys!"
  • "Go, go, go!"
  • "Push da freakin' cart!"
  • "Keep dat cart movin'!"
  • "C'mon, move da cart!"

• Attacking: cart goes back
  • "Dat ain't da right way, guys!"
  • "What da hell's goin' on?"
  • "Aw, cripes, da cart!"
  • "Is someone gonna push da freakin' cart?"
  • "Da cart's movin' backwards!"
  • "Aw, jeez, da cart!"
  • "No, no, no! The cart!"
  • "Anyone else pushing dis thing?"

• Defending: cart goes forward
  • "We gotta stop dat thing!"
  • "Aw, jeez guys, we gotta stop it!"
  • "What the hell is everyone doin'?!"

• Defending: cart goes back
  • "Return ta freakin' sender!"
  • "Awright, awright!"
  • "Hey now we doin' it, now we doin' it!"
  • "Yeah, yeah, yeah!"
  • "What, ya guys give up?"
  • "Yo, it should be goin' dat way!"

• Attacking: stay close to cart
  • "Stay by da cart, fellas!"
  • "Git ova here!"
  • "Stay close, guys!"
  • "Let's all push dis thing!"
  • "We pushin' dis thing or what?"
  • "Li'l help pushin' da cart?"

• Attacking: cart has stopped
  • "Da freakin' cart stopped!"
  • "What da hell?! Who stopped pushin' da cart?!"
  • "Push it, push it push it!"

• Defending: stop the bomb
  • "Ey, we gotta stop it!"
  • "Gotta stop da cart!"
  • "Let's stop dat freakin' thing!"

Duel-related responses

• Starting a duel
  • "Let's go."
  • "Bring it."
  • "Let's do dis."
  • "You 'n me."
  • "C'mon, tough guy!"

• Duel accepted
  • "Sweet!"
  • "Ooooh yeah, you're real scary!"
  • "I'm gonna headbutt cha', I'm gonna headbutt cha', I'm gonna headbutt cha'!"
  • "Yeah, come get some, you frickin' wuss!"
  • "Yeah!"

• Duel rejected
  • "You have got to be kidding!"
  • "You gotta be kiddin' me!"
  • "I can not believe this!"
  • "Auugghh!"
  • "Yeah, I dare ya, rage quit. C'mon, make us both happy."
  • "I will never... stop... killing you."
  • "Boooooooo!"
  • "Frickin' unbelieveable."
  • "Wassamatter, y'freakin' stupid?"

Unused responses

• Domination
  • "Are you even tryin'?"
  • "Yo, did ya even see me hittin' ya?"

Both lines lack lip synching.